Part One: She is waiting for me when I get back to my hotel room after the show. I'm not surprised, just.. a little annoyed, yet at the same time relieved. Does that make any sense? It makes more sense than anything else about this situation. After unlacing my boots and removing the protective padding, I look at her. "What are you doing here?" "Are you ok?" Her quiet voice is full of concern and I can see the worry in her face. I laugh shortly. "Yeah, just fine sweetheart." She looks at me with exasperation and I immediately feel guilty. Her question was nothing more than a courtesy, she knows that I'm not ok, but she wants me to say it before doing anything about it. I sigh and drop into an armchair. For some fucked up reason, I want to see how far I can push her before she loses her temper with me and gives up on me completely. She's lost her temper with before and she's stormed off in anger, but she's never given up on me completely. To be perfectly honest, if she did I'd fall apart on the spot. "Talk to me." She stands in front of me, arms crossed. I reach out and pull her towards me, wrapping my arms around her waist and burying my face in her midriff. With out hesitation, her hands come up and she strokes my hair, murmuring soothing words and instantly, I feel relaxed. This is when I feel my calmest, when she is close to me. After a few minutes, we part. She cups my face between her hands and kisses my forehead. "Go shower. You smell." I take a quick shower, wanting to return to the serenity that I only find in her embrace. I know what people are saying about us, but it's simply not true. Other than a few calming caresses and gentle kisses on the forehead or cheek, there's been no physical relationship. I'd say we're more spiritually and emotionally intimate than most couples, but there's nothing physical in it. Yet. I dry myself off and pull on a pair of jeans. Tying my hair back, I walk out of the bathroom. She's laying on her side on the bed, watching an old Simpsons episode on tv. I watch her for a minute, marvelling the way she can still find humour in the tired old gags. She looks up and beckons me over. I lay on my back on the bed next to her. She immediately turns off the tv, and lays on her back next to me. She smiles as I rest my head on her shoulder, and smooths a stray lock of hair away from my face, singing in a soft tone "Come, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now, dont be ashamed to cry, let me see you through, cause I've seen the darkside too, when the night falls on you, and you don't know what to do." I smile, knowing that she means every word. She hums the next few bars, then laughs. I raise an eyebrow sleepily. "What's so funny?" "Just wondering what everyone would think if they knew that our nights were spent talking." She giggles. I raise myself up on an elbow and look at her. "Why is that?" "Well.. you know what everyone thinks of us right?" She blushes a little. I know exactly what everyone thinks - hot, wild, kinky sex. Trying to look confused I ask "No, what?" "That we... you know." She blushes a deep red. I'm suddenly struck by how beautiful she is. She looks up at me and starts to say something, but falls silent. Slowly, I lean down and brush my lips over hers. It is only for the briefest of moments, yet it feels like an eternity and when I pull away, I am feeling slightly shaken. She bites her lip and looks away. I flop onto my back and stare at the roof. A long silence follows. "I'm sorry." She doesn't answer. I start feeling uncomfortable, something I thought would never happen with her. I move off the bed and look out the window. "Maybe you'd better go." I can hear her gasp, but I don't look around. If I see her now it will be my undoing. I hear her get up and ask "Is that what you want?" "It's what you should do." "Forget about what I should do! If I did what I should do all the time, I wouldn't be here right now would I?" she yells suddenly. I stare at the lights below. "Just go." "Not unless you can honestly tell me you want to me leave." She persists. I can feel her standing behind me. I rest my forehead on the cold glass as she wraps her arms around me from behind and rests her head on the back of my shoulder. Her breath is warm as she whispers "Don't shut me out now." I freeze as I realise how this must to look to her. I close my eyes and whisper hoarsely "It's not you." "From where I'm standing it looks like it." Her arms drop and she steps away. "You have two choices. You can grow up, let me back in and let me try to help you out. Or you can continue to stare out the window like an idiot, shut me out and I can leave me." Her voice is almost dead, as though she's already made up her mind what my decision is. I want to speak up, to stop her from leaving me alone like this, but I can't. I need her with me, not to talk, just to be here, to sooth me. I need to tell her this, but something stops me. I am about to speak, when I hear the door click shut. I spin around, only to find myself alone in an empty room. Part Two I close the door quietly behind me, tears slipping down my cheeks. I've never walked out on him before, especially when he needs me so much. I can't take this anymore, not when everyone seems to think our relationship is something it's not. It's not until I reach my hotel room that it sinks in. He kissed me. I sit on the bed, bringing my knees up to my chest and resting my head on them, a small smile playing across my mouth. It's not like I don't find physically attracted to him - I mean, I've slept at his side almost every night over the past month, I've felt his body pressed against mine and I've seen it in nearly every state of dress - from fully clothed to nothing but a bathtowel and a smirk. My smile fades as I realise that the kiss was the reason for his change of mood. I'm so stupid! If I know him at all - and I know him better than anyone - then he thinks he's overstepped the boundries. Oh please. I should go back there, reassure him, but I'm not sure how he'll take it. Should I acknowledge it or ignore it? Did he intend to kiss me or was it a momentary lapse? If it was intended and I ignore it, what will he do? Worse yet, what if it was a lapse and I make something of it? My head spinning, I curl up on the bed. It's only a single, yet it seems so vast and empty without him next to me. Somehow, I've changed into my nightgown, I don't remember doing it. Unable to sleep, I flick on MTV, shuddering at the lyrics. ~I cannot save you... you can't even save yourself.~ I toss and turn, unable to sleep. I can't believe how reliant I've become on him. He tells me how much he needs me, but I don't think he knows that I need him just as much. I know what effect I have on him, I'm like a relaxant. What he doesn't know is that I feel completely secure with him. There's no unexpected surprises, till now, we always knew exactly where we stood with each other. I drift into an restless sleep. I am tourmented by dreams of him suffering more than any human should. One dream ends with him taking his own life and I jolt awake, sitting up in bed and shaking. He needs me. Now. I glance at the clock and shiver, he usually wakes up from a nightmare around now. Without hesistation, I head for his room. I catch the looks of those returning from a clubbing session and I know they think I am crazy but I don't care. He needs me and that is all that matters right now. I let myself into his hotel room quietly. I was right, he is tossing and turning, muttering in his sleep. I sit on the bed next to him and place my hand on his forehead, talking to him quietly. It has no effect, so I climb into bed with him and pull him close, smoothing his tangled hair away from his face. He struggles against me and I reluctantly let go of him, as I am not strong enough to keep him still. As soon as I release him, he wakes. He looks at me in confusion. Without speaking, I reach out to him and hold him tight, rocking him until his breathing slows. He buries his head in my neck and whispers "Thank you." "For what?" I lightly kiss the top of his head. He looks up at me and smiles. "For just for being you." My arms tighten around him of their own accord. With a troubled sigh, he slips his arms around my waist and holds me close. I stroke his hair and make soothing noises, singing quietly until his breathing deepens and he falls asleep again. I sit awake, watching over him until I doze off. I watch as he drifts awake slowly, smiling at the feeling of his warm body against mine. Somehow during the night, we've changed positions so that is my head resting on his chest, and his arms are wrapped protectively around me. I wiggle out of his embrace and sit with my back against the headboard, smiling down at him as he rubs the sleep out his eyes. "Did you sleep ok?" He knows I mean after the nightmares. "Yeah." He looks away for a second. "I can't tell you how much it means to me that you came back. " "You needed me." I shrug self conciously and yawn widely. "I could never leave you alone when you need someone." He sits next to me and puts his arm around my waist. I rest my head on his shoulder, smiling as he plays with the fingers on my left hand. It's the moments like this with him that I cherish most. I reach up and trace his jawline with the finger tips of my free hand, before lightly running them over his lips. Without thinking about it, I cup his face in my hand and kiss him. Part Three He responds to her immediately, pulling her against him and angling his head to deepen the kiss. She tangles a hand in his hair and wraps the other one around his neck, bringing his bare torso into contact with hers through the thin cotton of her nightgown. They break apart, both breathing quickly. He drops his arms and turns away. "I'm sorry." "You said that last night." She remarks, sliding her hands down to rest on his shoulders. "What are you sorry for?" "For taking advantage of your trust and friendship." He refuses to look at her. She laughs quietly. "In case you hadn't noticed, I kissed you just then. I'd hardly call that taking advantage of anything. Maybe if you hadn't been so quick to condemn yourself last night, you may have found that out." He looks at her, surprised. She smiles at him and squeezes his hand. He places his hands on her waist and lifts her so she is straddling his lap. She presses against him, sliding her arms around his neck as he captures her lips with his own, running his hands up under her nightgown. She gasps at the feel of his hands on her bare skin and he pulls away instantly, not wanting to push things further than she's willing to go. Knowing what he is thinking, she kisses him again and presses her hips against his. He growls low in his throat and breaks off sharply. "If this doesn't stop right now, then it may not stop at all." He looks at her, surprised. She smiles at him and squeezes his hand. He places his hands on her waist and lifts her so she is straddling his lap. She presses against him, sliding her arms around his neck as he captures her lips with his own, running his hands up under her nightgown. She gasps at the feel of his hands on her bare skin and he pulls away instantly, not wanting to push things further than she's willing to go. Knowing what he is thinking, she kisses him again and presses her hips against his. He growls low in his throat and breaks off sharply. "If this doesn't stop right now, then it may not stop at all." "You say it like it's a bad thing?" She teases lightly. Turning serious, she grasps the hem of her nigh gown and slowly lifts it over her head. He bies back a groan and kisses her with a hunger that is almost frightening to her. Somehow the rest of their clothes are removed and they lay together across the bed. Almost unwillingly, he drags his mouth away from hers and and whispers husily "Are you certain?" "I've never been more certain in my life." She replies with a smile. He kisses her again an they begin to make love, each instinctly knowing what the other wants, how to drive each other to the brink, then cruelly slow it down, proloning the inevitable. After what seems like an eternity, release comes all too soon as they cling to each stunned by the intensity of what just happened. "Raven?" She asks hesitantly. He smiles at her. "Yeah babe?" Summoning up all her courage, she brushes a strand of hair off his face and utters the words his been wanting to say for days now. "I love you." He looks at her in disbelief and surprise and she gets the feeling that he's going to be looking at her like that a fair bit over the next few days as they explore this new dimension to their relationship. He breaks into a grin. "I love you too Molly." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------