AJ and Jessica both took a deep breath. "Alex..." she whispered.
"Jessica," he said at the same moment. They both laughed nervously. The other guys looked at each other, exchanging a wordless conversation. They left the two confused and hurt ones alone.
Jessica took AJ's hand and led him to the couch. They sat down, facing each other. "That night... what happened?" AJ asked gently.
She took a deep breath. "I was so scared... so frickin' scared," she began. "I....... oh, dammit," she whispered angrily, wiping the unwanted tears from her eyes. "Why can't I get this out right?" she muttered, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples. AJ stared at her, amazed. She had grown up so much.... yet still she seemed troubled by the same old problems, or at least was dealing with them similarly.
"It's ok, take your time," he whispered, wincing as his voice cracked from the tears. She nodded thanks.
Taking a deep breath, she told her story. "It was so hard for me to bring myself to come talk to you... hell, it took Nick's pushing to get me to finally do it. After what I did... what we said..." she paused, collecting her thoughts and taking a deep breath, "Fuck, I'm surprised you didn't like.... smack me or something-"
"I would never hurt anyone," AJ interrupted.
Jessica nodded. "But... it's no wonder you fell out of love with me." AJ tried to interrupt, but she wouldn't let him. "As for me falling out of love with you..." she sighed, running her hand through her long blond hair. "It never happened.
"Through everything, anything I happened to be thinking at that moment, in the back of my mind, I knew I couldn't stop loving you, as hard as I tried."
"You tried?" he whispered, aghast.
She nodded shamefully, "After what I did, I thought you hated me, I really did." Her speech finished, she leaned back, closing her eyes, scared for his reaction.
"Oh, my Jessie, I could never hate you, I loved you..." he paused, catching himself as he saw her flinch. "Jessica, it's been so long... I don't know what love is anymore. I just want to go back to the days when I held you in my arms, knowing that was love.. you were love. But, I always," he took a deep breath, "I never told this to anyone... But, I always felt inferior to Pat..." he paused seeing the shocked look on her beautiful features.
"You always talked about him.... always.... I.... I knew you loved me... but, hell... you held Pat up on his damn pedestal through everything, and you just.... you just threw me out like yesterday's trash," he sighed, gulping down the tears trying to fall down his face.
"I'll admit it hurt.... it hurt so fucking bad. But I could never hate you - I loved you with all my heart, I gavee up, or would have given up, everything for you. And that's what hurts the most, knowing that as soon as something you thought I couldn't handle came along, you just got rid of me," he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, refusing to let himself look at her surprised face in fear he would fall for her again. "You broke my heart, Jessica, into such tiny little pieces... and I don't know if I can forgive you for that." That said, he stood up, wiping the lone tear away from his face, and walked out of the room.
Jessica stared in shock after him. Everything he said hit at once, and she collapsed in a fit of horrible sobs.
Down the hallway, AJ felt chills run down his spine at the mournful wailing coming from the woman he once would have given up his life for.