June 30th, Thursday ~ A Shoulder To Lean On

Terbang di awangan ( Flying without wings ). Of course, seeing him always cheer me up. Bahagia sgt. Petang ni nak dating dgn abg :) our normal routine- having mocha and talked non stop about everything. And now even better- we can just hold hands and looking at each other, smiling contently. No need for words.

Will move up to Ting 11 today. Have to evacuate the room we have right now. Tomorrow I'll take a day leave because my PIL want to held kenduri kesyukuran. And on Saturday, we are going to Klang to attend the wedding on Sunday. Busy weekend, I see.

June 28th, Tuesday ~ May Day May Day

Got an sms from lau this morning at 6.30 saying the Solaris server is up & running again. Alhamdulillah, guess they managed tofix the problem last night. So this morning I rushed to the ground floor where the app server is allocated. This server is where the cashier's module go through before they uploaded to the main compaq server. Unfotch the service manager failed to start due to bad network. We tried to change the cable but after 2-3 tries still couldn't ping to the compaq server ( no reply, request timed out ). So En Salmi, the IT assistant changed the network card ( the current one is built-in, mabe it's corrupted or something happened that it couldn't be use anymore ) and alhamdulillah, it worked. So we have to change the operation from offline to online, upload all the offline transactions from local machine ( the cashiers' ) to the server, one by one. kalau semua sekali mau kejung balik server kat atas tu ). Luckily kak Asni is here to help me so it's pretty much a team work. And when I wanted to update the daily payment, which I haven't run for a week =P ) the total transaction was 35000 something. Whoaaa... so as expected I have to wait until it finished otherwise it'll be more tomorrow.

June 27th, Monday ~ System Offline

Such a chaos morning. Still feeling reeled with the great news syg told me last night *hint, hint*. Yesterday I had to work because TNB is shutting down the main power at Graha Maju to do the maintenance so we (Mr Lau En Azam from unit IT and I) have to shutdown the servers properly. At 3 pm the work is done so we came back and turn on all the computers. After that Mr Lau tried to start the service ( PAM oracle service ) but something didn't seem right- the partition that we normally used to run the programme wasn't there. Stranged, yes, but it's not the time to get panic so Lau called other programmer from KL and he came down to PAM last night to do recovery but failed to do so. Don't know why or how. So today PAM is like, 'dead', so to speak. Only collections can be made today, which means only cashiers can do their job today. So this morning Kak Asni ( one of the programmer whom responsible for the receipting module ) and I came down to the cashiers and set the mode to offline. This means all the transactions will be saved in their local machines, not uploaded to the server as usual. And they can't process other agencies' bills (i.e TNB, Telekom ) only water bill can be paid at the counters. Hopefully we can do something about it before the day ended.

Made kuih tepung pelita yesterday. It's my first time making it so it's not perfect yet but my family said it's very good and like it very much. Orang kata, kira jadi lah kuih tu... he he... next time I'll make it better. Took some to my PIL's house. Later my SIL, Kak Long arrived and tasted it. Already wanna book me to make the kuih during fasting month. Not bad what :) thanks to my friend azie whom gave me the recipe :)

Wanna wish congrats to my uni friend sarini and hubby for their new baby girl. Putih melepak cam ummi dia :)

Can't wait for tomorrow. My other half is coming home. yeay! :D 3 weeks is too much to bear..

June 25th, Saturday ~ Sloooowww Moooooo

Why is it I feel like time goes on so slow this morning? Usually after doing all the routine check up and updating the system it's already afternoon but today it's still 9.00 o'clock after I finished everything. Attended staff from ground floor about bounced cheque. And it's still 9++ . Is the clock not moving? Rosak kot? no lah...everything is like usual, I'm the one who's having some internal problem. Cepatlah pkl 12.30...nak balikkk!!!

6.40 pm En Omar, the ketua pembaca meter called and said one of the PDA read today can't sync with the server. I said it's almost maghrib so I'll come after prayer with my brother. So we went and it took only 2 minutes to figure out what's wrong. So after changed the connection setting I waited until the syncronization (uploading & downloading data from the server) finished successfully, then took my brother to buy his comics, and drove back home.

June 24th, Friday ~ Black Hawk Down

Abang already told me about the crashed yesterday. He was his senior when Abang undergoed the flying course at Kedah. And when the news being aired last night I just couldn't watch it. It's not really the kind of news you would like to watch when you are a wife to a taco. Furthermore he's just got married a month ago, same date as ours ( 22.05.05 ) so you can imagine how I felt. I know it's Allah's will but promise me you'll do everything to ensure your safety when you fly, ok sayang? janji ye?

Have one wedding to attend next week at Klang. My F-I-L's relative, to be exact. Need to check the tyre's bearing again because the last time I took MAX to a workshop ( last 2 week ) the mechanics said it's not the bearing but the gearbox's oil so I told them to change it. Better have it check again before I travel to Klang.

June 23rd, Thursday ~ Fly Up Above

Abang passed his pre wing check flying yesterday so today he's going to do the check flying. All the best hon, I know you can do it. The force is with you, always :)

3.30 pm: Alhamdulillah...Abang has landed safely and he made it. HE DID IT!! He passed the wing check and that means his conversion is complete. I was practically jumping up the wall, too happy with it. Alhamdulillah...I know this is what he always wanted and now that he has achieved it, I wish more and more good things will come his way, insya Allah :)

It's me- at Teluk Batik.

June 22th, Tuesday ~ Cold Feet

Cold feet. Happened when we feel fear for something that prevent from completing the action or decision we are about to make ( or already done ). Usually this phrase is associated to guys whom afraid to get married when all the preparation has been made. Maybe at that time he felt the sudden pressure with the rush to get married and the commitment he's about to make, he got cold feet and wanna back off.

It usually applied to guys but ladies also do not escape from this syndrome. Right now my friend was getting on his nerve at the behaviour of his fiancee that changed suddenly. She doesn't want to get married when the date has been confirmed, all the preparation on his side has been made while at her side, nothing is done yet. And they are supposed to get married in A MONTH. If that was me, I'll be freaked out coz I've already started the preparation as early as 6 months before the wedding. I don't know what's the problem between them because he said he did ask her and she said there's nothing to talk about. One issue arise though- she's not willing to give up her job and move to here ( Melaka ) when my friend already moved out from the house he rented with 5-6 other guys, rented a 2-storey house so they'll have a place to stay comfortably after they get married. And now she doesn't want to quit and move here. She doesn't even want to get married, for heaven sake. Pity my friend, almost having nervous breakdown. Even his future mother in law said if he wanted his wife to quit and move, then don't even bother to continue with the wedding. How could a mother say that? Actually he did make a few options for her: stay there for a few months and he'll commute to and fro (Melaka- Kluang) but she didn't want to. So he said just quit and move here, his earning is enough for all three of them ( his fiancee only has mother, father died and no other sibling ) and this is where the conflict started. Her mother said she worked hard to afford her studies and she won't throw everything she has now for him. Duh.. Come on girl, Melaka is not that bad, ok? There're many job opportunity here and her experience working with T*B right now will surely boost up her chances.

For me and my hubby, this issue has long been in our conversation and luckily he understands how much my work means to me and he also doesn't want me to waste what I've got so we decided that I should stay here for a few months until I got other job at Lumut @ Manjung. It's coincidence that our house also not completed yet, so it's a good thing I haven't move there yet. And I also understand that his job mean a lot to him, plus he's not in the position to change his work or move to anywhere as he pleases. Therefore it's only right that I follow him and try to find job ( if I haven't already got one at that time ) or if worse come to worse, I'll stay at home and be a homemaker, full time :)

Had a long heart-to-heart talk with him over lunch. Ever since they confirmed the wedding date, she started behaving like this. Listened to what he has done for her all this years ( they have known each other for 11 years *gulp* and been engaged for 4 years *more gulp* ) and she has the nerve to tell him that if they break of, she can pay all the expenses he spent on her. And his patience is wearing off, I understand. He said no, she couldn't afford everything. He roughly counted everything and the sum is very large- more than RM200,000. But then she forget about something else - his caring & love for her, the many times he had to help her when she needed help, those sleepless nights when she had asthma and he had to get the medicine at 3 am, those are the things she should think before she said that to him. I don't know how a 11-years relationship goes wrong like this especially when it's only another month to go before their wedding. But then again, nothing is impossible. When only one person worked hard to maintain the relationship while the other couldn't care less about it, it's unevitable. It's just not meant to be. Wake up buddy, it's your call.

Last night before sleep I prepared myself as though I was expecting him to be home at any moment, coming into the room with his charming smile and a bunch of flowers for me ( ok, that's a bit too much ) except, well, of course he didn't. He's preparing the map for his pre check flying ( today ) and he called after he has finished the job. So glad to hear his voice ( and we talked everyday ). I wonder if we will always like this- eager to please each other, but one thing for sure we'll never get tired of each other.

I just miss him. So much it hurts. Guess it's harder than both of us ever expected.

June 20th, Monday ~ That time of the month

Everything is just not comfortable. Strained here, strained there. Cramped now and then. though I got that every month, I never get used to it until now. Rasa malas nak buat keje. But had to, since I'm the only one in the office. Mizi, still back home at Kluang. He wanted to go back yesterday but it was rained. And right until now, 5.35 pm he never showed up. Huh. Calls from the head of metre reader. 3 PDAs repaired. Installed programmes. Calls from IT assistant. Calls from OMPD staff ( "when i use scanner to read the barcode aaa, no consumer name appear-lah. why aaa? can u come upstairs now aaa?""Yeah, sure madam, i'm coming right now" ) Calls from PMTK (" Eh wani, PDA pakcik ni dah kejung lah..apsal ntah...td ok je, tiba2 dah 'hang'. awak turun tgkkan kejap" "Ye en mail, saya turun skrg" ).

Maleh nak cakap apa.

Anyway, I wanna wish my beloved hubby Happy one-month Anniversary :) Ok, I know.. I know...it's too soon to celebrate our marriage but I really wanna do this, ok? Though he's not here with me now but in my heart I know he loves me so much and I just wanna thank him so much for accepting me in his life; for better or for worse, in sick or health, poorer or richer till death do us apart. Thanks hon, I hope the love we found in each other will last forever, insya Allah..

June 17th, Friday ~

Went to my inlaw's house at Klebang. First time back there without abang. Suprised to see my sis-in-law kak Ros was also in the house. She's been there since Wednesday, on leave until the weekend. Her husband isn't around- outstation to Changlun, Kedah.

Before I went home I stopped by at Tesco. Bought some groceries for my mother in law and a book- Out Of Me by Fiona Shaw. It's a real story written by herself about her experience when she was hospitalized in a psychiatric unit for severe postnatal depression, right after 10 days given birth to her second child. Tragic, huh? She put her life on hold just to make sure her baby out safely to see the world, only to leave er with something she didn't know how or when it was developed inside her. Interesting book and quite different style in her writing. Looking forward to read it but right now I was only managed to read about 15 pages since I started last night. Pretty slow, isn't it? Hmm..

Tomorrow my other sis-in-law, Kak Nani ( I have 5, remember? =P ) invite us to her house for some housewarming kenduri. Insya Allah...We'll definitely will be there :)

June 15th, Wednesday ~ netstat -a

Been going up & down from the 4th floor to the ground floor. All alone today- Aim still haven't recovered from his chicken pox and mizi fell down in his bathroom this morning and injured his hand- no can ride his bike. Isk. And today the pcs at the cashier floor is going so crazy. Keep frozen, printing the bills took more than 2 minutes. I don't know what went wrong. Definitely not the pc because the cashiers from other district didn't call to complaint about this. kak Asni gave me the script to check if the pc has been affected b virus or not. Run it but nothing unusual come out. So what else could be the reason? I'm so tired running here and there to attend every body in this building.

Too many things to write here but I ust don't have the time ( & heart ) to do so. It's my second day working after a long holiday. Feel like there so many things to do and catch up. Letters & memos. Gosh. Slowly, ok wann?

June 3rd, Friday ~ TeknikJb.com No more

Visited my x-school's website but got the msg from one of the founder (napi) that we are having some problem with the hosting so the site is temporarily closed now. So I emailed him to ask about the problem ( since I'm one of the admin ) and he said all the data couldn't be save...isk.. too many posts and wishes and memories in there, I'm not sure if we can get it back one more time. He said he has found another hosting and will bring it up in a few days. It's not going to be the same but We'll make sure it's a better site and hopefully all x-teknikjb will support us.

June 2nd, Thursday ~ Cry Silently

June 1st, Wednesday ~ I'm Just A Girl

MAX's roadtax & insurance will expired tomorrow. Already renewed it with some help from my uncle. Another year passed by. MAX started produced unwanted noises and although the Perodua mechanic said it's normal for a Kancil, still it's not a pleasant thing to hear everytime I drive.

Don't know how everything goes wrong yesterday. One thing for sure I could only blame myself for not having better judgement and created this problem to myself. And now I have to think of some way to make it up to him. It's not easy, sorry doesn't seem to correct the mistakes. I'm such a mess :( and it sadden me more because I know I hurt him so much by what I did. If it's someone else I really don't bother much but..this is THE ONE, you know what I'm saying? Couldn't sleep last night. Kept waking up at every hour thinking how can I sleep when I have done a serious mistake that could jeopardize this relationship.

Already on my 2nd mug of nescafe and it's only 9.16 am. Gosh. We all in red alert- usually the first day of every month everything goes wrong if the authorized people didn't do the Monthly Batch programme correctly. So far so good. Only 1 call from 1st floor complaining the printer setting for copy bill is out. That's like, 0.01% of what we always face for the past 2 months. Prayed things are better till the day end. PAM system, and MY PROBLEM.

Pagi ni abg terbang. Gi mana, x tau. Tapi wann doakan abg selamat pergi dan balik, insya Allah. As always, my loves & prayers will be with him all the way up from the moment he wakes up till the moment he closes his eyes. Every day. People says absence makes love grow fonder. And trust me it's growing so rapidly.

Listened to this song over and over again. Pray that it's not too late to patch thing up. Prayed hard.

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one