Actually it's strange but I had to fight feeling like a fraud sometimes
because without Vietnamese language, there's a barrier to understanding
the culture and therefore my Vietnamese 'identity' is so fragmented and
broken away. What rights or context could I claim to be Vietnamese? Was
I like a Vietnamese 'groupie' or 'try- hard' if I saw Vietnamese films
(translated of course), ate the food and played the music (without
understanding what they were singing about). In fact I'm like a baby when
I go out to eat Vietnamese food, I don't know what to order, how to eat it
etc. I'd be interested if anyone who wasn't adopted from Vietnam had
similiar clashes of cultures - maybe some second generation Vietnamese
have these dilemas too?

Anway, I was given a book and audio tape 'Colloquial Vietnamese' by Tuan Duc
Vuong and John Moore, released through Routledge educational tapes and
books. I don't know if anyone's ever learnt Vietnamese from a tape but
it exists if you're interested. It's a step up from 'Lonely Planet'
phrase books.

IW

I came with my mom as a boatperson to Canada years ago. I have experienced
similar belonging issues as you describe. I thought I was the only one
that felt out of place, neither from the East nor the West. I think in
some ways that's good, but in instilling pride and confidence in my
heritage it's not. I feel like a fraud when I want to connect to my
Vietnamese roots. I bought a Vietnamese language cd, probably from the
same people you mentioned, but haven't listened to it yet. Still working
up the courage to face where I came from before I turn my attentions to
the cd. But my son, he's been listening to it and practicing. I'll find
out the name of the cd for you next time.

NH

I¡¦m not Vietnamese, so I don¡¦t know first hand, but I
can tell you what my husband Steve has told me.
By way of background, he came to the US with his
family in 1975 at the age of 3 and spoke only
Vietnamese until he went to school at 5. After that
point, however, English took over completely. As a
child (and even now as an adult), his parents would
speak to him in Vietnamese but he always answered in
English. Now, he can understand spoken Vietnamese but
speaks it very poorly (completely ignoring the tones!)
and cannot read or write it at all.

He has told me that he does wish his Vietnamese was
better (wishing that his parents had insisted on his
speaking it at home or made him take lessons). He also
feels embarrassed when talking with older Vietnamese,
who often comment on how badly he speaks.

But, (and this I think is the important point), he
does not feel that his poor language skills detract
from his identity as a Vietnamese. Naturally his
situation is different because he was raised in a
Vietnamese family, but I think the idea can be
transferred to adoptees as well. In Steve¡¦s opinion,
he doesn¡¦t have to speak Vietnamese or eat the food
(although he does with gusto ļ ) or celebrate
Tet in order to be Vietnamese or prove it to the
world. He just is, and nothing he does or doesn¡¦t do
will change that. And of course, the same is true of
you. You are Vietnamese, and nothing really can change
that. The trick is getting yourself to believe it.
Having written that, Steve¡¦s attitude about his
identity sometimes annoys me. He feels the same way
about our daughters: they don¡¦t need to speak
Vietnamese, etc. in order to prove that they are part
Vietnamese. That¡¦s just a basic part of who they are.
Admirable, but in everyday life that translates into
feeling little inclination to introduce them to the
language or to more than the most superficial aspects
of Vietnamese culture. Often, I feel that I am the one
pushing for more inclusion of Vietnamese customs, etc.
into our lives, which is a strange position. I have
tried to get Steve to speak Vietnamese with the girls,
but he rarely does (in part because he doesn¡¦t want
them to pick up his imperfect pronunciation, but also
in part because he doesn¡¦t see the need). Can you tell
we have an ongoing conflict on this issue? ļ

J

Thank-you for starting this message; it's really
interesting (and a relief) to know that pressure is
also on the opposite end. Unlike many one this list,
I feel uncomfortable speaking English (because I speak
with an accent) and feel uneasy even saying hello to
people when I'm surrounded by native English speakers.
I came here when I was 8 and now am 21, which makes
it all worse I think. People base on that fact and
expect me to speak better English than I do because
"you came here when you were little" ...

T

as a hapa (half) Vietnamese who though born in
Saigon was raised in the US I say continue pushing for
your children to learn the language. My mother's
entire family is still in Vietnam and it's become
increasingly more painful each time I return that I
can't engage in anything beyond the most rudimentary
dialogue with them. I wasted money on classes in NYC
and managed to get a few days intensive in Hanoi a
couple years ago but I've complained to my mom several
times that I wish she had used Vietnamese at home.
Understandably, she was busy learning English and
assimilating into our middle class white New England
town...

M

You know what's a real shame is that there was this Vietnamese bakery up the
road from my old house in Glebe and there was this really dashing young
man who worked there who I had harboured a young crush on for some time.
We never spoke as he was always working away from the counter but he
probably caught me checking him out a few times.

His older sister spoke English though and use to ask me if I was married etc
(not yet). She later told me that he had seen me and tried to chat me up
in Vietnamese and thought I gave him the big snob ignoring him. I must
have thought he was talking to someone else and would have no idea what he
was saying. Alas, by the time she told me, it was too late as he'd

moved somewhere else. It's silly instances like that though that
made me feel extra really dumb and awkward. My Australian accent
embarrassed me to no end! I'm toying with doing night classes in Vietnamese someday. Maybe this will work better than the tape. IW it is very
interesting indeed. i dont know if there's anyone on this forum
would share my experience. i on the other hand,am expected to have
forgotten my vietnamese because i left vietnam at a fairly young age.
most of my mother and my brothers' friends and relatives in vn expect
that i only understand and peak english. i used to find it very
frustrating that people assume that i have forgotten everything about my
vietnamese identity. but now, i see it as a reason, an opportunity to
improve and learn about my vietnamese identity.

i speak english with an accent and i am not able to carry a conversation in
vietnamese without using some english.. so where do i stand?

TN

At least you have me standing whereever you are with you. :)) When I first
came back to work in VN more than a decade ago, after 3 weeks of trying to
figure out how to describe policy issues in vietnamese, I was taken
aback when a participant raised his hand and commented: "It seems that
your Vietnamese has tremendously improved since the beginning of this
class"... Mind you, at that time, I had just been out of the country for a
decade!

D

thank you! it's always comforting to know that you'renot alone..

TN

I went to a Vietnamese event last night celebrating young Viet's
contributions to society etc...and it happened again. This nice ol'
Vietnamese lady says something to me in Vietnamese (I now know she was
telling me to help myself to a drink of all things) and I cringed with
embarrasment. It felt lame saying 'I'm sorry, I don't understand' in
English back to her.

What was interesting is that some people were saying to me that 'oh my
Vietnamese is so bad, I can't really speak it' and 'my English is so bad
I want to speak it better'.

In the end however, even if we didn't know what to say to eachother - we knew
what to drink : - )

IW

This is in reply to T who is worried about speaking English with an accent.
The accent is your identity, why are you worried about it? As long as
people understand you, you can speak the language. I have many French
friends who make a point of putting in their heavy French accent when they
speak English even though I know they can be fluent and accentless
in English. They are very proud to stick to everybody's ears that they
are French and proud of it. The Americans never worry about their accent
in whatever language they speak (if they can) so why are we?

XS

Your letter reminded me of my mother during the mid-1950 in France. She spent
about 2 years with some of my sisters in Marseilles and hardly spoke one
word of French, except, :Bonjour", "merci"... After upon my return from a
year in London, I went to shop at the local grocery store, the store
keeper told me a few Vietnamese words she had learned from my mother(age
55 at the time). My mother had maintained her social skills in Vietnamese
with the French people around quite comfortably. She would tell you that
she was never feeling ashamed or anything when she could not speak French,
eventhough she knew that these French people might not understand
her. "Just like foreigners or the French people in VN, they don't seem
to
have any shame if they could not speak Vietnamese".

TT

you have a very good point.. but, i am actually not concerned about my
accent. it's just that sometimes i feel out of place when i'm surrounded
by my fellow vietnamese and receive comments about how i cant carry a
full conversation in vietnamese..yet i speak english with an accent.
such as, "why does she have to use english in every conversation. it's
not like she speaks it well", etc.. what i am trying to say is people
misunderstand that i "try too hard to be americanized".. or that
i "pretend" to be americanized.

TN