If I Could Tell You

Chapter 1

"Sorry, we have enough people already; we don't need any more helpers." The guy said uncertainly while he looked at Shinya's pitiful form.

"Ah... sou... thank you." Shinya bowed and walked out of the store.

This was already the 3rd place that he's tried for a job, and somehow, they just never seemed to need anyone... or, maybe it was just him.

He walked along the road aimlessly, and then finally a posting on a window caught his attention. He stopped and looked at it immediately, without reading in depth; he walked into the store immediately.

"Anou, you are looking for someone to help?"

The man behind the counter looked up at him and frowned immediately. "Yes... but I don't think you'd fit for the job."

"I am a hard worker!" Shinya cried out. "Please! I need a job! I'll do it, whatever it is!"

"Well... I wanted to hire someone to help carry in and out the stocks... but you look..."

"I'll try my best! Please let me do it!" Shinya pleaded.

Finally, the old man nodded, and Shinya smiled in relief. He bowed to the older man quickly.

"Thank you so much!"

The man waved a hand dismissively. "Well, you can get started now since you're so eager." He then pointed to a pile of boxes near the door. "Get those in the storage room and make sure to place them under the right heading."

Shinya worked and rolled up his sleeves to get to work. However, as soon as he bent to pick up a box, he found that he had no energy in his arms. He hadn't eaten for the past few days, he had no energy, he felt as if he was going to black out. Quickly, he leaned on the stack of box beside him. His breaths came in quick pants and he clutched at the front of his shirt.

"Oi, are you okay?" The man's voice sounded suspicious.

"... Fine... I'm fine." Shinya replied weakly.

"You don't look okay. Are you sure you can do this job?"

"Yes! Please!"

Shinya tried to stand up again while holding the box, but his body didn't agree with him. The box slipped out of his hand and dropped onto the ground. Shinya soon followed suite.

When he opened his eyes again, the old man was looking down at him.

"I..."

"Just lay back down. Here's something for you to eat." He pushed forward a tray of food. "You can stay here for the night, but tomorrow you have to find another job... I can't deal with fainting employees."

Shinya looked down and nodded his head slowly.

The old man patted his shoulder and then left the room. Shinya looked at the tray of food; the smell was so tempting that he just could not resist it. He hadn't eaten in who knows how long. The tray of food disappeared into his stomach quickly. He then laid back down on the futon again and relished in the feeling of a comfortable place to stay. He closed his eyes and sighed. Tonight. Only for tonight. But one night of kindness should still be appreciated.

Shinya woke up early the next day, after thanking the man for his kindness; he was on the search for a new job again. It was yet another long day.

He stopped at a restaurant, but they all just looked at him and then shook their heads. Shinya was not stupid; he knew that it meant he'd never get the job.

And when he finally did get a job, he never expected to be fired on the first day. It was a paper delivery job, he was provided with a wheeling cart and the newspaper was all stacked in it neatly. Shinya thought that perhaps it was the perfect job for him at the moment.

And that's when he met him. Kyo.

Shinya strolled through the park for a shortcut to the nearest district. Halfway through the park, he saw a man running towards him... well... at least his direction. He bowed his head and was about to pass him by until the man grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop.

"Call the ambulance."

"... What?"

"My wife's water broke! Call the fucking ambulance!" The short blond man shouted at him.

Shinya scrambled to collect his thoughts, and then he realized that his didn't have any means to contact anyone. "Anou... I don't have a cell phone."

"Fuck!" The other man complained loudly and then threw the cell phone that was in hand onto the ground. "Stupid fucking technology and stupid fucking batteries!" He then shook Shinya roughly. "What are you waiting for? Grab a taxi then!"

Without another word, the man ran back to where he came from. Shinya dropped the cart and waved down the nearest taxi. He turned around and saw the man running back with a woman in his arms; she was clearly in pain and was wincing badly.

The taxi driver, Shinya and the man all helped the woman into the taxi, then all of them got in and drove off to the nearest hospital.

Then it was a long period of chaos, there was a lot of rushing around. From getting out of the taxi to watching the woman being wheeled away by the doctors, and when things finally settled down somewhat, the man was pacing around in the hallway out of the labor room.

"Anou..."

"Sit down! You're making me nervous!"

Shinya looked at him walking back and forth, but sat down anyways so that he wouldn't get in his way.

After who knows how long, they finally heard the sounds of a baby crying. The man smiled widely, and soon enough, a nurse came out holding a baby. "Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl!"

"How is the mother?"

"She's fine, don't worry. The delivery was perfectly smooth." The nurse said with a calming smile.

Kyo sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair. Then he patted the baby's face fondly. "Can I see my wife now?"

"Of course, they way."

He then nodded and looked at Shinya. "Oi, take care of the baby."

"Eh? But I..."

The man had already walked off, it was only Shinya and the nurse left. Shinya looked at the nurse and then at the baby, and eventually the baby was in his arms. She was sleeping peacefully in his arms, he stroke her small face his finger and smiled. Soon, the man appeared at the end of the corridor.

"Oi! You! Come here and bring the baby with you."

Shinya looked up and hurried to bring the baby to him.

In the room, Kyo was sitting on the bed that the mother was lying on.

"Here's our daughter, isn't she pretty?" He motioned towards the baby, and Shinya brought her closer. The woman peered at the baby and smiled tiredly, but with happiness.

"Hai, she is beautiful."

The father smiled and leaned down to kiss his wife's forehead. "You rest; I'll talk to him outside." He then took over the baby and placed her in the mother's arms, whom cradled her lovingly.

The two men made their way outside and he closed the door behind them.

"Thanks for coming with us."

"No, no, it's nothing." Shinya shook his head quickly. "I wasn't doing anything anyways; I was just getting my jo..." Shinya trailed off as he paled. "Oh no! My job!"

"Sorry if we caused you any trouble." The man apologized quickly. "Where is your job? I can go with you and explain the situation."

"No... It’s okay." Shinya looked down and sighed. "I didn't go back to report... he probably have fired me already."

There was a moment of silence before the man spoke up again.

"What is your name?"

"Shinya." He mumbled.

"What?" The other man leaned in closer to try to catch his name.

"It's Shinya."

"I see. My name is Tooru, but never call me that! Call me Kyo. My wife's name is Tomoko. And... I haven't thought of a name for our daughter yet." He added on with an embarrassed smile. "Anyways, thanks for helping, you should go back home now. Your parents would be worried."

"...." Shinya remained silent.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so silent?" Kyo poked at Shinya's forehead.

"I... don't have any parents... I got kicked out of my house..."

"Oh." Even Kyo didn't know how to respond to that. After a while, Kyo spoke up again. "I can offer you a room at my place..."

"No, that's too much! I can't accept it!" Shinya's head shot up, his eyes were wide.

"No need to, just as long as you meet some conditions."

".... Conditions?"

"Yes. Like helping around the house, since Tomoko can't possibly be doing any work right now. And of course help take care of the baby."

"... You want me to work at your house?"

"You'll live with us and help us out around the house." He shrugged. "I need to return a favor since you helped us."

"... Thank you." Shinya said at length, tears of gratitude filled his eyes. "Thank you so much." He bowed deeply.

"Well... you should be happy... because I'm rarely this nice." Kyo laughed and patted his shoulder.

His homeless days ended like that, and he moved in with Kyo's family. They finally decided to name their daughter Nanako. And Shinya slowly grew accustomed to their ways. Kyo was not always nice and kind, in fact, curse words did not leave his mouth unless the baby was around. Tomoko was a kind woman that tolerated many things, including Kyo constant swearing.

It was as if he could build a new life again, a new family with them. Slowly, the pain of losing his family was dimmed down by the warmth of this new family. They treated him like a younger, like someone that meant something. However, fate liked to play dirty tricks. And families just didn't stay long around him.

On the said day, Shinya was holding the baby in his arms like any other day; she was drifting off to sleep. Tomoko came out of the bedroom with a dress in her hands. They caught each other's eyes and she smiled, he smiled back. She held the dress in front of her and raised and eyebrow.

"What do you think?"

"It's beautiful." Shinya said truthfully.

"Thank you." She smiled and then thought of something. "Come with me"

"Where?"

She just waved at him and he walked into the couple's bedroom after her. Then she motioned for him to sit in front of her dressing table. She stood behind him and looked at his reflection in the mirror. "You know... I've always wondered what you'd look like with a little make-up."

"... What?"

"Kyo said that you'd look really pretty if you dressed like a girl, he would probably mistake you for a girl." Tomoko said while she applied some lipstick on his pouty lips.

"... Kyo-san said that?"

"Yeah! He even said that if he wasn't married, he'd fuck you." Tomoko giggled while she applied blush.

Shinya's eye widened immediately, and Tomoko laughed heartily. "That was a joke! Of course, if it wasn't, I'd never let him do that! He's my husband after all." She rolled her eyes with a dramatic effect.

Shinya looked down and let Tomoko do whatever she wished. Soon enough, Tomoko was done and she stepped back to admire his face. "So pretty! You look so kawaii! Oh! Never say kawaii in front of my husband, he hates it!" She laughed and tilted her head. "Because I always tell him that. Hahah"

Shinya looked at himself in the mirror; he looked so... feminine... and so weird...

The door opened and Kyo walked in, he looked at the two by the mirror and raised an eyebrow at Shinya's make-up filled face.

"Honey, you're back." Tomoko flew to Kyo and hugged him. "Don't you think he looks pretty?" She pointed towards Shinya.

The younger boy looked towards the ground when Kyo looked back to him again.

"Don't fuss around anymore, we must go soon, be ready, okay?" Kyo patted her back.

Tomoko nodded and then looked at Shinya, whom nodded and exited the room.

Out in the living room, Shinya grabbed a handful of tissue and rubbed at his face. Kyo came out shortly after and sat across from him. Shinya suddenly felt embarrassed for some reason.

".... You looked pretty." Kyo said at length, which caused Shinya to look up at him sharply.

Before either of them could say anything, Tomoko came out with her dress on. "I'm ready." She said with a wide smile.

Kyo stood up and patted Shinya on the head. "Alright, we're leaving now. Please take care of Nana-chan."

"Hai." He walked them to the door and watched them put on their shoes. "When will you be back?"

"Before midnight for sure." Tomoko leaned down and hugged Shinya tightly. "We'll see you later."

Shinya nodded and closed the door when they left; he sighed and walked to the kitchen to clean it up. He didn't know why Tomoko would tell him about Kyo... and say things like that. He wiped the counter slowly and thought about the conversation. She must have been joking, that was no way...

Nanako's crying sounds cut him off. He dropped the rug and quickly made his way to her bedroom. She was tossing and turning and crying. Shinya smiled and grabbed the nearest milk bottle. From all these months of living with them, he has now gotten used to her cries. The ones that were for hunger, the ones that were for boredom and so on.

Shinya held her up and fed her the milk gently. "Ah, I'd love it if I had a baby girl like you."

Shinya was in a daze when he felt her milk and then gently placed her back on the bed. He looked at her and then touched her cheek. She looked very much like her father. His thoughts were interrupted when the phone rang; he hurried to pick it up before it'd wake up the sleeping baby.

"Hello?"

Then there was a long pause before Shinya's face paled and his heart skipped a beat, the phone slipped out of his hand and his mouth was wide. He turned on his heels and ran back into the bedroom; soon he stormed out with the girl in his arms.

He made it to the hospital in record time and speed walked up to the receptionist. After he spoke out the name, the lady pointed towards the end of the hall. Shinya tried to get there as quickly as he could without dropping the girl in his arms.

When he walked into the door, a doctor turned to face him immediately. "I'm sorry, but the female did not survive. The male is on life-support right now, but..."

Shinya blinked his eyes to try to keep his vision clear, but the sight of Kyo connected to wires did not help. He approached the man on the bed with tears in his eyes. "Kyo-san..."

Kyo's eyes fluttered and he barely opened them, they searched around a little before they landed on Shinya.

"Shi... Shinya..." Kyo whispered hoarsely.

"Hai." The tears slipped out of Shinya's eyes at the sound of Kyo's voice. "Don't speak too much."

"I don't think I will survive." He coughed, his entire body shook with his cough. "Ple... please take care of Nanako, please promise me that you'd do that. And never tell her that you're not her real father."

"No! You'll survive! You have to!"

Kyo's eyes landed on Nanako and he tried to lift a finger. "I wished... to see her grow up..."

"Don't speak like that!" Shinya's tears kept on running down his face. "You will see her! You will survive! Kyo-san..."

Kyo reached out towards Nanako, Shinya placed Nanako within Kyo's reach. ".... kirei.... “He then looked at Shinya gain. "No one will notice that she's not your daughter..." Kyo tried a smile one last time and then his eyes slowly closed again, and his hand fell from Nanako's face...

A long silence prevailed....

The long silence in Shinya's life stretched over 6 more years. He kept his promise to Kyo, he took care of Nanako. He had to go out looking for jobs again, and yet again, he was fired regularly, which left him running around even more. One inconvenience was that he had to take Nanako with him everywhere. Many places fired him because of Nanako, but between work and Nanako, the latter one was more important to him.

He often questioned what kind of a life was in store for him. Why would everyone that was close to him leave him without anything to hang onto? And now, it was not only him that was having a problem, Nanako, his daughter shared the same problem. She was still young, he could not let her live the life that he had been living.

Nanako was 6 years old already; she needed to go school soon. How would he support her? And his life only got worse when the tenant told them 'kindly' that because he hasn't been able to pay the rent regularly; he was officially kicked out of the house.

Without anything on him, he could only sell some things in the house to get some money for himself and Nanako-chan. His mind ran through numerous possibilities as they wandered the streets together. Nanako skipped ahead and then pressed her face up against a window of a cart. "Daddy, can I have juice?"

Shinya looked at her and continued to calculate their living expenses.

"Daddy?" Nanako pouted.

"Okay honey, I'll get it for you." Shinya walked up to the lady and smiled thinly. "How much does it cost?"

"Oh, it's okay. Consider it my treat." The woman waved her hand.

"But... no, really, please tell me how much, I can pay for it." Shinya felt ashamed. Could everyone tell that they were without much money?

"It's okay, really." The woman looked at Shinya with sympathetic eyes. Really, what an unfortunate boy.

Then suddenly, he heard a screech of car tires, his heart jumped immediately and he whirled around to see Nanako with her hands on her ears and a car millimeters away from her. "Nanako!" He quickly ran to her side.

The car door opened and a man stepped out. "Is this your daughter?" His voice sounded annoyed.

Shinya looked up from hugging his daughter and glared at the tall man in front of him. "You! How could you! You were going to kill her!"

"It's your fault! How could you leave a little girl on the streets alone!?" He yelled back.

"Are you going to teach me how I should treat my daughter, you imbecile!"

The man snorted and looked down at them. "It's not my fault that you obviously don't know how to!" Then he glanced down at his watch. "I have no time to waste with you." He turned and stepped into the car once again. This time, the car backed away and sped off.

Shinya huffed and stood up; he quickly pulled Nanako along with him. How dare a stranger tell him how to raise his daughter! He knew how to treat his daughter!

"Daddy..."

"Yes, honey?"

"... My juice...." Nanako looked at him pitifully.

"I'm sorry honey...." Shinya bit his lips. "I... I'll buy you another one."

"Really?" Her eyes brightened and Shinya smiled fondly.

"Of course."

How much truth was in that? Shinya did not know. He only knew that they'd probably have to sleep outdoors tonight as he did not have enough money to rent a place nor for a hotel. At night, when Nanako was sleeping on his lap, Shinya stroked her face sadly. He promised Kyo that he'd take care of her, but look at them now; she was probably going to die of hunger soon. How could he do this to her? How could he break his promise....?

In the morning, both of them rose early; Shinya was fixing Nanako's hair when her stomach started grumbling. "Daddy... what are we having for breakfast?"

"Anou... what would you like?"

"Pancakes!"

"........" Shinya thought about where pancakes would be sold so early in the morning.

"What's wrong daddy?"

"Nothing." He quickly smiled. "We'll go look for some pancakes."

"Yay!" She turned to give him a hug. "I love you daddy!"

"I love you too."

Once again, they were on the streets, a bakery store caught his attention, and he thought of taking a little detour. The little bells jingled when he pushed open the door.

"Anou... do you need anyone to help in the store?"

"No, no, we don't need anyone." The man behind the counter waved his hand impatiently.

"I see...." Shinya bowed his head and was about to head out when his eyes caught a blue haired man looking at him.

"Are you looking for a job?"

Shinya turned to him fully and nodded. "Yes! Yes!"

"Well... we're in need of a servant... do you know how to clean and cook?"

"Hai!" Shinya nodded immediately.

"Are you sure?" The man confirmed again.

"Yes! I will try my best! Please!"

The other man finally nodded and Shinya smiled gratefully, perhaps this little detour wasn't that bad.

On the way there, the man looked at Nanako doubtfully. "I'm not sure if the master would allow you to keep your daughter with you though..."

"But... she has to stay with me." Shinya pleaded. "Could you please...?”

"I'll try." The man bit his lips. "Ah, here we are."

Shinya looked up at the grand house; it was so familiar to his house. Memories of his life flooded back, how he missed those good times. The inside was grand as well, Shinya immediately wondered about how he'd clean this place. "Wait here, I'll go and speak to the master."

Shinya nodded and felt Nanako cling onto his leg. He patted her head reassuringly and watched as the blue haired man disappeared into one of the rooms upstairs.

Inside the room, a red haired man was reading newspaper on the sofa.

"Die-sama, I found someone that'd be able to work here as a servant. Is there anything else you need?"

"Not at the moment." He put down the newspaper and looked up. "Toshiya, remember to train him proper manners."

"Of course." Toshiya nodded than spoke up again. "But... there's a small problem." Die raised an eyebrow at him. "He... he has a daughter that needs to be with him at all times...."

Die frowned immediately, and Toshiya quickly waved his hands. "No, no, but she looks very sweet, no like some brat."

".... How old is she?"

"Um.... maybe around 5?"

"SHE'S TOO YOUNG!" Die raised his voice. "She WILL crash everything!"

"But, but...." Toshiya looked around nervously.

Die sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Fine, fine, whatever. Make sure she doesn't break anything. But, make sure that she doesn't wander around the house aimlessly."

"Hai." Toshiya nodded. "Thank you." He smiled and bowed.

When he exited the room, the smile was evident on his face. Shinya saw his smile and in turn smiled in relief. At last...

"He agreed!" Toshiya confirmed it for him. Shinya nodded happily. "Anou... do you want start right now? Shinya nodded, he could do this!

He soon found out that the man's name is Toshiya, the master of the house is called Daisuke, but he went by Die. And there's a maid here called Miho, but Shinya didn't miss the annoyed face Toshiya pulled when he mentioned Miho's name.

Shinya's first task was to wash the dishes; Nanako sat in the kitchen with Toshiya.

"What's your name?" Toshiya asked with a smile.

"Nanako."

"That's so cute. Do you... want anything to eat?" Toshiya remembered that the girl was hungry on the way here.

Nanako glanced at Shinya and then nodded shyly. Toshiya smiled and brought a plate of food for her. With that to occupy her, Toshiya left with Shinya to show him around the house. They wandered through the ground floor and then went upstairs. Toshiya opened a door and revealed a large room.

"This is Die-sama's room. He doesn't like to have anything misplaced, so whatever you move, remember to put it back at the spot before. Okay?" Shinya nodded. "I'm going to clean his office, make sure to tidy up his room, okay?" Shinya nodded.

Toshiya smiled and closed the door behind him. Shinya looked the room and took in a deep breath. It smelt of a strong male scent. He walked into the bathroom and turned the light on. The bathroom was huge as well, but other than the necessities, there were a cluster of female face wash products. Shinya blinked at them but decided not to think further.

When he finally finished with the bathroom, he heard footsteps in the room. He took in a deep breath and exhaled heavily. That must be Die-sama, he needed to make a good impression on him.

He walked out and the man was just placing his sunglasses on the table, Shinya frowned, why did he look so familiar?

When Die turned and saw him, both of their eyes widened in shock.

"You...!" They pointed at each other.

TBC....

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