Friends gallery

Coming out of the closet as a gay man cost me most of the friendships I had before. In January 1996 it seemed like I was starting my social life over from scratch. Some of my first contact with the gay community was through an encouraging and supportive "talker" online. I needed to overcome my own prejudice against gay people, and Paradox helped me get past my misconceptions. The Internet is a remarkable place for meeting people with different ideas and backgrounds, and expanding our horizons.

But it is also an artificially safe place. It's easy to reveal only the parts of ourselves that we want to. We can easily pass over the more difficult aspects of getting along with people. Hanging out with people in real life eventually uncovers those rough and awkward areas most of us would rather hide, and the differences we would rather avoid. A genuine friend is someone who accepts those things with all the rest.

Many gays and lesbians who come from a background of oppression, repression, secrecy or abuse like to identify a family of choice. These are the people who take us as we are, love us unconditionally, and give us the opportunity to grow and mature in ways we couldn't when we had to hide a big part of ourselves. For several years after I came out, my new friends would come and go.

But two guys were always there for me. I met Martin (on the right in the lefthand pic) and Daniel (middle) separately in September 1996. From the beginning I got along well with both of them, but they always reminded me of each other. One would start talking about a film the other had just seen, or would say something that recalled a conversation I had had with the other. I introduced them in February 1997 and the rest is history; they've been together ever since. Martin and Daniel are two of the most eclectic, creative and intelligent people I know. I enjoy their world travels vicariously. We never run out of conversation, and Martin makes the best martinis in Toronto. Since the photo was taken at my parents' home in May 2000, I've buzzed my hair, and Dan and I have both lost considerable weight, so the photo need to be updated.

I've known Douglas (far right) just as long, in fact he was accompanist for the Rainbow Chorus when I joined in September 1996. But we took our time getting to know one another. We're both quiet guys (most of the time), and besides that we share a life-long interest in gardening, music and the arts. His ambition is a career in design, and it's inspring to see the steps he's taking in his life right now. His handsome new friend is Nick, who seems really super. My new beau, Aubrey, and I spent some time on New Year's Day with them and that's when this picture was taken. All the best, you guys!

I met Bob (far left) and Mark in June 2001 and we hit it off right away. It was their woofy beards that caught my attention! But they turned out to be great guys. Anyway, they live a little closer to home than my other friends, and had time on weekends, so we started hanging out together. I had quit the Rainbow Chorus a couple years ago, but Bob was the new director and Mark sings baritone (Small world...actually it's the gay community that's small!) so these guys convinced me to join again.

I know many people in the choir benefit not only from Bob's dedication and energy as a director, but also from his compassionate ear. He's one of those friends I can say anything to, a great listener and encourager. This photo was taken at Bob's 50th birthday celebration in April 2002. Kudos to Mark for pulling off the surprise and throwing a terrific party!

These aren't all my friends, but some of the best, and the only ones I have decent photos for! They've brought some fun and stability into my life over the past few years. Thanks a lot, guys.