China Myth Busting a.k.a. best aerobic exercise for westerners and it's free!

This is the page where we go way out on a limb and correct some of the annoying myths that have been spread about China for many years. You could call it "China Bashing" or you could call it "fact-based myth adjustment." It's quite similar to the way disgraced political leaders were "airbrush adjusted" out of Chinese government photos in the past.

Myth #1

• All Chinese people know Kung Fu (Gong Fu) and one Chinese person can kick the collective asses of 10 westerners.

Reality #1

• Very few Chinese know Kung Fu. Most Chinese businessmen smoke too much and eat lots of unhealthy foods so they have weak hearts. As for the 1 against 10 aspect, the truth of the matter is that Chinese culture has absolutely no moral or chivalric code that defines a fair fight as "one against one." So normally if you ever see a fight between a westerner and a Chinese person, in a matter of seconds, ten other Chinese people will join in the pummel the pitiful westerner senseless. In light of this fact, GCM's advice to westerners in a potentially dangerous physical situation in China is to first jog away at a good pace for 15 minutes. Then when all the Chinese following have just about keeled over from their bad smoker's lungs and hearts, turn back and kick their butts. This advice can also be easily adapted to business negotiation situations. When the negotiation hits a standstill, suggest that all participants adjourn to the Great Wall for a brisk hike to the top. Make sure everybody on the Chinese team goes. Just after you reach the top of the Wall, let them have it! (Note: Big fat western smokers who eat unhealthy food and have weak hearts should first see their doctor before attempting the above suggested strategy).

Myth #2

• The Chinese have 5000 years of culture, they invented everything, they work harder, and are smarter than westerners. They also defeated the Japanese in World War II.

Reality #2

• If you can agree with the above without puking, then you may have a future in China business. One of the key requirements of doing business in China is to constantly massage the Chinese ego. You must constantly pay them compliments and generally assure them of their superiority over westerners. So make sure to keep your mouth shut about the ancient culture of the Egyptians and any of the myriad of western inventions. And for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut about the atom bombs the US dropped on Japan. The glorious People's Liberation Army defeated the running dog Japanese. Radiation had nothing to do with it. (By the way, could somebody please ask the PLA to get shorter belts for their soldiers. The leather belts wrapped one and a half times around their bodies do not create a strong impression of physical power.)

Myth #3

• Westerners have treated China badly and now have to repay China in some way or alternatively the Chinese are allowed to use every dirty trick in the book to even the score, and furthermore, you should not complain about it.

Reality #3

• Remember that wonderful 5000 year history of the Chinese mentioned above? Westerners played a major role in about 160 years of that history. The other 4840 years are filled with glorious examples of Chinese people (rich Chinese people, strong Chinese people, Chinese officials, Chinese emperors, Chinese guys with receding hairlines who now are buried in a glass coffin in the middle of Beijing) killing and enslaving other Chinese people. Even today, you will be struck by how badly Chinese people treat each other. If you ever want to create a small explosion, put two Chinese staff in a room together, appoint one of them as the manager, and then lock the door. Then get as far away from the building as possible.

Myth #4

• Chinese people are polite and humble.

Reality #4

• Wrong! Want to describe the Chinese in one word? Can you spell X-E-N-O-P-H-O-B-I-C. If not, try A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T. If you think Americans are bad, wait until you see what the Chinese do with these concepts. Fortunately for those of us that are in China now, things are not too bad yet. Mainly this is due to the glaring contradictions of being an inherently arrogant culture but miserably poor and backwards at the same time. At the current stage of evolution, Chinese arrogance has now metamorphosed into manic depressive fawning on foreigners one second, and violent verbal/physical attacks the next. But once this whole "socialism with capitalist characteristics" thing gets revved up, and they actually have some small accomplishments to be proud of, look out!

Myth #5

• The Great Wall is the only man-made object you can see from the moon without a telescope.

Reality #5

• Don't know who made this up or why but it seems that everyone has heard it at least once. Being stupid western guerillas, we wonder if this myth is logical or reasonable. Let's see. First you have the Great Wall. It is chopped up into a bunch of different sections most of which have been all but disassembled by peasants to use as building materials. Only a couple of spots near Beijing are in good repair. And the wall itself is rather gray and dusty looking and tends not to stand out from it's surroundings. One the other hand you have numerous highways around the world. Take for example, Interstate Highway 5 in California. It is at least 15 times wider than the Great Wall. It is longer and straighter. It is in very good repair the entire length. It is a sharp light gray color that stands out clearly from its mainly greenish surroundings. So why can you see the Great Wall from the moon and not Interstate Highway 5?

What does this have to do with business in China? Nothing and everything. Click on the link below to go back to the main page as see if you can actually dig something of worth out of all this internet space.

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