it was a tie. and she knew that she was one of the two people in the tie- her and a friend of hers.

and so now they were getting one more vote- a vote from a friend she loved very much and considered very dear to her. a friend who had been there for her when others had not been. and her friend was glancing at her warily, not able to meet her eyes.

she turned away for a second, pretending to be facinated with someone that she saw below her, making various comments about how they looked kind of funny in a way. she knew that as one of the canidates, her friend would feel pressured if she listened in- after all, there was a reason why votes were annoyomous.

yet she was sad when she heard nothing behind her, a sure way of telling her that whatever was being said, she wasn't supposed to hear it. she didn't know why, but she knew the tie in the voting concerned her. it was just a feeling, a knowing when it came the club that she had started and loved so much. a society- a family. and it was all starting to crash down.

i knew from the beginning she wouldn't choose me, the girl thought to herself morosely. after all, i'm the one who's not responsible enough, who's too silly and happy and energetic all the time. i'm not even real to them... more two dimensional than anything else. there's times when i'm moody or sad, but those are too few and far inbetween for them to accept that as normal behaviour. most of the time i'm cheerful and hyper, hugging friends at random and chatting vivaciously.

but she pasted on a smile as she whirled around, and grinned brightly when her friend turned back as well. there was a bounce in the young girl's steps when she walked, and a light that shone brightly in her eyes when she talked about everything and nothing at all.

that bounce, that light... it was all due to her friends. friends who were there when no one else noticed her plights, there when her family was not. they were the reason that she woke up every morning, the reason that she endured her monotonous life and tried to keep them happy. they were what made her smile and laugh during the day, and mourn and cry during the night.

after all, they were who she counted on. they were who she loved.

and they loved her.

it wasn't long before the announcements were made, before the supposed moment of truth. the tie that had been before her friend had voted was dissolved. there was nothing fun about running against a friend, when you knew that everyone who loved you loved her as well.

and so the girl waited, patiently. she had sat down in the very beginning, laughing and smiling with others, feeling sick and pained inside. she already knew the results, knew who was loved more. it wasn't a matter for her to decide, after all. she was just the one who was there, who laughed at their jokes and played with them.

such an invisible person. there had been a time when they had loved her so much that she cried tears of happiness thinking about it. she had felt the luckiest person in the world to be loved like that, like storybooks. and as that time faded and her mask grew, she still remembered. living in the past, some would say. yet she wouldn't say anything- just smile and nod at you. she felt that their love was still there, that they wouldn't abandon her.

they love me, she thought, her hope growing. they love me too much to just leave me like that.

the moment of truth. as the list of names went on and she waited quietly, a small smile resting on her lips and her posture tense.

a moment.

two.

until at last all the names were called, and the paper that held those privilaged names was set down. she did not hear her name in the list. she had not been a part of it. the list in which her friends were on, the list that they could have included her in.

there was nothing.

but she smiled brightly, she turned and congradulated those who were included. she laughed with them in merriment as she thought of the things that her friends were now included in, the things that they could now do.

they gushed to her their excitement, knowing that she would listen and gush with them. that she would smile and laugh and give her encouragement.

but they never noticed as she slipped away

they never noticed when she went home and cried.

Home