“Is all of this really necessary? We really must be getting back to the Moot before the beets spoil.”
“I apologize Master Longfoot, but a band of Chaos worshippers has been sighted nearby. They have already burned two woodsmen’s cottages and they are headed this way. It is not safe to travel.”
“Well, that does sound serious, but I am sure they wouldn’t notice me and my little wagon. I must hurry.”
“You will much safer in the watchtower. The raiders will surely require food. The smell of your fine cargo would doubtlessly attract them. They might even eat the beets without proper seasoning.” He said in mock horror.
Though the young captain’s stratagem was transparent, and Tobias Longfoot hoped the soldier displayed more guile on the battlefield, the halfing chef and farmer decided to play along with it. He turned on the soldier with a fury that astounded the human. “They wouldn’t dare! Such an act is unthinkable! With fiends like this on the loose, we have no choice but to stay until you have defeated these brigands. You must see to it today though. I cannot …”
Before the Halfling could finish, the alarm bell sounded. Without another word, the captain turned and ran back towards his small command that was already arrayed around the watchtower.
“Such rudeness,” Master Longfoot huffed. “I guess the situation is more serious than he let on.”
“Ewles, Cary!” Tobias shouted to his assistants. “Get that wagon secured behind the tower, grab the cauldron and meet me on the roof. I’m going to the larder. If those goons think they can get our beets, they have another thingthought a’coming.”
*
On the roof, Master Longfoot winced as he unceremoniously dumped the Estalian hot peppers, spices, sticks and stones on the roof. Those who question the industry of the Halflings would have been amazed to see how quickly he prepared his fire pit and how strongly the flames were burning by the time he turned to survey the ground which was soon to be a battlefield.
The forces of Chaos were approaching from
the east. The watchtower sat in the south western
corner of the field. There was a hedge about 240 feet from tower directly to
the east. 60 feet north of this hedge was a large hill that was to become
vitally important to the Empire battle effort. About 100 feet south of the hedge
[near the edge of the field] was another smaller hill and 50 feet east of that
hill were some trees.
EAST
Chosen Knights____Minos_____________ChaosWarriors______Hounds__Hounds
_______________________________________________________________________
__________________________LARGE__________________Hedge________small____________________________HILL_________________________________hill___
_______________________________________________________________________
NORTH_________________________________________________________trees___
________________________________________________________________tress__
________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________
________________Pistoliers__Swordsmen_Gen__FCFCFC__Tower___Crossbows
__________________________Swordsmen_______FCFCFC___________________
WEST
“Hurry-
get those supports set up around the fire!” snapped
Tobias. “They’ll be here soon.”
Below the tower, the Empire force began to
move into position. A unit of crossbows deployed on the south side of the
tower, while just to the north of deployed the Free Company and the Swordsmen.
Finally, the Pistoliers set up north of the
swordsmen.
“I
pray none of those nasty beastmen are
with the enemy,” Tobias thought to himself. “or else
those crossbows won’t be as protected by the terrain as they think.”
Fortunately,
Tobias’ prayers were answered and as the Chaos forces
positioned themselves, no beastmen were to be seen. An
awful baying did echo across the land though, and for a moment, Tobias could do
nothing but close his eyes and cover his ears in fear. Both of his assistants
had fallen to the ground. At the base of the tower, men began to drop their
weapons, and some turned to run.
It
was at this moment that a gruff voice cut through the din and somehow carried
to the entire Empire line. “Eh. What’s this. No one
told me my wife would be here. I have to listen to her enough at home, I’ll be
damned if I have to listen to her at work too.” shouted the marksmen
as the entire crossbow regiment began to laugh.
Tobias
managed a weak chuckle and though the baying did not stop as two groups of warhounds positioned themselves opposite the crossbowmen, it no longer seemed to have a hold on the
hearts of the Empire soldiers. Somehow, that one crude and rather unfunny joke
lightened the whole affair. Even as a group of
“See
there boys,” Tobias addressed his two assistants as he began to chop peppers
and dump them into the water. “Those knights will be our target as soon as they
are in range. If we are ready to fire before they move though, we’ll shoot at those warriors directly across from us. If
may take them a while to weave through the terrain to reach our friends, but
with a good shot, we might get the leader and send the whole bunch running.”
“All
right now boys. Elwes, hurry and stoke that fire.
Even
as Tobias turned back to supervise his cooking, a group of Huntsmen appeared at
the bottom of the northernmost hill ready to harass and slow the Chaos advance.
The pistoliers spurred their mounts and reached the
crest of that hill at the same time as the huntsmen. The crossbows opening
salvo dropped two Chaos Warriors as the swordsmen advanced and turned north to
face the knights and Minos, while the Free Company
started to turn south to meet the Warriors and hounds.
“All
right boys. Let’s see if the great warriors can handle the heat.” As Cary and Ewles began to pull the cauldron back, Tobias dipped in his
spoon for a final test taste.
“Stop! Stop! This is no good at all. It wouldn’t even start
an elf to coughing.” swore Tobias. “
As the chef’s assistants
scrambled, the
Chaos forces advanced, the Minos going
straight towards the hill and warriors moving to slip between the large hill
and the hedge. The hounds moved up so the trees partly blocked the crossbows
shots on each group.
In response, the Huntsmen scrambled
down the hill to the flanks of the warriors and the Minos.
The Pistoliers wheeled their horses around and trotted down the back of hill and readied
themselves to charge if either the knights rounded the hill or the Minos crested it. The swordsmen moved closer to the knights
and were joined by the Empire captain. The FC moved to
the front of the tower to protect the crossbows from the advancing warriors and
threaten the hounds if they advanced too far.
Tobias again dipped his spoon in the soup. “It’s ready boys. Turn it towards the knights. Now, pull!”
With his assistants straining on the rope, Tobias twirled his cleaver and judging the time to be right, deftly cut the rope. The hides twisted around the cauldron shot forward and snapped taunt, stopping the cauldron, but allowing its contents to soar towards the Chaos knights. The sauce fell short though, splattering and hissing on the ground in front of the knights.
“You dolts! Who taught you to pull on the rope, your grandmother? Quick, get more water into the pot, and stoke the fire. I can’t believe you made me wastes all of those peppers and spices!” thundered Tobias, as he grabbed more of the Estalian peppers and began to chop.
Meanwhile, the crossbows split their
shots and killed one hound from each pack. The Minos
moved to the bottom of the hill, but refuse to crest
it. The knights too, are catious in their advance and
only keep pace with the Minos. The warriors turned to
the north in an attempt to catch the huntsmen harassing the Chaos lines. Both
groups of hounds took shelter behind the trees to avoid the crossbowmen.
“Ah, that’s better. I don’t know why those knights hardly moved. They must be still waiting for their order. Let’s give it to them boys.” A quick taste told Tobias the sauce of ready. “Pull!” he cried.
Both Cary and Ewles tumbled to the roof as the rope was cut, but this time, the chef’s aim was perfect and halfling’s hot sauce landed in the middle of the Chaos knights. Their horses began to stomp and whinny. One of the knights tore his helmet off and started to claw out his own eyes before tumbling into the muck.
“Huzzah! If you can’t take the heat, stay out of my pantry!” shouted Tobias.
The pistoliers rode to the flank of the warriors and dropped one with their leaden shot. The crossbows backed up from the forest and readied themselves for the reappearance of the hounds. The Free Company about faced and wheeled to guard the flank of the swordsmen, who themselves backed up to stand shoulder to shoulder with the Free Company. The Huntsmen ran away from the warriors, behind both the knights and Minos, calling out insults all the while. The Minos and Knights managed to ignore the taunting Huntsmen, moved up, and readied themselves to charge. The Warriors turned and started move back to the real battle. The hounds spilt and ran around the forest, one group going for the crossbows, while the other headed towards the rear of the Free Company.
“Good work, boys. Should we give them another?” asked Tobias, already busily stirring his sauce.
“Yes.” answered Cary and Ewles in unison.
“All right. Haul that rope back and we’ll send ‘em home crying to their mommas, or whatever their kind has to cry to.”
Once more the apprentices strained against the rope, but just as Tobias’s cleaver was descending, they slipped. Tobias could not pull back his stroke and he cut the rope just as it was beginning to go slack. Instead of speeding from the cauldron, the steaming liquid limped into the air and fell towards the Empire swordsmen. Tobias’ luck held though as a just then breeze a picked up and carried the sauce over the heads of the Empire troops. The young captain turned and shook his fist at Tobias who could do nothing but smile sheepishly.
The Pistoliers spun their horses again and rode towards the hounds threatening the Free Company. Before they fired, they showed their skill by turning their horses to face the main battle while firing backwards at the hounds. Two wardogs were gunned down and the others fled. The crossbows fire and dropped three of the hounds coming towards them, leaving a single hound who quickly turned and fled. The huntsmen arrows did nothing to the warriors. The knights charged the swordsmen and Minos charged the Free Company. Despite killing six swordsmen, the knights could not break their formation as the Empire captain cut down one of the knights. The Minos chopped apart three Free Company, but were pushed back by the numbers of the humans and were hacked and scattered as they tried to flee. The Free Company’s pursuit took them to the crest of the hill.
Tobias was again busily chopping when a strange trumpet sounded.
“Look,”
cried
Indeed,
with the hounds gone, the Minotaurs destroyed, the
knights locked in a combat they were unlikely to win, and his own warriors
threatened on opposite sides by the Free Company and pistoliers,
the Chaos commander sought to retreat. The Empire army pursued them and soon,
the battlefield was empty save for the priests of Morr
and
“Well, I guess we’ll be getting on our way now. I’ll go get the wagon.” Ewles said.
“No. After a victory like this, the humans will surely have a party. I noticed a keg of Altdorf Piotr’s Finest Ale in their larder. Out here, I am sure the standard of their cuisine leaves a lot to be desired. Let’s put together a true feast for them, and I am sure they won’t mind if we consume just a bit of their ale.”
By nightfall, the feast was ready and the empire troops had returned from their pursuit. The feast had barely begun, when the young captain approached the Halfling chef.
“Thank you Master Longfoot. Those knights almost had us as it was. Without one of them choking one your sauce, we may all have been lost.”
“Twas nothing,” Tobias laughed and he gestured wildly and almost, almost, spilled some of his beer. “We couldn’t lose.”
“Why is that?”
“Well,
those Chaos goons fell victim to one of the classical blunders; the most famous
is never get involved in a land war in the far east, but only slightly less
well known is this- never go in against a Halfling when food is on the line.
Aha, ha, ha …”