This is the job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
McDonald's:

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still looking.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place, would I?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options. If that's
not possible, make an offer (any offer) and we can haggle.

LAST POSITION HELD: A target for middle management hostility.

EDUCATION: Yes, but it doesn't seem to be paying off.

LAST SALARY: Way less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen
pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING LAST POSITION: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday,
with a half-hour break around 2:00 p.m.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited
to a more intimate environment and I don't like to get caught
doing them at work.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here
would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House
Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no; on my breaks, yes; substance -
I rather not say.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy blonde super
model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Who am I kidding, I'd like to be doing that right now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE
BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.