...cause we are living in a material world, and I am a material boy! Last year, we learned a lesson in teenage boy present-giving.  The occasional guest would go out of his way to find something a little creative--a Simpsons t-shirt, or in one memorable instance, a rubber eyeball that deformed into a pile of goo when thrown against a firm surface (compliments of Jon Westhusin), then regained its original bloodshot shape; this one was popular until Patrick got it stuck on the fifteen foot kitchen ceiling and couldn't get it back down again.  This year, however, Patrick needed no such gimmicks.  What the boy wanted, the boy got, and even if it came with a card that proclaimed "You smell" (thanks, Jack), Patrick was happy as long as you showed him the money.

However, the rest of the family was not prepared to give in to Patrick's greedy little desires, and still insisted on giving the man actual presents (bring on the gooey eyeballs!)

The first item of the evening was a gift for Patrick, but with matching counterparts for Lewis and Steve--new hockey stick bags, now that each had multiple sticks to haul around.  This one earned the coveted Patrick Thumbs-up Award.

The second item up for Patrick's perusal was from Catherine, who was hard-pressed to buy something that Patrick would truly enjoy owning with her limited allowance, but was determined that Patrick would have something to show him how much she loved him.  Patrick first had to figure out how to get it open, having realized too late that Catherine had taken the Alina School of Gift-Wrapping.  But when he found the keychain with the flashlight, Catherine got not just the Patrick Thumbs-Up Award, and technically not even a hug or a thank you.  But she did get the "hey-I-gave-Patrick-a-present-and-he-didn't-beat-me-up!" award.

See more presents that don't include cash profits!