KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?" She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."

Man comes home on night when his neighbour stops him: "You really should close them curtains in the evening, I could see you and your wife making love last night."
"That's a goddamn lie! I wasn't even at home last night."

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American in an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did _you_ make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."

A nun is undressing for a bath and while she's standing naked there's a knock at the door.
The nun calls: "Who is it?"
a voice answers: "A blind man".

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she's naked so she lets him in.
The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says:

"Corrrrrrrrrrrr, and can I sell you a blind dearie...?"

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Death.
Death wh..........

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A: When you open her legs the lights go on.

Q: What was Corazon Aquino's happiest hour?
A: When she found out she had Imelda Marcos' shoe size.

Q: What's do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common?
A: You should have taken it out earlier.

Q: What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

We're in Johannesburg. A policeman goes into a Lutheran church very early one Sunday morning and spots a black man kneeling before the altar.

Policeman: Hey, Sambo, what you doin' in here?
Black Man: I'se scrubbin' de floor, boss.
Policeman: Well, get on wid it, an' don't let me catch you prayin'.

One day an engineer is going into a new grocery shop on the outskirts of town. When just inside, he sees a sign which says:

"CONDOMS: SOLD & FITTED."

He looks around and calls for service. Then, an exceptionally attractive young lady emerges.

"Do you work here?",he asks.

"Yes",she replied.

"And is the statement ao the sign over there true?"
The lady leans over the counter and says seductively, "Yes."

"Tell me," he asks, "who fits them?"

"I do," said the lady.

"Well," said the engineer, "would you please wash your hands and give me a pound of tomatoes."

Time: Early Sixties. Place: Yourtown, USA

A young unmarried couple decides after a few dates that they are going to sleep together. So, the guy, Tom, goes to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms.

Tom goes up to the pharmacy counter and asks the pharmacist for some Trojans, (just like the kid in Summer of '42). The pharmacist looks at Tom disgustedly and says, "What's wrong with you kids today, ya go on two dates and you wanna go to bed with each other. Why can't ya save sex for when ya get married. You should wait until you're married! Sex before marriage is a sin ya know."

Well Tom calmed down the pharmacist and explained that his generation was a little different. He said that he and his girlfriend were just trying to act responsibly and take precautions against pregnancy and disease. The pharmacist conceded that times were changing and finally sold him the condoms.

That same night Tom was invited over to his girlfriend. Katey's house for dinner with the family. When they all sat down, Tom asked Katey's father if he could say grace. Her father said yes and Tom proceded to say a beautiful eleven minute grace thanking everyone from the Pilgrims to the President for the meal they were about to eat.

After dinner Katey took Tom aside and smiling, said, "Tom, you never told me you were so religious!" Tom smiled back and said, "Well, Katey, you never told me you father was a pharmacist."

This bloke pulls into a petrol station in Ireland and asks for five gallons of petrol.
The attendant replies that they don't sell petrol.
``Don't sell petrol. What sort of a garage is this? Well, check the oil for me''
The attendant replies that they don't sell oil.
``What!! Top the radiator up for me then''
The attendant again replies that they don't have any water, and that, in fact, the garage is just a front for the IRA.
``In that case blow my tyres up''

A jetliner exploded just after takeoff, and crashed into a cemetery.
So far, they've found four thousand bodies, and they're still digging.