Life As A Garlic
A New Movie starring Keefer Sutherland and Many Moore

Life As A Garlic
because sometimes you need to get a little stinky to see how lucky you are

Hello Iam a garlic.  People think their life is bad.  They should walk a
mile in my shoes before they judge.  What is that?  I don't wear shoes?  Now
you are beginning to understand...

Walk with me and talk with me as you become me.  You become garlic.

I started my life in th edirt.  In the cold smelly dirt.  Do you think that
is fun?  Do you think that I ever dreamed of being president or even having
a job as a newspaper delivery boy?  No.  I dreamed of seeing daylight.  I
dreamed of the sun.

One day I get wet and I begin to grow.  Not like when you have a boner, but
all around growth.  And I was green.  How fun is that?  green as green but
not lovable like Kermit.  Just green like a blade of grass.  Very delicate.
My life liable to be ended at any moment.  Pray for me.  Pray that I grow
and grow and don't get eaten by a gopher.

Eventually I grow old and turn white and begin to resemble a testicle.  This
is where you come in.  You become me.  You are me.  You are Garlic.

Life as A Garlic

Now you grow and grow, a white ballsac attached to a green sten and suddenly
an old bag ribs you out of the ground and brings you into a house.  A House
filled with stuff.  You've never had stuff before.  You never even knew
there was such a thing as stuff   But now you know.  Now you understand how
cruel the world is.  these unhappyt humans with their stuff, and YOU with
YOUR MEANINGLESS LIFE AS A garlic.  Then, when you begin to cry, the old bag
rips you apart and takes a nut out of your ballsac and crushes you.
"Minces" you as she so proudly claims.  Then, you go into the boiling red
sauce.  And you dream.  You dream of sunlight.  You fill the sauce with
flavor and bring smiles to the faces of these humans who you envy.

You did give pleasure to their lives.  You have served a purpose.  Let me
ask you, did you serve a purpose when you were HUMAN??!!  Did you give
pleasure to others, or were you just a miserable fuck?

Now you are a garlic, and you are being digested.  Eventually you will be
part of smelly smelly shit, or smelly smelly sweat.

Life As A Garlic,

A new movie starring Donald Sutherland and Alicia Silverstone

Coming soon to a theatre near YOU.