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Karaoke a.k.a. KTV
Proper pronunciation: Kah-Lah-Oh-Kay
Improper pronunciation: Kerry-Oky
Word Origin
Karaoke is a Japanese word which literally means "empty
orchestra." The point being that you sing along using a
microphone but there is no band present to accompany you.
Only a recording. Throughout the years, the word has been
spelled hundreds of different ways which has led to great
confusion. Even the Chinese have hacked up the name in
several different ways, some versions with three characters,
and some with only two characters plus the English letters
"OK" tacked on the end.
Definition
A recreational activity in which normal, everyday people
(ranging from tone deaf to musically talented) join together
to gather around a TV set to sing along with songs by
following the lyrics on the screen.
Historical Origins
Originally Karaoke began in Japan as a rip off of an old
American TV show in which viewers were asked to sing along
by "falling the bouncing ball." While the singers sang the
song, the lyrics appeared on the bottom of the screen
accompanied by a little bouncing ball that bounced along
above the words. The Japanese stole this idea, renamed it
Karaoke, and of course improved on it greatly. What else is
new?
Karaoke in Modern China
From humble beginnings a mere ten years ago, karaoke has
grown at an incredible rate in China to become the number
one leisure activity.
Physical Setup
The original physical setup for karaoke was quite simple.
Basically it was a tape player playing a prerecorded
cassette tape that had the vocals removed or put in the
background. The tape player had a microphone jack into which
could be plugged a microphone for the singer to use. The
"singer" was you. You simply read the lyrics that were
printed on a piece of paper.
Later this was greatly improved to become a video based
system. The great difference was that the lyrics appeared on
the screen while the background video showed some sort of
scenery or mini-dramatic scene relating to the song.
Next came the real high tech innovations including pitch
control adjustments, laser discs, remote control selection,
multiple microphones for duets, onscreen song selection, and
most importantly dim lights and private rooms.
Step by Step Instructions How To Sing Karaoke
- Get a bunch of people together and go to a fancy
local KTV parlor.
- Pay for the luxury of a private room. This room will
be around 6 square meters and include sofas, drink
tables, a huge TV screen, two microphones, several
songbooks listing the various song titles available, and
some device for selecting songs.
- Choose a song.
- Wait for it to appear on the screen.
- Start singing by following along with the words on
the screen.
- If you are a very bad singer, then crank up the echo
on the microphone. Normally this will hide all but the
worst singing voices.
- If you happen to have one of the worst singing
voices, then consider the "Barry White School of Talking
Songs Instead Of Singing Them." Proper song selection is
key in order to successfully pull this off. This method
works best on English songs that the Chinese audience is
not familiar with.
Cost of Karaoke
Not including the cost of mental anguish it may cause,
karaoke can be extremely expensive in China. Private rooms
are a major cost; many have a minimum charge per head. Also
they charge exorbitant rates for drinks and snack foods. And
watch out for the fruit plate they try to foist on you at
the end of the night. This fruit alone can set you back
RMB500 sometimes. And don't forget the cost of the hostess
girls. See below for more details
about this one saving grace of karaoke.
Recommended English Songs
- The House Of The Rising Sun
- Desperado
- Any Elvis song (and make sure you say "Thank you,
thank you very much" at the end in your best Elvis
voice)
English Songs To Avoid
- Crocodile Rock
- Feelings
- Any John Denver song
Recommended Chinese Songs
- For Men: Yi Wu Suo You by Cui Jian
- For Men: Ai Ren Tong Zhi by Luo Da You
- For Men: Anything by Wu Bai/China Blue
- For Women: Anything by Wang Fei
- Any Taiwanese dialect song; who's to say you are
singing it wrong.
Suggestions For Success
- Get very drunk before going to a karaoke parlor.
Usually this can not be avoided anyways since karaoke
typically follows a bout of banqueting and drinking in
China.
- Continue stoking the fire by drinking more at the
karaoke parlor.
- It is highly recommended that you learn to sing at
least one song in Chinese. The Chinese, having soaked
from birth in a stew of cultural arrogance and paranoia,
are very flattered when they see westerners singing a
Chinese song. This could be worth at least a 3% price
difference on your latest contract.
- Don't spoil the fun for everyone. No matter how badly
you sing, sing at least one song. If you really are a
terrible singer, make sure to grab the microphone early
and get it over with. That way you can enjoy the rest of
the night without being too uptight.
- Applaud the other singers when they are finished. If
you really want to follow Chinese custom, go ahead and
applaud at any time in the middle of the song when ever
you feel like doing so. This marks you as a real insider
in China.
- Take up smoking during karaoke singing. It looks cool
and at least you can enjoy some of the benefits of
getting lung cancer since you are going to be surrounded
by thick clouds of secondhand smoke anyways.
- Top Secret Suggestion: Enter the karaoke room first
and quickly scan the available seating. Make sure to grab
a seat near the back of the room where you can see
everybody else but they have to turn their heads to see
you. This is a good way to avoid singing plus is very
handy in the next section about hostess girls.
Hostess Girls
OK, karaoke is not too bad; sometimes it can even be fun.
But the greatest thing about karaoke by far is the hostess
girls. Most better quality karaoke parlors now have a batch
of these girls on call at all times. Normally after you get
situated in your private room, the room attendant supervisor
will bring several girls by the room for you to select.
Don't be shy. Even though this is disgustingly sexist, you
have to make sure you do not get stuck sitting next to a dog
for the next three hours. If you see one you like, motion
her over to the seat next to you. If none strike your fancy,
indicate a pass and ask to see another group. Don't let the
Chinese choose a hostess for you. They will invariably
choose the worst looking one of the bunch for you. We're not
sure if they do this to insult us or just because they have
bad taste.
If you are a woman, then you are probably out of luck
since none of the karaoke places we have been to have male
hosts for women guests. But be patient, Taiwan has plenty of
such places (called Friday bars or Friday KTV's)
specifically targetted at high roller women guests. So China
will likely start getting these soon.
Hostess Fees
The going rate for a hostess in northern China is around
RMB200 for a 2 hour session. Sometimes they will try to run
around from room to room playing hostess to more than one
client at a time. Don't stand for this. Also they will
always try to squeeze you for more money then you should
give them. This is especially effective since you will be
fairly drunk by the end of the night when money payin' time
rolls around. Just point to somebody else and say he is the
man with the money.
Hostess Services
- Squeeze in tight next to you on the sofa
- Pour your drink for you
- Make small talk with you (they still need lots of
work in this area in China. Taiwan still has a strong
lead over China in "hostess small talk" skills.
- Play drinking games (ask them to teach you if you
don't know already)
- Sing songs you select
- Input song selections into the overly complicated
request selection mainframe computer
- Order more drinks for you
- Other Services Of A Sexual Nature: the editors of GCM
know nothing about this. But make sure you see the movie
"Red Corner" before you get involved in these activities
in China. If you still choose to partake, don't worry;
we'll visit you in Beijing #1 Prison and try to sneak in
a Time magazine for you to read. At least your Chinese
will be fluent when you get out.
Don't be worried if you still haven't done any real
business yet. 90% of your time in China will be spent on
activities like eating, drinking, singing karaoke, and
pulling your hair out of your head. This is normal for all
westerners in China. Click below to go back to the main page
to see if we have any suggestions for hair growth tonic.
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you leave.
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