| 721. SIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN - August 1, 1995
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled down by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived. 722. Man Killed Repairing Truck - April 1, 1995 Kalamazoo Gazette -- James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type dump truck. " Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns's clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." 723. The Warning Signs Of Insanity -Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer. -Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from. -You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom. -You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write. -Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it. -You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits. -You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations. -Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death. -People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl. -Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day. -You laugh out loud during funerals. -When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!" -Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask. -You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge. -You have meaningful conversations with your toaster. -Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion. -You collect dead windowsill flies. -Everytime the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!" -You like cats. Especially with mayo. -You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things. -You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion. -You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued. -You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch. -Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards. -You have a predominant fear of fabric softener. -You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn. -Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons. -Melba toast excites you. -When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears." -You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you. -Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today." -You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes. -Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia. -Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P -toing!" -You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease. -You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk. -You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it. -You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough) -People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry. 724. WAYS TO HANDLE STRESS
1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. 725. She was only a
PLUMBER's daughter -- but she sure gave my heart a wrench. 726. The Last 10 Things a Man Would Say
10. I think Barry Manilow is one cool guy. 727. The Last 10 Things a Woman Would Say
10. Could our relationship be more physical, I'm tired of just being
friends. 728. questions actually asked at various national parks.
grand canyon national park
carlsbad caverns national park
mesa verde national park 729. Newspapers Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers. These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English". * On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband. * The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said. * With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim. * A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently. * Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated. * He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated. * Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold. * A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday. 730. Proper Care of Floppy Diskettes Follow all of these instructions carefully for error-free floppies!! 1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. 2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time. 3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives. 4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive. 5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes. 6. Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot. 7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss data. 8. Access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk. 9. Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using. (see item 2 above) 10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope. 11. Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading. |