Sakura no Obake

by Shannon

I do not have rights to nor do I own the members of Dir en grey, Die, Kaoru, Kyo, Shinya and Toshiya.

The story and thoughts contained herein are my own.

She sat with her back to the house. To her right the lone sakura stood waving tiny pink petals to her.

A gentle breeze played at the sleeves of her kimono, wisping a few strands from her tightly wrapped hair. The wind pulled them across her face, tickling her nose and weaving with her eyelashes. The dangling pink and green ornaments in her hair made a soft tinkling sound, to the accompaniment of the falling petals.

The moon had risen to reveal its bright face, a delicate contrast to the mood of the girl who lifted her face to the cool glow.

The breeze shifted and carried a scent that tugged at her heart.

“Konban wa,” he said, his voice drifting to her like a soft fog from a meandering river.

“Matte Mashita,” she called over her shoulder.

He padded over to her and sat cross-legged on the carpet of lawn. He picked blossom petals from between the blades of grass and released them to flutter back to the welcoming earth.

He watched her as she sat serenely next to him. She rested on her knees, back straight. Her face tilted to the moon, whose glow lit the pink and black embroidery of her kimono. Her right hand, palm up, cupped a full blossom as it lay softly in the grass. Her left hand held to her obi, with intermittent shakes passing through it.

“You’ve been distant,” she said, still facing the moon.

“I haven’t been able to accept certain… kindnesses,” he said.

“It’s something you’ll have to learn,” she paused; with a slow movement she turned her face to him. “Even now you struggle to accept.”

He moved his hand in an attempt to touch hers, but she lifted it away from him to hold her sakura as if in offering to the gradually building breeze. The full blossom shivered as the wind pulled the petals into itself and twirled it away. Her hand retreated to rest on her thigh.

“I tried, to be closer to you. It’s just…” he trailed off, catching her eye just as she turned back to the moon. He moved closer to her, sitting on his knees, as she did.

“I think our blooming happened at different times and different places on our tree,” she said in little more than a whisper.

He stole a glance at her. The moon shining on her, paled the skin of her face, she looked Geisha. He brought his legs out from under him and rested his head in her lap. She moved her right hand and sent its fingers through his hair, pressing into its thick mass. Her fingers were cold and shook as she rested her hand on his neck. The breeze shifted to send itself through his hair as well and it filled his nose with a strange scent.

He sat up and faced her. The moon illuminated a glistening tear sliding down her cheek.

“I think my bloom falls from the tree,” she said in a calm yet halting voice.

He looked at her questioningly and noticed a dark shimmer covering the front of her kimono. Her left hand fell from its position on her obi, and blood spurted from a delicate but deliberate incision in her wrist.

His eyes widened as she slumped and fell forward into his open arms. He turned her onto her back, cradling her neck. He squeezed her wrist just above the wound trying in vain to stop the blood flow.

“Too late,” she whispered to him.

“Naze?” he asked quietly. Then he screamed his question into the night, his only response a shiver from the breeze and the glow of the moon.

Her right hand caressed his cheek. “We failed each other,” were her last words as her hand fell to the earth.

“Don’t leave me” he yelled. “Not you too, Iie…iie”

“Nani? Kyo-kun… Who are you talking to?” Shinya asked standing a few feet away.

Kyo sat on his knees in the snow next to the now bare sakura. He wiped tears from his eyes and looked up at the snow filled clouds in the sky. He started to shake and shiver, partly from the cold and partly from the emotion now wracking his small frame.

Shinya hurried to his side and pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his hands quickly over Kyo’s back, in an effort to warm him. Kyo buried himself in the warmth of his friend.

“Naze Shinya?” Kyo asked his voice shaking as much as his body.

“I don’t know Kyo. It’s been nearly a year and I still don’t know.”

“I miss her! I really miss her” Kyo shuddered into Shinya.

Shinya stood up and pulled his friend up off the snow piled ground.

“Come into the house Kyo. We can make tea and maybe you can get back to sleep.” Shinya offered. Kyo sobbing, with his hand over his eyes allowed himself to be led into the house.

Die, Toshiya and Kaoru sat at the round kitchen table in silence. They had all heard screams from the backyard that sounded like Kyo. Shinya had run out to find him.

Kaoru chewed his lip. “What is going on?” He asked of no one in particular just as Kyo and Shinya walked in.

Kyo shaking and wet from the snow, walked in covering his eyes with his hand. He clumped through the kitchen without saying a word, his bare feet slapping the floor quietly and trudged away to his room. Shinya watched him go with concern and sadness on his face.

“What the hell?” Toshiya asked, as Shinya slipped off his shoes and went to work, boiling more water.

“I think he saw, her, out there.” Shinya said, coming back to the table and slumping into his chair. “I think, their final moments were just replayed.”

Die’s eyes widened and he looked down into his teacup, breathing out a long stream of white smoke.

Kaoru took a deep drag of amazement from the cigarette in his right hand. The smoke escaped through his nose as he closed his eyes, not really knowing what to think.

Toshiya gulped as he reached for a stick from the community pack on the table. He put it to his lips and lit up with shaking hands. Breathing out, he played with the lighter absently.

The individual puffs of smoke convened near the ceiling as if in some moot, as Shinya tilted his head back, trying to wrap his mind around what he had just said. His intuition told him he was right, it was just so strange.

“I didn’t want to tell anyone this,” Kaoru said, “but earlier today when I was walking down the hall to my room, I felt a hand clasp onto mine, and no one was there.”

The three stared at him.

“The weirdest part about it,” Kaoru continued, “is that it was the same place, and time, that she said her final words to me.” He concluded taking another deep drag.

“I had a similar experience today.” Die said. “I was walking out in the garden, when it was snowing earlier, and I felt a hand slip into the crook of my elbow,” he said putting his hand on his arm. “I almost said something. I really thought it was her, but when I put my hand to my arm, there was nothing.” Die took a drink from his cup swirling its contents.

“I could have sworn I heard something,” Toshiya said taking a pull from his cigarette. “Something like, crying, outside my window earlier, but I just shook it off, not thinking much of it. However the ‘knife’ is missing.”

They all looked at him, mixed emotions pulling their faces.

“I was cooking and needed a knife and I went into the drawer and I noticed it was missing.” Toshiya said nervously chewing his lip.

Shinya put his head down; the hand over his eyes rubbed at his temples. What was going on? His brows creased and he rubbed a little deeper. A hand rested on his shoulder and he pulled his own up to touch the other but there was only shoulder. He gasped and jerked up looking behind him.

The others jumped and pulled away from the table.

“Nani?” They asked in unison.

Kyo was lying on his back in bed, the tears had stopped awhile ago, leaving his eyes puffy and hurting. He gently touched at them with his fingers; their cool presence soothed his eyes. His brows clenched as the sting of tears hit him again. He rolled to his side and watched the moonlight seep into his room from the slightly drawn curtains. He closed his eyes and laid his head on the cool sheets. His emotionally aching body began to relax. The winter outside had given everything a comforting coolness.

Feeling like someone was watching him he opened his eyes. “Aren’t you cold?” he asked with concern. “Come to bed?” he pleaded.

From the corner of the room a shadow moved of its own accord and came to the bed. As the moonlight shone on it, it took her form. She smiled down at Kyo and sat on the side of the bed.

Kyo sat up on his knees. Sadness poured into his expression as he smiled at her. A small sob pushed from his lips as tears welled once again in his sore eyes.

As she watched his smile fade to tears, her own changed to one bravely holding back her sobs.

He fell into her, wrapping his arms firmly around her. Breathing in her scent, he pushed his face as close to her as he could. “I’m sorry, so sorry” he whispered to her, his eyes flowing freely, like the river fed by the melting glacier. She wrapped her arms around him and pushed her moistened cheek to his head. She moved her hands to play gentle weaving games in his hair.

Kyo finally pushed himself up to look into her eyes. Tears dripped from them like snow melting from her lashes. He held her face in both hands, brushing her tears back with his thumbs.

Kyo gently pulled the ornaments from her hair, and moved to set them on the nightstand. Coming back to her he brought a comb and went to work dissecting the elaborate wrapping and coils of her hair. The waved curls falling to her shoulders were soon combed through with Kyo’s gentle touch. He sat behind her and swept the comb from her hair line down to her back. Her head fell forward and her back started to shake in silent tears. Kyo moved and placed the comb on the nightstand with the ornaments and came back to her. He put his hand under her chin and pulled her face gently up, she looked in his eyes and he pulled her to him in a tight hug.

“It’s so cold,” he said with a shiver. “You’re cold too. Let’s get under the blankets”

“Look. It’s snowing.” Toshiya said looking out the window and blowing a line of smoke from his thinly parted lips.

“She always loved snow” Die said to his cup as he tapped another cigarette from the pack.

“She loved the sakura viewing too” Kaoru said pushing the lighter to Die.

Shinya looked up. “She loved the sakura even more after she met Kyo. The snow was her favorite though. She liked the thought that any heat would reduce it to specks of water. She said that’s how love should be, so warm inside you that you melt with just a thought.”

Toshiya turned to face the table again. He looked at each of his friends in turn, wondering at the changes that had taken over them. Kaoru, strong and proud held his firm demeanor, though his eyes looked about to spill over. Die, usually smiling with bright eyes that secretly planned his next move, now sat shoulders slumped. His eyes lost to memory idly studied his teacup. Shinya, always quietly refined, elegantly shy, sat back in his chair. Brows furrowed he absently chewed his lip, his hand resting on his shoulder.

Toshiya wondered what he must look like. Concern pulled his eyebrows together as he wondered what Kyo must look like. Kyo hadn’t smiled since the Sakuramatsuri, he hadn’t been happy since that fated night earlier that year, and now he had falsely seen his happiness. Toshiya felt the sting of tears wade into his eyes as he thought of Kyo.

Die looked up from his tea and took a slow drag. His face pulled into an expression of anger as he allowed the smoke to escape his lungs through the passage of a thin lipped fate. “It’s all Kyo’s fault,” he concluded, giving voice to a long pent thought.

Toshiya and Shinya caught each others’ eye as astonishment hit. They slid their wide eyed faces to stare at Die.

“You can’t mean that,” Shinya exclaimed, voice firm.

“Well think about it,” Die continued. “If she had fallen in love with one of us, she’d still be here. She’d probably be at the table with us here, now, and we’d all be laughing… It’s all Kyo’s fault. She… she was all for him, all about his happiness, and he just batted at her carelessly like a cat with a spider.”

“Daisuke, stop it.” Shinya whispered, with anger coloring his cheeks and tone. “You don’t know as much as you think you do.”

Toshiya stretched his hands to both of them. “Stop it both of you,” he said in an effort to affect them.

“What about you Shinya?” Die blundered on, heedless. “How do we know you didn’t help Kyo come up with new and exciting ways to turn her down, and mock her later? You’re always playing shy and coy.”

“Die if you don’t shut your flapping mouth,” Shinya warned, a glare openly displayed on his flushed face.

“Stop it,” Kaoru said too softly for effect.

“What’re you gonna do Shinya?” Die said, eager to push the final button. “Are you going to whisper in my ear and get me to kill myself too?”

“What the hell are you saying DIE?” Shinya yelled, jumping to his feet so quickly he knocked his chair down. His knuckles turned white as his fists clenched.

“STOP IT!” Kaoru screamed, slamming his fist into the table, the wood beneath groaned. “Shinya, sit down” Kaoru said pointedly. Shinya righted his chair and slumped down into it glaring at Die.

“Now stop this irrational anger banter. What the hell has gotten into the two of you? I thought we’d all grown past the stage of needing to take out our anger physically,” he stared at Die, who looked once more at his tea.

“No one pushed her to kill herself, she chose, and it’s NO ONE’s fault,” he said, his eyes closed. His right hand going to his face rubbed his forehead.

“She had as much struggle with romantic emotion as Kyo. Renai would have ended badly no matter whom she shared it with. There is no self righteous answer to this equation. The facts are, she chose Kyo, and she struggled against it so much that she broke. It happened that Kyo chose to lower his walls a bit at the same time, so to us, in ignorance of their deep-set feelings, it seemed as though things were looking up, as they both showed more emotion. But we all missed some vital clues that day. We all have our own memories, our own versions, but each of us, even Kyo, missed part of the story that day.” Kaoru finished and his hand slipped to rest under his chin, fingers covering his mouth.

“Then why’d she come back?” Die yelled angry tears littering his cheeks.

“She’s spent the most time with Kyo,” Toshiya pondered. “Maybe she didn’t say all she needed to, to him in her final moments?”

“I don’t think it’s really her,” Kaoru said. “I think there was just so much emotion, around all of us, when she died that it’s just pooled here and is taking her shape. I think our emotions today have been running high and that’s what stirred it all up.”

Shinya’s eyes widened as he stood slowly, “If we’re so easily at each others’ throats… Kyo.” He said and took off running.

Kyo shivered as he curled closer to her under the blankets. He felt her hands brush against his chest, fingertips so cold they caused another shiver to creep across his flesh. She rolled so that she rested on top of him, and sent her right hand through his hair. Her fingers traced the folds and patterns of his ears. The cold of her fingers, and of her body pressing against him, despite the near constant shivers they caused, soothed him. He closed his eyes and felt cold lips push softly to his.

Kyo heard a knock at his door, and ignored it, as he sought out her lips again.

“Kyo-kun,” a distant voice called to him, as an icy hand clasped tightly around his neck.

“Kyo-kun,” Shinya yelled again, as he jiggled the door handle. “It’s locked,” he said frantic.

Toshiya took Shinya’s shoulders and pulled him back as Die and Kaoru began an assault on the door.

“What’s happening in there?” Shinya asked, his voice nearing hysterics.

“Calm down,” Toshiya said. “He’s probably just asleep.”

Everyone froze as an intense scream echoed from the room. A distant thump, made everyone jump. A whimper escaped someone’s lips. They stood in silence and a loud click broke the temporary paralysis.

Die’s hand flew to the handle and he jerked open the door.

“Kyo?” Die called, his voice shaking as they slowly entered the room. Die’s eyes scanned for any sign of Kyo.

The bedding was strewn about, and the lamp on the nightstand lay on its side. Toshiya lifted the lamp to its proper position to give the room more light and fell to his knees, shaking hands covering his mouth.

“Toshiya?” Die asked.

“Megami-sama, it really is her.” Toshiya said pointing a shaking finger to the hair ornaments on the edge of the nightstand.

Die continued his study for Kyo as the others went to Toshiya. “Don’t you leave us too, damn it Kyo.” Die whispered to himself as he made his way to the other side of the bed. A great sigh filtered through his lips as he found what he was searching for.

Kyo was slumped against the wall, as if he’d been tossed negligently there. Angry red welts in fingernail clarity were just beginning to rise on his chest and sides. His breath came in ragged, heaving sighs.

“Kyo,” Die whispered, as he knelt beside him. Die brushed the backs of his fingers across Kyo’s forehead, cold sweat greeted his touch.

“Kyo’s here,” Die called to the others. “I think he’s been knocked out, he’s got scratches on his chest. I wanna take him downstairs, I don’t like the feeling of this room.”

Die slid his left arm under Kyo’s knees and grabbed his shoulders in his right. He stood, scooping Kyo’s limp form up with him. He bounced Kyo up a bit to readjust his grasp, which produced a frightened moan from his charge. Die caught sight, in the moonlight pouring in from the window, of ugly purple bruises in finger shapes along the base of Kyo’s neck. As he turned to leave the room Kyo stirred in his arms. Suddenly he reached around with his left arm and took a fistful of the back of Die’s shirt.

Shinya yelled and Kaoru said “Die, don’t move.”

Die stood still, not really knowing what was happening. Then he saw it.

A black shadow was building in height in the corner in front of Die. An odd angry moan began to issue from it, building to a shrill crescendo as the shadow reached its full height, about a head shorter than Die. The room was filled with a cornucopia of scents, from spring breezes to crisp winter snows, with an overlying scent, Sakura.

Long tendrils of shadow stretched towards Die. Kyo writhed in Die’s arms, bemused moans rose from his lips as his brows clenched together. His hand remained firm in its clutching of Die’s shirt. The shadow’s arms stretched closer to Die, fingerlike tendrils grew and sought out Kyo, whispering along his arm.

Kyo’s breath caught at the quiet touch and his eyes flew open. “Die?” Kyo asked. “Die, why are you holding me?” Kyo’s head turned toward the shadow. “Look Die, she’s here,” he said pointing weakly. “She’s come back to me, for me.”

“Die, don’t let him go,” Kaoru warned.

“Why Kaoru?” Kyo asked angrily.

“She’s not real Kyo,” Die said calmly.

“It’s not really her Kyo,” Toshiya called over to him. “It’s the remnants of her emotions.”

“Die,” Kyo said with pleading eyes. “Let me go to her. She needs me… Onegai?”

Die tightened his grip.

The shadow seemed to grow impatient. The moaning voice rose up again. The pleading arms reached once more towards Kyo. Die stepped back from the shadow, and it took a jutting step forward in pursuit. As the shadow reached, its arm dipped into the moonlight. A collective gasp reached the members of the room as the moonlight melted the shadow away to reveal a white arm shining pristinely in the glow.

“See it is her,” Kyo exclaimed. “Now let me go,” he said and bucked violently against Die’s firm hold. Die dropped Kyo’s legs but held his torso firmly in his arms. Kyo stretched his arms out wildly for the shadow-girl. Die turned trying to keep him away.

Shinya yelped as Die turned his back toward them. “Die there’s blood on your shirt,” he yelled.

Die’s eyes followed the length of Kyo’s desperately reaching arm. The shadow-girls arm grabbed Kyo’s firmly, just below where she held a steady stream dripped from his wrist to the carpet below. “Kyo!” Die yelled in shock and loosed his grip.

Kyo felt his opportunity and shoved away from Die, into the shadow. “I’m ready,” he said and collapsed into its arms.

The shadow moaned sadly and an echo of the past filtered into the room.

They all saw Kyo holding her dying form at the foot of the bed. “I think my bloom falls from the tree.” Her voice called.

“Naze? NAZE?” Kyo’s scream filled the room with its pain and sorrow. Then the others came to stand behind. “No!” a collective scream as her hand fell to the ground and her chest sunk a final time.

The shadowy figures hugged each other in tears, as the memory’s image wavered and went out like a failing candle.

Toshiya emitted a soft sob as the memories of her final moments passed. Kaoru stood with a solitary tear falling from his eye. Shinya pulled them close and held them as his own emotions overtook him.

Die had collapsed to his knees, tears falling freely. The shadow pushed Kyo gently back into Die’s arms and stepped fully into the moonlight. Shadow melted from her form revealing her truly to them.

“It’s not too late Die. Get Kyo to the hospital.” She said.

Die slid his arms under and around Kyo. Standing up he stared into her eyes, many emotions passed over his face.

“Die,” she said putting her hand to his cheek. “Go, go now!”

Die hugged Kyo tightly to him and ran from the room.

Kaoru stepped up to say something. He looked into her eyes. She smiled and nodded to him. He bowed his head and turned to run after Die.

Toshiya climbed over the bed to get closer to her. “Why did you do it?” He asked, sorrow in his tone.

She shook her head at him with a small smile.

“We’ve all really missed you!” Shinya yelled, walking over to her. “You’re the most selfish person I know,” he scolded, his eyes wet. “We all really loved you! Some of us still do,” he broke off, his hand covering his eyes, as the emotion wracked his voice and body.

She took Shinya’s hand, and held her other out for Toshiya. She squeezed both of them firmly and gave them a bright smile. Then she was simply gone.

Epilogue

For awhile we thought Kyo had gone to meet her in the afterlife, he had stopped breathing when Die and Kaoru got him to the emergency room. He told us later that something had pushed him back, and he had heard all of us calling to him. He feels there’s still a need for him here, that he has a whole lot more to say before he leaves us alone for good. He also knows now just how much he means to us all, and we won’t let him forget.

After that night we never heard or saw anything of her again. She’s still in our memories, and I don’t think any of us will willingly let her slip from them. The sorrow for her is still there, we all still feel it. Some days are better than others.

 It seems we’ll never know why she made her choice. She’s worked her magic on us from afar though, because we’re all stronger since she’s been gone, as individuals and friends.

We found a poem she had written, while we were packing the things up from her old room. The last line of it struck us all.

‘When the world of reality has no bounds

     Some things push through’

S-

Owari,

I’m terribly interested to know what you all think of my story.

verility@hotmail.com

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