Hi Guys,
it's
my turn now, but unlike my friend Bobby, I'll cover the whole three years that
I've known you, so sit back and let ME do the talking. I've just known you since
we started univ, most of you were already very good friends by that time. Thus I
am the one who knows you least and certainly not the right person to teach
lessons, but I too think I've learnt quite a lot from life. I should have liked
to say it to you face to face and maybe discuss the ideas, but anyway,
now's the time:
Meta
kont is-sekondarja (tipo form3 sa Form5) kont nitlob kuljum biex nmut. Meta
niftah ghajnejja kull fil-ghodu kont indawwar harsti l-fuq u nghidlu "Ghalxiex
zammejtni haj, ghalxiex qajjimtni!", b'ton daqsxejn irrabjat u b'hafna dwejjaq.
"Please ghamel li naqa` t-tarag ... PLEASE ghamel li ma nasalx sal-bieb ta'
barra ... PLEASE ghamel li ttajjarni karozza jien u sejjer ghall-private...(and
the like all through the day)".
Sal-Junior College, wiehed mill-passatempi tieghi kien noqghod nahseb kif sa
naghmel suicidju. Lesson boring ghall-ahhar kienet tghaddi qisha m'hix hi. Hawn
isfel bghadtilkom xi *.jpgs biex ninkwadrakom iktar
fis-sitwazzjoni.
Time.jpg, ovvjament hija
ispirata minn Time tal-Pink Floyd (Dark Side). Fiha nuri d-dwejjaq li kont fih u
r-realizzazzjoni li l-hin huwa imponenti. Hajtek m'hux f'idejk. Dawn
il-hsibijiet kienu jigu wara li ninduna li jekk nipprova naghmel suicidju u ma
jirnexxix ikolli nerga nibda kollox mill-bidu (u nirrepeti sena minghir
stipendju).
Me.jpg, li suppost qieghda
hawn taht, tiddeskrivi hsibijieti. Ma tantx ghadhom jidhru (lapes fuq
griz):
|
Top Left
No more crying
No more dying
No more pain
To
sustain |
Top Right
"And God will wipe away every tear from their
eyes;
there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying
there
shall be no more pain
for former things have passed away"
Rev 21
|
|
Nofs:
What I've
felt, what I've known
I don't want
to live alone
never be,
never me
and I'm called
the unforgiven
(Hawn qaw wisq biex
nitkellem fuqhom, nispicca nparla in-eternum)
In-naha t'isfel tiddiskrivi
kif xtaqt inmut:
sky-diving i.e. naqbez,
jew nixkana
b'mutur
Hemm il-mixja tal-bniedem
lejn ic-civilta` (0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10)
u fl-ahhar il-holma tieghi,
li ndoqq f'band. Xi darba kienu jidhru: drummer, gitarrist, u wiehed jaqbez fuq
keyboard. Din pingejtha ftit wara l-kuncert ta' l-Iron Maiden.
Wahda mir-ragunijiet ghala
kont niehu gost daqshekk nixxabbat u nitla fis-sigar kienet ghax hekk kont
ninqata` mis-socjeta` li kont inhossni 'Estranged' (GNR - Use Your Illusion II)
minnha.
Nsomma, itlob illum, u
itlob ghada, fl-ahhar qtajt qalbi u rrassenjajt ruhi li nghix. Ladarba ddecidejt
hekk, ghidt 'ta` l-inqas, la ddecidejt li ha nghix, nipprova naghmel hajti
bearable kemm jista` jkun'.
"...Punt iehor hu: Innutajt
(fija) li meta nkun ghaddej minn zmien difficli ninghalaq fija nnifsi. Hekk
nispicca nkompli nkabbar il-problema. Din irrealizazjta biss wara hafna xhur
wara li ftaht qalbi l-ewwel darba ma persuna u kienet laqtitni hafna. Hafna
drabi wkoll nispiccaw inkabbru l-problemi hafna ikbar milli fil-fatt hi u li
nibdew nhossuna nitghafgu tahhtha..."
Bdejt ukoll nara li uhud
minn shabi kienu qed jiehdu gost jghixu. Hemm iddecidejt li essacc il-hajja hi
sabiha, huwa jien li qed narha kerha. Ghalhekk bdejt nahdem biex nibda nara
l-hajja sabiha. Tahsbux li wasal ta'! anqas xejn, izda ghamilt progressi kbar.
Minn riservat sirt estrovert u ningwalha tajjeb man-nies
(in-generali).
Aw nies,
apparti li m'ilix wisq li sirt nafkom, nahseb li hajti hija differenti hafna
minn taghkom. Filwaqt li nhoss li intom kontu tghixu hajja dicenti u iktar ma
tikbru iktar qed issir mizera, jien bdejt hajja mizera u qed nahdem biex tigi
dicenti kemm jista` jkun. Qabel kont nammira nies bhal Robert, li kienu jigu
jaqghu u jqumu minn affarijiet bla sens u jekk xi haga ma taghmilx sens ghalihom
(ez quddies), ma tmorrux. Kont nahseb li tixtiequ li hajjitkom taghmel sens, u
allura dak kollu li hu bla sens twarrbuh. Biss issa nahseb li m'ghandkomx skop
f'hajjitkom. Qed tghixu biex tghixu, u m'ghadkomx tfittxu li jkollkom sens ta'
direzzjoni. Qed taghmlu
l-hsara lilkom infuskom minn jeddkom. Qed taghmlu hajjitkom mizera apposta,
imbaghad dgergru ghax hajjitkom mizera. Minn naha tieghi, l-hajja tieghi kienet
mizera, biss tajt sens lil hajti, u dan tistghu taghmluh intom
ukoll.
Ma nistax nifhem ukoll il-ghala hafna nies jduru daqshekk
kontrihom infushom. Ha naghti xi ftit ezempji:
Keith: "tafda lil hadt" :-
Ras, min tahseb li jbati jekk izomm kollox go fik? int u int biss. Hemm tendenza
fil-bnedmin kollha (nahseb hard-wire [innate ghal nies normali]), li jekk
twegga, ttella hitan biex darb'ohra ma tweggax. Dan huwa suicidju personali.
"Lonliness is the prison of the human spirit", "No man is an
island"...
Bjorn Syndrome: "La qieghed
hawn issa nibqa` niezel" :- mentalita` tal-biki, minflok tghin lilek innifsek
taqta` qalbek ghal kollox. Bjorn, jekk trid tiranga hajtek trid tiehu r-riedni
f'idejk. u TISTA` tirranga hajtek. Tridx jew le hija hag'ohra.
Robert "reap what you've
sown": Jekk zrajt ix-xewk, xewk ha tahsad, izda pprova izra ftit qamh is-sena
d-diehla. Jekk il-hasda tizdied b'qamha wahda bizzejjed, bil-qatra l-qatra
timtela l-garra. M'hux facli tkabbar il-qamh qalb ghalqa xewk, imma
tista`... biz-zmien.
Ton, taghlima li tghallimt
jien mill-esperjenza tieghi personali: "You are weakest where you think you are
strongest". M'hux ghax fil-fatt ma tkunx tajjeb, izda ghax minhabba li taf li
tajjeb ma tibqax taghti kaz daqshekk. Frodo u Sam minhabba f'hekk jirnxxielhom
jidhlu f'Mordor minghir ma jinduna Sauron. (i.e. xi bicca ragun
ghandi).
Guys, naf li m'intomx sa
tifmhuni, ghax minn hemm gew ma tistghux tarawha bhal ma narha jien minn hawn
barra, izda ma nistax ma nghidilkomx kif nahsibha fuqkom. Fuq kollox
shabi.
Grazzi
Walter
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The Longest
Journey Is
The Journey
Inward
--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
&
Then the Lord God said:
'It is not good for man to
be alone'
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Strange but
true:
--------------------------------------
II can only know that much of
myself which
I have had the courage to
confide to you
--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
TTo refuse the invitation to
interpersonal encounter
is to be an
isolated dot in the centre of a great
circle...a small island in
a vast ocean
--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
To reveal mysely openly and
honestly
takes the rawest kind of
courage
--------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
HHajtek TIEGHEK, mexxiha kif
trid int
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--------------------------------------
No Human being on the face of this earth
possesses the whole truth.
Each of us has only a small part;
but if we are willing to share our small parts,
our pieces of truth,
we will all possess a much fuller reality,
a much larger share of the total truth
--------------------------------------
