Blackmalice’s notes: Eep! Not beta-ed this time! >.< I have to admit that this chapter is actually a ‘filler’ chapter (and thanks to pinku_kireru for helping me with it), because I think it has to be here, or the next chapter would ‘happen’ too soon. You’ll see. ^_~


Chapter 19 : A Sneaking Shadow


“So? How was your family?” Die asked to Toshiya.

They were gathering in Kaoru’s apartment, the day after Toshiya spent two weeks at his family’s house. The little incident in the middle, where Toshiya came to Kaoru’s place, was left unknown to the rest of the band. And now Deathmask decided to take another break from practice and just hung out together.

“They’re cool, nice, basically we talked a lot. My room was still there, clean and kept. I didn’t even know I could do baseball until I saw this old baseball bat in my room!” Toshiya giggled along with the small wave of laughter among them, then he clapped his hands and squealed, “And I’m an uncle! My big sister had two cutest sons!”

“Oh, those brats.” Kaoru commented spontaneously, which earned a pout from Toshiya, “What? Don’t look at me like that. I love kids, okay. But kids hate me.”

“Maybe that’s because you’re scary. I hate you too, Kaoru-sama.” Kyo mocked.

“That’s because you’re a kid, Kyo-chan.” Kaoru smiled impishly, enjoying Kyo’s gritted teeth.

Toshiya shook his head, “Who said they hate you? My nieces keep on asking about why you didn’t come along.”

Kaoru, who obviously didn’t expect that, flushed slightly, “T-they did?” If they really did, that certainly didn’t show. Those two little boys caused nothing but trouble whenever Kaoru came over to visit, which he did now and then.

“Yep,” Toshiya nodded and smiled truthfully, “They said you’re the best horse they ever ride.”

Kyo and Die broke out of laughter while Shinya tried very hard to hold himself back from laughing out loud. Kaoru sweatdropped, but didn’t say anything when he saw Toshiya looked confusedly at their friends, wondering what was so funny. He seemed to have no problem with imagining Kaoru playing horse with his nephews.

“They also showed me many photo albums,” Toshiya continued when the laughter had died down, “Some of them have you guys in the pictures. You didn’t change much.”

“You didn’t change too.” Kaoru smiled and poked Toshiya’s nose, “That’s why I instantly recognize you back then at the sushi bar.”

“That’s because of your love antenna, you dork.” Die rolled his eyes.

“But I think you change a bit,” Kyo added with a smirk, “You seem to be gaining weight.”

“I-I do?” Toshiya widened his eyes and looked down to his body, didn’t know whether Kyo’s comment meant a good thing or not.

“Nah~, Kyo’s just jealous that you’ve grown taller while he’s still stuck in the dwarf mode.” Die grinned, ignoring the kick on his feet from Kyo.

Kaoru wrapped an arm around the bassist, “You’re not fat. You look healthier the way you are now. Your mother used to complain about how you still look like didn’t eat enough even when you eat double portions.”

“But you didn’t complain, did you Kaoru?” Die said, still with the spirit of mischief, “You used to say how adorable the way Toshiya look so small and delicate and you want to protect him—UPH!” A pillow landed on his face.

“Don’t say unnecessary things!” The flustered Kaoru scowled.

“Come on, come on, stop beating Die up, you two.” Shinya smiled and shook his head. But the smile faded when he saw the shocked expression of Kyo and Kaoru. “W-what?”

Luckily, a little dinging sound was heard from the kitchen. Shinya stood up hurriedly, “Ah, I’ll get the popcorn.”

Kyo and Kaoru’s eyes followed Shinya until he disappeared behind the wall, then they turned to the red head.

Die blinked and stuttered, “W-what?”

“Did we miss something?” Kyo started.

“Since when, Daisuke?” Kaoru crossed his arms.

“What are you talking about?”

“Stop beating Die up, you two.” Kyo imitated Shinya’s words earlier, “Shinya? Defending you?”

Kaoru launched forward and ruffled Die’s hair a little bit too rough. “Oh just tell us, you punk! Since when you and Shinya are such in a good relation?”

Toshiya, who was just watching the whole scene, couldn’t stop his curiosity and opened his mouth, “Die and Shinya…?”

Kaoru grinned at him and pointed at his friend, “Oh, Totchi. This guy right here is so helpless that we could puke. He had been keeping his feelings for Shinya for the longest time.” He saw Die’s face reddened and added, “He didn’t tell us, of course, but we so could tell.”

“And now suddenly they’re going out!” Kyo said dramatically, as if feeling hurt that Die and Shinya didn’t tell him anything.

“We’re not going out!” Die spat out. He pushed the nosy Kaoru away and tried to make the blush disappear from his face.

Kyo rolled his eyes, “Don’t lie!”

“It’s true! He just…” Die glanced at the direction of the kitchen, making sure that Shinya hadn’t returned yet, then he continued in a small voice, “He just said that I have a chance.”

Kyo laughed and smacked Die’s head playfully, while Kaoru patted his back loudly, “So it finally paid off, huh?”

“Shut it. I don’t want him to change his mind just because I blabbed out to you.”

“Oh, we’re good at keeping secrets. Maybe. Maybe not.” Kaoru laughed again.

“Guys, please!”

************

“Here you go!” Toshiya bounced in from the kitchen with a pitcher filled with orange juice. Kaoru had run out of beer, and the bassist had voluntarily prepared some orange juice for them. He walked a bit carelessly, that he didn’t realize the stack of papers on the floor until his feet actually hit them.

He gasped and almost fell forward, if not for Kaoru caught him on the waist right on time. Kaoru helped him recover from the shock and stood him up straight again. “Be careful, will you.”

Toshiya, still a bit startled from the previous near-accident, blinked and stared at the pitch he was holding. “Sorry. I nearly spilled the drinks.”

Kaoru shook his head and caressed Toshiya’s cheek. “What are you talking about? The important thing is you’re not hurt.”

“SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!” The scream from Die made Kaoru blushed slightly and pulled his hand back.

“Kaoru, stop saying embarrassing things like that.” Kyo sneered.

“You could say that with a straight face. I don’t know whether I have to feel impressed or not.” Die said, smiling to Shinya when the younger man chuckled.

Toshiya pretended not to hear their mocking and put the pitcher down on the table. Meanwhile, Kaoru was shooting daggers at his bandmates with his eyes when his cellphone vibrated next to the pitcher Toshiya had just put. His lover reached out for his cellphone, but Kaoru was quick to snatch it first.

The guitarist, of course, instantly realized his mistake. Toshiya just wanted to take the cellphone and give it to him, there was no need to snatch it first. As if Kaoru had something he hid. Which he did. And he confirmed his mistake at seeing Toshiya’s raised eyebrows, but luckily, his lover didn’t ask anything further.

Kaoru then flipped open his cellphone and checked the new incoming e-mail.

Just as he suspected. Another e-mail from Miyabi.

Kaoru, I miss you.

Another e-mail came almost right after that.

Please reply. I love you so much.

Kaoru stole a glance at Toshiya. He couldn’t tell him. What good it will do when you make your lover worry over something that was entirely your fault?

His cellphone vibrated again, and Kaoru’s eyes nearly fell off from its sockets when he saw what the e-mail said.

I’m near your room now. I know you’re inside. Can I come in?

Kaoru’s eyes darted at the direction of the door. A single drop of sweat rolled down the side of his face. Miyabi had never gone as far as coming to his place. That boy had sent e-mails and called him a lot of time, but never coming directly like this. But deep down inside, he knew it would happen sooner or later.

“I’ll go out for a while.” He announced to the others before rushing to the door.

“Eh? Where are you going?” Toshiya’s voice arose.

“Buy cigarettes. I won’t take more than fifteen minutes.” He didn’t even look back as he closed the door, afraid that his eyes would reveal the hidden things if he met Toshiya’s eyes. His gaze roamed and quickly found Miyabi next to the stairways, just a few feet from Kaoru’s door.

“Kaoru!”

The man being called ran to him, “What are you doing here?”

“Of course I’m here to see you! I miss you!” Miyabi smiled and made a move to hug Kaoru, but the older man stopped his hands.

“Miyabi…”

“Are your with your friends inside?” Miyabi spoke hurriedly, not wanting to give Kaoru a chance to start that tone.

“Yes. With Toshiya too.”

“Oh.” Something flashed through his eyes, but it disappeared swiftly, “Well, I brought you some food.” He raised a bento box and nudged it towards Kaoru.

“I can’t accept that.”

“Come on, I spent a lot of effort in this one!”

“Miyabi, please. Stop.” Kaoru closed his eyes before opening them again and stared guiltily at the boy in front of him, “I’m sorry.”

“Kaoru…” Miyabi forced a smile and intended to change the subject again, but Kaoru cut him out.

“I’m really sorry.”

Silence fell between them. Miyabi’s hands slowly fell down to the sides.

“…why?” He finally spoke with a small voice, “Why can’t I get another chance? What did I do wrong?”

Kaoru shook his head, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one at fault. You can hate me all you want.”

Silence again before Miyabi’s tone changed into something more alarming, “What’s so good about that man?”

“I love Toshiya.”

“You love Toshiya. Not him.” Miyabi clutched at the bottom of Kaoru’s shirt.

“I love him.” Kaoru touched the hand gently and opened the grip. He didn’t think it was necessary to tell Miyabi that the two Toshiya were actually the same person. This way or the other, Kaoru still loved Toshiya nonetheless. “Miyabi, please stop. I can’t love you.”

The sound of a door being opened was heard, and Kaoru widened his eyes when he saw the figure of his lover walked out from his apartment door, carrying a plastic bag that seemed full with trash.

“Eh, Kaoru?” Toshiya blinked, “Weren’t you going to buy— Miyabi.” His eyes met with the younger boy. The atmosphere turned tense. Miyabi flinched and made a move towards Toshiya, but Kaoru placed himself between the two.

“Miyabi, don’t.” Kaoru pleaded, “I love him. Hate me, not him.”

Trembled lips. “Kaoru, please…”

“I’m so sorry.” Kaoru walked away from Miyabi and reached for Toshiya’s hands, pulling him gently to go inside the apartment. Toshiya looked hesitantly at Kaoru, then to Miyabi, who stared back at him with an unusual calmness.

“Don’t take him away from me.” Miyabi’s tone and expression were indifferent, but there was some things hidden beneath it.

Demand.

Threat.

Beg.

Kaoru tugged Toshiya’s hand, snapping him out from his almost trance-like state. The older man opened the door and pushed Toshiya inside quietly, and then he spoke for the last time to Miyabi.

As soft as possible, as firm as possible.

“Please go home.”

************

“What is he doing here?” Toshiya asked right after Kaoru made sure Miyabi had gone and closed the door. The bassist knew that the occurrence earlier must be something more than an unexpected meeting.

Kaoru, knowing that he shouldn’t lie, explained in a few short sentences, trying to ease the damage from his words. “I’m sorry to keep it a secret from you. He still calls me and sends me e-mails. He hasn’t given up.”

Toshiya stared at him with disbelief for a while. It took some time to understand. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked in an accusing tone, a hint of anger on his face, “You said I was the one who always hides things! But you’re the one who did that! You didn’t tell me about Miyabi’s e-mails, you didn’t tell me about Kisaki’s leave, you didn’t tell me about your broken bone, you never told me anything!!”

“I—,” Kaoru intended to defend himself, but something in the back of his mind called out to him, pointing him to some odd words from Toshiya earlier, “What?”

“What?”

“What did you just said? Broken bone?” Kaoru grabbed the sides of Toshiya’s arms and shook them. His eyes turned wild.

Couldn’t grasp what had made Kaoru changed his attitude so suddenly, Toshiya blinked and muttered, “I-I did? I think? I don’t know. What’s with that?”

“My bone broke when I was in high school.” Kaoru spoke slowly, keeping his eyes at Toshiya. The hope he tried to conceal leaked out in his voice. Suddenly Toshiya understood before Kaoru continued, “You were in junior high school.”

“I-I don’t know.” Toshiya murmured, “I’m sorry, I really don’t know. It-it just flew out of my mouth, I didn’t even think of what I said.” Now that he thought about it, he really didn’t know why he said those words in the first place. Something hidden beneath his consciousness just crept up, and drowned itself again in an instant. It wasn’t as if Toshiya didn’t want to remember, but he really couldn’t recall anything.

“Toshiya.” Kaoru shook his body lightly, wanting Toshiya to think harder. To try harder to remember. For himself. For everyone. For Kaoru.

“I’m sorry, Kaoru.” Toshiya’s expression saddened to the point of making Kaoru feel guilty for pushing him. “I really don’t remember.”

The hope fell as fast as it rose. Kaoru’s hands released Toshiya, and the taller man started to walk to the living room, returning to where everyone else was. Kaoru trailed behind him and intended to say sorry, not caring if the rest of the band in the room knew there was something happened. But then he caught the slight sign of watering eyes and realized the impact of his insistence to Toshiya.

He sighed and pulled Toshiya back to him before kissing him to ask for forgiveness. He felt Toshiya’s tenseness faded away, and he smiled into the kiss.

“Helloooooo~~ We’re still here!” Kyo’s annoyed voice called out.

“And we can see you clearly!” Die followed.

“And you act like you couldn’t hear us!”

“And you act like you’re in your own world!”

“Okay, okay! I get it!” Kaoru broke his embrace with Toshiya and glared at the meddlesome two. He crossed his arms and tilted his head at the door. “Don’t you guys think it’s enough? Go home now, will you?”

The others groaned but complied with Kaoru as the clock had pointed to the number 8, which means they had spent more than seven hours goofing around pointlessly. Time flew really fast when you’re having fun. They cleaned up here and there, fixing the mess they had caused in Kaoru’s usually well-kept room.

Right after they finished, Toshiya looked around, “Now, where did my bag go…?”

Kaoru, who was sitting on the couch right behind Toshiya, frowned and asked with a loud voice, “Wait! Where are you going?”

Toshiya made a confused expression, “Hm? Going home?”

“I didn’t mean for you to go home!” Kaoru pouted and pulled Toshiya down, “Stay a bit longer, you dense. I mean for those buggers to leave us alone!”

“We can hear you, asshole!” Kyo growled from the direction of the door. Shinya glanced back and saw Kaoru and Toshiya already busy with kissing each other, he blushed and rushed out after muttering a quick ‘bye’. Die laughed and walked after him. Kyo shook his head and threw anything in his reach to Kaoru’s thick head.

Ignoring the leader’s protest, he walked out and grumbled to Die and Shinya. “Shit, I can’t stand those two’s newlywed atmosphere.”

************
Tbc~
Comments? =D

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