REMEMBRANCE DAY
Author: Lia
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Slash, AU, Han/Luke pairing.
Timeline: some time after ROTJ. Prequel to "Pictures".
It can be also related to "Dreamer".
Summary: it's a day to celebrate the ones who perished in war. It's a day of
memories, sadness and hope. Written for Han/Luke ML Challenge #11: (11th November
2003) Write something on the theme of those killed or injured by war. No
time limit, no other restrictions: just the theme-- Remembrance Day.
Disclaimer: Luke, Han and the whole Star Wars Universe belongs to George Lucas.
Pity.
Feedback: I'll be glad and infinetely grateful if you write.
REMEMBRANCE DAY
The boy was sitting on his father's bed with his legs crossed and an expectant look in his wide eyes.
"Can I go with you?"
The father sat next to him and sighed. The boy knew Daddy was going to some place special because he was wearing fancy clothes and was smelling different.
"It's a bad idea junior, you'll be bored to death."
"I won't, I promise!"
Han Solo had to laugh at that.
"Boredom is not something you can control, kiddo. 'Sides, children at your age can't stay out this late at night." the Corellian lifted the small boy in his arms and carried him to his own bedroom.
That was the only appropriately decorated room in the apartment. Leia had seen to it, since neither Luke nor Han were any good at such things. The walls were light-green and had colorful pictures (real ones, not holos) hung on them. An artistic reproduction of a starchart, with Tatooine on one side and Corellia on the other was painted on the ceiling. There were white curtains covering the window. Toys were spread all around, on the bed, on the shelves, on the study desk.
"Is father going there, too?"
Now where did that come from? Han carefully studied the big round eyes – so much like Luke's, except for the color.
"Link, have you been evesdropping?"
The boy frowned in disgust.
"Nooo, Daaadyyy!" he squealed. "Yesterday I had a bad dream and woke up and came to your bedroom to ask you to sleep with you but you were talking to aunt Leia so I listened that father was coming to the reme...rememberin..ciing... rememb..."
"Remembrance Day. And if you don't pause right when you speak, nobody but me will understand what the heck you're saying."
"I wanted to see father. He never comes to see me." Link pouted a little and his eyes turned suspiciously glassy. "Does he hate me?"
With a heavy sigh, Han lied the child on the bed and covered him.
"I'm sure your father misses you real bad, kiddo." And, not giving the boy the chance to talk back he started the daily ritual of "tickling-and-swatting" both of them enjoyed so much.
* * * * * * *
The Corellian had hoped - against all hope – that it would hurt less after all this time. It didn't.
The ceremony had finished and the crowd, long gone. Han decided to stay for a while, partly because he wanted to pay homage to his comrades in his own particular way, partly because of the man who stood in front of the Memorial Wall, as still as a statue.
Luke.
He was wearing black as usual, and the reddish light of the monument danced on his pale face, making the scars more evident and giving him a somber aspect. But when he turned to Han, his eyes were bright and alert – the eyes of a well-trained Jedi.
"I wonder why they call it a Memorial Wall. This is not a wall, this is just... light." he sounded young and almost like his old self in his puzzlement. To Han, that was yet another proof that he was right – that the Luke Skywalker he loved still lived somewhere behind that elusive mask. For a crazy Corellian, a good reason to spend the last five years waiting.
"Well, I guess they wanted it to sound like something solid. Give the families the comfort to believe that they will be remembered forever." Han strode to where Luke was and patted the younger man's shoulder. "Least they could do."
They stood there in companiable silence for a while and it felt peaceful and light, just like old times. It was long past midnight and all was quiet. They could hear the trees and bushes ruffled by a soft breeze, the distant sound of an artificial waterfall somewhere behind them, and the low humming of the Memorial Wall.
They tried to find their comrades' names among the millions written in the gigantic light sculpture. Luke found Biggs Darklighter. Han found none. Then, the Corellian unbuttoned his gala uniform and produced a bottle of brandy.
"This is good stuff." he winked at his friend and opened the bottle. The first sip, of course, was for the dead ones. Han poured a generous portion all around the monument. "This is for you guys, enjoy!"
"Han, it will damage the circuits!" Luke couldn't help a surprised chuckle at his friend's doing.
"The hell with that, if anything happens they can fix it in a blink of an eye." the Corellian drank some and offered the bottle to the younger man. They sat on the ground, laughing. Luke took a sip of the brandy and almost choked at the unexpected spicy flavour.
"You call this brandy?"
"The best in the Galaxy, pal. Made it myself."
"You made it yours..." the young Jedi couldn't keep his calm this time. "You're not doing this kind of thing anywhere near Link, are you?"
"Hells, no." with an offended snort that sounded impudently fake, Han lied on the ground and covered his face with an arm. Luke couldn't hide a traitorous twitch at the corners of his mouth and the playful insult slipped, quick and easy, from his lips.
"Sissy."
"Cry baby."
"Ass."
"Now that's enough!" a sudden move, a surprised yelp, and they were all entangled on the ground, swatting each other and laughing. Gods but the kid was beautiful with his face flushed and that devilish twinkle in the eyes, blond hair all messed up... Just like old times.
Han slid a hand on his friend's face. It was warm and so soft – exactly the way he remembered. He ran a finger over the scars that criscrossed all over Luke's right cheek. Hells, I want you so much it hurts... They were close now, so close their lips were almost touching, their heated breaths warming each other's faces, smelling of brandy and spice and...
Force, it's been so long.
Luke was shaking both in desire and fear. He closed his eyes.
No.
A gentle push with the Force and Han immediately retreated, keeping his frustration at bay for a thread.
"Han... I'm sorry."
"Just tell me why, kid."
"You know why. After all that happened I can't... I..."
"Dammit, how long will you be kicking yourself for something that wasn't your fault?" Han grabbed the bottle and threw it against a tree in pure anger. It crashed loudly and the rest of the brandy spread all over.
Luke stood up, his face stern and collected. His voice was soft but firm when he spoke.
"I killed too many, and with my own hands. I killed the man who saved my life."
"They were Dark Hunters, for the Goddess sake! They would have destroyed Corellia and many other worlds if you hadn't stopped them!"
"Julian saved my life."
"He was going to kill you and didn't have the guts to do it. I don't call this saving somebody's life."
"He wasn't going to kill me, he wanted to..." To Luke's surprise Han interrupted him not with a sarcastic retort but with a raising of hand in a gesture of defeat.
"Ok, I give up. You wanna punish yourself, fine. But what about me? And Link?"
The blond head lowered.
"You should go on without me. Believe me, it's the best thing you do. Especially for Link. He was only two when I left, all he know about me is what you and Leia told him... it's better this way. It wouldn't be good for him to be near me..." his voice was small and haunted, and it was unbearable to hear him that way. Not him, not Luke Skywalker, the one who defeated both Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine.
Han frequently acted on pure instinct and that was probably the reason why he could sometimes catch the young Jedi unawares. In a light-speed movement he grabbed Luke by the collar and kissed him, rough and hard, almost brutal, venting all his frustration and anger. But then, as Luke surprisingly offered no resistance, the kiss softened and became a slow, tender caress.
Why do you do this to yourself I'm not doing anything Why do you hide from Link I don't want to scare him with my face I don't mind the scars Link doesn't mind the scars but you do and a simple bacta treatment could heal them but you refuse to do it It's so stupid You think you have to punish yourself by keeping your face deformed I don't get it
When they broke off, they were both shivering, staring at the ground, unable to look at each other in the eye. It took a while until Han could speak.
"Link misses you. He asks you when he has nightmares, he keeps your holopic right next to his pillow when he's feeling sick." and finally, the Corellian admitted the one thing he'd been trying to ignore over the last years. "He has the Force, Luke. The things he says and does sometimes... I'm no specialist but dammit it's so crystal clear, even a droid would see."
Link has the Force.
My son has the Force.
Luke couldn't say anything. He could barely breath. The words echoed in his mind.
The Force... Link has the Force... He'll be like me... like my father...
"You are lying." the whisper sounded like glass shattering. Luke shook his head in disbelief, eyes wide and scared. He stormed out of the Memorial Garden.
Han didn't try to follow him. He knew the kid would come back eventually. With a tired sigh the Corellian sat down on the ground again and looked at the night sky.
"You can run and hide all you want but in the end... I know you will come back for us, kid." he spoke to the cold breeze.
Behind him, the Memorial Wall kept humming softly.