What's the Big Deal?

When it comes to the topic of dating, many opinions differ within the body of Christ.

The often quoted verse against dating non-believers is taken from 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 which says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (NIV)"

However, in my perspective, these two verses weren't originally written to answer questions on dating and marriage but rather on how we ought to live as children of a holy God. A cross- reference can be found in Deuteronmony 22:10, where it tells the Israelites to not yoke an ox and a donkey together. One would think it would be obvious to not do that as an ox and a donkey are total opposites and the work output would not be efficient. Belial, in Greek, is the term for the Antichrist; one could not live unholy lives in synch with being holy.

What does being 'yoked together' mean? The word 'Syzygos' in Greek, is defined as being united by close bonds, such as in marriage or labour.

To answer why Christians should refrain from dating non-believers, we must ask ourselves this question first: what is the purpose of dating?

In answer to that question, many will reply, "to get to know someone better on a more intimate basis," or something along those lines. However, we cannot neglect the fact that the eventual goal is to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with--that's where marriage relates. To understand the purpose of dating, according to Kai Mark (pastor of Richmond Hill Chinese Community Church), one must understand the purpose of marriage: the purpose and goal of marriage is to achieve intimacy with the spirit, soul and body--a oneness. This "oneness" refers Genesis 2:24, "for this reason a man will leave his wife and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." However, dating should only develop intimacy in the spirit and soul.

Because we now know the purpose of dating, we can say that hypothetically speaking, if a Christian ends up marrying a non-believer after dating him/her, in hopes to convert them to Christianity, it would be against God's will. Although 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 is not referring to dating or marriage specifically, we could still apply the principle. Paul warns in 1 Corinthians 7:12, "How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (NIV)". One should also note that in verse 39, Paul allows a widow to remarry but "he MUST [emphasis mine] belong to the Lord. (NIV)"

Unfortunately, generally speaking, it's easier for a Christian to fall away from God than for a non-believer to come to Christ. Ask yourself this question: which would be easier to do? To pull someone up from the ground to the table you are standing on, or to be pulled down to the ground from the table?

There are many examples of marriages gone wrong in the Old Testament because they had disobeyed God when He commanded them against marriage with foreigners (see Deuteronomy 7:1-4). These include people such as David (Bathsheba) and Samson (Delilah).

One cannot say that because there aren't any verses in the Bible that specifically talk about dating non-Christians, or even dating, we can go ahead and do whatever we want. We must remember that in Biblical times, dating was non-existent because all marriages were arranged by the parents.

If one insists that dating with a non-believer is still okay after a Christian concernly suggests that maybe that's not right, s/he is merely setting him/herself up for easy target to be drawn away from God. Even more so, their relationship may lead to a kind of marriage the Bible, and God, warns against.

(Fall 1999)