Dreaming

By The Purple Goddess

PG-13

One tear and then two hit her pillow as she began to sob heavily. Alone in her quarters Kathryn had begun to cry after reading a romantic novel. She didn’t know why she put herself through the emotional misery. Such diversions only succeeded in reminding her of what she could not have. The one thing she truly desired was more than out of her reach. It was completely gone. He was gone. He was in love with another woman.

The other woman was Samantha Wildman. Chakotay had started seeing her sometime after they reached the other side of the ‘void’. Kathryn had gone to Sandrine’s to ask him to dinner and a game of pool. She had found him sitting with Samantha and her daughter, empty plates pushed aside to make room for chocolate sundaes. Naomi had proudly informed her that the Commander was out with his "best girls" for a night on the holodeck. Then the little girl had lunged into Chakotay’s arms for a hug. The sight had made Kathryn bite her lip to hold back the barrage of tears that threatened to spill over right in front of them. It wasn’t the hug itself, it was the way he had reacted to Naomi. He had engulfed her in a bear hug and closed his eyes. His lips had turned up into a small smile as he held the girl. It was obvious that he loved little Naomi. Samantha had been beaming at the two and locked eyes with him when he finally opened his. Kathryn had quickly excused herself and had fled back to the sanctity of her dark quarters. She had cried herself to sleep knowing that he had finally moved on and she had waited too long to tell him her feelings. She would never know how his lips felt crushed against hers, how his body felt moving within her. She would never hear him whisper her name in a moment of passion or tell her how much he loved her. She screamed loudly into her pillow. Anguish filled her heart. She didn’t care about protocol or parameters. She knew only one thing: the man she loved didn’t love her anymore.

"Chakotay! Chakotay!"

The screams from next door hit his ears and he hit the floor running.

"Computer! Override door lock authorization Chakotay 47 Beta!"

He ran into her quarters and followed her screams to her bedroom.

"Kathryn, I’m here. Wake up Kathryn."

Kathryn Janeway awoke with a start and stared into her First Officer’s concerned face. Tears streamed down her cheeks and he brushed them away with the back of his hand.

"What happened?"

"You were screaming my name. What in the spirits were you dreaming about?"

Kathryn sat in a daze. Half of her world was still a dream and the other half reality. She lifted her gaze to meet with Chakotay’s concerned eyes.

"Are you in love with her?"

"With who?"

"Samantha. What do you mean ‘with who’? You spend all of your off duty time with her."

"Samantha? Ensign Wildman? Kathryn, what are you talking about?"

Kathryn looked at him and then it dawned on her. It was only a dream. He didn’t love Samantha. It was only her greatest fears manifested into a very life-like dream.

"I guess it was only a dream." Kathryn looked at her hands folded in her lap. She reached out slowly and touched one of his large, tan hands. She lifted it and brought it to her lips, kissing the palm and holding it to her cheek.

He was staring at her. Surprise showed on his dark features and concern furrowed his brow. Closing her eyes she decided to tell him everything.

"I had a dream that you had given up on me, on ‘us’. You had moved on and had fallen in love with Samantha Wildman. I couldn’t bear to watch the two of you together. It even hurt to see you with Naomi. You had taken on a father role and it suited you so well. You’ll make an excellent father Chakotay. I just," She paused and looked into his eyes. Hope shown in them. She knew that he loved her very much. She had always known that. "I had just hoped that I would be the one giving you the children."

He sat there for several moments not knowing what to say. "What does this mean Kathryn?" he whispered. "What are you trying to say?"

"I love you."

"You love me?"

"Yes."

He was silent and stood up pulling his hands from hers.

"Am I too late? Please Chakotay. Tell me that you still love me; that I stand a chance to be your wife."

He looked down at her pleading eyes and felt his heart melt. "You could never be too late Kathryn Janeway. I will love you until the day I die."

Her tears started anew as he reached for her and pulled her up into his arms.

"Captain Janeway to Commander Chakotay."

"Janeway to Chakotay."

"Captain?" Chakotay rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. He heard a slight rustling over the commline and realized she was hailing him from her bed.

"I could hear you thrashing about through the wall and wondered if you were ok?"

"Yes, I’m fine. Just a dream."

"A good one I hope." He could hear her smile.

"Mmm."

"Well, I’ll let you get back to sleep Chakotay. Are we still on for breakfast?"

"Yeah. 0715." Chakotay paused and thought about his dream. "Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for checking up on me."

"Of course. Good night, Chakotay. Janeway out."

She severed the link and picked up her book again. A few more pages and she promised herself she’d go to sleep. She was reading a romantic novel about a man who fiercely loved a woman and did everything in his power to protect her. The book reminded Kathryn of a certain Angry Warrior just beyond the bulkhead. Her eyes welled with her emotions as her heart felt the sensations of love and wanting. One tear and then two hit her pillow as she began to sob heavily.

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