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As for most little girls, Dad was my first hero. To me,
he exemplified commitment, responsibility, and stability.
He was the straight and narrow arrow that accepted nothing
less than the center of the bull's eye.
Growing up with Dad was a wonderful experience; he taught
by example and he lived life, not on the edge, but fully.
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Summer weekends were meant for Lake
Superior. Mom was always ready when the boat launched
at 3:35 p.m. on Friday - on the dot - regardless of
what her list of to-do's held. Together with Uncle
Carl, Aunt Lois, and cousin Lisa we played. Our adventures
took us across every inch of Grand Island from its
southern harbored shore to its northern cliffs rising
from the water's edge like the walls of a fortress,
into every open and under water cove of Superior's
shoreline, to the Devil's slide down dunes of Grand
Marais and the rusted iron docks of Marquette, onto
rock strewn beaches and old sunken ships, and through
all weather, even Superior's temper tantrums. |
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Today, Dad is 88 years old. His boats are docked
or long ago adopted by other water lovers. Well-spent
fishing poles await his summons for another adventure
on the great lake. Their lines, like Dad's hair,
grayed with age and their lures kept in tackle boxes
that now serve only as treasure boxes of memories.
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For as long as I can remember, Dad has always called
me "Sunshyn", a name he and my brother, Butchie,
bestowed upon me, but lately, he has begun to call me
the "the chosen one". I'll never pretend to
understand why, and chosen for what, I'm not sure, but
the title I'll proudly serve whenever called upon to do
so.
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Such a call came recently. A few weeks ago when I was
visiting him at his new and my sister's old home, kneeling
aside his chair as I always do, we listened to oldie songs
that I had given him the Christmas past.
Out of the blue, Dad asked "Where do you catch fish?"
Caught somewhat off-guard, but with all the confidence
of a trophy fisherman from one of those Sunday afternoon
catch and release shows, I responded confidently.
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"At about 150 feet of Lake Superior water, Dad,
where else would one catch Lake Trout?"
I saw his deep smile rise his cheeks up to fold the laugh
lines around his eyes that glistened with the twinkling
that I recall having always desired to see when a child
- the twinkling of pride - and his face begged the next
question.
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"Dad, would you like to go fishing with me on Superior?"
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Nearly overwrought with emotion, choking the words to
his lips, his voice barely audible, he said first, with
eyes wide open, "Yes", then with eyes closed
in thought, "Yes."
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The following week, Dad asked my brother-in-law to take
him to buy his fishing license. The next time I called,
he told me he was ready. We waited upon Mother Nature
to provide the opportune time of warm weather, sunshine,
and calm seas, but she had other plans.
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At 4:00 AM, I left home for a 5 hour journey to my Dad.
Along the way, I worked with eased direction, timely focus,
and a witnessed excitement for the day that lay ahead.
At noon, Dad and my husband joined me at my doctor's office
where I would receive confirmation that my surgery was
inevitable. My husband held my hand in what I'm quite
sure was an expectant manner for my reaction, but there
was none. The news couldn't shatter the vision before
me... at least not until Dad placed his hand on my shoulder
and whispered,
"Priorities in order. Priorities in order."
I knew what he meant.
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An assessment of Superior's waterfront readily revealed
a distant fog bank heading in from Canada. I took in a
deep breath of UP air and looked at Dad, watching him
do likewise. He titled his head, his look asking me "whatchya
gonna do kid?" When my glance responded with a "you
tell me" look, he raised his eyebrows so as to ask
the question once more, only with more importance. I looked
to my husband and our eyes met. Surely the thought of
a forlorn puppy left out in the rain awaiting rescue must
have come to his mind. He smiled, winked, and simply said,
"I've got your back, babe. Your Dad will have a
good day. Take the first drive after old M-28." And
with that, my white knight was gone.
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The 30 minute jog on down to old M-28 was filled with
talk of the days that Dad spent building the credit union,
selling K-C employees on the concept of saving for a rainy
day, loading trains, and all that other logistics stuff
he did day in and day out with a loyalty that put him
in place on the docks every day. We talked of Edgu and
Elsie, the days they snowmobiled and that he missed them
now that they were gone.
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He spoke of Bobbie, Bertie, and Donnie, each with pride
that swelled from his very soul. Then he simply added,
"Butchie would be here with us."
I replied, "I think he is."
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Dad went silent for moments in his own thoughts - a silence
I had learned to respect, a silence whose thoughts I can
sometimes hear.
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My brother, Lee,
more commonly known as "Butch", was killed in
a tornado in 1973 at twenty-six years of age, but his spirit
lives on for me in every paddle of my kayak, in every wave
I overcome, in every target I hit at a distance not accomplished
before, and in every fishing adventure, this one being no
exception. He lived "in the moment", fearless,
and always on the edge. Things I never dreamed I would do
in my more pristine "chic" teenage years, I do
in his honor and to me these things bring many of my most
treasured memories. Dad has mentioned on a few occassions
that he notices 'the edge' in me. |
We crested the hill over Shelter Bay, the still inland
lake to our right lay as smooth as glass, the greatest
lake to our left peaked through trees, but showed no white
caps. Our excitement grew.
"About 100 feet, Dad, and we'll be there."
"It'll be a good day." he responded.
True to form and perhaps expectedly, the boat for our
adventure was named the "Jodi Lee". Its decks
were clean and swabbed, its railing shining from the layers
of poly, just like Lee's. Downriggers manned the sides
like soldiers ready for battle and tackle lined the cab's
wall readied as ammunition.
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Our path was there before us, the fog folded back, the
water bluer than I ever remembered it, the huge ropes
that bound us to a dock now lay scattered there as though
discarded in the excitement to be out there on the wave.
And we were launched. While Dad stood atop the well cover
to gain the height that years had taken from him, his
legs weak, I stood behind him, my arms wrapping his left
side, my body ready to catch his fall, and I remembered
the times he had held me in protection while we braved
an angry Superior, while we walked the rocks of ever rising
cliffs on the north side of the island, while we huddled
down to let a bear pass our path and was thankful that
I was able to return a sense of security. I watched him
peer out at the land to the east of us, pointing to the
home he had built atop the hill, where all his children
had grown. He focused on the west, naming the point "Laughing
Whitefish Point", named after an Indian maiden, Princess
Whitefish.
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The heavy fog wrapped and unwrapped us as though a thick
black velvet cloak, but we held our path electronically
- up the bank's edge, around its flat end, down the rescinding
edge, and along the drop-off at its top. Pass for pass,
we marked no fish. But it mattered not; the camaraderie
was grand and filled us all and the stories were endless
of times and people who had left, but were unforgotten,
the great fishing trips of times long ago, and of course,
of Superior.
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Just a few months ago, Dad underwent his fourth surgery
for cancer. The day after Dad returned home from the hospital,
he lost his only brother to cancer. Weak and frail, but
with the ever present chilvary and honor Dad has always
held, he sat aside Aunt Lois, greeting people, thanking
them with her for their prayers and for sharing this last
farewell.
Uncle Carl was a man whom touched everyone's life in
some of the most remarkable ways possible - it was as
though he knew a person's deepest more tresured needs
and he sought to meet them through love and sharing.
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The Orthodox Priest spoke highly
of Uncle Carl and grandchildren shared stories resembling
the ones that Dad was telling now.
The one sentence in the eulogy that gave meaning for
Dad conveyed the very life that Uncle Carl and Dad have
lived, "We fished all day, but caught nothing, neither
here nor there, the splashing midst upon Uncle Carl's
face put a smile there that we knew meant he was thankful
just to have shared the day with us." In Dad's silence,
I heard these thoughts.
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Our Captain, Native by blood and a man of few words,
and my husband had long ago formed a bond from their
journeys; their footprints had shared the same paths.
Their silences, glances and conversation confirmed
to me that they were in brotherhood.
Captain Mitch's strong jaw line and smart cocky
grin reminded me of Butchie, but it was that still
calm within him that I found deep admiration for
that day - he knew - he knew why this day and who
this day was for and his pride to honor an elder
consumed him.
Captain Mitch worked feverously putting down and
pulling up the outriggers, tightening and loosening
the lines, checking the depth finder, scouring the
depths, looking for a mark. He was obviously unsatisfied
with a 'no catch' day, despite our repeated proclamations
of enjoyment and thanks, to which he only responded
with,
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"Prepare to stay until we've met our limit."
Dad nodded as though that was an obvious conclusion.
I sat erect, looking at each of them thinking that dinner
would be a novel idea come sunset, then quickly glanced
towards the head and bow. Dad rested back into his deck
chair and continued watching the lines. Seeing my concern
of missing dinner or darkness on Superior was unshared,
I smiled and returned the nod. Dad just kept watching
the lines.
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Then it hit. The pole bent. Vibrated. Straightened
a tad. And bent again. It was a live line!
I squealed at Dad that he had one - which some,
and surely my brother Bob would have seen as an
overstatement of the obvious - nonetheless a joyful
clatter that brought that twinkle to Dad's eyes
and that shitty ass grin to his face.
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Captain
Mitch quickly hit the line control and the boom bounced
- the line was released - he grabbed the rod from
the holder and handed it off to my Dad whose hands
grasped it as though he had never missed a day on
the lake. |
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The line counter put it out at 212 feet, dragging
behind us at an angle, its projection just under
the high line and over the backside down riggers
The path was clear. Captain Mitch moved quickly
to the wheel and cut the engines down to their slowest
troll.
Round and round, over and under, round again, Dad
reeled the fish to the boat and I cheered him on,
"Keep it coming, Dad, don't stop, don't loose
it, you got it, keep him coming." He laughed,
he smiled, he laughed again and again.
And there it was - surfing across the top of the
water in a furry to catch up with our boat and be
landed! Well, maybe not by the fish's choice, but
it sure could appear so.
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Captain Mitch scooped it up and swung the net around,
slowing just in front my Dad, "That's a nice one."
And with that, Dad pierced his gills and held him up for
his photo.
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Then number two hit.
Again, the pole bent, its tip quivering under the
tension. Dad moved to the edge of his deck chair
- readying himself for the big landing once more
and I scurried to his side, proclaiming another
arrival.
As smooth as the time before, without missing a
beat, Captain Mitch swooped the rod from its holder
and delivered it into my Dad's hands. He gripped
and wound, over and under, round and round.
A sharp winding shrill echoed as the line cleared
the tip.
"This is a big one!"
Dad's voice louder than it had been for years.
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He reeled and reeled. This one was out 298 feet
behind us. As I watched his hands move slower, I
knew the invitation was coming.
"Here kid, you reel it in."
With the end of the pole facing me, his face holding
a tad bit of tiredness, I placed my hand on the
reel and Dad placed his hand over mine. Just as
he had done when I was a child fishing with him,
so now I was helping him land the catch.
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Knowing whose glory this was, I wound for a bit,
then turned the control back to its rightful owner.
Indeed it was bigger than the last.
His grin fills my memory and heart, full faced,
eyes twinkling once more.
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Tears clouded my viewfinder as I took aim at the
two he showcased forwarded.
"Nice fish, Dad, dang nice fish."
Then the third hit!
In all the excitement, the posed prizes were quickly
thrown back into the cooler and water splashed everywhere.
It covered Frank, Dad's coat... and Dad's face.
He grinned ear-to-ear as he wiped his face and we
laughed. The water on his face... oh the meaning
within... life... living.
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As he wiped away the last of the splash, he turned
to Frank, grinning still, and jokingly stated,
"You won't miss me when I'm gone."
Frank made direct eye contact, "Oh yes, Dad,
we will all miss you when you are gone."
Nodding in acknowledgement, Dad's smile was precious
with a 'figure so' look.
I leaned close to Dad, winked, and added, "But
we will keep your spirit alive every day, every
way, just like today."
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As the third fish came aboard, Dad began
to laugh. With two fingers pointing at the starboard
riggers, his half laugh, full smile continued, his
head shaking back and forth, |
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"What I wouldn't give to see you if we were hitting
on two down riggers on each side one after another. You
would surely be excited. What I wouldn't give to see you
then."
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"Another day, Daddy, another day."
Captain Mitch began the ritual of the hunt's end. Lines
released from their booms, the retreivers brought them
home and each was wound tightly and bedded in its reserved
spot on the top of the cabin ceiling.
Dad asked me, "Remember?"
On occassion, Dad travels through time, picking up a
favorite memory in this year, adding it to a favorite
from another year. But it matters not. His remeniscing
way means only that these memories are the heart of his
soul, regardless of their time and place. Even so, I wasn't
quite sure what he referring to. My inquisitive face told
him I needed more of hint.
He pointed to the setting sun that had tried so hard
to burn off the fog and shine upon us all day. "Remember?"
Oh, and I did. When I was about seven and half (which
for any girl of that age is 'going on 10'), Dad and I
were fishing at the mouth of the Anna River. We sat in
silence - probably the only time I did at that age - when
I couldn't hold back my question any longer. "Dad,
what is the meaning of life?"
When Dad looked at me somewhat amiss at such a question,
I explained, "Well, as I see it, you can't win this
game. You are born, but no matter what, you die. Just
like the fish, we get taken out of here and we're dead."
Expecting that parents had all the answers and responded
immediately, I was sure they were clueless when the answers
didn't come quickly. The silence continued for what seemed
like hours, which was probably only 15 minutes or so,
but I was sure he didn't know. As the sun filled the horizon
with a fiery red, Dad pointed to it and said, "That's
the meaning."
I looked at Dad and smiled, tears filled my eyes. "Yes,
Daddy, I remember."
Then Dad patted my hand and proclaimed it to have been
a good day.
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This was a good day... what
meaning! |
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