The Carolinian Trail

June 13, 2000

First published on the now-defunct website, Themestream, as an essay, "Facing our own prejudice in the GLBT community."

There is an emerging trend among gay youth of colour to act tough, even lie that they peddle drugs, to fit into their scene. Moralists point their fingers at further evidence of the decadence of gay and lesbian culture.

Throughout society, gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people do weird things to fit in. Time and again I hear "straight acting" friends sneer at a mincing queen and say, "Why do they have to act that way: so effeminate?"

I'm tempted to answer back, "Why do you go to such pains to act straight?"

Many gay and lesbian people have spent a lot of energy protecting themselves or hiding from attacks on their identity. I believe it becomes almost second nature for us to conform to other's expectations rather than live what we are. This behaviour doesn't end once we find a supportive social structure for our basic emotional needs. The gay and lesbian community is rampant with peer pressure, prejudice and even hostility toward those who think or act differently.

When I came out of the closet, many acquaintances told me I should move to Toronto's gay village. Some residents of the downtown area look down their noses at anyone from outside the centre of their universe. North of Highway 401 is considered Nosebleed Territory. They can't imagine why anyone would drive for an hour to visit friends.

I've had beautiful men flirt with me, then tell me I'd look so cute if I shaved my beard and buzzed my hair. Dare I show them my sloppy apartment littered with reference books and half-finished art projects? No thank you!

Whenever I'm tempted to take offence, I remind myself these individuals spent part of their lives listening to other people tell them what to do, how to act, how to feel, what to think, how to hate themselves. No wonder bitchy drag shows make us laugh so hard! One despicable legacy of homophobia is that it doesn't teach gay teenagers how to treat other people with respect. We must learn that lesson ourselves, if we are able.

So I still live in a small city, wear jeans and a t-shirt most of the time, and enjoy cooking, gardening and dancing, but have my own sense of fashion. My attitude is to resist conventions. But while homophobia persists, it would be hypocritical of society to expect most gay men and lesbians to shed their own prejudices.