Roots Hold Me Close
Holly Hendricks and Tori Bell (guest speakers)
Welcoming Cogregation Sermon
UU Church of Wakefield
February 20, 2005

[TORI]
Holly and I came and spoke to you a few years ago, early in Edmund’s ministry here.   We were delighted to be asked to come back, since we are Wakefield residents and long-time UUs.  We were members of Arlington Street Church in Boston before we moved to Wakefield.  Last May you may have seen our pictures on the front pages of all three Wakefield papers, as we were the first gay couple to register to marry in Wakefield!   On May 20th we were legally married at Arlington Street Church along with 50 other couples. 

Now it is nine months later and not much has happened as a result of our civil marriage or the marriage of any other gay or lesbian people.   A few of our heterosexual friends gave us cards and good wishes.  One neighbor honked and waved as he drove by our house and yelled “Way to go girls!”  Aside from a few new wrinkles in filling out income tax forms our biggest problem to date is when we will actually celebrate our anniversary.  Should we celebrate the anniversary of when we got together?  Should we celebrate our big church Service of Union in October of 1997?  Or should we celebrate our quick but lovely assembly line legal marriage last May 20th?  How can I possibly remember all that!

 We are thrilled that you feel called to become a Welcoming Congregation, and we want to support you in any way we can.

The following sermon is a combination of our words and those of Reverend Kim Crawford Harvie, with her permission.

Our minister recently described being drawn to Zen Buddhism and making it a part of her life.  “… as a Unitarian Universalist, I didn’t have to convert.  All that this faith asked of me was that I become more expansive, extending my embrace just a little wider to welcome in the teachings and practice of another faith.  Friends joke and call me a Buddhist UU, or a BuJu UU – and they’re right – but the truth is, it’s enough for me to say, “I am a Unitarian Universalist.”  Unitarian Universalism is big enough for all of my spiritual passions.”

She noted that some people leave Unitarian Universalism for other faiths and  send “conversion papers” to the former UU minister, who signs them, supposedly releasing them from Unitarian Universalism so that they can complete their conversion to their new faith.	

Our minister noted, “I’m happy to do it, happy they’ve found a spiritual home.  But I know that there’s really  nothing to what I’m signing; while their new faith may shut out Unitarian Universalism, Unitarian Universalism shuts out nothing or no one who stands for justice and mercy, affirming the worth and dignity of all people.”

A very common directive of spiritual teachers to spiritual seekers is to “return to your roots.”  By this, they mean, for example, that the Catholics should circle back to Christianity and Jews to Judaism, double-checking that the baby has not been thrown out with the bathwater of their birthright faith.  They want to be sure that their followers are not running away, because they know that wherever you go, there you are.  

But this just doesn’t work with UUs, since returning to our roots can mean a lovefest of exploration and discovery of the sources of our faith, which officially number six and counting – there were five until a few years ago, when we added earth-centered traditions to a list which already included direct experience of mystery, prophetic words, world religions, Jewish and Christian teachings, and humanism.   Becoming a Unitarian Universalist does not ask you to check the religion of your childhood at the door, but, instead, encourages you to bring it in, and figure out which parts you hold fast and which need to be released.  

[HOLLY]
Last year I had a chance to discuss sexual orientation with the minister of my childhood church in western Massachusetts.   My old evangelical church was mentioned in the Globe one day.  They were hosting a meeting sponsored by  Focus on the Family, to organize around fighting  gay marriage .  I decided to write to the current pastor, whom I don’t know, and come out as both a former church member and a happy, responsible lesbian.  I don’t think these folks know enough gay people. 

I introduced myself as a former member of the church, and wrote, “Your views on this issue probably differ significantly from mine, … and I respect that. But please consider that this is not an us/them issue, but an ‘us’ issue….  I often find myself in the most interesting position of speaking (or reaching) across a divide.  I cannot vilify the 50 percent of people who aren’t at all sure that gay marriage is a good idea, because many were my community in my youth.  A few of the 50 percent are narrow-minded bigots, to be sure, but I suspect that most are like the people I knew at your church.  Good people, with strong traditional convictions, and hearts of gold….”

I continued, “I experienced the church as theologically conservative, very loving, and quite open-minded.  Kids were encouraged to think and talk about their thoughts.  One of our youth leaders, a dedicated middle-aged woman, could always find a compassionate point of view, or a new way to help us walk in someone else’s shoes for a while.  She lived ‘judge not that you be not judged,’ and was a beloved role model for all of us….”

I have had an interesting role in UU circles,” I told him.   “I have sat with so-called “recovering fundamentalists” and helped them recall joyful memories and experiences of loving community, and helped them own the truth of that part of their lives and of their personal theology.  I’ve been part of some ‘closet’ evangelical hymn sings, because for many of us those memories were very rich and positive.  I’ve helped acknowledge the pain people have experienced in their home churches, and helped people consider the possibility of being a whole person within a church community again, and embracing the best memories from the church of their youth without accepting or internalizing any hateful behavior or shame that was directed against them.   “

Once I had established my credentials with him, so to speak, I went on to describe my relationship with Tori.   “We are no threat to people in traditional marriages.  We live in a small suburb north of Boston, where we pitch in with all the neighbors to help one another.  Like other couples, we worry about getting the mortgage paid off, [and] our health as over-50 adults….  We don’t usually say a lot about … our personal lives, believing that what matters is what we contribute to our communities.   

We feel strongly that each church should be free to decide about blessing gay and lesbian unions … [but] … would welcome the chance to have our long and responsible relationship acknowledged by the state.  What would it give us?  An assurance that we could be with one another in a medical emergency….  Financial support in joint home-ownership, and in inheritance situations.  An acknowledgement of the commitment we’ve made and the work required to sustain any long-term relationship through its ups and downs.”   [end of letter]

[TORI]
I would like to share with you the minister’s astonishing response.  After bringing Holly up to date on a number of church members whom he realized she would know, based on the dates she attended, he went on to say:

“I have very strong personal convictions on the whole matter of the scripture’s teachings on homosexual orientation and lifestyle.   At the same time, I am the first to admit that:
1.	I do not have the final (or only) word on the subject.
2.	I do not have extensive personal contact or experience with the homosexual life.
3.	I have not had to wrestle with the issue of personal sexual orientation.
4.	Those who hold views and convictions similar to mine have not always discussed the issue with either love or even the most basic human dignity.

He continues, “I would be glad to continue any conversation as you choose….  I thank you for your helpful and sweet letter.  Will you please join me in praying that God’s purposes, and not man’s, are accomplished in the meeting we are hosting – and in this entire matter in our commonwealth and nation.   I am respectfully yours….”

[HOLLY]
In a time when it is way too easy for us to characterize others stereotypically (someone recently referred to a fundamentalist as a ‘red-state yahoo’, for example) I was very grateful that I took the time to share my story with someone who might be hostile and condemning.   In Unitarian Universalism and in 12-step programs, I had learned to take a spiritual inventory of the past, taking what is useful, and leaving the rest.  Like you, my goal is to live a meaningful and purposeful spiritual life without the baggage of old betrayals and disappointments.

In Unitarian Universalism, there is no “away” to throw anything … especially not our own spiritual lives.  In devoting ourselves to owning our religious past, and being rooted in the best of its teachings, we are freed to live fully and deeply in our spiritual present.  And then, by the healing power of love and service, justice and peace, we can sing, in full voice,

Roots, hold me close,
Wings, set me free,
Spirit of Life, come to me,
Come to me.

Blessed Be