If I Could Tell You

Author: luvyuyu and seiichiyamagai
Genre: Humour? Fluff? Angst? Drama? AU
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: DiexShinya, DiexOC, ToshiyaxOC, KaoruxOC, KyoxOC
Synopsis: The world sees me smiling but my pillow knows the truth every night, because that's where I hide my sorrows. With my world falling apart, can I piece it back together?
Comments: Its RP I did with seiichiyamagai.

Prologue

Shinya opened the door and walked into the dark room. He quietly shut the door behind him with his foot and carried the tray over to the bed. His eyes landed on the old man on the bed and he bit lips.

"Otou-san, it's time for your medicine."

The old man opened his eyes and then slowly smiled when he saw that it was his youngest son standing beside him. "You didn't go to school today?" His voice was hoarse.

"No... School let out early today." He said quietly and helped the man to sit up.

He watched with careful precision that his father would take the right amount of medicine. After all, the doctors specified the dose very carefully. Then he helped his father lay back down on the bed again. "Otou-san, are you feeling any better?" His voice was laced with worry.

"It's already like this, every day is just dragging on. But seeing you make my day feel better." He said kindly.

Shinya smiled and nodded. "Do you need anything right now?"

"Yes, I need you to go and study."

Shinya sighed and looked down. "I've done that already... otou-san, I'm asking if you want me to get anything for you. Do you want to go to the bathroom? Take a bath?"

"No, I'm fine." As an afterthought, he added on. "And where is your brother?"

Shinya kept his eyes on the floor and frowned. "He... he's sleeping... I think."

His father sighed and spoke sarcastically. "He seems to be sleeping a lot these days."

Shinya didn't know what to say, after a while; he reached out and touched his father's hand. "Don't worry about nii-san, I'll take care of you and nii-san."

His father smiled and turned to him. "You've got a very kind heart Shinya... just like your mother did." His smile turned wistful. "Every day... you look more and more like her..."

Shinya smiled as well and leaned down to place his forehead on his father's hand; he placed a soft kiss on it and looked up at him again. "I'm going to go and get dinner ready. I'll check back on you shortly."

He smiled at his father, whom smiled back at him and Shinya left the room quietly. He leaned on the closed door and exhaled deeply, he couldn't possibly tell his dad that he hasn't been going to class in a long time. He walked down the stairs slowly and saw his older brother, Kaoru, sitting on the sofa flipping through some random magazine.

"Anou... Nii-san, why don't you go and sit with father for a while?"

Kaoru snorted and threw down this magazine in his hand. "Because I'm not like you."

"Eh? What do you mean?"

"Well... I'm not like you... because you..." Kaoru slowly made his way to Shinya. "Because you just want his money and everything else, so that's why you're so sickeningly sweet to him all the time."

Shinya shook his head furiously; he could not believe that Kaoru was saying this to him. "Iie! It's not like that!"

"It IS! And I'm not about to de-grade myself to your level."

"Iie! I care about our father! I just don't want anything to happen to him!"

Kaoru snorted and walked off. Shinya clenched at his shirt and tried breathing. How could his brother think that way of him?

Shinya didn't even know how he made his way to the kitchen. He started dinner mechanically, even though he knew that Kaoru would criticize everything anyways. And it took longer to prepare than he had expected. Maybe it was because of the tears that kept on dropping down and blurred his vision from time to time.

When he was jolted back to reality, it was by a yell and his head snapped up immediately. His heart started beating faster than normal and by the time he raced out of the kitchen, Kaoru was making his way down stairs two a time.

"What the fuck did you do?" Kaoru yelled immediately.

"Wh... what do you mean?"

Kaoru landed in front of him and slapped him across the face, it sent Shinya stumbling back. "Father is not breathing! What the fuck did you feed him?"

"I… I... didn't do anything..." Shinya placed a hand on his cheek, his eyes were wide and his was trembling in shock.

"Go and call the ambulance! What the fuck are you waiting for? You want to kill him?"

Shinya snapped out of his reverie and ran to the phone quickly. His hands and voice trembled as he made the call. Throughout the entire night, his entire body trembled. Kaoru's words stung and they repeated themselves again and again in his mind. Did he kill his father?

Shinya closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. No, he couldn't have, he didn't do anything that he wasn't supposed to do. No! He couldn't have.... But... would that be enough for the police to believe him?

Kaoru and Shinya waited out in the hall way of the hospital restlessly. Shinya twisted his hands together again and again. He couldn't eve lift his head to look at Kaoru. He only hoped that his father would be alright again.

Eventually, the doctor came out of the room; Shinya bolted up and ran to him immediately. "Please tell me he's alright. I beg of you."

The doctor looked at the shaking boy and shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry... your father left this world... but... he will stay in your heart."

Shinya's eyes widened and he took a step back. He felt as if his entire world just crumbled into pieces. Then he turned and ran out of the hospital, he didn't know how long he ran or how far he ran, but all he knew was that he had to get away from there.

He didn't kill his father! He loved his father! He would never kill his father!

Unknown to him, his running only led him back to his house. He really was isolated; he didn't even have another place to go to. But, no... He didn't want to enter place where his father died... where he supposedly killed his father... no.... he didn't! He didn't kill his father!

Suddenly, he felt a strong grip on his hair and his head was jerked back causing him to cry out in pain. "So you really did it! You killed our father and now you want to run back here and take away everything, don't you?"

"No! No! I didn't kill him!"

"You liar!"

"I'm not lying!" He broke free from Kaoru and ran into the house. He locked himself into his room and tears dropped down his face.

Shinya woke up the next afternoon and found himself sitting on the floor. His joints ached as he tried to get up. He immediately thought about bringing medicine for his father as he rushed out of the door. Then he saw Kaoru sitting in the living room with a man. He paused and just looked at them. Eventually, their conversation stopped and Kaoru looked up at him coldly.

"You might want to come down and listen to what the coroner has to say."

Shinya looked at the other man carefully and walked down the stairs with slow movements, why is a coroner here?

"Want to know how father died?"

Shinya's eyes widened and he looked at the coroner with wide eyes.

"Your father died due to medication overdose. Meaning he took a large amount of the medicine he was supposed to take. The medications your father had been taking is precise and sensitive, a little over the prescribed amount could kill him."

Shinya didn't know what to say, he shook his head, his body started shaking too. "I... I don't... I....." He looked over to Kaoru, whom was looking at him with cold eyes. "I didn't do that... I...." He grabbed at Kaoru's sleeves, but the latter one tore his sleeve free and shoved Shinya back.

"You killed our father!" Kaoru yelled.

"I didn't... I..."

"You were the last person to see him! You always fed him his medicine, if it's not your fault, then whose fault is it?"

Shinya looked at the ground and bit his lips, tears spilt out of his eyes. Kaoru rolled his eyes and pulled his head up.

"You think you can cry like that and everyone would forgive you? I am NOT going to forgive you."

Shinya fell back down again when Kaoru dropped his head, his mind was a mess, he didn't know what to do.

"We're holding a funeral next week. However, I will not allow you to attend the funeral. I will not let a murderer attend my father's funeral. Furthermore, I want you out of this house before the funeral starts."

Shinya didn't know what to say, why was his brother acting like this? Why was he treating him like this? Was he really going to kick him out of the house? The answer came when Kaoru pulled at Shinya's arms and dragged him out of the house.

"Get out of my sight, now!"

"Nii-san..."

"And never call me that again! I am not your brother! I am not a brother of a murderer!" Then Kaoru shut the door in his face without a moment of hesitation. Shinya looked up at the doors and suddenly felt as if the world had just collapsed over him.

He fell on his knees sobbing and slammed the door with his fists. "I didn't kill him! I didn't kill father! I love him, I swear! Nii-san! Why don't you believe me?" He leaned his head against the door and just cried.

Will Kaoru open the door and show him some mercy....

Eventually, the sky darkened and the street lamps flickered on. He was aware of the people passing by and looking at him strangely. He stood up on his shaking legs and looked at the floor. Maybe he could spend the night in a hotel and return tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow, nii-san would feel better.

Then something suddenly clicked, he has no money. He had nothing with him!

He backed away from the door slowly and looked around. It didn't seem like anyone was going to help him, especially not when they see him like this. Hair sticking out everywhere, eyes swollen from crying and he probably smelt bad as he didn't take a shower last night.

Shinya walked around on the streets aimlessly, people threw him curious looks as he walked by.

He dropped down on the nearest bench in a nearby park and starred at nothing. What was he going to do? He regretted not listening to his father about making friends; he didn't even have one person to turn to.

The night grew dark quickly; soon no one would pass by this already isolated park anymore. Shinya rubbed his arms and curled himself up together, what was he going to do? He felt so tired, he had no choice, so he leaned on the bench and closed his eyes, it was a dreamless sleep.

The night was probably very cold, but in his slumber, at least he had the illusion of being free. When he woke up the next morning, the sky was still grey, a depressing day already. Shinya got up from the bench and once again made his way back to his house. Maybe Kaoru was feeling better today, and then he could apologize and then everything would be okay again... right?

He stood there, not daring to knock, didn't know what to do. Then the door opened and he peeked at it carefully. Kaoru stood at the door with and scowled when he saw him. "Are you crazy? Didn't I tell you not to come back! Which part didn't you understand? I can repeat it to you!"

"Nii-san, I'm sorry, I really didn't kill our father! Please believe me!"

"Believe you? What part of you can make me believe you? Get out! And don't call me nii-san again! From now on, we don't have anything to do with each other!"

"But...."

"What more do you want? You should be thankful that I didn't call the police on you! But I swear, you come back again, I WILL call them! Get lost!" Then he quickly shoved Shinya back again, who stumbled back and fell onto the pavement again. He hasn't eaten for 2 days; he didn't know where he'd get his energy from. Then the door was shut firmly in front of his face once again. This time there was no telling when it's open up to him again....

TBC...

to next part

back to deg fics page 6