Not in alphabetical order for your inconvienience...
Grant's Blood Angels- While playing a game of Warhammer with me, we allied against Peter. However, Grant's army, the cowards they were, ran away from battle leaving me to try and beat Peter. Obviously we lost, so that's how this joke started.
The Vengeful Blood Claw- In that same Warhammer game, one of my faithful blood claws was killed on the first turn! From then on, whenever I killed someone else's guy, my blood claw would jump on the corpse and yell "Vengeance is mine! Muahahahahahaha!!!"
Jamie "The Poz"- One day in science class, resident genius Chip received a yearbook survey. At the bottom, he wrote in the award "Most likely to work at McDonalds" and put Jamie as the winner. Several laughs and insults would follow. However, Jamie found out and ripped Chip's 4 surveys in half 4 different times. Oh well.
Slat Dance- There was a question on a quiz that asked "What year was the Slat Dance performed?" Since our teacher never told us, I decided to put down the year that the first Olympics were performed: 776 B.C. This answer of course, was wrong. Many cameo appearances on my webpage would follow.
Mr.Skinner- Mild-mannered teacher or spiritual leader? Neither in this case. Tricking his students into reading all 20 of the Mark Twain nominee books of 1995, he promised he would treat the readers to a dinner and a movie. This of course did not happen. Check the "What ever happened to" section of this page for more details of what happened to him.
Wipe.mid- In an interactive chat room called The Palace. You could play midi's and everyone would hear it that was in the room. JAD and Hobbes would continually play Wipe.mid (Wipeout) in the room. When they got sick and tired of it, yours truly started playing it a lot and it became an inside joke.
Zach H.- In 6th grade, Zach would always drink about 9/10 of his soda, he would never be able to drink more. Since he was too lazy to throw it away himself, he would get someone else to "Hold it for a second" and run away with his posse laughing insanely. Zach is also a professional retard impressionist.
Neal Number 2- Real name: Neal R. He lived in Arkansas for awhile. Currently in the 'popular' group but doesn't wear Abercrombie.
Neil Number 1- Real Name: Neil D. Continually acts like a major retard. His lifelong dream is to become Neal R.
Purple Pelican, Grey Gorilla, and The Eager Beaver- At the end of 6th grade, we had to make a little packet thingy for 6th graders coming to a new school next year. I made it with 2 friends, the infamous Chip and Ranger John. We made up those 3 names which we used in our introduction. Other names considered were: The 3 Musketteers and Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
Spam, Ham, and Pork- During the same time period when the Purple Pelican, Grey Gorilla, and The Eager Beaver were invented. "Ranger" John would write names of meat on the chalkboard. It was funny, to an extent.
Roo Roo The Kangaroo- It's a nickname, not mine though.
9/16 Wrenches- In gifted class, we were reading "Illusions" by Richard Bach and we were picking parts and reading what they said. Well, that darn cat John picked the 9/16 wrench and it became an inside joke. You see, some guy was floating a 9/16 wrench in the air and...well...it was funny.
Sporks- Last year, Jamie "The Poz" developed an obsession with sporks. She would collect them, and name them. Scary huh?
The Dead Horse- Sing to the tune of the Mr.Ed theme song:
This horse is a corpse, of course, of course.
And no one can talk to this horse, of course.
Unless, of course, this horse's corpse is the famous Mr.Dead!
Lord Gazuga- Leading his Undead Lizard Warriors into great battle during the cleansing, he screwed up and lost the battle so he didn't take over the world like he should have. Oh well.
Evil Snake Mage- Always on a mission to kill magazine editors, this evil snake kills its prey from the inside. Not much else is known about it.
The Spaininians- In class one day, "French Guy" Grant referred to people living in Spain as Spaininians instead of the politically correct term: Spaniards. Ever since, he has been paranoid that the Spaininians have been out to get him.
Dorkage- I think I saw it on a Dilbert™ comic strip.
One Week- Originally sung by "The Barenaked Ladies", this song was ruined by the horrific singing of Chip and me. And as long as you don't have any follow-up questions, we can sing it faster than they can.
Operation CWAL- Stands for: Operation Can't Wait Any Longer. It had something to do with angry computer users storming Blizzard™ because they wanted to play Starcraft.
PASCAL- The absolute worst computer language ever.
Go Hang A Salami I'm A Lasagna Hog- It's a palindrome. If you read it backwards it says the same thing. And no, it doesn't have anything to do with the devil.
Chocobos- Cute ostrich-like animals from Final Fantasy™.
Coconut Monkeys- They're monkeys. But they look like coconuts with eyes.
Nuclear Rabbit- A rabbit with nuclear capability.
The 3 Squirrels- No one knows their true identity. They could be anywhere...look out!
Omega and Beta- If you say it over and over again, people will hate you forever and duct tape your mouth shut. Try it!
The Turks- They're guys from Final Fantasy VII.
"Big" Seth- He's big. Don't get in his way! *Crunch* Don't say I didn't warn you.
Ranger John- John's nickname. We made a song about him but you would be offended.
Rampart- A really ghetto Nintendo™ game.
Team Rocket- Let's just say that they're really really really stupid. At least they have a neat team motto. You can watch them fail every weekday on the Pokemon show. "Cool!"
Mr.Clear- Oh boy. Let's just say anyone easily offended should leave...right now. Ok, the first day at TIP, someone(can't say their real name) found a...er...long rubber thing (that sounds even worse) Let's just say they give them out for free to avoid teen pregnancy. Anyway, he named it Mr.Clear.
Zap-A-Gap- Really cool glue that I use to put Warhammer™ models together.
The Presidential Clock- It was the topic of a certain Bill Clinton joke. I can't tell you what it is, but just imagine you're writing a poem and you have to find a word that rhymes with clock...
Eat At Joe's- John made a Hyperstudio stack in 6th grade and decided to be funny so he put an extra card on it saying "Eat At Joe's."
Kumar- It's someone's middle name. Middle names are always weird.
Grape and Orange Soda- John's favorite drinks.
The Cheerleader and Horseback Rider From H***- They're Halloween costumes. Pretty cool ones if you ask me.
Good Times- A running gag on SNL and Chip's presentation in Unified Studies class.
Donald Shimoda- He was in "Illusions," the guy who could make 9/16 wrenches float around in the air.
The Unspeakble Word- Ego.
Ludicrous Speed- Fastest speed in the universe, as seen on Spaceballs™.
The Chewbacca Defense- The defense that Johnny Cocheran uses in every trial to win. It consists of talking about how Chewbacca is a 6-foot tall wookie...but he lives on Endor with 2-foot tall Ewoks, and how it all doesn't make any sense.
Deathchicken- There has been a rumor spreading of a secret weapon that WAP technicians have been working on for centuries known only has: Project Deathchicken™. Note: This is ONLY a rumor...heh heh heh.
"The Club"- A palace gang home to Decipher's SWCCG Palace started by the notorious T.C. Leader (Tifa). Anyway, it only lasted for a couple weeks or so.
MiG- Another palace gang home to the Decipher's Palace, the MiG were formed by Cyber Ghost (I think) to destroy another gang known as the MiB. MiG=Men in Green.
Powdered Toast Man- It was on "Ren and Stimpy" a long time ago...something about powdered toast probably. Came in second place in the "Best Superhero" award. Not much else is known.
Y.A.G.A.- Note: Y.A.G.A. is NOT to be confused with YAGA...they are completely different...at least that's what they say. This 4-letter acronym stands for Youth Association of Gays in America.
Girls Sitting On The Back Seats Of A Bus Putting On Strawberry Champagne Chapstick And Then Slapping Each Other- Even I don't get it. This does not make any sense.
Killer Comb- The weapon of the 152nd pokemon, Grant Man! He will kill Uncle Wilse!
Lipsyncher- Let's just say you should never play Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Fighting Edition.
Uncle Wilse- He was the really mean Uncle in "The Light In The Forest" and in the movie True Son (Some Indian) says "I will kill Uncle Wilse!" about 5 times in the same scene. Then Grant started saying it again and again and again and again...
Ultimate Arena Of Death 3- The deadly computer game created by Me, Kyle, and Matt. This game involved a paddle...and a ball...and you hit it back and forth. No it's not pong either! We put a nifty blood screen we stole from resident anarchist Bill Dimmick into the program.
1-800-I-BATMAN- What can I say? Any company that unwittingly picks a 1-800 number like that deserves a prank call every minute or so. So remember, whenever you pass by a pay phone, call 1-800-I-BATMAN and tell them you're batman...not them. Other responses included:
"Hello. I'm Batman...and you're out of a job."
"Hello. I'm - BOOB!!!"
"Hello. This is Ed MacMahon and you've just won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes! Call me back to receive your prize at *then you crumple up foil so it sounds like static* Hey we're losing connection...the number is 52- BZZZZZZZT *hang up phone*"
Another interesting thing to do is to put the phone up to a preset TV so certain lines from movies play...I can think of a funny one from Titanic right now. "Over there on the bed...I mean the couch..."
The Doom Room- The most vile and evil room in the world, The Doom Room was created during 6th grade camp. Who knows what tortures could have been endured in the room? Well, actually it was just like any other room in any other cabin...but it had a sign that said The Doom Room on the door!
The Rebals- Also referred to as the retard room, this room was created in an attempt to put a stop to The Doom Room. Obviously, only retards would try and stop the almighty godliness of The Doom Room, you can tell by the way they spelled rebels. Thankfully, one of our top secret covert agents threw their sign in the toilet and sent it on a trip...of no return.
Cabin 10- Ah...the legendary Cabin 10. Home of The Doom Room and those idiots The Rebals, this cabin's plots for world domination were perfectly thought out, though they never succeeded. Writing "Cabin 5 Rules" on another cabin and stealing all the toilet paper from the bathrooms were just a few exploits of the geniuses of this cabin. Also, the cabin had the coolest theme song of all time...made by me. Of course, I can't put it on this webpage due to content. *Hint Hint*
The Mating Monkey- As the monkey in Turok 2's frag tag, you're SUPPOSED to be running away from the other players. But being the fool he is, Peter ran toward jumping like he was trying to...give us a suprise. Haha but he learned his lesson when we pulled out our Cerebral Bores!
The Cerebral Bore- The mightiest multiplayer weapon in Turok 2! It fires a small missle that homes in on brain activity and then drives into the target's brain spilling out green or red blood all over the floor. Best used vs monkeys.
Mexican Soccer Players- Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Evil! Don't go to Mexico with any girls or all you'll hear is about the cute soccer players! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Bimbo Bread- Yes there is a company named Bimbo in Mexico, and yes they do make bread. In fact, they make Bimbo Bread!
Katherine's Disease- Also classified as poor feet. Symptoms include: Red feet that turn white on physical contact. Rumored to be caused by dancing with people name Antonio and/or having sandals that just weren't made for walking.
Katherine's Sunglasses- I kept stealing them in Mexico. The first time I did she didn't notice for at least 2 hours! I was wearing them the whole time too! And we kept trying to make it look obvious...of course when she did find out it was even funnier. She just stared for a second and said, "Hey..." and we all burst out laughing.
Traveling Shoeshiners- They walk up to you and start shining your shoes. Then they ask for 18 pesos...then 180 pesos a foot...and then 400 pesos...and then they steal all your money. Stay away from these guys!
Virgin Pina Coladas- Haha don't ever order Virgin Pina Coladas in Acapulco...they'll just give you a beer and make you pay for it too! Does "Virgin Pina Colada" really sound like "beer"? Ha good thing I didn't order one!
British Blunder- British Blunder Rhymes With Thunder! Well, it does! Ask Jamie!
Spanglish- Language of choice for tourists in Mexico!
Giant Military Squirrels- Rumored to weigh even more than Chip, these squirrels are extremely dangerous and should be avoided at all costs...unless of course accompanied by a supervising adult.
The Richard- Do The Richard! And now for a limited time you can do The Richard too! Just make a fist and pretend your hitting yourself on the forehead! Note: Do not try this at home.
Chair Rodeo- YEEHAW! This sport originated with some guy named Brian. All you have to do is sit on a chair backwards...and ride it like a mad bull! YEEHAW!
The Tom Green Show- This show is funny. Go watch it...now. "This is the Tom Green Show! It's not the Green Tom Show! This is my favorite show! Because it is my show!"
The Yellow Submarine- What can I say? We all live in a yellow submarine!
Maximum Moose- Just a little comic strip I drew. There's nothing funnier than my failed attempts to draw a moose!
The Harrinator- Giant military robot built by the preps to stop the WAP army. However, just like their shirts, the robot faded away after the preps tried to wash it.
The Tobinator- Giant military robot built by the WAP army to stop the preps. Armed with 2 prep discombobulators and another really big gun strapped to its back.
Generic Stormtroopers- The Generic Stormtroopers were never heard from again after their 5th failed attempt to assasinate Maximum Moose™. These guys couldn't hit the broad side of a barn...if they were inside one!
Rubber Chickens- What can I say? Everyone loves a rubber chicken joke! Right?
Chickenfest- What started out as a mere game became...a lot of games formed together in one huge competition! It involved using a rubber chicken in several poorly designed events. Chickenfest '99 forever!!
Inbeddish- It's a language, and easy to learn too!! Just add the words "in bed" after every single sentence you say! Ok it gets old after awhile, but it's still funny to an extent.
Loser Points- Let's just say you don't want very many of these. Chip's already got 35,873,405,673,498 loser points! Hahaha!
Skull Bunnies- I have no clue how this got here.
Wal-Mart- If they don't have it! You don't want it!
Target- No I'm not talking about Target. I'm talking about Target when it's pronounced "Tarjay" or something like that. Well think about it! What sounds better? "I bought stuff at Target" or "I called Chip ungainly at Tarjay!" See?