On The Receiving End

By The Purple Goddess

Rated R

His lips met mine in an explosion of fire. My whole body would have shot off like a rocket if he hadn’t wound his arms around me to ground me to my ship. I sighed in his muscular embrace. He smiled down at me and I responded by placing my hand on the back of his neck and pulling him into me again. His lips were soft yet strong and I loved the way he moved them across mine. I began to finger my way through his dark hair. Was it jet black? I didn’t care at the moment and hadn’t paid much attention to the color before. He pulled back from me for a moment. "Do you want to go somewhere more private?" "Yes." Was my hoarse reply, "but first kiss me again." He drew me into his powerful embrace and made me thankful to have met him.

"Kathryn? I, I mean Captain."

Oh my Gods, Chakotay. My mind exploded and my emotions tormented me as I pulled from my soon to be lover’s embrace and gazed at my best friend. So many emotions I saw for just a few seconds displayed on his familiar face: the face that had haunted my dreams and stolen my heart. His gaze fell from me to my lover and back again. The resolved stone mask returned to his face and he was again my first officer.

"I’m sorry Captain, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to give these reports on the Delta Flyer to you, but they can wait. I’ll set them on your ready room desk."

"Yes." It was all I could say. My mouth wouldn’t open to tell him that it was nothing; that I loved only him but needed someone to lean on. He knew how I felt. Gods know he has done it more times than I can remember!

"Chakotay…"

"I’ll see you on the bridge tomorrow Captain. If that’s all…"

His voice was cold to me. My heart felt like it would break.

"Yes." It was all I could say.

Chakotay turned from us and walked down the corridor to the turbolift.

He coughed and I turned back to him and sighed heavily.

"Are we still on for tonight?" He was a good man and deserved a good answer, but I didn’t have one.

"I’m afraid I have some work to do. There are things that need my attention." I smiled a sweet smile at him and hoped he couldn’t see through me to my heart that had wanted nothing but to run after Chakotay.

"Then I’ll see you tomorrow morning?" He caressed my cheek and kissed my forehead.

"Yes, tomorrow." I said trying not to look too anxious to leave.

I pulled from his embrace and began to walk the distance to the turbolift.

"Kathryn?" I turned to face him.

"You might talk to your first officer about handling some of the work. He shouldn’t have to bother the Captain every time someone writes a report. Or maybe," he said pulling me into his embrace, "you should get yourself a better First Officer."

Was he suggesting himself? I pulled away from him and placed my hands on my hips. "Chakotay is the finest first officer I have ever had and I would NEVER replace him."

I took a breath to continue but he interrupted me. "Kathryn, don’t get upset. It was just a suggestion." He smiled at me as he left our embrace. "I’ll see you later."

He walked down the corridor and out of my sight. I didn’t know how to feel about this man. I was attracted to him, but my heart pulled me in another way. I turned back towards the turbolift that Chakotay had taken. The doors opened and shut behind me. "Computer, location of Commander Chakotay." Commander Chakotay is in his quarters"

I stood outside his quarters and rang for entrance. He didn’t answer so I rang again. After a few minutes I sighed and tapped my combadge. "Kathryn to Chakotay".

Three minutes went by. I was ready to call again but he finally responded.

"Is there something I can do for you, Captain?"

"We need to talk."

"Is this ship’s business, Captain?"

"No."

"Then we have nothing to discuss."

"Chakotay please, let me in."

After a few moments the door opened but I didn’t see him. Walking into his dimly lit quarters I waited. The sound of running water was coming from his bathroom.

He emerged still in uniform and stood in the doorway of his bedroom. "What can I do for you Captain?"

"We need to talk."

"We are talking."

"About ‘us’"

"There is no ‘us’, Captain."

"I’ve hurt you."

He took a deep breath and looked at me. I hoped he could see that I was sincere and really did want to talk to him. He motioned toward his couch and I sat obediently. It was so quiet for a few minutes all I could hear was our breathing over the hum of my – our - ship travelling towards home.

"I don’t want to see you get hurt." It was the first thing he’d said that didn’t drip with anger.

I looked up at him then and saw what he had been trying to wash away when I’d come into his quarters. His cheeks bore witness to the tears that had fallen upon them earlier this evening. Perhaps even when I had wanted to come in. Reaching over, I grabbed his hand and held it.

His tears started anew at my touch and he whispered, "I’m sorry."

"For what? You didn’t do anything."

"For Riley and Kellin."

"You don’t have to say anything about that Chakotay. I don’t have any kind of hold on you. You made me no promises."

He looked into my eyes and I saw his concern for me. "If I hurt you like I’m hurting now then I’m sorry."

I thought back to the other women that he’d had. I remembered how I had felt, and the nights that I’d cried myself to sleep.

"It did hurt." I confessed, "but I didn’t – I don’t - have a right to you."

He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. I couldn’t help but to close my eyes at the sensation and I struggled to fight back my own tears.

"Do you love him?"

"No."

"Then don’t do this with him. You’ll regret it, trust me. Wait until you find someone that you love."

He squeezed my hand and let it go. Getting up from the couch, he walked over to the replicator and came back with two hot coffees. Handing one cup to me, he sat down. This time a little closer. I took a sip and set my cup on his table.

"I have found someone I love. I love you."

Chakotay looked like he was going to spit out the coffee in his mouth. He swallowed hard and set his cup on the table next to mine.

"Excuse me?"

"I love you."

A long silence came between us. Suddenly I thought maybe I am too late, maybe I pushed him away too many times. I have to get out of here. I rose from the couch and headed for the door.

"I’m sorry. I guess I’m too late. When I saw how upset you were and your tears, I, I…" The tears came and I couldn’t stop them. I managed to whisper, "I thought that you still loved me. Just forget…"

Before I could get out another word Chakotay was off the couch and standing in front of me. I could see the hope and love in his eyes. He reached out and stroked the tears on my face.

"I love you, too."

He took me in his arms and held me. It felt so good and so right. I felt like a fool for even considering another man.

"I didn’t mean to hurt you." I whispered into his chest.

"Neither did I." He answered back.

He took my chin in his strong hand and tilted it up until our eyes met.

"Please promise me that we won’t be back to protocol in the morning. That I won’t have to go on for anther five years hiding my love for you."

I smiled and stood up on my tiptoes. Leaning in slightly I let my lips brush lightly against his

"I promise." I whispered and kissed him again.

---END---

Loved it? Hated it? Let Me Know!

Sharese@ashkins.com