THE BOOK OF LOVE part 4
Author: Lia
E-mail: vreader40@yahoo.com
Rating: M
Warnings: Slash, Han/Luke pairing.
Timeline: shortly after ROTJ
Summary: Luke wants to have a special night with Han, with the help of QuiGon
Jinn, Yoda and... Threepio?
Disclaimer: Luke, Han and the whole Star Wars Universe belongs to George Lucas.
Pity.
Feedback: Yes, I'll be glad and infinetely grateful if you write.
Chapter Four
"Spinning to the wrong direction he was."
"Master, it is not the direction but the rotation movement that really
counts."
"If that true is, why did you write 'spin to the left'?"
"At that time I hadn't tried it myself."
"So writing about sex positions without experiencing them, you were?"
"There are five hundred and fifty five techniques and about twelve thousand
especific positions in this book, Master Yoda. How could I have tried all of
them?"
The two ghostly Jedi Masters were discussing before a gaping Luke. Threepio
had prudently retreated in silence to the kitchen. He tried to call for help
since Master Luke seemed to be suffering from hallucinations, talking to people
who were not there at all – a clear sign that he probably had his brain
circuits damaged. Unfortunately, home system circuits apparently had some kind
of malfunction because the doors were locked and the external comlinks were
all shut.
"Oh, my." Threepio could only watch helplessly as his Master kept
on staring and sometimes talking to the empty space.
Meanwhile, the discussion between the two Masters had taken a different course.
"That is why so slowly he improves. Always he strays from the path,
seeking for new adventures, new pleasures. Never he values what he has, what
he is."
"But he does value, Master Yoda! He values his companion and is doing all
he can to make him happy." and
Qui Gon looked approvingly to the stunned young Jedi. "Isn't it lovely?"
Yoda made a face.
"About Jedi ways I am speaking. In your mating costumes insterested
I am not. In first place, marry a Jedi shouldn't. Anakin Skywalker married and
only disgrace this caused."
"But if Ani hadn't gotten married he wouldn't have had children and the
Jedi would certainly have been extinct by now."
"Hey!" indignation finally made Luke react. "Don't talk about
my father like this!"
Yoda gave an irritated snort in response, but when he talked to his former pupil
he was unexpectedly gentle.
"If love your companion you do, no need of book you have. Always the
best instruction is here and here." and the diminutive Jedi pointed
to Luke's chest and forehead. Qui Gon nodded with a broad smile.
"As I told you before, young Luke, I personally doubt the two of you
need any special technique to get along fine in bed, even with him in Hiding
Time." Qui Gon's dark blue eyes shone playfully. "But if you
really want to know about some real good techniques, concentrate and reach my
mind. Seek in my memories."
Luke gave a questioning look at Yoda, who nodded resignedly. Then, he did as
Qui Gon had said.
The young Jedi's face was serene, in concentration, as he reached the Master's
memories. When the requested information started to flow, though, the face blushed
violently. At a certain point, the boy's sky blue eyes widened and he couldn't
help a disgusted yelp.
"Ben? You did that to Ben?"
Yoda snickered. Qui Gon huffed.
"Well, we were... uh, he was young at that time. Not the decrepit old
chunk you met."
"I heard that." Ben's slightly annoyed voice echoed in the
living room. Qui Gon winced at it but his former padawan didn't materialize
– a sign that Obi was probably not in his best mood.
"I am sorry, Obi-Wan." he apologized to his invisible friend
and discreetly pinched Yoda, who was openly laughing at the situation. The Jedi
Master yelped and glared at his friend.
That was beyond embarrassing for Luke. Even Ben had been there, watching his
every move? He sat down heavily on the couch and covered his face in exhasperation.
"This isn't true. I'm not in my living room discussing sex with three deceased
Jedi Masters..."
"Two. I have nothing to do with Qui Gon's eccentricities." said
Ben, now sounding definitely mad.
"Really?" it was Qui Gon's turn to be annoyed. "You
seemed to enjoy my eccentricities a lot when we were..."
Without taking his hands off his face, Luke screamed.
"Stoooooop!!!"
Han was about to leave Lando's office building when he met Leia. A very determined
Leia.
"I need to talk to you." she said.
"Now?"
"Now." and she grabbed his arm and dragged him back to Lando's office.
They ignored the secretary, who unsuccessfully tried to stop them from invading.
"Master Calrissian isn't here. He has just left to..." she started,
but the office door slid shut before she could finish.
Leia drew a deep breath in an attempt to calm down before starting to speak.
Having a rational conversation with Han was as difficult as convincing Lando
to leave a sabacc game before the end; it required all of her diplomatic skills
and patience.
"What the hell is going on?" Han gave an irritated snort.
"I want to talk to you about Luke."
Han raised an eyebrow.
"Huh...?"
When Lando came back from his appointment he found Leia in his office. She was
a bit disheveled and holding a cup of kaf that, he suspected, was filled with
something much stronger.
"Sweetie?" he prudently locked the door and sent a "no disturbing"
signal to the secretary.
"I think I did something stupid." Leia sighed and looked at his lover
in clear distress. "But I couldn't keep quiet! You saw what was happening
to Luke!"
Oh hells.
Lando scratched his forehead.
"You talked to Han."
"Yes. I told him about Threepio and said he'd better do something about
it or he would lose Luke forever." Leia drank what was left of the cup
content. "Maybe I shouldn't have interfered, they're both fully grown up
men and should be able to solve their own problems but... Luke has always been
so... so...prudish! I can't believe he would do that with Threepio..."
- and she slightly shivered as she spoke – "... if he were his normal
self. He must be having serious problems!"
To Leia's surprise, Lando started to laugh. Hard. He sat on his armchair and
pulled her to his lap.
"Lando?"
"You know, it's the first time I ever see you commit a mistake." he
kissed her tenderly. "Don't worry, sweetie. Actually I think it was a good
mistake, after all."
Threepio couldn't keep hiding in the kitchen anymore. Master Luke was screaming, obviously in great pain! Despite fearing for his own safety, the droid bravely ran as fast as he could with his inflexible, metalic legs to help his master.
"Master Luke! Master Luke! Oh, Maker, what can I do, I can't call for help,
I can't go out..."
Oh, great. That's all I needed on top of everything: Threepio chatering and
hovering over me!
With great effort, Luke calmed down and looked around. The Jedi Masters had
disappeared, probably because of the droid's interference.
And neither Luke nor Threepio noticed but as the ghostly Jedi faded, all the
home systems started to function correctly...
"Master Luke..."
"I'm alright, Threepio."
"But master, I'm afraid you suffered some damage in your brain circuit.
Let me help you..." the droid reached a hand. Knowing it would be useless
trying to explain Threepio what really had happened, Luke resignedly accepted
the help.
It was exactly then that the door slid open and Han entered the apartament.
"Luke?" brown eyes widened.
Threepio was holding Luke's arm and helping him to stand up.
Had the Corellian seen that scene before his conversation with Leia, it wouldn't
have meant anything.
But now it meant something. And he didn't like it at all.
"You! Goldenrod!"
"General Solo, thank the... ooofff!!!"
Threepio was suddenly pushed aside and hit the wall with a loud clang. Han was
over him in an instant, pointing a threatening finger to the droid's chest.
"Get outta here before I lose my mind and blast your damn ass off!"
"Han!"
"And you", the furious Corellian turned to his young lover and grabbed
him by the collar. "How could you..." he couldn't say the words, "...with
that thing?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
So stunned was Luke that he didn't offer any resistance as Han dragged him to
the bedroom.
After checking his circuits and pieces, Threepio slowly stood up. Corellians!
Who could understand them? The droid snorted indignantly. But, being very conscious
of his duties, he couldn't just leave as much as he felt like it was the safest
action for him to take right now. He tiptoed – or better said tried to
– to the bedroom door and peeked carefully.
To his surprise, General Solo and Master Luke weren't fighting as he feared.
They were both lying on the bed, kissing and caressing each other with great
enthusiasm.
Humans! Who could understand them?
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"Come on kid, what are you laughing at?"
They were tightly embraced under the messed sheets. Their clothes were spread
all over the bedroom, decorating it in interesting ways.
"Kid... " the warning tone only made Luke laugh more. Knowing he would
probably regret it – but unable to resist the temptation – the young
Jedi made a very expressive mocking face to his lover.
"You. Leia. I can't believe you're so... conventional."
Hazel eyes narrowed at that.
"Conventional, huh? I'll show you conventional..." the Corellian jumped
off the bed and reached for his carrybag. It took less than a minute to find
what he was looking for.
Luke couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Han returning with something white
and fluffy in his hand.
"Look what I found in our trash dispenser" the Corellian gave a mischievous
smile as he presented Fluffy Fantasia under his younger lover's nose. "Such
a waste... I bet you would look great in it."
"Han!"
The boy's disgusted look didn't make the older man change his mind. He leaned
down and softly touched Luke's lips with his own. His hand slid on the kid's
lean chest and rubbed a nipple.
"H-Han..."
The Corellian spread butterfly kisses on Luke's face... neck... ears... shoulders...
a rough hand caressed and squeezed a firm bottom.
"I'd love to... see you... in this li'l thingy here... Bet you're gonna
look... hot... gorgeous..."
"Aren't... I... always?"
Han's laughter sounded incredibly light. Happy. Luke felt he would do anything
to hear him laugh that way more often.
"Brat." the Corellian playfully bit the boy's shoulder then resumed
his skillful caresses.
Luke closed his eyes unwillingly. Small sounds of pleasure were escaping from
his lips. He was melting at his lover's hands. Soon he would do whatever Han
asked and wouldn't care a bit for such an easy surrender.
"That was quite... instructive."
"..."
"You must admit young Luke had never been so... in tune with the Force."
"..."
The two spectral Jedi Masters were once more in the bedroom, watching the two
lovers. They were sound asleep, Han gloriously naked and Luke on top of him,
still wearing the Fluffy Fantasia. For the first time in centuries Yoda looked
really shocked, shaking his head wordlessly, eyes round as two diminutive full
moons. On the other hand, Qui Gon seemed radiant.
"Well, I only regret I cannot rewrite my book. There are so many things
that have to be corrected, especially in the third chapter..."
"For you are dead, I thank the Force." Yoda
finally managed to say.
"I think we had better leave. Young Luke will certainly be furious if
he sees us here."
"Anger, fear, aggression. The Dark Side of the Force they are."
"Yes Master, and we are going to see his Ugly Side if we don't leave
now."
Yoda grumbled a little more but nodded and made to follow Qui Gon, who was already
fading. But when the human Jedi Master completely disappeared Yoda didn't do
the same. He turned to Luke with a smirk plastered in his green face.
The ancient Jedi Master reached the Force and pressed a small button in Luke's
costume.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Author's note: (1) some may find Yoda and Qui Gon a little OOC. What I have to say in my defense is that I wrote this based in the movies. In case of Yoda, I had especially in mind his behavior when he first met Luke... ; (2) if you are asking yourself about the Wookie love potion the answer is yes, Han took it before going home - that's why he reacted so hotly despite Hiding Time, hehehe... ^.^