Ya'll might be Yankees if...

You might be a Yankee if...

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside"

You think Heinz Ketchup is spicy

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits

You don't know what moon pie is

You've never had grain alcohol

You've never, ever, eaten Okra

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips to Bryn Mawr

You have no idea what a polecat is

Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle

You don't have bangs

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags

More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own fishing show

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all", you call them "you guys", even if both of them are women

You don't think Howard Stern has an accent

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach

You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around your house

The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores

The farthest south you have ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus

You call binoculars opera glasses

You can't spit out of the window of your car without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping

You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt

You don't know what applique is

Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place with in the context of a football game

You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay Bob, Bob Bob)

You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one

You've never been to a craft show

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you

You can't do your laundry without quarters

None of your fur coats are homemade Got another? Send it to me. JOHN GAHRMANN and I'll put it here

Produced by JOHN GAHRMANNoriginal content Š1996 by John Gahrmann