It was quite amazing how quickly he healed from the coma, said the doctors. Shawn was the most extraordinary case they ever had. He would be out in a few days now. But that didn't put a smile on the brown haired boy's face. If he had been given the choice, he would have chosen death rather than...this. Coming back to the suffering. Sure he was happy to have Taylor by his side, but...he was going to lose someone dear to his heart. And that made the tears come back again, full force.

"Hi..." A voice came from the door. A voice filled with shyness and nervousity. Shawn closed his eyes when he heard it. Corey Farmer. The french bombshell. "Kevin told me...ahem...that you wanted to talk..." Corey spoke with the softest voice he had.

Shawn opened his eyes and turned his face to look at Corey in his eyes. He had been crying it seemed. Shawn sighed deeply. "Yeah...about...the..." It was so hard for him to say it. Too hard.

"The event, yeah, I guessed it." Corey walked closely to the bed Shawn was lying on. "Why would you talk to me, apart for that, eh?" Corey smiled, but it was formed by sorrow.

"I'm not mad at you, I swear. I'm just mad at the things you represent, that's all. I need time. A lot of time. You know how hard I'm fighting? How much I'm resisting from just staying..." Shawn was beginning to crack.

"I understand. I'm sorry. I'm just being a bit selfish. Sorry." Corey sighed. He learned to love Shawn. To enjoy his laughs. His giggles. Everything that make him what he is. Now, he has to let it all go. He couldn't have Shawn, ever.

"It's okay. I'm not usually really strong and now I've to face something like this. So you can imagine what's going on in here." Shawn tapped his chest with a sigh. He had the question to an answer so many people asked him. Why did he find Corey so irresistible. Now, he knew why.

"If you don't mind...I'll go straight to the point. It ain't easy for me too. All right?" Corey's eyes were teary. He had been crying a lot recently. Losing Shawn had been much more painful than he imagined. Oh, he knew he was going to break up with Shawn right from the start of all this but...of course...there's a world of difference between 'said' and 'done'.

Shawn closed his eyes and nodded in agreement. He has to hang on. He has to. Corey pulled on a chair and sat. He cleared his throat. Even though what he had to say is kind of short.

"It's going to happen during next week. I don't know the day and time precisely. But I'm sure it's one week after you wake up from the coma. You will know when the time will come. I can't explain how, but you will know. Of course, if you want to, you can't stop it. But it'll only retard the inevitable. I'm sorry. I sincerely wished it had worked."

Tears began to run on the brown haired boy's cheeks. They are used to it by now. So many times he had cried and for various reasons. Now's reason was much more stronger than the previous ones. So strong that at one point, Shawn wondered if his heart would be able to support it. He wished, he prayed for it never to happen. But like Corey just said, it's 'inevitable'.

He waited for two hours, TWO whole hours, on the pavement. He had been sitting for several minutes now. His legs were tired of standing in the burning sun of a saturday's afternoon. It was 1504hours. Infront of the McBerry's house. It was empty. That is, no one was at home. Tommy knocked quite a few times on the door, but no one answered. So he decided to wait infront of the house. He thought he could forget him, even hate him... impossible. Tommy realized that he felt more than just plain and simple 'friendship' for Fox. He didn't know whether or not it was love. But what he was certain of, he couldn't go on without him. Without Fox McBerry.

Those past few days, Fox had changed drastically. He wasn't the same. The same that Tommy learned to know. Fox began to tie back the knots of friendship he had with his old friends. The ones that hate Tommy. The ones involving Menrad. Of course, now they didn't dare harm him as he got several friends. (As he didn't have any before, he was bullied with no mercy by Menrad and his acolytes). Fox went back with them. No, he didn't start bullying Tommy but he acted badly with him. Fox either ignored him or just always replied, 'Sorry. Got to go!', whenever Tommy came to talk to him. It had hurt Tommy deeply. Very deeply.

Another couple of minutes had passed when Fox finally came into view. Tommy's heart started to pound hard in his chest. He had practiced a hundred times his speech at home, but still...his breathing began to become a bit difficult. Fox was alone, fortunately. When he noticed who was a few metres ahead, he rolled his eyes, like if he was exasperated or something. And that immediately broke Tommy's spirits. The latter decided to hang on though, he wanted to have Fox's friendship back. After all, he didn't do anything wrong, why should he be punished like that?

"Hi there!" Tommy had a smile formed on his face. He tried his best to be cheerful. He thought that if he had a 'depressed' face, Fox wouldn't even talk to him.

"Um...yeah. I got to go." Fox quickly walked and passed Tommy and headed to the door of his house. Shocked. That's how Shawn's cousin felt at that very moment.

"Hey, wait up!" Tommy quickly ran and stepped infront of Fox McBerry. "I need...we need to talk."

"I can't right now. Later, maybe." Fox walked and passed Tommy again. Hope was leaving the brown haired boy little by little.

"But it's important!" Tommy stepped infront of Fox again. This time, he had a serious look on his face. Tommy hoped that it would make Fox realize that something was wrong. It didn't work.

"I got to go." Fox walked to pass...

"STOP!" Tommy yelled, surprising the McBerry. "What's wrong with you? You've been acting weird since a few days ago! What the hell is wrong with you?" Tommy was angry.

Fox sighed. He wasn't going to be able to avoid it this time. He didn't want to. He thought Tommy would understand. But he was wrong. "Listen, I told you. I can't talk to you, okay? Now, I'm quite in a hurry, so..." Fox wished that Tommy would understand now. He has to understand. Fox didn't mean to hurt him. Never.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me? What did I do? Did I do something wrong? If I did, please forgive me. Please? C'mon, tell me..." Tommy was sad now. He tried everything. He tried to talk to Fox but in vain. Sometimes Tommy thought that he was the only one to do everything possible to save their friendship.

Fox lowered his eyes. He didn't mean to hurt Tommy. "Okay. I'll tell you what's wrong. What's wrong is the fact that I can't be friends with you. There, you know, now."

Tommy didn't understand. "Why can't you be friends with me?"

Fox sighed again. The truth was that Fox had made up with his old friends and everything came back to normal for him. But of course, his friends couldn't understand why he was friends with Tommy, so that's why Fox decided to ignore him. He couldn't say the truth to Tommy or else the latter would be hurt a lot. So he decided to lie. "My parents don't want us to be friends. They say that your family is made of disgusting people. I'm sorry. I hope that you understand. I don't want to have troubles with my family, okay? So it's better that we don't see each other anymore."

Tommy's eyes were burning. His heart was aching. His fists were clenched. He was angry? No. Sad? Neither. He was disgusted and disenchanted. Was that his destiny? To lose over and over again? He never had a 'special' someone before Fox. Never. Before Fox, he felt miserable, he thought he was a boring guy and thought that he had no value. That he was nothing. Fox broke all these fears. With Fox, Tommy felt so incredible, so special. But...it was just another way for destiny to hurt Tommy even more. Hurt. Lose. Tommy would never know something else than that.

Nothing. Tommy said nothing. He just walked away, his eyes filled with tears that didn't want to come out. They stayed in the eyes of the broken hearted boy. Tommy lost. Again. Life will always win, no matter how hard he fights. He decided to give up. No more stupid illusions. No more of these. No more attachments. Tommy promised to himself that day that he would never attach himself to anyone anymore. No more Fox McBerry in his life.
Never again.

Tommy went back home. He would go in his room, take off his clothes, put some music loud, really sad songs and he would drown himself in the world of sorrow for a while, not caring about anything else apart from crying all the tears of his soul. Trevor went out in the morning saying that he was going to meet his friends. His very popular and greatly interesting friends. Tommy wanted to be alone, so that was really a very good thing.

Tommy went directly to his room when he got home. He slammed the door shut. He kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks. He put on a Britney Spears cd, the second album, and played the sad songs tracks. He adjusted the volume quite high. Then he threw himself on the bed and covered his face with the bed sheet. He began his journey in the world of sorrow. It would last only a few songs and then he would just rest and try to forget this horrible day.

Trevor was in the room next to Tommy's. He was reading a magazine when his little brother came back home. He didn't really care about it right then. It was when he heard the slamming of the door and the music that he wondered what was wrong with Tommy. Even though there were huge amounts of tension between he and his brother, he did worry about the reason of this tantrum. He threw his magazine on the desk and walked out of his room. The music coming out of Tommy's room could be easily heard now. Trevor sighed. He didn't know whether his little brother would insult him or not. But he took a chance and knocked on the door. No response. Tommy probably didn't hear anything. Trevor opened the door.

Tommy felt something weird. He was crying and crying when he felt like if someone was near him, watching. It made his heart nearly stop. Did he lock the front door? Tommy clenched the grip he had on his pillows. He was too scared to lower the sheet to see if there was someone there with him. Even his toes clenched.

Trevor approached quite slowly. He scratched Tommy's barefeet with his fingers. The latter literally jumped on his bed, screaming loud. He was scared all right! And he surprised his brother too. Tommy took a second to realize who was standing infront of him. He sat up, with the bed sheet sticked to his chest by his arms. His face was wet with tears and his eyes were bloody red and tired. Trevor stared at his little brother in disbelief. He walked to the cd player and lowered the volume.

"I didn't know you were home." Tommy's voice was so weak that Trevor didn't fully heard the sentence. Tommy looked away, he knew his face was uglier than always and he didn't want Trevor to bug him about that. Trevor would never understand. He wouldn't even try.

"Calling out your name, your face's everywhere. I'm reaching out to you to find that you're not there..." sang Britney Spears softly through the speakers of the cd player.

"Came back an hour ago. I thought that you were staying home for the day." Trevor tried his best to sound 'normal'. What he really wanted to ask was, 'what happened to you?' and 'what made you cry so much?' But he couldn't be that direct.

"Why? Because I'm such a loser??? You think I never go out during week-ends?!?" Tommy was angry. Angry at Fox for being such a bastard. Angry at Shawn for going away for so long. Angry at Trevor to have abandoned him. Angry at himself...for being nothing.

"Where are you now? What have you found? Where is your heart, when I'm not around? Where are you now? You got to let me know, oh baby, so I can let you go..."

"I never said that. Dad told me that you would be home all day." Trevor sat on the chair assorted to the desk. He knew he couldn't come any closer than that to his little brother. The latter hated him so much. "And since when you're a loser?" An attempt. Trevor hoped it would succeed. His voice was carried by care.

"Since always. You perfectly know that." Tommy sobbed. He lowered his face to crush it against his knees. He hated himself more than anything else in the world. He had no charm, no talent, no beauty, nothing, he had absolutely nothing.

"I can hear your voice bring up yesterday, it seems so close to me but yet so far away. I should let it out, to say what's left of me and close the doors of doubt without my dignity..."

"No, that's not true. You've never been a loser when I was still here. You were fun to be with, I remember that perfectly well." Trevor smiled, thinking of the past. He and Tommy formed a team, an invincible one. But today...the team was shattered to pieces.

"Really, eh!? So fun that you decided to go away? So fun that you decided to leave me? So fun that you decided to abandon me?!? Nothing, not a letter, not a phone call, nothing!" Tommy's voice broke again as tears ran on his cheeks...again. It was like if his eyes were made to cry and cry over and over again.

"But I can't go on as long as I believe, can't let go, when I keep wondering...Where are you now? What have you found? Where is your heart, when I'm not around? Tell me, where are you now? You got to let me know, oh baby, so I can let you go..."

"Tommy, if I went away, it wasn't because of Mom or Dad, and certainly not because of you! If I ran away from here..." Trevor's memories were beginning to hurt his heart. He wasn't going to cry. He rarely cried in public. He always kept his tears for himself. "...it was because I wanted to make someone's last dream come true. And by doing so, I created myself a nightmare and I let it engulf me."

Tommy stared at his brother. What was he talking about? Was he lying? Was he trying to find an excuse to what he did? But why? Dad already forgave him and Mom probably did too. Could he be doing this to earn his little brother's pardon? Tommy wondered. "What are you talking about? I don't understand."

"I should let it out. It's time to let you go, oh baby, I just wanna know...WHERE ARE YOU NOOOOOOWWWW? WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND? OH WHERE IS YOUR HEART? WHEN I'M NOT AROUND...Where are you now? You got to let me know...oh baby...so I can let you go..."

"I was so in love with her. Her name was Ashley. She was probably the girl I loved the most. We went out for almost a year. Do you remember her?" Trevor had a little nostalgic smile across his face. Tommy nodded in agreement. "Well, one day...she came and told me that she had a tumour. And that she was going to die." Tommy widened his eyes of amazement. "Of course, I was...terrified of losing her. That's when she asked me to do something. She wanted to go to Los Angeles. She never went there. And she wanted to go there with me. It was her last wish."

Trevor stood up and approached the window. Ashley's house used to be a few kilometres ahead. He sighed. "We went away together. I used most of my 'little' savings for that trip. We didn't tell anybody about it. She said nobody would understand and that they would stop us from going there. I found it a bit weird, I thought her parents would understand as it's their daughter's last wish, but I didn't care. I was too scared of losing her."

Trevor sat back on the chair. He remembered those days. Those tragic days. "To make it short. When we stayed there for a little while. With some of her money and mine, we were able to eat and rest in a 'liveable' motel. But then...one day...she thanked me and dumped me. She was never sick. She pretended to be so. She wanted to come to Los Angeles to meet her 'boyfriend' from Australia. She went away with him. No need to tell you in what state of mind I was, right?"

Tommy just stared at his brother. He didn't expect something like that. And he didn't know what to think. Trevor went on. "I wanted to come back home but...I met...some junkies. I talked to them, told them my story. There was this girl...she was so nice to me...and she...she said she could take away all the pain. I was so depressed and so sad at that time...I accepted. And that's when the real nightmare started. I became addicted and was admitted in a hospital. They contacted Dad and he came immediately. I...I wasn't myself anymore. I needed the drugs, I couldn't live without them."

Tommy swallowed. Did he hear well? His brother was a drug addict? He stared at Trevor with big eyes. The latter just smiled back weakly and finished his story. "I was admitted to a specialised clinic. It lasted for several months. I suppose if Dad and Mom didn't tell you anything...it was because they wanted to protect you. And I asked them not to. I didn't want you to know..." Trevor paused for a moment. His face was lowered. "You know what healed me? What gave me enough strength to hang on? I wanted to come back to make up for the big mistake I made. I...I made my own parents suffer so much and...what I did to you...is simply disgusting!"

Anger slowly left Tommy's heart. Compassion and...brotherly love were making their way in. He climbed off the bed and approached Trevor. He took him in his arms and gave him a warm hug. It was a big step forward in the reconciliation and forgiveness tortoise process. "I'm here now, everything's going to be okay. I promise." Trevor whispered. Hug tightened.

Later, Trevor went knocking on a door. The McBerry's door. Mrs. McBerry came to welcome the young boy. Trevor politely asked for Fox, the latter's mother smiled and told Trevor to wait a moment. After a few minutes, Fox came to the door. He recognized the one who asked to see him, but didn't understand the reason of that visit. He never talked to Trevor before. He just heard about him and saw him once in school.

"Fox McBerry?" Trevor asked with a smile.

"Yeah...um...how may I help you?"

A hard right punch to the jaw. Fox fell to the ground. He held his jaw in suffering as blood coloured his teeth.

"That's for making my little brother, Tommy, cry." Trevor spoke with vengence in his voice. And then he gave a hard kick to Fox's stomach. "And that's in case you might think of doing it again." And with that, Trevor headed back home with a smile of satisfaction on his face.

Kevin went in the kitchen and prepared himself a sandwich. He had some time before their arrival. He cleaned the living room a little while earlier. It really needed it. It was around 18.30 or so when the door bell rang. Kevin didn't expect the visit so soon. He didn't even take a bite of his sandwich. He sighed and went to open the door.

"Corey? I didn't expect you so soon. I said 19.15, right?" Kevin smiled and invited the french boy in. The latter smiled back weakly and entered. He seemed depressed and tired. Kevin guessed the reason easily.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have anything to do. I thought it would be better to come here and chat a bit. But if you're busy...just don't mind me. Okay?" Corey smiled again as he shivered. It was a bit cold these days. He was wearing his slightly torned jacket and dark red t-shirt.

"You definitely need a drink. Fancy a beer?" Kevin seemed cheerful. He wanted to cheer his friend up. He went in the kitchen to fetch two bottles of beer. "One for you, one for me. And now tell me what's making your face so sad!" He sat on the couch, followed by the french boy.

"The dream is over, eh? And now...something worse is ahead. This is so unfair. It sucks." Corey took a sip of his beer. His red eyes started to water. He wished he could do something to stop the...inevitable.

"Shawn is strong and he has been informed for a while now. I know it's not a big help but...you know it's tough for me too. I mean, the attachment and..." Kevin was having trouble talking. Death isn't something relaxing to chat about. Even if it's about somebody else's death.

"I'm going back to France next monday." Corey took another sip of his beer. Kevin's eyes widened instantly.

"Corey...please...I know it's hard for you right now but...it's going to get better, I'm sure. You have to stay. I mean...who am I going to talk to if you go away? I don't have many friends here and...Corey...you have to stay...please?" Kevin didn't want to lose his best friend. Corey and him have been through a lot of things together. He didn't want that to disappear. He cared a lot about Corey. A lot.

"I'm going there for one week only. I've to talk to my aunt and arrange things with her. So that I can continue to live here." Corey took a sip of his beer and giggled. "But I'm glad to know that you're going to miss me that much. I'll be back soon, don't worry." He laughed a bit.

"Oh...okay." Kevin blushed and took a little sip of his beer. But he giggled softly a moment after. And both friends smiled. "We need to meet more when you'll be back. We've been going separate ways for too long now, I think." Kevin's eyes were filled with friendship and care.

"You read my mind or what?" Corey laughed back. Kevin's face asked for an explanation. "I wanted to ask you. As we...shared an apartment before, in France, and as I hate living alone in that big house...I was wondering if I could come to live with you. I mean...for a while. And if it's okay with your parents." Corey seemed nervous. Kevin smiled widely.

"That's going to be so fun! Of course it's okay!" Kevin was nearly jumping on the couch as he laughed with a happy heart. "And for my parents, it's not going to be a problem. You know that. But...what about your house? Are you going to sell it?"

Corey sighed. He thought about his mother. "No, I'll just let it be. I won't abandon it. But I won't live there anymore. Well, not for now. I'll use it to store the stuffs we had in France."

Kevin understood his friend's pain and decided to talk about something happy. "Hey, we'll need some help to move your things over here, right? Maybe the guys would be okay to give a hand, don't you think?"

Corey took a sip of his beer. He looked at Kevin with eyes filled with disenchantment. "Maybe Tommy would help. Maybe even Fox. But I don't think Shawn would. And definitely not Taylor." Corey's depression pressed his soul again. "But it's okay, there's not much to move, you know." He smiled weakly. Kevin placed a friendly hand on the french boy's shoulder.

"Life isn't that bad. I'm sure a smile will be on your face soon. You'll see." Kevin smiled. Even if his life wasn't really awesome, he didn't want to give up. And he doubled his efforts when he saw Corey's sorrow.

"Thanks. Thanks a lot." Corey finished his beer with a little smile. Kevin was really happy to have cheered his friend up. Even if it was just a little bit. "So...you're going to tell them today?" Corey asked as he noticed that it was nearly 19.00

"Yeah. I've to. I called and asked them to come. Without saying anything. Of course. But I did insist on the point of not saying to...you know whom. I might have...a little difficulty to tell them so that's where you come in handy." Kevin smiled weakly. Corey understood and smiled back.