Nikolas grimaced. "I made sure he sat up under his own power, but he looked really bad. He was definitely bleeding."
"How could I do that? Not to Sly!"
Nikolas paced the room. "Look, Lucky, maybe he deserved it. I don't know what he said to you or what happened." He looked at Lucky, who was not appeased by the answer. "What's so special about Sly anyway? Why protect him?"
Lucky looked like he was about to cry. "Because his grandfather beat him." He covered his face with his hands. "Oh my God, I wasn't supposed to say that! What is wrong with me?"
Nikolas sighed. "I won't say anything."
Lucky began pacing the room, looking as if he was about to climb the walls. "How did I do this? Why?" He picked up an empty vase and threw it across the room, frightening Nikolas. "Why can't I remember?"
Nikolas was very concerned. He had never seen Lucky like this. He knew Lucky was emotional, but not totally out of control of his feelings. It was really scary to see him in that state.
Lucky's breathing started to accelerate. His heart beat wildly. He felt lightheaded. Oh God, he thought, I'm going to die.
Nikolas saw Lucky sink onto the bed. He seemed really pale, and appeared to be hyperventilating. Nikolas knew Lucky needed help, but there was no phone in the room. He had to call someone, but he was loath to leave Lucky alone.
As if someone knew what he was thinking, there was a knock at the door. Nikolas ran to it, hoping it was one of the servants so they could call 911. He threw open the door and was surprised to find Livvie there.
"Charlie?" Nikolas asked.
"Nikolas, are you ok? When you weren't at the launch to meet me, I came over anyway because I was worried."
"Charlie, do you have your cell phone on you?"
"No, I don't." She was trying to peer past Nikolas into the room, but he was blocking the door. She could hear the sound of a person in distress. "Nikolas, what's going on?"
Nikolas moved out of the way. He was trying to protect Lucky's privacy, but he was too worried to bother anymore. "There's something wrong with my brother, and I need to get some help."
Livvie quickly assessed the situation. She saw Lucky, who was sitting on the bed, shake and murmur, "I'm going to die." He was breathing much too quickly.
"Can you get to a phone in the other wing?" Nikolas asked. "Wait- you don't know this place." He observed Livvie moving over to Lucky.
"Nikolas, what triggered this?"
Nikolas sighed. "I gave him some bad news. What does it matter?" he said quickly.
Of course, Livvie thought. "Nikolas, you go call for help. I'll stay with your brother."
"I don't know. I don't want to leave him alone."
"Nikolas, go. We'll be ok."
Nikolas took one more look at his brother, then dashed down the hall, cursing that this wing did not have phone service.
Livvie slowly approached Lucky. "Lucky? Can you tell me what's wrong?"
Lucky raised his head at the unfamiliar voice. It didn't matter who it was. "I'm going to die," he said. He felt out of control.
"Why? Tell me what's wrong," Livvie repeated as she sat next to him on the bed.
"I can't breathe. I think I'm having a heart attack," he said desperately.
"Lucky, I want you to try to calm down. I want you to take a deep breath."
"What?" Lucky said. "I'm dying!"
"Breathe, Lucky! In and out, in and out."
Lucky unconsciously followed her.
"I want you to slow down. Breathe in, and out. Slowly. I want you to breathe in peace, and breathe out fear. Breathe in through the nose, and out through the mouth."
Peace, fear, peace, fear, Lucky thought as he felt his breathing slow down.
"Lucky, I want you to bring your mind to the place you felt the most at peace in your life."
Lucky felt he could not afford to not follow her instructions, so he did as he was told.
"Put yourself there. Remember the sense of safety you felt. No one can hurt you there. There are no problems. Just peace. Just peace."
Lucky's mind took him back to when he was a child. He used to crawl into bed with his parents when he had a bad dream. He remembered his father's strong arms lifting him into the bed, and his mother rubbing his back, soothing him. He remembered the feeling he had, as he lay in between them, safe and protected.
Soon, Lucky felt himself returning to his normal state. It was easier to breathe, and his heart was not beating so fast.
Nikolas burst back into the room. "They're sending EMTs over on a boat as we speak."
Livvie looked at Lucky. "Are you feeling any better, Lucky?"
Lucky opened his eyes. "Yeah," he whispered.
Nikolas looked at his brother and Livvie. Livvie had her arm around Lucky in almost a protective manner. Nikolas was just grateful that Lucky had calmed down.
Soon after, Mrs. Lansbury led two paramedics into the room. Nikolas pointed to Lucky. "Here he is."
The paramedics soon started attending to Lucky, and Livvie moved out of the way. "Are you still having trouble breathing?" one asked.
"I'm fine now. This really isn't necessary," Lucky said.
"Well it must have been serious to get your brother here all worked up about it," another smiled as he took Lucky's pulse. "My brother probably wouldn't have helped me unless he was sure I was dying."
"I thought I was," Lucky said, and his eyes locked with Livvie's for a moment.
After a few minutes, the paramedics were finished checking out Lucky. "Well, there's nothing obviously wrong with you now, but we'll bring you in just to make sure."
"Nothing wrong? How can that be?" Nikolas asked.
"I think it was a panic attack," Livvie said.
"What made you think that?" one of the paramedics asked.
"Well, Nikolas told me that he had just given his brother some bad news. Then the shortness of breath, the rapid acceleration of the heart, and the feeling of imminent death just seemed to me to be symptoms of a panic attack. I'm no doctor, but that's what I thought it was, since I get them myself." Livvie looked down, afraid she had overstepped her bounds.
"You may be right. Thanks for pointing that out." The paramedic looked again to Lucky. "Do you feel well enough to walk out, or should we bring the stretcher?"
"I'll walk." Lucky felt embarrassed that he made the paramedics come all this way for nothing. He looked at Livvie. "Thanks."
"No problem," she smiled wistfully.
"I'm coming with you," Nikolas said. He turned to Livvie. "I'm sorry about today. I'll call you later."
"Sure, Nikolas. I just want you to make sure that your brother is alright."
Nikolas smiled at her as he followed Lucky and the paramedics out the door.
Livvie stood in the doorway for a second, trying to collect her own thoughts. It was remarkable. For a minute there, she had acted exactly as her mother would have. She never knew how much she had learned from her. Psychiatry may just run in the family, she thought, as she turned and closed the door.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Sly wandered aimlessly through the park. He had run as fast as he could when he left the clinic. He just could not face anyone, especially Scott. He slowed down as he approached the playground. Sly wanted to hide himself from the world, but he knew he could not. He knew he should probably go home, but he didn't want to face the empty house. He should be resting, but a part of him was used to the pain.
Sly sat heavily on a park bench near the playground. It did not seem so long ago that he and Lucky had played in the park together. He could not believe what Lucky had done. Yes, what Lucky did and said hurt, but the guilt was what got to Sly the most. Had Lucky been growing worse and he didn't see it? Maybe he could have done something different, gotten help somehow.
He turned his attention to the children on the swings. They were swinging as fast as they could. They were so carefree and innocent.
"They look so free, don't they?"
"Excuse me?" Sly turned to see a young woman standing near the bench. She was tall, and had short brown hair.
"The children. They are not aware of anything other than the fact that they're swinging. They're totally in the moment."
Sly looked again at the children. "Yeah. I'm jealous."
"May I sit down?"
"Sure." Sly held a hand to his face unconsciously, trying to hide his injuries, even though he knew the woman had already seen the cuts and bruises.
"You don't have to hide from me. I don't care about the bruises. I'd just hate to see the other guy," the woman gently kidded.
Sly was surprised by her answer, and he laughed in spite of himself. He laughed about the irony of the situation. Never in a million years did Sly ever think that Lucky would have beaten him up. "No, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Most of these injuries are from a car accident."
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with a sincere tone of voice. She looked to the swings again. "Look at that girl. She's just so happy. She doesn't care that her hair is getting messed up, or how hard she's pumping her legs. She just wants to go as high as she can. It's like she knows she was born to fly."
A songwriter to the end, Sly filed her words in his mind. "I can't remember the last time I felt that free."
"Well, I'd suggest that we go try it, but I'm not sure that you're in a condition to exert yourself."
"Yeah," he sighed.
"So what brings you to this park bench?"
Sly looked at the woman. She exuded a warmth that he hadn't felt in quite a while. It just felt natural to talk to her. "Oh, you know, I just didn't want to go home right now."
She looked again at the children. "You can live in a house, but that doesn't make it a home."
"Very insightful."
"As for me, I'm here because I needed a break. I have always come here when I needed to get away for a while."
Sly thought back to his former sanctuary. "Would you believe that when I was younger, I used to hide down in the catacombs?"
"Really? Down there in the dark with all of the bats and the like?"
"Yeah. The point was it was hard to find someone down there. I could just disappear for a while."
"Well, you're braver than me," she smiled.
Sly saw genuineness in her brown eyes, as well as a gentle laughter. "I'm sorry. I've failed to introduce myself. I'm Sly."
"Hi. I'm Jackie."
Just then, a little boy who could not be older than three came running up. "Mom, mom!" he called.
Jackie picked up the little boy and put him on her lap. "Yes?"
"I picked this for you," he said, handing her a flower.
Sly looked at the exchange. Jackie could not be much older than he was, but she was already a mother. It was a bit of a surprise.
"Well thank you." She turned to Sly. "Sly, this is my son David."
"Hello, David," Sly said, looking at the dark haired little boy.
"I'm going to play in the sandbox," he said. Jackie let the little boy down, and he toddled to the sandbox directly in front of the bench.
"You weren't expecting that, were you?"
Sly felt he had to be honest. "No, not really."
"Nobody does. I can't stand the looks I get sometimes," she said with a hint of anger in her voice.
Sly's heart went out to her. "Well, I don't look down on you. It's the hardest job in the world, to be a parent, and it's really easy to screw it up."
Jackie's eyes followed her son. "Maybe David wasn't planned, but I don't regret having him. Not for one second. I don't even remember what life was like without him."
Sly smiled wistfully. "I'm glad."
"He's been such a blessing in disguise. When I got pregnant, I was still in high school. I was so scared. I had never felt more alone in my life. When I decided to keep my baby, well, my boyfriend skipped out on me. I soldiered on and continued going to school. The things people said then were awful. I remember one time, a few of my classmates cornered me. They were calling me a slut and a whore. I didn't know how I was going to get out." Jackie wiped a tear from her eye. "I was a senior at the time, and this little freshman came to my rescue. I'll never forget his name-Lucky."
Sly immediately tensed up. There was only one person she was talking about.
"Well, I guess I was the lucky one, because he defended me to those jerks, and got me out of there. He was so gentle and wonderful. He actually recommended that I go to the Ward House, and that place saved my life. They taught me how to be a parent, and a responsible adult. I owe them so much."
Her story only reminded Sly of how far Lucky was from his old self. How could he have missed Lucky's cries for help? It was too much.
Jackie looked at her watch. "I'm sorry, it's time for us to go." She wiped her eyes again. "I didn't mean to get all emotional. It was really nice to meet you, Sly."
Sly smiled at her. "And you too, Jackie."
Jackie walked over to the sandbox and picked up David. "Maybe we'll see you again. You still owe me a ride on the swings."
Sly waved to them as they walked away. He watched as David clung to Jackie, and the natural way she carried him. It was a beautiful sight, when parenthood actually worked.
He felt his body growing weary. It was time to head home. He slowly walked the few blocks to his home above Jenny's garage. Jenny, Paul, and Junior were due home later, and he really was not looking forward to facing them. He could not imagine telling them the truth.
As he climbed the stairs, he saw a note attached to his door. When he got up to the landing, he took the piece of paper off the windowpane. It was marked simply, "Sly."
Sly opened the door and entered the room. He sat on the bed, then opened the note. He began to read.
Dear Sly: I could not get a hold of you before, and I felt I could explain better in a letter. I have decided to accompany Juan to Puerto Rico to help with the arrangements for his father's funeral. Right now, I have no idea when I will be back. I can't tell him, Sly. He just lost his father. How can I tell him about us? I can't break his heart again. So I think it's just best right now to keep what happened between us a secret. I will tell him the truth soon, but right now, my loyalties lie with him. Please try to understand. Someday we'll be together. Emily.
Sly couldn't believe what he just read. What was she doing? How could she lie to everyone like that? It became obvious to Sly that what happened with Emily meant nothing to her. Otherwise, she would have told Juan the truth right away.
The events of the past day came crashing in on Sly. Why did everything happen to him all at once? He had experienced great joy and great pain all within a 24-hour period. He showed people his true self, and what happened? He had gotten screwed over. Well, no more. If that's what happens when you put your heart on the line, he thought, then it's better to have no feelings at all. He crushed the note in his right hand and threw it against the wall, cursing the tears that were falling down his cheeks. His eyes fell on a statue of the Virgin Mary. Take them away, he prayed. Take my tears away. I can't trust them anymore.