“Making the Band” Season 3: Episode #4

Welcome to my recaps!! Once again, I’ve added a little humor to this recap so if you’re going to be offended DO NOT READ THIS RECAP! There are plenty of sites that give just straight recaps. You have been warned. (In case you’re confused….Ash:Ashley, Jacko: Jacob (this is a reference to Michael Jackson, I’m NOT making fun of him! Well…nevermind) T-Rev: Trevor, E-Squared: Erik, and I call Dan, Dan.)

Oh lord, what a grand episode…let’s get this party started. We start with a shot of the bus and Ash’s voice telling us the guys are usually tired on the bus, but not tonight because they are going to Vegas and their excited. Apparently the guys have three days off. (I don’t understand if the guys are always “so busy” how they have days off again.) But then they realize technically it’s not three days off because they have to do a radio promotion contest thing. Mike Morin says it’s the win a date with O-Town contest and asks if they remember doing the liners. T-Rev is like “ Remember when we did the liners…like hello this is Trevor.” (Riight!) Jacko looks upset by this whole thing….oh wait he always looks like that. Okay, the whole contest is kinda confusing to explain so here goes. Girls sent in tapes to a radio station in Vegas saying why they should go on a date with a specific O-Town member. The Mikes went through the tapes and picked the “best ones.” Now it’s up to the guys to pick three girls per member and then those three girls will have to compete for a dream date that they will plan. (wipes forehead…Whew! Hope that made sense!) The guys look at the tapes. The first one is a girl named Tammy who will get Ash “anything he wants.” Then she’s with a showgirl and the Blue Man Group…umm…okay. I guess they can help her get Ash or something. After her tape is over Jacko is like “Ohh…she won me over.” (Riight.) The next tape is for T-Rev….it’s a cheerleader. (T-Rev’s mouth is so wide open you could drive a truck through it!) Someone’s like “Ohhh…she’s flexible…that’s good.” (Sick, sick people!) Then there’s some random girls…nothing excited except one of the tapes must have been disturbing because E-Squared is all like “Fast forward!” Now a tape for Jacko. This girl is sitting on a step and is like “There’s this guy Jacob.” And she shows a stick figure drawing. Then she’s like “He has a nice bootie.” And she shows a drawing of a bootie. Then she says “I want to spank that bootie.” And there’s a picture of a stick figure smacking a bootie. (SCARY!!) Jacko looks afraid.

Okay…now we’re at the contest and Scotty V. is introducing the guys. They come out and sit on stools while many girls surround them behind what looks like a wrestling ring rope. The first contest is for E-Squared. Whoever can eat the most bananas in three minutes wins the date. (Who comes up with this stuff?) The contestants are: Denise, Dana, and Sarah. The girls start stuffing their faces and E-Squared chews on a banana as well. All the guys look really grossed out. Denise wins. When Scotty V. asks E-Squared if he’s happy with his date and he squeals “I am!” Next contest is for Jacko. (HAHA! Jacko is wearing that damn hat that makes it look like he’s got a bag of jiffy pop on his head!! I’m excited.) The girls must wrestle each other to be Jacko’s date. The contestants are: Dawna, Rebecca, and Ashley. Ashley then proceeds to like jump on Jacko’s lap while she hugs him. (Ashley is the scary “spank your bootie” girl. Why the hell did they pick her for the finals?) First, Dawna and Rebecca wrestle and Dawana wins. Then Dawana wrestles Ashley and Ashley wins. While the girls are wrestling the guys look really frightened and are like wincing in pain. (Jacko says he hopes he doesn’t make her mad.) The cameras don’t show the girls actually wrestling, but it must have been brutal. Jacko is scared of his date and says she seems “a little outrageous.” After she is declared the winner she spanks his bootie. Backstage Ashley shows some girl the scratches she got in the fight. Jacko says he really hopes this girl did not enter this contest just so she could spank his bootie. Ash’s turn. Ash is nervous about his contest. The three girls come out. They are: Jodie, Linda, and Tammy. These girls have to perform a cheer for Ash all while they have marshmallows stuffed in their mouths. (Again, who comes up with this stuff?) E-Squared rubs his hands together and says “Excellent” for no apparent reason. The girls stuff their faces and perform really lame cheers. (Did anyone else notice when the girls asked the crowd to spell words out Ash looked waaay confused?! Heehee!) According to him all the cheers were equally good. Ash picks Tammy because he liked her videotape. Time for Dan’s contest….the girls have to play Twister. (Oh dear Lord why can’t I live in Vegas!! I’d like to shake the hand of the person who came up with this contest.) The girls are: Hilary, Liz, and Danielle. (Okay, when they introduce each girl they say a little something about her…I didn’t include those sayings because they really weren’t that interesting except for Danielle’s which was “Danielle met Dan at Wal-Mart.” Hey! I met Soul Decision at Musicland and I didn’t get to compete for date with them! Where’s the love? Okay, so I’m just insanely jealous that these girls got thisclose to Dan. I need to stop my teeny-bopper ways.) Dan spins the wheel and the girls play Twister. The boys seemed to like this game. T-Rev is whispering to Dan about what to call out. (I think T-Rev just wanted to see the girls in like sexual positions or something.) Then suddenly Dan is like “I’ll play.” Shot of Dan in the confessional saying “ I’m competitive.” Dan and the girls get into odd positions and Hilary is declared the winner. She then proceeds to fall on top of Dan…an “accident” I’m sure. (I sooo want to play this game with Dan! Oh splurge.) T-Rev is last. He figures his contest can’t be any worse than the others. Three girls come out and strip to bikinis. The girls are: Allison, Angela, and Rochelle and they have to cover themselves in whipped cream. Whoever can cover themselves the most wins. Dan looks confused and Ash screams out “Get another can!” T-Rev calls out helpful tips like “Lay down!” (He seems to have A LOT of knowledge about girls in bikinis and whipped cream. Hmm…) The winner is Allison and she proceeds “hug-hump”(Hug him with her legs wrapped around his waist.) T-Rev. (I made that up…aren’t I clever?) Classy…

Ash explains to us that the girl gets to plan the date. (Thanks Ash…it’s not like you haven’t mentioned that 15,000 times in the episode.) We see Dan get into a limo and hug Hilary. Ash gets into another limo and finds out he’s going to meet his date later. Ash is afraid this date may be payback for the stupid contest. (Okay…he didn’t say stupid, but I know he meant it.) E-Squared’s date takes him to a dance studio where they will have a lesson is 70’s dancing. Back to Dan. Hilary tells him their going bowling. Dan asks if she is a good bowler and she says yeah. Dan tells her before he joined O-Town he was on a pro bowling tour. (Silly Dan!) Jacko and Ashley are on the tour bus. Apparently she wanted a private tour of the bus. (Wow…how fun) Jacko’s bunk is on the very bottom. He has a phobia of sleeping on the top bunk because of an “incident.” Ashley asks if the “incident” involved brain damage and Jacko laughs. (Because it’s probably true…sorry.) Then Ashley asks if they should “try out” the bottom bunk. Shot of Jacko saying he’s frightened and wants security to protect him. Back to Dan. He’s stretching to prepare for the game. Hilary gets a strike and Dan says “Holy crap.” (Actually I’m not sure he really said “holy crap” because Dan speaks Midwest ghetto and I couldn’t totally understand him.) Dan throws the ball and it lands in the gutter. (This may be because it looks like Dan just throws the ball and doesn’t use the holes. Hmmm….perhaps I could give him private lessons.) Shot of T-Rev’s mouth again. (Too funny.) He and Allison are going indoor skydiving. Boring shots of them getting into the suits. Back to Ash. He has just arrived at the Graceland Wedding Chapel and Tammy is wearing a wedding dress. He hugs and is like “WTF?” (Again he didn’t say that….but well…) Tammy’s dream is to marry Ash. (Teeny-bopper alert!) Ash is scared and is like “This isn’t for real right?” He and Tammy walk into the chapel and they sign a “commitment certificate.” At first Ash doesn’t want to sign it because he can’t sign anything unless the Mikes look at it first. (Sounds like Ikaika and his bro!) Tammy says she showed the Mikes the form and it’s okay for him to sign it. Back to the bowling alley…Dan is still throwing gutters. Hilary says “I thought you were a pro.” Dan says it’s been awhile since he was on the tour. E-Squared and his date are learning what I call the “classic 70’s disco move.” (I’m sure y’all know what I’m talking about.) Then we see T-Rev and his date skydiving. A man inside the little area helps you flip over and stuff and when he flips T-Rev he gets a tad to close to umm…how do I put this “lil T-Rev.” The thing is T-Rev doesn’t seem to mind. Then T-Rev rams into Allison. (Yea! He finally got a lady.) Dan finally gets a strike. (Damn…now it looks like he does put his fingers in the holes. Guess he doesn’t need my help.) He does some crazy dance moves and runs through the alley high fiving people. (I really love this boy.) Now E-Squared emerges and is dressed in a white suit …a la John Travolta. He and Denise dance and E-Squared says he loves polyester. Shot of T-Rev saying his date was probably the wildest. (Yeah right.) Back to Ash. He’s kinda scared and didn’t realize Tammy would take the contest this far. He doesn’t want to get married on the first date. (Right…you should always wait until the second date.) The two walk down the aisle to an Elvis impersonator. (Ash is now wearing a suit jacket.) The whole time he keeps asking if this is for real. (Yes Ash, you really have to marry this girl. Shake my head.) Tammy recites the vows and Ash puts a ring on her finger. Ash recites the vows and keeps asking if this is for real. Elvis says their married and they must blow bubbles as a sign of their marriage or something. (Riight.) Tammy says it’s the best day of her life and Ash says it can’t be for real. Then a pink Cadillac drives away with a “Just Married” sign.

Now we’re on the bus. Dan tells the guys he went bowling. Someone asks him who won and he says he did. No one believes him. E-Squared explains his date and says they should have seen him in his suit. (E-Squared in that suit reminded me of that picture his Biological Daddy gave him. Remember that episode? He had that picture of him when he was little and he was doing like the “Baby I Would” move. Then he showed the picture to Ash and said “My Biological Father gave me this picture.” Then Ash asks if the picture was of E-Squared. I never laughed so hard.) T-Rev said his date was sweet and explains how much fun he had. Jacko says if he starts walking funny it’s because Ashley kept smacking his ass. Apparently she hit him so hard he fell over and he has bruises. Ash is like “At least your date didn’t try to marry you.” He says how he signed the certificate and Jacko says that probably wasn’t a good idea since Ash never reads the small print. Then Dan says “Nothing gets by you Ashley.” Mike Morin tells Ash he really is legally married to Tammy. Ash is like “No…I’m not right?” All the guys are like “Yeah, yeah you are married.” He’s like “Nooo! You guys are freaking me out.” This goes on for like twenty minutes. Mike Morin says “That the toaster oven is a present from me and Mike.” Everyone laughs. The episode closes with a voice-over of Ash saying “It isn’t for real right?”

Next week on “Making the Band” E-Squared turns into Jacko by releasing pent up angst on unsuspecting people. Seriously, the guys are on TRL playing a game or something. Ash says there is going to be a surprise. Then we see Mike Morin saying something about E-Squared. Then Jacko (eww…Jacko’s shirtless) says that E-Squared eats wheat! Oh wait…closed captioning informs me he really said “He reeked!” Then E-Squared flips out and says he hates the band and looks like he’s going to cry.

I’m confused. Is E-Squared really upset or is he faking? Anywho, this was a Shelli-free episode and that made me happy…plus Dan played Twister…giggle. I think it’s time for bed. Please read and review!! Until next week….