3 hours of sleep. *yawn* |11.29.2001|

Woah, December is just around the corner and I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet (yuck, the idea of shopping with crowds of people all rushing to buy the same things for everyone else)! But at least I've commissioned my sister to purchase something for my parents already :). I fear that I'm beginning to become materialistic . . . so many "toys" that are so appealing out there . . . hope I don't become too greedy in the process :(.

And now, we interrupt for B.P's regular comments:
Well, well, well, whaddya know? One of my co-workers at work finally found a virus on our work computer. That might explain why our files were corrupt and for the frequent crashing. However it only seems to affect MSN Messenger people as they kept receiving e-mails that said, "Open this picture!" and nothing ever happened when they tried (hahah, sounds like the W32.Badtrans.B@mm worm that I received today), whenever my co-worked logged on . . .

Christmas, why do we give gifts to people during this festive time of the year? We should extend the gift-giving custom whenever we feel like appreciating someone (although that could get quite expensive :\ too bad money is a factor). Reflecting back, maybe the gift of giving during Christmas has Biblical roots (far-fetched I know, but hey, why not worth a shot? :P). After all, the wise men (note, doesn't say three in the Bible) gave highly expensive gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh (fragrance products in today's common terms) to baby Jesus.

Back to our regular program:
Another re-realisation suddenly struck me the other day. Our English professor (when discussing signs and semiotics) declared that the fundamental difference between the Catholic belief and the Protestant belief (from whatever "orthodox" churched background he came from as a youth--forget if it's United or Anglican) lies merely on the focus of the cross; Catholicism generally place emphasis on cruxificion, while Protestantism (if that's a word :P, can't think on 3 hrs of sleep) emphasised more so on the ressurection of Christ . . . I was like hmm, yeah that would explain why the images of the crosses are different. Catholic churchs and jewellery tend to have Christ still hanging on the cross, whereas the Protestants find the cross empty; He's alive!

Philippians 4:8 |11.27.2001|

Well, well well, it's a shame that Sympatico users do not have static IPs . . .
What's more embarassingly amusing is that I was in my CLASS, in a public computer lab, before I clicked on an unfamiliar link that is associated with an OTTAWA sympatico user. Hmm, I guess porn, like vulgar language, is rampant throughout Ottawa. Up pops full coloured graphics of, what appeared to be a lot of skin. . . (it's not like I haven't seen them before. One only has to try to find cracks, hacks and warez on the Internet before you encounter them but the thing is, I was in a class full of people!). I'm sure that you guys will just tell me to not to deviate from the task at hand (ie.my school work) and to stop being so curious/nosy to begin with. . . but the issue of leaving your footprints on others sites. What you do in your own spare time really shouldn't concern other people--it's between you and God (and your significant other, if you even have one), not me.

But I gave the benefit of the doubt and thought that maybe I was wrong. So what I did instead was to telnet into my school, used LYNX (text-browser) and typed in that site URL. Yep. Words like "porn" appear from the search result. I don't know what's up with all this recently. At a shared computer terminal at work, I find links to sex sites (no graphics, but they point to further sites that deal w beastility, child pornography, etc.) saved under the favourites menu (how stupid can one get? although I realised that after going to that sex site, it saves itself into the favourites) and casino ads now pop up whenever I hit a non-existent site. I know how to fix it, but I'm lazy to since it's not my computer. Anyhow, I hope that by restricting certain sites with a password helps somewhat, but it's rather disturbing to find out that one of my co-workers are addicted to porn, even at school! And since I'm assuming it's a guy, and since it's most likely not the previous employee (because this only started this year) or my supervisor, we're down to 3 guys (if I remember correctly). Anyhow, it's rather annoying to haveta deal w this especially since our computer contains many corrupted files from people downloading who-know-what this year. I just want to reformat that whole HD, but I know that probably nothing is backed up properly.

....

[many, many minutes later]
The culprit confessed to the first mentioned act and merely passed it on as a joke. I'm not sure I actually believe the rationalisation behind that, but if it was indeed a joke, read Philippians 4:8. Even if it wasn't intended to be a joke, Philippians 4:8 is a very good place to start in the Bible :P Why do I haveta put up with HSBT lohs?

And fourth year is supposed to be "a breeze" |11.27.2001|

Gak! Where does all the time go?! How did I end up spending close to 8 hours trying to reorganise my thoughts on a mere 10-11 page essay?! I think I'm getting old. My thinking processes past the wee hours of 2 AM slow me down considerably. As a frosh, I useta stay up til 6 AM, and wake in 3 hours and survive the day, but now, going to bed at 5:30 AM and waking at 9:30 AM kills my body now . . . *sigh*

I don't know how a classmate (frosh) can stay up for 5 days straight w/o sleeping. That's insane!

3:30 AM |11.26.2001|

Wah. I didn't realise how fast time passes when you overcome writer's block and just keep writing (or typing in my case). Mental note: a 3000 word paper is considerably longer than an 1000 word essay. The former needs a lot of "fluff", the latter, succinctness.

Rogers@Rogers |11.25.2001|

Since I'm waiting for my files (Hmm, apparently, they're done downloading, ah well) to download from the server at school onto my home computer, I will write about Rogers (there DimSum, I blogged. Satisfied? :P)

For a technical writer, I don't actually read instructions. I fall asleep reading my own manuals. Anyhow, I couldn't get my my.email.address@rogers.com to switch from @home.com to @rogers.com for 3 days now. In my stupidity, and until I read Eric's "Little Journal" (which had the wrong instructions, but gave me a hint on how to make it work), I didn't realise that not only do I haveta switch the settings from mail/mail to pop/smtp, I gotta write my.email.address@rogers.com in the userID field (instead of just plain old my.email.address) and including for every secondary e-mail address, I gotta use my temporary password as well.

FYI: All @home.com e-mail address will now be @rogers.com and all webpages (including Elijah's) will be hosted at members.rogers.com (instead of members.home.net).

What's rather annoying is not the e-mails or the mail that I get from Rogers reminding how financially instable excite@home is, but my cell phone rings (416-733-8669) and when I say, "Hello?", some automated voice comes on for 2 minutes or so stressing how important it is to make the switch. I was gonna hang up, but then since they took up my "airtime" (which is non-existent on weekends anyhow), I decided that they can afford to pay for the long distance, and so I just heard the message: blah, blah, blah, blah... Hehehe. Yeah, so for those Rogers users who don't care to hear that, don't pick up when you see that number on your call display.

Side note: Yes, my.email.address@rogers.com is a perfectly functional e-mail address. . .

Surprise :) |11.21.2001|

If there was any rumours in Waterloo about my whereabouts, they were probably true. Yep, I spent my weekend back in Ottawa :). Although it was a short weekend, it was nevertheless fun, and substance filled.

On our way up, we had an encounter with a law enforcement officer w a French last name before realising that we were past Cornwall and almost to Quebec, not Ottawa. Partially my fault b/c I questioned the driver's gut feeling when she passed the sign that said, "Exit 721: Smith's Falls/Alternative Route/Ottawa". Alternative Route? What kind of misleading sign is that?!? After the Highway 7 exit to Ottawa, there is no other direct way to Ottawa from the 401! Sigh. Stupid signs. Does the sign actually mean alternative route to Smith's Falls . . . ? Anyhow, mental note to look out for stupid sign like that next time or read the map prior to departure. I kinda felt silly that maybe b/c we were like stereotypical girls, not knowing our way, but apparently, even locals from Ottawa (ahem, Moe/Mumbles) missed that exit as well. I think it took us an extra 2 hrs at least.

However, because we took that route, I was able to surprise Jon at St. Laurent (pt of where I was dropped off). He was working that day at Sunglass Hut, so I walked right up to the counter and stood behind him (his back was towards me). Matt (co worker) kinda nods my way and so Jon turns around (expecting to give me service? :P) and his face registers surprise. So my first 2 words to him was: HA HA! Hee. Such an immature rxn eh? :P Funny thing is that my cousin, Olivier, then walks past me and I wasn't exactly sure which one it was. So I blindly say, "Olivier". He doesn't turn around so I figure that it was someone else. But when I looked his way, one older girl in his group taps him on the shoulder and he turns around looking at me funny (not sure that he recognised me) and waves back b/c I'm waving. I confirm later that it was him when I called my uncle.

I managed to confuse Silq on ICQ that night. He was havin' a rough day and I told him that I'd meet up with him the day after and he was soo confused because later on, he told me that at one pt, he thought I told him to go to the 'Loo. But it was funny. :).

During the same evening, we saw Monsters Inc.. It's an hilarious movie! Because it's by Pixar, I recommended it as usual. :) Won't spoil the story for those who haven't seen it but yeah, definitely clean humour -- woohoo, hard to find these days.

Saturday night was JAM. The skits and the guest speaker was really good and applicable b/c it was on gossip. Ahem. Guilty as charged on my part often as well. But at the same time, there were many good pts raised (James 3). I surprised a couple of people there as well .Too bad Dom didn't show but I think he knew that I was in town anyhow :P. Am I a big hairy monster that goes ROAR? No, I didn't think so. But anyhow, I think I scared someone away again by surprising him/her w my presence. Sigh. Will this never end? Someone said that it's not my problem anymore b/c it's time s/he dealt w fear properly. And another attests to the fact that s/he claims that s/he was over it a long time ago. Hrm. I guess not.

Anyhow, aside from that event, the rest of the evening went well. Had bubbletea at MK w tons of ppl. Met a guy named Howard, who identified me as a level 1 guy right away and later asked me how it was like to be a "part of the guys". And I was like huh? :P Got some work done (school related stuff so it was all good). And you know how everyone in TO and Waterloo missed the meteor shower b/c of the fog? Well, I saw at least 3 big, bright ones at around 330 am in the comfort of the home (looking out the patio door) even though the darn sidewalk lights were so bright. :P Got impatient and tired so went to bed.

Sunday service was good. Talked about the Great Comission (guest speaker), his stories were really encouraging. Celebrated Hilman's bday w a small cake and pics :) and Dom gave me my early Christmas present (feel so special). Thanks Dom, I really like it (now maybe this will help me overcome my self-consciousness)! Yum Cha at Chu Sing w Dom, Marcroni, Chrissy, and Benjamin Allen. Made fun of B.Allen a whole lot, but ah well. And was Chris trying to hit on me . . . ? . :P

Unfortunately, I had to leave soon after dinner (which was 2 hrs after lunch. Boy, was I ever full). And because I was really exhausted, I slept (w my mouth open. heehee, so embarassing) for most of the way until we reached a Timmy's and I had a Café Mocha (hmm coffee/chocolate).

So this weekend was good. Time away from my Waterloo worries including from school pressures felt less stressful, and I was able to talk to a couple of my friends for the longest time on the phone (local call so no LD :P): J ( eventually went to Mntreal) and Silq (who I see as God's answers to my prayers and reminds me of what it truly means to be on fire for God :P).

Mail!|11.15.2001|

Yes, I know, I'm blogging twice today. I got a package for me in the mail, and a really long e-mail that can be deemed equivalent to letter (38KB). Two letters in one day. I'm not sure how I'll reply to the latter one, but the other one is already giving me a lift to my already long, unfinished day :).

I can't believe that someone that I see almost everyday is repeating the EXACT same mistake as I did. Except she's in the other person's shoes. Every one of her friends saw it coming her way too, 'cept she kept repressing her self will. Sigh. I guess one hasta live out their life before learning their own lessons, like Da Wise Sage (hence "wise"). Alcohol never makes people think right either. Ah well. All I can do is support her, pray for her, etc. etc. Well, at least I'll be able to understand what she'll/she is going through. This term has been a challenge in more ways than one!

Insomnia?|11.15.2001|

Wow. Jon finally blogged after many weeks on end. :P Yawn. I'm sooo tired. I think my body has gotten useta sleeping at like 330 am so if I try to sleep before then, it refuses to. . .Well, I'm not entirely sure that my 3 hours of sleep last night was due to that fact. I do remember that shortly after I logged off from chatting w mildred, dawn and dom, I turned off my lights and my housemate came home from a CSA dance.

The problem with my house is that the walls are quite thin, even with the doors closed. And my room is next to the bathroom. Normally, that is okay b/c occasional flushing of toilets or the shower running is a normal function that I've grown accustomed to. . .Note that I said "normal".

Poor guy comes in w my housemate, all hungover (or sick but since I'm in my room w my door closed, I can't see who it is or his condition, I only have an educated guess). I think he might've been both (if it was my "guessed" guy) since he was ill earlier in the week. Yeah so every so often, this guy would lurch out from her room (both doors are closed b/c all I hear are muffled noises), gags and pukes in the bathroom (surprisingly, the bathroom is very clean today, cept w this "alcohol" related linger). I don't know when he went home, but I assumed that he left sometime.

To filter out the poor lad's condition even more (I don't know how my housemate was able to clean up after him or watch him puke everything out...), I took my Pooh bear and placed it over my head (covering my ears). I think my housemate would've probably laughed if she saw me. I'm not sure whether she did or not b/c I didn't hear her come in, but she apparently did and turned on my computer (server).

My computer beeps when it boots up, so my brain registered something, even though I was 3/4 asleep. Then I popped outta bed and made sure my speakers were off, before it blasted the Windows boot up music, and made sure my ICQ was on NA again, before ppl like Josh msged me to wake me up again with the "uh-ohs". Mental note: Turn off speakers before turning off computer in case housemate needs to turn on my computer while I'm sleeping. :)

Remembrance Day |11.12.2001|

Remembrance Day, a long weekend? That would be sweeet. I almost had forgotten that in Lotusland, er, BC, that everyone gets a long weekend, or at least Remembrance Day off (and in the states, Veteran's Day). Why can't people in ON remember that day too (so we can have a day off as well? :P). Sigh. All them "hard working" people. : ) Well, at least my weekend was productive. All I did was learn about FileMaker Pro even more (well it'd be beneficial at least, if I was to work for a co. like Media-X again).

"How are you doing?" A deep thank you for all my friends in Toronto and from Ottawa who have called/ICQed to check up on how I am, oh and Jas too. I'm better thanks : ). Ironically, Sponge asked me how I was doing in the midst of this the other day, and he's like, "considering I'm prolly the only one to ask you here." He kinda had a point. And then I found the whole situation surprisingly funny especially when one of the theories why it's such a "hot" topic is that my year of ppl have nothing better to talk about ... Matt N. was making it even more funny by at least telling me what he's up to in Ottawa. :þ Yeah that's the other part. Matt and his l'il schemes. Heehee. Now that's funny actually; it's humourous probably b/c he's told me and had my "permission" :P.

Three-digits |11.10.2001|

My last entry reached 3 digits. Big whoop.

People say that a certain group of my friends are a bad influence on me. I don't know why; it's not like they've ever really talked to them or got to know them or anything. The thing is, I care about what happens to them, and I thank them for being honest, and nudging me in the right direction. I guess that's what friends are for; to hold you accountable, to support you, to love you. To learn that I may be a small factor in causing them to stumble in their faith, in addition to contributing/causing minor divisions in a fellowship of believers, I believe that I am the "bad" infleunce; not them, but me. Not only does this sadden me, I'm very much disappointed in myself. I'm not entirely sure why I ended up in Ottawa for the summer. Obviously, not much good has resulted in me going there. I strayed from God (with my struggles of bitterness and forgiveness), affecting others in the thinking and attitude toward certain individuals (thus breaking the community of love that existed before), and now, its brought about gossip in Waterloo. I'm not worried for me, as I know where I stand with God (be it good or bad), but I'm guilty of affecting others' relationships with God, and I'm not sure whether their relationship with Him will ever be restored. I guess I can only pray for them and ask Him for forgiveness on my part.

Lifesong |11.09.2001|

Wow. This "production" truly fit the event name, "Lifesong". With full drama and music, I think it's a first that's been truly catered to seekers. Many new faces too : ). I think what touched me the most was that during the time of unavoidable loitering, a brother (from KCF who kinda knows who I am), asked me how I was doing spiritually. These days in CCF, you don't get that. In my first couple years I did, but it was a good discussion. Our conversation somehow ended up in him indirectly bringing up a topic, which Pork blogged about recently, yet he doesn't even know who Pork really is, and from that I kinda saw the bigger picture. I didn't realise that there was such a spiritual battle here at Waterloo, but I think God must've used Porkie to bring me, and others, some light, in give us a nudge. Perhaps it's because of the evangelistical nature of Lifesong that there's warfare. But I could've definitely remembered to pray for the planning of Lifesong more instead of just focusing my prayers to only that one night. Lesson or mental note for me for next term.

Cont'd |11.08.2001|

Mid-week crisis. After doing work from 12 noon til 330 AM last night, I was able to actually feel productive and am pleased to announce that Elijah fellowship's website is now up and running (still unofficial). I love being in English. I wish all my assignments were on web design :).

Wow. Gossip sure spreads fast! I guess I'm not too happy at that, but hey, this is getting to be very funny. Yes, the irony of amusement for me. If you ask people how I dealt with a prolonged situation in the summer, I laughed at it. Eventually, I became bitter and decided that I better forgive. But it's still funny nevertheless. Well, even the party who is involved ICQed me, let's call him/her A for short (for those who have no idea who I am talking about), and "washed [his/her] hands clean of the matter" claiming to be innoncent. Sheesh, I can't believe that you people got A in thinking that I would think s/he'd do something against me such as spreading rumours. I'm grateful that you care enough to call A though to see how s/he is and confuse A even more.

Although I don't know how many people are now involved and what the rumour is anymore, but ironically, I know that it's big because even though my previous entry has no mention of person A, I have never had so many visits to my page. Yesterday's hits reached an all time high! What's more, is that I don't recognise a lot of the IP addresses that gets logged. Yes, your IP address gets logged. So, if you think you can hide and be anonymous, well, think again (to be secretly sure that you can, spoof your IP, use anonymizer.com or just use a very common ISP and don't log in from where you work). In context, that's pretty sad that people only read to find out opinions on the "juicy" stuff. Well guess what? I have e-mail, ICQ, and a phone. You're welcome to contact me and find out whether what you've been hearing is true or not, but if you feel like believing whatever is going around, fine. I won't be able to convince you otherwise, since rumours are always more juicier than fact. Besides, I probably won't be feeling up to talking to you anyhow, especially since I'm not entirely sure who I can trust anymore ('cept maybe person A still).

But I do thank a couple of people for praying for me and this situation and for preventing from telling off the person on ICQ yesterday, who indirectly had to ask a seemingly innocent question. Someone once told me that that party would never read my entries, but I now wonder if this will travel back to where s/he is. . .

Prolly made a fool of myself just now. Ah well. :)

Circle of Trust |11.05.2001|

I'm not entirely sure who to trust in Waterloo anymore. Though at this rate, I can still safely say that most of my "evil" friends in Ottawa are still trustworthy; mostly because they tell me things too, so I guess it's a two-way street. My problems are hard enough to deal with alone, imagine how much more harder it is when I feel that the "whole world" knows the stuff that goes on with my life. That's exactly how I felt when I was in Ottawa actually, that the whole world was against me. Not that I truly care what people think, because if I did, I wouldn't be friends with certain people now. The feeling of knowing that people are talking about you behind your back and wondering what they're thinking, might result in me being cautious of who they converse with and what I say. Being/feeling humiliated at Timmy Ho's by certain individual(s) is such an example, of perhaps, an overactive imagination? :P

So yeah, who do I believe about second-hand information? One source blames the other source and vice versa. I don't even know. Yet one person's reputation as someone who likes to talk precedes another's assurance that s/he didn't say anything to anyone. What I don't understand, is why couldn't the person who indirectly caused this cause-and-effect situation, have asked me or the parties concerned directly? It's not like s/he doesn't know either one of us either. You think getting another involved in a situation does him/her any good? And why can't that person keep whatever gossip that's flying around in Ottawa within their own city? Why does s/he have to get people in Waterloo involved? I don't mind if there's gossip because gossip is bound to happen in any community, but for it to travel how many miles...? Some people need to learn to use discretion in what they say, and who to say what to; I admit that sometimes I speak before I think and that's a flaw on my part, which, thankfully, my friends remind me with a gentle nudge (thanks Silq :P).

Funny how people must assume that I must be all happy because I often use laughter to forget or deal with certain problems (guess it's analagous to J using booze :P), or maybe because my current situation seems to be better than the other(s) involved. Perhaps it's b/c I'm not upset, mad or emotionally sensitive/instable that reassures people that I'm probably okay. If anyone thought that about me in the summer, well, you're wrong as well.

Anyhow, I know that a certain individual will read this entry eventually. My message to you: I don't hate you. It's not your fault that you're caught in the middle of this. At the same time, I'm glad you told me what happened (and glad that my other source told me as well--though I'm not entirely sure which version to trust). And no, for the umpteenth time, I'm not mad at you directly either; just upset at the situation.

On another note, one of our sisters from CCF's lil brother, Steven (9 years old), passed away on Sunday from neuroblastma, a rare form of cancer. Please pray for their family in this time of healing and hardship.

Warm weather |11.03.2001|

Ah, the warm breeze and the drops of water on my face. Oddly enough, the evening weather reminded me that I was on the beach. But alas, I was on campus walking home from school. I think it was going to storm. The only thing that was missing was the sea salt-water smell . . .