The following is the first installment by the newest member of the wangbrag.com bragsite, beat reporter Victor Stemple. Victor is not a member of W.A.N.G., but rather an impartial journalist committee to uncovering the true story of W.A.N.G. and it’s posse. W.A.N.G. has agreed to let Victor hang around, and write for wangbrag.com, as long as he doesn’t get in the way, steal any groupies, or drink any of their hooch.

This weekend, while in town for New York City’s Christmas lighting ceremony, the members of W.A.N.G. had a run-in with local police. The incident occurred at about 8:45 PM, with most of the W.A.N.G. members gathered for holiday festivities. A man who wished only to identified as "Train Whistle Albert" gives the following account:

"The young feller with the giant head was yelling and screaming at the short chick with the big boobs about firing up the damned lights already. She was yammering about how he was an idiot and he bought ugly chairs-uh and no one was eating the red M&M’s. I was about to take off my shirt and scare the young whippersnappers when suddenly the street was flooded with lights. Holy mackerel it was a scene. Poor old Sam the Sand across the way went blind from the intense beam coming from the "Bigger Than Babe" Santa. It was horrifying!"

The giant light show also wreaked havoc on the nation’s air traffic, as dozens of pilots confused the light show with an airport runway. Several flights were delayed at least 2 and a half minutes.

A patrolman, possibly confusing the scene with a Dunkin Donuts on fire, was drawn to the scene. Officer Todd Whoteet pulled out his weapon and brandished it in front of the W.A.N.G. groupies who were surprised to see the piece pulled out in what seemed like broad daylight. As the girls fainted, Hellcat created a diversion by torture racking the miniature green Santa on the front lawn.

"It’s an elf," claimed Big John.

The officer was successfully distracted for the moment and did not notice Superdave stealing cheese and hiding it in his jacket. His cover was blown however, when he attempted to hide one more cheese ball into his jeans. Of course there was no room and his pants exploded. As more police cars pulled up to the melee, Mike V tried to calm the situation by telling bad jokes.

"Hey guys, what’s up? Did you ever notice that people park on driveways and drive on parkways?" joked Mike V, the hack comic.

His witty repartee was of no use however, as Cartesian Collins, for reasons yet unexplained slugged Officer Todd Whoteet right in the gut. Collins was immediately arrested by the other police officers, and as they dragged him away to the police car we was quoted as screaming, "No pigs are gonna ruin my Christmas! Erin! Tell them I did it for America!" Erin was unavailable for comment, but she is scheduled to appear at a Japanese Hibachi bar later this month.

Dr. Talkta began emergency surgery on the officer’s ankle, despite the policeman’s claims that it was his stomach that hurt. "It’s all in your head," she said. The surgery continued, and now the cop has taken up guitar lessons so he can become a musician.

The unfortunate incident was officially calmed when Michelle told Big John that this was the best lighting display she had ever seen.

Tubby was suspiciously not in attendance, and there is currently being held for questioning. He was stopped at a cheese shop where he claimed to be only "window shopping."