This eventful story is set in Humperdinkenton, a small, slightly racially intolerant town. Inner-suburbia is a fair description of the scenery, whilst bumbling city life is not. Humperdinkenton boasts a modest population of 37, of which all will be mentioned throughout this narrative. Count them, it makes for a fun game. In all seriousness though, this is an epic tale of triumph and woe, concentrating on the struggle of a simple country boy, who is overcome by the temptations of industrialism. Do not write complaints to me if the plot summarised in this opening paragraph is completely irrelevant to the actual story.

"Gee, the time really fly's when you are busy." exasperated Matt, in response to the clock ticking over to half past 10 inside the Domino's Pizza premises. "Premises!" exclaims Matt for no apparent reason, but obviously enjoying using a word with a P in it.
"So, Pinise, we are knocking off now, you wanna come back to my joint??" queries Matt
"Umm.. that is a pretty promising proposition, but I think I will have to decline." replies Pinise, also taking advantage of the opportunity to use multiple words with P's in them.
"Oooh, come on!" pleads Matt
"Oh, ok then, but only if we can wear magenta shirts and eat cornflakes." ultimatums Pinise
"Forget it pal!!!" yells Matt, with a sense of disgust in his voice. With that, the two boys go there separate ways and leave the Pizza Premises (the narrator also takes the opportunity to use more P words).

"Can you believe the nerve of that guy Mum?" complains Matt.
"No I can't Matthew! Magenta shirts, cornflakes, who does he think he is? Eddie Bravado? Now there is one man who could where a magenta shirt yet retain his masculinity." reminisces Matt's mum.
"Gee Mum, why do you always talk about Eddie Bravado, no matter how unrelated he is to the topic of conversation?" whines Matt.
"Unrelated? I wish I was related to Eddie Bravado" dreams Matt's mum. Sensing that he would not get anymore 'valuable' advice from his mum, Matt trundles off to his room. But what he would find when he walked into his room would shock him ...

"A yet to be consumed Mars Bar!!!" shouts Matt, clearly ecstatic with his find. But what the narrator was referring to was the dead body of Pinise, which Matt has yet to notice as he is entranced with the Mars Bar still, he finally finishes devouring the caramelly nougarty treat and ...
"OH MY GOD!!!! Another one!!! Oh, no!! It just looked like it cos the packet was puffed up, oh well. I guess I should do something about this dead body."
"A DEAD BODY!!!! MUM!!!!!" screams Matt.
"What's the matter Matthew?? Did you fall onto your side again??" asks his Mother, extremely worried he has fallen onto his side, a position which could prove fatal to the unassuming Mattus Strainus.
"No Mum, Pinise's dead body is on my bed, and it is nearly 11 o'clock, I want to go to sleep" whinges Matt.
"Oh, ok, not a problem then, I'll just take it outside" resolves Matt's Mum. The narrator becomes increasingly frustrated with Matt's nonchalant and uninterested reaction to the dead body and decides to go elsewhere.

Now focusing on the humble Trescothick homestead, we look inside at the stereotypical mother cooking a stereotypical meal for a stereotypical family, Shit! This is boring, let's go next door.

Ah, the simple Mediterranean values of the Ronaldinho family should provide a fun insight.
"Luis! Roberto! Pedro! Barry! (he must be adopted) Consiceo! Alonzo! Romondo!..."
Shit! This is just as boring, I'll be asleep before she finishes the other 92 kids. Gee, I am running out of households and this story is becoming increasingly non-sensical and monotonous. And how the hell am I able to look into everyone's houses without the cops nabbing me for being a Peeping Tom??? I dunno either, I better stop, bad habits.

ON TO PART II...