She asks "Honey, do you love me?"

Its a straight forward question isn't it? You either say yes or no, but it really gets much more complicated than that. You think that by boldly declaring your love for her, she will be satisfied. Hell no, because when you only begin to say "Ye...", she will cut you short with "But I don't feel it, if I did, I won't have to ask. You are lying."

Unless you are alreadying thinking of casting her right out the window, you probably won't venture into the idea of saying anything close to a "NO". And like I said, because all guys think that they can pull it off with style they will opt for the in-between. With your eyes fixed on her and almost electrifying, you say "Would I be here, right here, right now with you, If I do not love you?" Ah there you go smart boy. You just jumped out of the pot. She smiles slightly then take a back seat and just when you thought that she is feeling all loving and sweet. She says "I don't know" And you are BAM BAM BOOM. Back to base 1. Dude. You just shot yourself in the leg by allowing her to cast a doubt on your love. Now what she's really thinking is whether you loved her at all. Whether there's gonna be a future. Whether her friends were right. Maybe you weren't meant to be. Gosh. Save this poor guy.

Well, just in case you are actually trying to get rid of her, you are going to give a flat no right? Oh tell me you are not that wuss whose gonna go like this "well, we can still be friends..."Come on. Have some spine. Why? Because even when you tell her straight in the eye "NO.I don't" She's gonna whine and go "No...no...you are lying". Now, tell me I am wrong.

So dude, you are past stage one and after some 3 years and 8 months of occupation, she's thinking you are marriage material. When you walk past Soo Kee jewellery, worse still Tiffany or just when the two of you are strolling around Labrado park (I hope it wasn't your choice). She points at that ring/couple/wedding photo/gown and asks Hey, don't you think thats beautiful/sweet <insert anything you can imagine. I think you got the idea.>

It is essentially an emotional blackmail. You know it because thats what Jane asked Richard. And before long, they were walking down the aisle. Flipping through the femme dictionary, what she's actually asking is "Don't you think its time to dig your grave...sorry I meant get married" Now guys, thats style. Because she didn't really asked what she asked. So she don't stand to lose anythign even if you tell her you are not. "Oh, you were over sensitive. I just thought it look....thats all". See, its Win big Lose nothing for her. Whatcha gonna do when she comes for you.

You try to push the issue aside by patronising her "Oh yeah, thats lovely. Nice gown. Nice ring". Its endless. She will just keep asking, pointing at this and that. She won't stop. Push it further and soon you will find that she has bought over the hearts of your parents. Whatever it is, she's not gonna relent until YOU pop the question.

As usual, the smart guy in you tries to conjure some neuro-psychotic-I-want my-freedom mind tricks. "Well nice ring. But I will prefer that when I get married" Dude, you are actually being really smart aren't you, pushing aside the topic while at the same time making her feel happy for the moment so for at least the next 3 months she will be secretly thinking that you are gonna propose. On top of that, you have secured a lifeline. She fell for it and now its up to you to choose which card to play. Smart, but smart boys don't live long. Why?

Because for the next 3 months, you will be striped off all freedom, all the your-private-space she has given you thus far will be trespassed. Because you have, out of all your wisdom gave her the idea that yes, I am going to marry you. Thats digging your own grave. Now she's just testing if the coffin's large enough for the both of you. "Oh steve can't make it to the pub tonight. He's going to meet my folks. Sorry Dill, I know its friday"

Somehow, you made the choice. You decided that she's going to trump your Ace. Your parents ain't giving you the easy way too cos you are almost 30. And thus begins your lifetime as a married man.Geez sounds old.

(This is infact my personal favourtire. Favourite in the sense that its so common I cannot help but identify with it)

She's been spending 5 minutes peering at the mirror. twisting, turning, looking at her waist. She askes. Am I fat? (Those who have had this experience, kindly say something in the tag board. Lets see how you actually scrap through this)

Say yes, and you will probably get such a response "Ya lor. I am geting  fat hor? I knew it. Its all <something, probably you> fault la. I am going on a diet."

Say no, and you will just have yet another endless series of compaining and lamenting about your lack of concern. "But I am getting fat. I gain 0.5 kg you know. Didn't you notice...aiyo you always like that one leh....<10mins later>...you la, blah blah....<20mins>....you aren't concern about me anymore...and it goes on until you smoke out..."

You see, it doesn't really matter what you say. Now check this out. She's 3 months pregnant and you for once are eager and excited about being a father soon. Infact you can't wait. And then she askes the strangest of question...no..not if you prefer a boy or a girl....but this "Do you think I am still pretty/mei/hot <insert similar words>" You are laughing aren't you? Trust me, I have heard this, thats why its here.

What are you going to say? Say she's hot and she will never believe her no matter how sincere you really are and no matter how hard you try to convince her with whatever show of affection. Because when a woman is pregnant, she thinks that she is not as beautiful as before (I check this out). Its a common psychology. Well, come to think of it, its only normal, from being your hot date, to being your wife and now she's gonna be a mother. Arg.

Say "No, you ain't" Dude, I think you are crazy. She's bearing your child and you are saying that. Your dad's gonna spam your DBS account buying birdnest for her while your mom's gonna force and teach you to  brew it.

Win some, lose some. My favourite line in sucha a situation. Probably will try it out in the uture and see what happens "You are hot. No wait, I mean you were hot. Thats what got you pregnant. Now you are not."

THE ULTIMATUM

"Between <insert anything you can imagine> and me, choose one"

Lad, you must be wondering how on earth you got into such a fix? Haha, its probably your own making. Now choose. But be warned. Choose her and she will say "You are lying. I can see it in your eyes." Choose the other and she will say "I knew it. I saw it through your eyes". And so you wonder, what did she really see. The hells wrong with her. There no wondering about this. She saw that you are a JERK. And so you are screwed, serve you right. Haha.

Written by:

Kelvin Low

~geez its bedtime....