What People Should Call You: (*smiles condescendingly*) You may call me King Kurt.

Villain's Name and Alias: (*looks suspicious upon hearing the word "villain" but lets it slide*) Kurt Angle, King of the Nerds. (*hears snickering and becomes offended*) Hey! I'll have you know that the Nerds are a very noble tribe from the far northern reaches of Greenland.

Theme Song: (*presses play on a mini-boombox, which brings forth what seems to be an odd remix of "Pomp and Circumstance" and the Olympic Theme*)

Motto: (*leans back as if about to embark on a looooooong speech*) Well I don't have a motto so much as a credo. A code for living. You see, I live my life by the principles of the Three I's: Intensity, Integrity, and Intelligence. Let's start at the beginning so I can explain this in more detail. (*clears throat*) Now, Intensity is a state of mind that can lead to great success. In many cases, my own for example, it is inborn, but it may be possible for those who lack intensity to cultivate it, once they have recognized this defect. If they go about doing this, it doesn't guarantee success, but it greatly increases the chance that --

Battle Cry: (*blinks at being cut off*) I'll explain the rest of that later. Battle cry, huh? (*leans forward again, nodding knowingly*) "It's true. It's true."

Colors: Red, white, and blue! (*sniffles patriotically*) The colors of our beloved country.

Weapon: My gold medals. (*holds them up from their constant place around his neck; they gleam*) Not only are they a symbol for the great distinction I've bestowed on my country, but they're also handy to blind people in combat. (*suddenly looks taken aback*) Not that I'd do anything as underhanded as that. I don't need weapons. My greatest weapons are truth and honor! (*hears mysterious gagging noises*) (*looks around suspiciously*)

EvilGetup: Check out my nifty singlet! (*spins around, showing off said singlet -- sort of the spandex version of overalls, in case you don't know what I mean, except stopping about mid-thigh -- covered with a design of red, white, and blue stars and stripes that, in motion, are almost as blinding as the medals*)

HQ: In the back room of the Postal Service building across the street from Madison Square Garden. (*sniffs again*) And I am proud to share this space with those fine men who brave rain, snow, sleet, and dark of night. They show a real grasp of the Three I's, which most of these New York City moral deviants couldn't even imagine.

Mode of Transportation: (*points to an oversized tricycle painted with an American flag*)

EvilPartners: The Golden Geese are pretty good backup, even if they sometimes lack Intelligence. But you have to give them slack for overcoming the enormous obstacle of being from -- (*looks back and forth as if sharing an awful secret before whispering*) -- "north of the border".

Powers: In addition to my obvious moral advantage, I've worked very hard to achieve exceptional strength and strategic powers. It's true.

Source of Powers: Why, from my indomitable inner self, of course! [Memo: go for the medals.]

Weakness: I can't have a weakness. (*shifts nervously*) [Oh, they're there, all right, and usually at the weirdest times, too.]

Nemesis: (*spits out with notable venom*) Kitchen Utensil Boy. Not only is he depraved, but *Canadian*. That and he's holding Liliana down with him, which is just inexcusable. (*gets slightly starry-eyed*) In the right hands, she would have so much *potential*...

Likes: cowboy hats, apple pie, fireworks, children's programming (except those damn Teletubbies), dictionaries, rules

Dislikes: cable TV, profanity, people who don't play fair, New York City (which is why I'm here, to do my part in cleaning up this dump)

Bad Habits: (*fidgets*) Sometimes I falter in my resolve to accomplish my missions. But never for long! Honest. And... (*looks puzzled*) it seems that sometimes my enemies take advantage of my generosity in trying to show them the right path and use the time to escape or attack. Disreputable cowards.