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ACT
3: Da Drummins with "The 80's Megasampler"
After watching this act, I thought
of an hilarious and more appropriate name for these guys: "Da Untalented
Cunts" with "The Shit Stain Dance"
I could not believe the lack of
effort these boys put into their act. to start off, they came out of a magic door, wearing cum stained Mr Men bed sheets as robes and stood in their fun outfits for, what I would call, "too long".
Fun story about Matty & Eddie:
One day, Matt was at Eddie's house, and they had some Banana NesQuick. Matt thought it would be funny and it would impress Eddie's little brothers if he was to pretend that the Banana NesQuick was cocaine. So, Matt got a straight bit of paper and 'cut' some NesQuick lines across the table. Then he rolled up the piece of paper and snorted up all of the NesQuick, exciting and arousing Eddie and his young brothers immensely. Then Eddie's dad came out after the young kids were screaming about Matt's retarded feat and said, "You idiot! That is so stupid! Clean this shit up!" So Matt did.
Then Matt had a headache and watery eyes for the rest of the day, and smelt nothing but bananas for the rest of the week.
I smell fag, buddy!
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All this while the theme from Back To The Future played in the background.
Then, after what seemed like about 5 minutes putting up with their shit,
'Da Drummins' 'exploded' out of their 'semen-brittle' 'robes' and 'wowed'
us with their 'hilarious' dance routine they thought of what I would assume
barely minutes before the show. The audience was amazed as Da Drummins
were seen to be none other than Matt Strain and his less ugly friend, Eddie
Welsh, bopping around to the theme to Diff'rent Stokes. I can not tell
you how frightening it is to see a pimply fat man dance vigorously around
your head while his bum-buddy smiles creepily at all the small children
in the audience. I was so afraid that the dangerously overweight man would
collapse on me after severe physical exhaustion that I hugged the nearest
person next to me: Some sort of attractive, chipmunk-like girl. I will call her Mz Peter. Mz Peter was basically wearing a tea-towel
and tracksuit pants, and it wasn't like she told me to fuck off, so I have
that bean-bag Matt Strain to thank for me copping a feel off of Mz. Whore.
Thank you sir.
After M&E had done their ritual
gay-dance to the theme to Diff'rent Strokes, the audience cheered and I
was relieved that my torture was finally over. Boy was I wrong.
After the unnecessary cheering
had died down, some shitty song about 'Facts Of Life' came on, to which
Matt and Eddie REMOVED THEIR FAG-SHIRTS and 'danced' around to THIS
piece of shit song.
Er... some bald dude.
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This unwanted surprise was similiar to receiving an
enema, recovering a little, then unexpectedly having the proctologist shove a wet marsupial into your arsehole. So of course, Mr Fat Matt and Mr
Little Eddie thought it would be cool to dance around some more, except
this time more violently than expected. My fear of flying fat people + my
fear of fat people in singlets made me wee my pants, with a vengeance! After Mz Whore
felt it on the back of her knee, she gave me a dirty look, grabbed her friend, 'FunBoobz',
and told her something. FunBoobz looked at me and laughed, then they went off
to get ready for their performance. Thanks a lot Matt and Eddie. My only
chance to open the doors of manhood (and maybe touch a sladge) and you make me wet my pants. I hate
you cunts.
I gave this act -3, for the obvious
reasons.
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