Love Desire

by Jerien

Chapter 3: Confession

The Villa, 1030 pm.

“ What happened to you, honey?”

“ I just had a little fall while on my way back from college…you know I am clumsy at times….”

The elder man pulled Toshiya closed and hugged him.

“ Don’t you lie to me, Toshiya….that is the mark of a fight…don’t think I’m so daft that I wouldn’t know it…who do you think I am…”

Toshiya hugged back tightly and buried himself in the warmness of the embrace.

“ It doesn’t hurt anymore…just let it go…”

The elder one pushed the younger one to lie on his back and moved in to kiss him.

“ Didn’t I tell you not to allow anyone to touch you and get close to you….Maybe I should send…”

Toshiya placed a finger on the man’s lips preventing him from continuing his sentence.

“ No…you promised me that you will not interfere…”

“ You’re being reckless…”

“ Maybe I am…but I promise you that I will never bring trouble to you…”

“ Toshiya, I don’t want to lose you and I will do anything to keep you by my side forever…”

“ If you really love me…promise me something…”

Die’s apartment, 1145 pm

“ Die, I’m telling you, Toshiya isn’t as simple as you think he is…”

“ I know, Kaoru…”

“ Maybe you should be just a bit careful…Shinya seems to think that he may have connections with some local mafias or something…”

“ Did you see it, Kaoru?”

“ See what?”

“ What about you, Shinya?”

“ You mean that tattoo on Toshiya’s shoulders?”

“ Yes….the man saw the tattoo and that was what made him panic and feared for his life.”

“ It must be a symbol of something, a triad maybe?”

“ Well, if we want to know about it, all we have to do is just ask around maybe…”

Die was silent for awhile as though in deep thoughts. It was unusual for Die to react in this way because he would usually be the first one to jump up in excitement when it was about finding out the dark secrets of other people. However, Die seemed a lot less enthusiastic.

“ Do we really want to know?”

“ Die…?” Shinya approached the elder one with concern.

“ There must be a reason why he is acting so secretly, why he doesn’t want anyone to know…maybe he just wants a new life…if we….”

“ I know what you mean, Die…however…”

“ You love Toshiya right?” Shinya asked.

“ I am not sure myself….I enjoy being around him…it’s just that there is a certain type of attraction that draws me to him everytime I see him and I just can’t stopped myself from worrying about him…he just seems so innocent at times that I feel the need to protect him…”

“ Die…if Toshiya was linked to a triad or something…this may all be a lethal attraction to you…”

“ I know, Kaoru…but…”

“ If you were going to ‘die’ loving him, don’t you want to at least know who you are ‘dying’ for? Just because we know about his background doesn’t mean you are going to love him less right? It also doesn’t mean that we are going to stop becoming friends with him…but this will help us understand him better and why he does things the way he does…understanding his past is also part of loving him, you know?”

“ Yeah, I guess you’re right, Kaoru…count me in then…”

“ I think we should start from that guy Kyo…”

Back in college the next morning, everything seems normal with Toshiya except for the piece of plaster at the corner of his mouth. Many teachers came by to check to see if he was alright and made Kaoru responsible to check that Toshiya was comfortable at all times.

“ Kaoru- senpai…I’m sorry to trouble you so much…you don’t have to worry about me anymore, it was just a small bruise…”

“ I’m just using you as an excuse to slack off from my other tasks, Die is more pitiful as while I’m babysitting you, he has to do all the jobs in the office….haha….don’t worry about it….but I am curious though…”

“ About what, Senpai?”

“ About why the teachers treats you so specially…I mean you’re not from a big shot family or something are you?”

“ Hahaha….nothing close…I don’t know, I guess I just get on their good side maybe…haha….”

“ Toshiya…if you don’t mind me asking…what is your last name?”

Toshiya was silent for while but then he smiled to the elder one. The smile was slightly different than the usual ones, there was hint of sadness behind it.

“ You must think I’m an clumsy idiot…Kaoru-senpai…”

“ Why?”

“ I had forgotten…I had an accident 2 years ago when I was in high school and I had forgotten everything about my past, my childhood and who my parents were…”

Kaoru was a bit taken back by what he just heard.

“ Because I can’t remember much about my past and no one has told my anything so I don’t know much that had happened before.”

“ Oh I see….but wouldn’t you want to know…?”

“ Whatever happened in the past is the past already, isn’t what is most important the future that is before us?”

Somehow Kaoru has to admit that Toshiya has a point. The future was definitely more important, the past will never repeat itself and sensing the sorrow behind that innocent smile perhaps it was better that some things are left forgotten.

“ Hey Kyo…”

“ You are that…”

“ Just before you start calling me some weird names, I’m Die….”

“ I know you, Vice President of the Student’s Council and what is your business my concern today?”

“ I want to speak to you about Toshiya…”

“ What do you want to know?”

“ About his past…what happened to you and him?”

“ What has that got to do with you?”

“ I love him, Kyo…I just want to know more about him…”

“ And you think I am kind enough to tell you?”

“ Hey…”

“ We were lovers back in the high school days. We used to love each other so much…at least that was what I thought until one day…everything changed…”

“ Changed?”

“ Toshiya came to school one day, handed in his application to leave and left school…since then he never came back. He didn’t even graduated….makes you wonder how the hell was he able to end up in college….he must’ve pull some strings or…”

“ Or what?”

“ Ah…Betsu ni…Anyway, I had given him up long time ago so feel free to date him as much as you want to…”

“ Did something happen after he left school?”

“ Because he didn’t say anything when he left, I went to look for him, I wanted to know what had happened….and I saw the he was with another man, a more elderly gentleman who drove a posh car with a couple of bodyguards beside him. He seemed like a big shot from the upperclass of the society. Since then, sometimes when I see Toshiya, he seems happy, always in nice branded clothes, dining in the finest restaurants in town and he was always being escorted by bodyguards wherever he went.”

“ So you think he left you because he managed to hook up with some rich guy?”

“ If your lover left you without saying anything and after witnessing all of that…what would you have thought…?”

“ Hey, I’m sorry man….I didn’t mean to…”

“ …I don’t need your fucking sympathy….” Somehow Kyo sounded more solemn than angry.

Back in Die’s apartment…

“ So what did you managed to find out Die-senpai?”

“ Well, I spoke to Kyo and I must say he is hot headed….”

“ Go straight to the point already…I’m curious…”

“ Well…it is true that Kyo and Toshiya were lovers when they were in high school, according to Kyo, one day out of the blues, Toshiya just left school and never came back. He was seen to be hooking up with this big shot guy who seems to be filthy rich and Kyo thinks that Toshiya may have left him because he found someone better…”

“ Then it must have happened about two years ago when Toshiya had the accident and lost all of his past memory then…”

“ Toshiya had amnesia?”

“ Yeah, Toshiya didn’t go into much details but he did mentioned something about him being in an accident and losing all his past memories. I have a feeling this big shot guy must have taken it as a chance to make Toshiya his when he was vulnerable…”

“ What do we do now then, aniki?”

“ Well, I don’t mind the kid being the way he is now, I have no problems with that…but what about you, Die?...Can you still keep a straight face after what you have heard?”

“……..”

Die did not say anything after Kaoru’s question, frankly, he didn’t know the answer. He was confused. He didn’t want to become a third party in a relationship if Toshiya is already attached with someone, yet, the whole fact that Toshiya was with someone already hurt him the most.

“ Ne, Toshiya, are you free this weekend?”

“ I should be…what do you have in mind, Die- senpai?” Toshiya asked excitedly.

“ Why don’t I take you to the beach around our campus, you can see one of the most beautiful sunsets there as well…”

“ Sugoi!!!!!....I want to go!!!!!!!!”

“ But…don’t you…”

“ Don’t I what?”

“ I mean I heard someone say you’re attached to someone already, don’t you need to check if you have a date that day or something?”

“ Ah…Die-senpai you’re so smart…now how come I didn’t think of that…” Toshiya turned his face away and look out to look out of the window where the sun was setting.

“ Die-senpai…let’s call it a date ok? I want to go to the beach with you…can I?....Please?”

Die was surprised that Toshiya had said this in an almost begging tone when it was Die who had made the offer in the first place.

“ Hai…should we meet at the school gate then, Saturday, 9 in the morning?”

“ YATTA!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, Die- senpai……!!!!!!!!” Toshiya hugged the elder one tightly thanking him for his kind offer. Die wanted to hug back but he hesitated. Yet having Toshiya’s arms around him felt so right at that very moment.

Die had decided that this will be his opportunity to at least ask if Toshiya would consider him and give them a chance, perhaps it was easier to forget about the younger one after he gets rejected at point blank.

Saturday, 9 a.m.

Die was waiting impatiently at the school gate whilst puffing on his cigarette. Suddenly a black car stopped right in front of the school gate and the brakes gave a loud screech when the car came to an abrupt halt. A young lad in casual tee-shirt and a pair of wash off jeans stepped out from the car and greeted Die with a smile.

“ Ohayo, Die-senpai, I hope I’m not too late…”

“ Ah….Ohayo…” Die was a bit stunned by Toshiya’s sweet charms yet he was more stunned when a more matured looking man in black suit stepped out from the car as well. He walked to the younger one and gently gave a quick kiss on Toshiya’s forehead.

“ Are you sure you want to go alone…the seaside is a very dangerous place to be…”

“ Gakuto, you’re worrying too much…I will be fine…Get going now, I thought you had a meeting…”

The elder man smiled and went back into the car.

Die had tried to ignore the lovey- dovey gestures earlier but it was hurting him inside. When the car left, Die couldn’t wait to take Toshiya away.

“ Die- senpai…you’re walking too fast…wait up…!!!”

“ If you don’t hurry, we will not be able to find a place with a shade to put our things….don’t complain to me if you get a place near the dumpster later….” Somehow Die sounded annoyed and Toshiya could feel his anger.

Finally after walking almost half the shore, they managed to find a cool shady place under a few trees and Toshiya sat down flat on his butt when Die finally stopped dragging him.

“ I’m tired….”

Die sat down too, after all he was the one that was rushing like a train walking over just now. Toshiya opened his bag and took a bottle of cold water and place it near Die’s cheeks where the coolness barely touched Die’s face, making him jumped from the cold.

“ Hey…!!!!”

Toshiya laughed.

“ Gotcha….” Toshiya laughed cheekily.

Die was even more annoyed but he gulped down the cold water anyway.

“ Die-senpai…”

Die did not answer but kept his back turned against the younger one.

“ Die- senpai…are you mad because I came late today?”

Die turned when he sensed the lack of cheerfulness in Toshiya’s voice. When he turned and saw how sad Toshiya had felt because of Die’s anger, he felt bad.

“ Hey…I’m not mad…I’m just…”

“ You’re just what…senpai?”

“ Iie…betsu ni…”

Die couldn’t bear to tell Toshiya that…maybe…perhaps…he was just feeling jealous…

The day trip to the seaside went well, Toshiya and Die did a bit of everything from surfing to scuba-diving and as time passed by, it was soon close to evening.

“ Toshiya, come sit here…this is the best position to see the sunset…”

“ Hai…”

“ All we have to do now is look across the sea…see how beautiful the setting sun reflects on the surface of the water…”

“ Sugoi na….” Toshiya opened his mouth, amazed by the breathtaking view before him.

“ Toshiya, will you give me the opportunity to bring you here to see the sunset every single day…”

“ Die-senpai?” Toshiya wasn’t sure he understood what Die was saying.

“ I love you, Toshiya…I know you’re with someone now…and maybe you loved him a lot, but I just want to tell you how I feel…”

“ Die…” Toshiya was speechless as he gazed into Die’s into serious and affectionate eyes.

When Toshiya didn’t respond the way Die wished he would, it created a sense of awkwardness between them. Suddenly Die laughed loudly.

“ Hahahaha….I was just joking with you, Toshiya…don’t look so serious ne…come on…smile for me will you?”

Toshiya reacted as if he was just pulled back from a dream. He didn’t laugh nor did he felt relieved when Die said it was a joke, there was just a very sad and lonely expression across his face upon hearing that Die had meant it to be a joke.

“ That’s a mean joke, Die-senpai….” Toshiya’s looked down at both of his hands and his slender frame was shaking slightly.

“ Hey, Toshiya, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to…”

Suddenly Toshiya laughed.

“ Of course you don’t love me….!!!! Die-senpai….I’m going to get you back for this you know…someday…..!!!! hahahaha…..”

Die was slightly taken back by this sudden change in emotion; it was as if Toshiya was playing another joke on him.

Toshiya softly nudged Die by the side and winked.

“ So, Die-senpai….what type of girls do you fancy?...Or are you into guys as well….like me….? I can introduce some good ones to you, ya noe? I have a circle of friends who are all fresh, young and talented….hahahahaha….”

There was still a sense of awkwardness when both men left for home. The journey back from the beach was one that was quiet. Neither man talked, Die too afraid to say something while Toshiya was just lost in his own thought. Finally they stopped at the school and the black vehicle earlier was already stationery in front of it.

“ Die-senpai…” Toshiya finally broke the silence.

“ Huh?”

Toshiya bowed politely and smiled.

“ Thank you for bringing me to the beach today…I hope we can do this again ne….”

“ Hai…”

“ Ja matta na…”

“ Ja ne…”

As the car left the school compound, Toshiya could feel his heart beating fast and a fresh feeling of pain surge through his heart.

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