> > > Number five: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and
> > > as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both
> > > quite startled.
> > > The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as
> > > soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She
> > > replies, "If your Dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
> > > room 221."
> > >
> > > Number four: A businessman boards a flight and is seated
> > > next to a gorgeous woman.
> > > He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
> > > He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very
> > > interesting book.
> > > It says that American Indians have the longest penises and
> > > Jewish men have the biggest diameter penises? By the way,
> > > my name is Jill.
> > > What's yours?"
> > > "Tonto Greenburg, nice to meet you."
> > >
> > > Number three: One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the
> > > husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over
> > > and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist
> > > appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
> > > The husband, rejected, turns over.
> > > A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
> > > again.
> > > "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
> > >
> > >
> > > Number two: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been
> > > employed there for a number of years when he came home one
> > > day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
> > > compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
> > > pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex
> > > therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too
> > > embarrassed.
> > > He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
> > > One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could
> > > see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's
> > > wrong, Bill?" she asked.
> > > "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous
> > > urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
> > > "Oh, Bill, you didn't."
> > > "Yes, I did."
> > > "My God, Bill, what happened?"
> > > "I got fired."
> > > "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
> > > "Oh...she got fired too."
> > >
> > >
> > > Number one: A couple had been married for 50 years. They
> > > were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the
> > > wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
> > > here at this breakfast table together."
> > > "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here
> > > naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
> > > "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
> > > Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the
> > > table. "You know, honey,"
> > > the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are
> > > as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
> > > "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps."One's in your
> > > coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
(
geocities.com/voksman)