"That everything, and everyone, had moved on. How much things had changed."
"Were they good changes?"
"Some." Lucky had a wistful smile. "Lulu had grown so much. My grandmother was looking better than ever."
"Then the other changes weren't to your liking?"
"I felt out of place. My parents were divorced, my friends had all forgotten about me, and my Elizabeth…" Lucky stopped with a pained look on his face, which Kevin noticed and wrote down. "Elizabeth was involved with my brother."
Kevin shifted. "Now, Lucky, are you certain they weren't just friends?"
"I know what I saw. I can at least trust my eyes."
Kevin felt a turning point, finally. "Then does that mean that you can't trust your memory?"
Lucky was about to respond, but he felt the doctor had finally called him out on something.
Kevin continued. "I can't imagine what living in captivity would have done to your sense of emotional stability."
"Stability?" Lucky snorted. "There was none."
"So then if your emotional health was compromised, you feel you can't trust your recollection of past events?"
"I don't know," was Lucky's vague answer.
Kevin leaned closer to Lucky. "Lucky, you have been in therapy for a month. That's not a long time, believe me, but I don't think we've addressed a single thing that led up to your suicide attempt. We need to confront your time with Faison."
Lucky squirmed. "I don't want to go back there. Let's leave the past in the past!"
"If you don't address this now, it will follow you for the rest of your life. Believe me, I know something about unresolved issues," Kevin said, thinking not only of his own childhood with Ryan and their mother, but also Grace, and all of the havoc Rachel was causing in her quest for revenge. He shook it off and looked Lucky in the eye. "If you let these memories sit, they will begin to eat you alive. It looks like they already have."
Lucky looked into Kevin's eyes and saw a man who had overcome many of his own demons. He admired that. It told him that he could trust Kevin. He took a deep breath. "Ok, what do you want to know?"
Kevin sat back in his chair. "What were some of your feelings when you were first kidnapped?"
"Well, I was disoriented at first, but when I had time to think, I had no doubt that my parents were going to come rescue me."
"Really? Even after you learned that Faison faked your death?"
"I was sure that the way my parents were acting was just a ruse. They must have known I wasn't dead." Lucky put his hands to his face for a second before removing them. "I had done it when we faked my mother's death. I think I kept the ruse up pretty well."
Kevin frowned slightly. "Yes, but your family planned that. How were your parents supposed to know you didn't die in that fire?"
"They just would! They would know instinctively that I wasn't dead. Or at least they were supposed to."
"So as time went on, you realized they weren't coming to get you?"
"Eventually. After I realized that they had been fooled by Faison, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands."
"What did you do?"
"Well, I would try to fight with Faison at first. I even got a hold of his cell phone and called Elizabeth."
Kevin looked at Lucky intently. "What did Elizabeth say?"
"She picked up the phone, but something was wrong on my end. I tried to talk to her, tell her I was being held captive, but nothing got through. I guess she thought no one was there and she hung up." Lucky sighed. "I later realized it was just one of Faison's head games."
"Did you ever try to escape after that?"
"Lots of times, but the more I tried, the worse the retaliation would be." Lucky's eyes glazed over. A memory was flooding back to him. One that he was trying so hard to forget.
Kevin sensed the change in Lucky's demeanor. "Take me with you, Lucky. What are you remembering?" Kevin asked softly.
"It was dark; the kind of dark that your eyes could never get adjusted to. The room was so empty." Lucky's eyes had a haunted look. "And all I could hear was the sound of a woman crying. For hours and hours, that's all I heard until I couldn't take anymore. I started to scream just to try to block it out." Then suddenly Lucky snapped out of the memory and got up. "I, I can't do this, Kevin, I just can't!"
Kevin stood as well. "Lucky, I understand that this is hard, but you have got to work through the memories. As you let them out, little by little, it will get easier."
Lucky sighed. "You forget I'm a Spencer. We do everything the hard way."
Kevin looked at his watch. "Our time is up for today. Lucky, I'd like it if you took it easy for the rest of the day. Don't make any big decisions, and if you need me, just give me a call."
"Sure," Lucky whispered. "I'll see you on Friday." Lucky walked out of the office in a slight daze. The only thing he wanted right at that moment, the only thing he desperately needed, was an escape. If that was what he needed, then that was what he was going to get.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sly finished the song he was playing with an angry jolt. Nothing was coming out right. He glanced at the clock and it read 9:30pm. He then looked at his hands, which were raw and bleeding. His callused fingers bore the battle scars, but he didn't care.
He put down the guitar and paced about his cluttered bedroom. He actually had the in-law apartment above his aunt's garage. He had his own bedroom and bathroom, but he had to use the kitchen in the main house. He picked up a tissue to swab his fingers and he stared out the window. The past month was mostly taken up by work on Juan's demo, which was nearly finished. It was immensely satisfying to see their hard work paying off. He was also intensely frustrated by his relationship with Emily.
He had enjoyed the fact that they were growing closer in the past few weeks. The relationship they had shared from their childhood had returned. He found her extremely easy to talk to about most topics.
The one she kept avoiding was their almost kiss. Every time he brought it up, she changed the subject. She also would make big displays about how much in love she was with Juan. It made Sly sick to his stomach to see Emily attached to such a boy. Juan wasn't even a man; he was a boy.
However, Emily was off limits while she was still with Juan. Sly had to respect that, no matter how much it made him mad. He wasn't going to- suddenly there was a knock at the door.
He opened the door to find his cousin Lucky leaning against the doorframe with a mysterious grin on his face. "Hey, cuz."
"Hey, welcome to my Mike Seaver bachelor pad." He held open the door and Lucky walked in.
"Are you doing anything right now?" Lucky asked, taking a quick look around the room.
"No, not really. Do you have something in mind?"
"Yeah, why don't you come with me? We'll go have some fun."
He looked skeptically at Lucky. "Won't Laura come looking for you?"
"That's easy, I told her I was staying here tonight."
Sly smiled. "That's you, Lucky, always prepared." He sighed. "We're going to have fun?"
"Yeah, and maybe you won't spend the whole night moping over Emily."
Sly winced. "Touché." He took his guitar and hung it on the holder on the wall. "I'm all yours."
Lucky had a sly smile. "Great, let's go."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
"You still have keys to this place?" Sly asked.
"I found them in my room. I remember hiding them years ago, and I came across them yesterday." Lucky quickly punched the alarm code into the keypad, then he walked over and turned on the lights. Luke's, in all its glory, glowed brightly.
Sly walked around slowly, taking everything in. "I always thought that this place was so cool. You know, my dad was a part owner of the Outback, but it was just an investment, really. He left the day to day operations to Mac. It was nothing like owning the place and running it."
"I think it's one of the few things my dad was ever really good at, club management, I mean." Lucky quickly shook off a flash of anger. "I'm glad the club was closed tonight, and Mike's out of town, so we won't be disturbed."
"So what are we doing here, Lucky?" Sly asked.
Lucky walked behind the bar. He took out a bottle of Scotch and two shot glasses. "We came to have some fun. That's what I'm going to do, even if it kills me." He saw Sly wince at his choice of words. "It's called black humor, Sly. Don't worry so much."
Sly looked at Lucky. "Since when do you drink?"
"Oh, Helena taught me how to appreciate a good glass of port and stuff like that."
Sly started to say something, but Lucky ducked under the bar. Sly looked down to him. "What are you doing?"
"I'm sure he has it, he's got to." Lucky rummaged through some CDs before finding the one he wanted. "Johnny Lang- that's the ticket." The sound of the blues filled the club. Lucky stood up again. He poured a shot and looked at Sly. "So, are you going to join me?"
Sly looked at the glass. "Am I a hypocrite for wanting it? Practically everyone in my family was an alcoholic. I know what it did to them, but I still drink anyway."
Lucky looked sympathetically at Sly. "Just because they were alcoholics doesn't mean you will be, too."
"But I'm at greater risk to become one." He looked at the glass once more. "Aw, hell, give it to me."
Lucky slid the glass over to Sly and poured one for himself. "We need to make a toast."
"To what?"
"How's this? To the family legacy, however screwed up it may be."
"Fine." Sly and Lucky raised their shot glasses and knocked them together. They both drank the shots quickly. Sly felt the alcohol burn his throat as it went down, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. "Lucky, I don't think Helena taught you anything about liquor. What'd you pull out, the cheap stuff?" Sly moved to the back of the bar. He looked at the various bottles and finally decided on one. "Here, this is better." He poured some for Lucky in a glass.
Lucky took it and drank it down in one gulp. "Hey, what are you doing?" Sly asked. "You have to pace yourself."
"Life is too short to pace yourself, I've learned that much."
Sly quickly finished his glass. "I'm going to have trouble keeping up with you tonight."
"Well, I learned by observing the master, of course," Lucky said bitterly. "Tell me, Sly, what was your opinion of your father growing up?"
"My father?" Sly asked. He poured more whiskey into the glass. "Where did this come from?"
"Well, I'm in my father's element here, and I'm interested in your perspective on father/son relationships."
"Ok, Dr. Spencer." Sly took another swig and he rolled it around his mouth for a second before swallowing. "I adored him, at least at first. He pretty much raised me by himself. My mom was no help. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, though, because he was away at sea a lot."
"Was he a pirate?" Lucky joked.
"Actually, he was." Lucky stared at Sly. "It's true, but I don't know much about that time in his life. He later turned to legitimate work on freighters, stuff like that. Well, we decided to move to Port Charles when he got a job on the SS Tracy, an E.L.Q. ship. My parents had also gotten divorced around this time."
"Was that hard?"
Sly ran his hand through his hair. "Of course, but I knew for a long time that my parents didn't get along, so it was kind of a relief when they decided to split up. At least it wasn't a war zone in my house anymore."
"So he was mostly a good guy?" Lucky asked, pouring more for himself.
"At first, but Port Charles had this real bad effect on him. He used to be really great…"
"Then he changed." Lucky sighed and took another sip. "I remember you using almost those exact words when you first took me down in the catacombs."
"You have an excellent memory." Sly looked down at his glass, then said, "Hit me again." Lucky poured more liquor into his glass. "He started to date so many women-let's see, there was Carol, who didn't like me much, Julia, who I didn't like at first, Holly, who seemed to last the longest, and Victoria. He was actually two-timing Holly and Victoria until Holly finally figured it out. He was never home. When he was, I couldn't get his attention at all. He was so wrapped up in business or his precious paintings. He was obsessed with one, called 'Summer in Provence.' He flew all around the world trying to find it. I swear, if I ever find that painting, I will buy it and then burn it. That stupid painting meant so much to him that he spent practically the whole last year of his life trying to find it." He took another drink. "I remember one time," Sly whispered, "when I asked him to just spend some time with me, and he slapped me." He paused. "It still shocks me to this day. Well, Victoria was there, and that was it. She walked out on him then and there. I ran away soon after that. I went to Jenny, but he forced me to go back home. He spouted some of his rhetoric about being a man and all that. God, I was eleven years old! How the hell was I supposed to be a man?" He put his hands on the bar in an attempt to calm himself.
"So that's why you asked me if I ran away from home when we first met," Lucky said.
"I thought you were being abused. That's the only reason I could think of why a kid would be on the streets by himself." Sly sighed. "But in spite of it all, I know he did love me. I just don't think he ever learned how to really show it. I love him, but I never want to become him."
"Amen to that," Lucky said. "Well, you know what happened that made me leave home." Lucky poured more for himself and Sly. "I used to be like you, I idolized my father. He could do no wrong in my eyes, until the day I found out." Sly could see a storm raging in Lucky's eyes. "I will never, EVER, understand why he did what he did. The weird thing is, I thought I was finally making peace with him. But every time I see him, and he starts in, "Cowboy," well, I can just feel the anger rise. I decked him the first time I saw him this year."
"That's interesting." Sly took another sip. "You were never like that, Lucky."
"Well, a year in captivity will do strange things to your personality."
"Yeah," Sly said. "It wasn't the same, but in a weird way, I can relate."
Lucky slammed his glass down on the bar a little too roughly. "That's why I can trust you, Sly! Do you think I could have this kind of conversation with Nikolas? No."
"Tell me about it, Lucky. I'll try my best."
Lucky didn't respond. Instead, he took out another bottle of liquor and the shot glasses. "Hey, do you think you can drink me under the table?" he laughed. "Just you and me, shot for shot."
Sly laughed a little too loudly; the alcohol was taking affect. "Sure, Spencer."
They sat at one of the tables and faced each other. Lucky poured the shots, and they both gulped them down at the same time. "Sly, have you ever gone all the way?" Lucky asked as he watched Sly pour.
"Why do you ask?" Sly said.
"Just curious. If you don't want to tell me, that's ok."
"No, it's ok. Yeah, I did, once."
"When?"
"A couple of years ago, when I was still in Oregon. Her name was Lisa. It didn't mean anything; I was really just looking for an escape from my problems."
"What was it like? If I'm getting too personal, just tell me."
They both drank the next shot. "It's really indescribable, but I will tell you this much- it's highly overrated. Not that it was bad, but I thought my first time would be so much better. Maybe I'm just bad in bed." He averted his eyes for a second. "And that's all you're going to get out of me. So set 'em up, partner," Sly said, looking at the empty shot glasses.
Lucky obliged, and they both drank again. "It's not like I haven't wanted to, but I just haven't gotten that far yet. The time hasn't been right." He looked at Sly. "Does that make me the world's oldest virgin?"
"Nah, I admire that. It shows that you have some self control, and you're thinking with your head, not your hormones."
Lucky poured the next shot. Sly looked at it. "Come on, Eckert, don't quit on me now."
"Alright." They both downed the next shot. Sly sighed. "I know I shouldn't have done it. I'm Catholic, I should have known better. It was just, in that time in my life, I wasn't paying much attention to God. I wasn't going to church. I let my desires get the best of me. I'm working on controlling them, now."
"So almost kissing Emily doesn't count?"
Sly made a face at Lucky. "I said I'm working on controlling them. I'm not all the way there yet." He poured the next shot.
After they finished, Lucky continued. "Look, I know you like Emily, but you've got to wait until she's ready."
Sly looked intensely at Lucky. "Like her?" He sighed. "It's more than that. I think I'm in love with her."