"Speak French to the French, and Moron to the Morons." - Vomit God "If an old lady offers you an apple, it's probably not an old lady." - Raphael "If Hermes was the messenger of the Greek gods, does that make herpes a messenger of the sex gods?" - Drunken Dwarf "Bodies in the backseat...to generate the CD...uh (mumbling)....let's get bop!" - Ogre (mishearing the lyrics to 'Blitzkrieg Bop') "I guess I should take it as a compliment...people rip me off because I'm such a damn genius." - Vocephus "I do not promote drinking and driving, so that is why I don't have a license." - Drunken Dwarf "Venice Beach is horrific nightmare of flesh eating zombies this time of year." - Rade Zone "Always leave 'em wanting more...or at least an explanation." - Vocephus “I don’t want to get married…well, maybe when I’m 52 years old…because then I’ll only have 2 more years to live.” -Vinnie Spagolia "Why doesn't everything smell like bugers?" - Jixby Phillips "Don't believe everything you read...I read that somewhere." -Vocephus "A wise man and his liquor are never parted." -Drunken Dwarf "This is my slogan. I like it because it is clever." -Vomit God "If wishes were fishes then I'll take two." -Vocephus "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, who gives a sh*t." -Raphael "If there is everything in the universe, then where the hell will we keep all the nothing? Maybe in a small jar  labeled 'important.'" -Caelestis "I don't care if the glass is half full or half empty....I just want to know who's been drinking out of my glass."-Vocephus "Why the hell are there Republicans and Democrats? They are a bunch of f*cking power hungry commies."-Drunken Dwarf "Vanilla Ice's attempt at rap/rock....your not fooling me. I still remember Cool As Ice. Word to your motha, b*tch." -Mikey "If society decides who is crazy by establishing a standard of what normal is, then it would only make sense to eat a burrito and have some Dr. Skipper while laying in a pool of Jello." -Raphael "I have a theory that there is some kind of ritualistic drug orgy that goes on in the forest by my house." -Vomit God "Rock-n-roll will never die....leaving it to do battle with the cockroaches for control of the Earth after the Apocalypse" -Vocephus "Money, good looks, and power will never be a substitute for the knowledge of a psychic drunken whino or failing that an albino midget with a crystal ball" -Raphael "Riddle me this, how can you say riddle me this without a riddle?" -The Jesus "You can't please all of the people all of the time...hence the need for different time zones." -Vocephus "I hope whoever finnally kills you doesn't feed you to the sharks." -Kreskin (Talking to Vocephus) "If you find yourself in an alley with Vomit God it's already too late." -Caelestis "Just remember if God ever tells you to build an ark, eat a cheeseburger then fall asleep." -Raphael "In the future, people will still wonder what the future will be like." -Vocephus "Welcome to the future... Enjoy it while it lasts." -Vocephus Original list compiled by and co-created by Raphael The Contradiction