Lovers of Lost Dimension
by Bl4ckm4lice

Happy birthday, TOSHIYA!! to celebrate, I’m posting the fourth chapter of…


Blackmalice’s notes: huge thanks to shadow_siberian, without you, I would never went past the horrible grammars and typos

You know what, the more and more I re-read my fic, I think I’m too cruel to Miyabi. It’s not that I hate him, really! But there just have to be someone in that role! *weeps*


Chapter 4: Still looking… Longing


The old man with a dark beard shook his head. Kaoru sighed for the umpteenth time. He put the piece of Toshiya’s photo back into his pocket as he continued to walk down the street. He looked upwards to glance at the night sky, remembering how many days had passed since Toshiya had gone missing.

One month. Exactly one month after Toshiya’s birthday. After the day they made love.

One month ago, he still had his hands wrapped around Toshiya, walking side-by-side. Then he let go. They parted for what he thought would only be for a day or two, waving at the younger boy, smiling softly as he thought of his blissful life.

Blissful life. It was.

Why did it have to come to this, he didn’t know. He could only blame himself. He should’ve forbidden Toshiya to come with him to the station. He should’ve insisted to call Toshiya’s parents to pick him up. He should’ve never let him go. He should’ve.

He should’ve.

He still remembered clearly when Toshiya’s father called him. He asked him whether his son was with him or not. The mature voice was filled with worry, which was spread quickly to Kaoru who answered the question hesitantly.

“He was. We parted around three hours ago. I was suddenly expected to be at a relative’s house. He insisted to take me to the train station and was supposedly on his way home after that.”

There was a pause before Toshiya’s father started to speak again, “Did he say he would go straight back home?”

“I told him to. And he didn’t say otherwise either. When I told him to wait in the station until the rain stopped, he said he would run back home.”

“…Okay then. Thank you, Kaoru.”

“Wait!” Kaoru stopped the older man from cutting off the line, “Toshiya… He… hasn’t come back yet?” He knew the answer, of course. He didn’t even know why he asked that. But there was the tiniest bit of hope that Toshiya’s father would say that everything was fine, that Toshiya was safe and warm in his house.

But it was obvious that things didn’t go the way he wanted.

“Yes… we waited for a while, thinking he might be at your place. But it was getting late and we saw that your house was dark…” Silence arose for a while, “We’re going to wait for a little while longer, perhaps he met his friends on his way back.” Toshiya’s father faked a laugh. “I just hope he wouldn’t go to a bar to celebrate his birthday.”

“Hara-san…”

“I’ll let you know when Toshimasa comes, okay?”

“…Okay.”

But there wasn’t any call for the rest of the night. His mother, having heard the whole conversation, called Toshiya’s family in the morning and received a negative answer for the question about Toshiya’s presence. She quickly let Kaoru go home and said the rest of his family would follow after.

So he came back and found that the cops were already at Toshiya’s house, recording a report of a missing person. The family was worried and exhausted, getting no sleep at all. Die, Shinya, and Kyo were there too, all of them were called by Toshiya’s father in the attempt to find his son.

They stood in silence, watching as the family explained to the cops, and answered a few questions as well. Kaoru being asked the most, as he was the last person who saw Toshiya. He couldn’t hide his intense restlessness, his body shook tremendously and his words barely made sense. But his friends were holding his hand and shoulder, supporting him.

Since then, the cops had started searching. The family started searching on their own, with the help of their friends and relatives. Kaoru himself walked around the town from day to day, regularly showing the photo of Toshiya to some random people, asking them about his whereabouts.

The result until now had been none.

Kaoru was still the last person who saw Toshiya.

************

Miyabi turned off the vacuum cleaner, hearing the buzzing sound die off slowly. He glanced around the room satisfied. Not a single speck of dust left. He hummed happily as he continued cleaning Kaoru’s apartment, folding the blankets in the bedroom and positioning the pillows properly.

Today, Kaoru was coming home from his tour with La:Sadies. Miyabi could tell that the band is gaining more popularity, and he was also feeling glad. He didn’t know though, how the conflict between Kisaki and the band had ended, but if the tour went on as planned, then Kisaki was supposedly had been well-talked into.

He heard about it from Shinya. Apparently, Kisaki was not very fond of their intention to go major. Kaoru scowled when once Miyabi asked him about that matter, so he didn’t ask any further. Not that Kaoru ever talked to him about any of his problems.

Miyabi shook his head.

He was determined not to question Kaoru again, right? Besides, Kaoru was coming home soon. He’s going to give him a warm welcome.

He leaned down to turn on the bedside lamp, his hair covering the side of his face. It was kind of annoying to have long hair. He reached for his hairclip and attempted to re-clip it, but his hand slipped. The hairclip fell down and rolled under the bed. Miyabi cursed and crawled low, hand reaching blindly. He found his hairclip… but his hand touched something else.

He reached again and felt it… a box? He pulled it out and raised his eyebrow at the old brown box. The young boy sat on the bed and hesitated for a while. Kaoru would be mad if he found him touching his things, especially a thing like this which seemed purposely hidden. But maybe a little peek wouldn’t hurt…

“Don’t touch it!”

A cold voice sent shock through his body. Miyabi jumped up and saw Kaoru standing at the doorway of his bedroom, eyes glaring with a dangerous flash. It appeared that Kaoru made his way inside silently without Miyabi knowing.

“Ah… Sorry, I…”

“Give it to me!” Kaoru didn’t bother to wait and grabbed the box roughly from Miyabi’s trembling hands. However, the sudden move made the box jolt slightly, its cover opening and the contents sprawled on the floor.

Reflex made Miyabi quickly drop on his knees and gathered the seemingly meaningless things, but Miyabi knew that each of them must be filled with Kaoru’s memories. Kaoru wasn’t pleased and pushed him away, just as Miyabi clutched a piece of photo.

What Miyabi saw made his eyes widen with shock.

************

Shinya finished washing the last dish and wiped his hands with the towel. The phone rang suddenly, and he frowned when he looked at the time. Who would call him this late at night? “Moshi moshi.”

“Terachi-san?”

Shinya raised an eyebrow when he heard the familiar voice, “Why are you calling me at this hour, Die?”

A gasp came through the receiver, “What? You found out already? No fun!”

“Huh? Found out what?”

“I was going to pretend that I was police officer who wanted to interrogate you! But you blew it all by finding out it was me so soon!”

“What game are you playing, baka! Don’t you have anything better to do?!!”

“I’m boooooored!! I wanna go out but I’m tired! I wanna sleep but I can’t! I’m bored as hell!” Die’s whining voice irritated Shinya even more. The red-headed friend of his really has to find a new hobby.

“Find someone else to bug!”

“You’re the only geek that is still awake at this hour.”

Shinya rolled his eyes.

“You rolled your eyes just now, didn’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Haha! I knew it! Maybe I have psychic powers?”

“Whatever! Just go to sleep already!”

“How’s Miyu?”

“What about Miyu?”

“I was just asking.”

Shinya felt a headache beginning to build up. “You were just trying to prolong the talk. Look, if you’re still bored and can’t sleep, well… just try to sleep. Kaoru wouldn’t be too happy if we come late tomorrow.”

“Really, that Kaoru. We just finished our tour and he already commands for us to practice again…”

“Die.”

“Fine, fine. Geez, do you hate my calls so much?” As Die said those words, barking sounds could be heard in the background. Shinya seemed to be trying to calm down his dog and left the phone. After a while, he returned to the phone.

“…I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Nothing. Oyasumi~!”

“What the hell are you calling me for… Oyasumi.”

************

“Who is that?”

Kaoru ignored him and snatched the photo back. He put everything back to the box rapidly. Miyabi managed to catch the last glance at the written name on the back of the photo.

“Who is in that photo, Kaoru?”

Kaoru stayed silent. He closed the box and put it back under the bed. Miyabi felt tears swelling in his eyes for some absurd reason. The person in the photo looked like him. Not exactly the same, but there were some similar features. He reminded him of himself.

Not wanting to admit that and wanting an explanation from his supposed lover, Miyabi grabbed a hold of Kaoru’s hand. “Who is that, Kaoru? Who is Toshiya?”

“THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

“None of my busi—,” Miyabi burst out into tears and snapped, “It’s never my business! You never talk to me about anything! I thought I was your lover, Kaoru! And now you keep a photo of someone that looks like me!!”

“Shut up!!” Kaoru snapped back and shook off Miyabi’s hand, “I said it’s none of your business!! What are you doing here anyway?!!”

Disbelief and hurt appeared in Miyabi’s eyes. He had wanted to give him a warm welcome. What he got was a statement that said he had no use in his lover’s apartment.

A photo.

A person that looked like him.

But maybe, for Kaoru, it was Miyabi who looked like that person.

That’s what it was all about. Their relationship was based on that one frail foundation only. Miyabi simply resembled someone whom Kaoru treasured so much. Someone named Toshiya.

“Who is he…?”

No reply from Kaoru, who still refused to answer and chose to stare the other way.

Miyabi had never felt so lonely in his entire life.

He made a firm decision, rushed to open the cupboard and grabbed his bag. He took the pile of his clothes that he left in Kaoru’s cupboard and quickly stuffed his clothes inside the bag. But the clothes didn’t cooperate with him and fell over messily.

“What are you doing?”

This time, it was the younger boy who ignored Kaoru. He instead tried to gather the clothes. A hand stopped him and forced his body to turn.

“What are you doing?” Kaoru’s voice quivered a little, but Miyabi was determined to overlook it.

“I’m leaving!” Miyabi pushed the other man away, “It’s over, Kaoru!”

Distress filled Kaoru’s face in an instant as he hugged Miyabi tightly, “No! Don’t go!”

Don’t leave me again.

“Why should I stay?! You don’t even need me!” Miyabi struggled to break free, but Kaoru didn’t let his hold weaken. Kaoru even slammed the door closed with his feet, cutting off Miyabi’s only way out.

“Please! Don’t go!” Please. “I’m sorry!!”

Miyabi sobbed loudly. He continued his struggle but there was no use. Kaoru had no intention of letting him go. “Let me go! You don’t want me! You only want Toshi—”

“I love you!” Miyabi was stunned as he heard the words.

Was it fake?

Was it real?

He turned his head to see Kaoru’s face. Pleading. Begging. Is that expression fake? Is that expression real?

“Miyabi… Please, don’t leave me… I love you…” Toshiya, Toshiya... I love you.

Miyabi knew he had lost it. He shouldn’t have looked into Kaoru’s face. But what else could he do when the man he loved said that he loved him back? He only wanted to see, whether the words told the truth.

Nevertheless, he still couldn’t tell. That face hid so much, yet told so much. But Miyabi wanted to believe what was told. That Kaoru really didn’t want him to leave. Kaoru was begging for him to stay. Maybe it’s not enough, but as Miyabi looked into Kaoru’s eyes again, he realized he couldn’t leave this man even if the man himself asked him to leave. Miyabi loved Kaoru too much.

So Miyabi stopped struggling and wrapped his arms around Kaoru. He wanted to forget. He wanted to forget Kaoru’s harsh words, the photo, and Toshiya. Kaoru was here with him, that’s all that mattered.

Feeling a pair of arms hugging him back, Kaoru let out a sigh of relief. His eyes were stinging, but there were no tears. The tears had all gone a long time ago.

Don’t leave me, Toshiya.

************

to see what other things i had in store for toshiya's birthday, follow the link ^^
I promise I have lots… including a different type of fanart
to my journal

but first... comments please?

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