Confessions at 3am

By Oprelia

Rating: PG

Code: J&P, Owen, P/T implied

Category: VOYAGER

Genre: General

Beta: H. Louise

Part: 3/3

Website: http://www.oocities.org/warpieal/

Spoilers: Caretaker, Prime Factors, Threshold, Thirty Days, Message In A Bottle, Hunters, Pathfinder, Spirit Folk, Lifeline

Archive: JuPiter Station, ASC*, TPDorm and FanFiction.Net. Anywhere else, please ask me first.

Feedback: Please give me feedback at oprelia@hotmail.com. I appreciate all comments.

Summary: Conversations, confessions and reminiscence of the past at 3am between Tom & Kathryn and Owen. Response to JuPiter Station Narrative Challenge #373. Owen reminisces on the past about his son.

Challenge: #373 on JuPiter Station from BLMHJM. Write a story that begins at 3 in the morning. (You have to state that it's 3 in the morning somehow; dialogue, whatever.)

Disclaimer: STAR TREK: VOYAGER and all its characters contained within this story are owned exclusively by Paramount Pictures Corporation. The songs 'Easier To Run', 'Somewhere I Belong' and 'Numb' are the property of Linkin Park and Warner Bros. Records Inc. No copyright infringements are intended.

Author's Note: Songfic. Inspired by the Linkin Park's songs, 'Somewhere I Belong', 'Easier To Run' and 'Numb' on their album 'Meteora'. Lyrics are reproduced without permission but I do not claim profit from the reproduction.

Confessions at 3am is a companion piece to my other story "Redemptions of the Heart". This prequel can be read independently as a standalone story. All canon events do occur, I have just played around with Tom's history and the events that occur between canon.

Tom's relationship with the Admiralty is borrowed with permission from The Undead Begonia's 'Assumptions' story which can be found on JuPiter Station. I highly recommend that story.

Thank you H. Louise for taking the time to beta my story. Your help and suggestions have been very much appreciated.

Confessions at 3am

Chapter Three

Numb

*****

It was three in the morning when he finally arrived home. The mansion was quiet as he greeted his butler Ethan when he walked through the large and ominous entrance of the historical Paris residence. Many generations of Paris's had lived in this home, nurturing and sheltering many generations of Starfleet's finest officers. Everyone was asleep except for a few of the house servants who worked tirelessly in the late hour. He was glad that they were asleep since he was spared the interrogation that he knew he would experience when they grilled him on the significant event that occurred that evening.

He allowed himself the opportunity to reminisce about the interrogation he underwent earlier when he had spoken to a few of his relations. He had contacted them to describe how Starfleet came into contact with Voyager through Lieutenant Barclay's innovation in the Pathfinder Project. They had then bombarded him with questions concerning Tom, everything from his welfare to the location of the lost ship. He had answered as many questions as he could before he was interrupted by a summons to a meeting with the heads of Starfleet. Before he left, he told everyone that he would speak to them in the morning and he left to brief the President of the United Federation of Planets on the success of the Pathfinder Project.

At the meeting they had reviewed the entire procedure that Barclay used to contact the lost shi[, from the use of the Class-B itinerant pulsar to the use of a tachyon beam to produce the gravimetric surge necessary to produce the micro-wormhole. The report that Lieutenant Barclay had given Owen earlier had helped in the review. They even began discussing some preliminary modifications to the procedure so that they could contact Voyager again in the future since they knew that the pulsar was not stationary. They had finally recessed not long ago due to the late hour and he was able to come home, however he was scheduled to return early in the morning to begin the review of Voyager's logs, crew reports and navigational records that Kathryn Janeway sent back through the micro-wormhole.

He finally arrived at his study and he silently entered before proceeding towards his desk. He sat down on his chair before he accessed his LCARS terminal.

In his briefcase were two messages that was transmitted from Voyager. Nicole, his secretary, had received them when he was en route to the meeting with Admiral Hayes. He opened his briefcase and retrieved the isolinear chips from their cases and placed them on the table. Nicole had labelled the data-chips according to sender but he did not want to read them yet. He laid back on his chair as he cast his mind back to the brief conversation he had with the Intrepid-class starship.

He had finally contacted Voyager and was able to talk to his former student and protégé. She said that the crew was exemplary, including his only son. He had been so happy to hear that Kathryn highly regarded Tom that he felt the need to give her a message to relay to his son. That he was on the bridge during the transmission, so that he could hear how proud he was of his son was a scenario he had never envisaged. He had dreamt about the day when he could finally tell his son how he missed him. The day he was notified that Voyager was missing presumed lost still brought him sharp pangs of hurt, pain and guilt.

*

He had been so stubborn and self-righteous when it came to his son that he drove his son away from him. He had been angry and hurt when he found out that Tom lied about the accident that he lost all sense of reason. He sent his only son away from his home, the one place where he was loved and protected, into the unknown world. His anger turned to shame the next day when he calmed down and realised the importance of his mistake. He had severed his links to his only son that he loved beyond anyone in the world. His parents, daughters, brothers and sisters, even his cousins berated him after they had been informed of the banishing. Only his stubbornness prevented him from heeding their demands to apologise to Tom.

They had accused him of betraying his late wife's legacy by his treatment of Tom and they described his folly in great detail when he repeatedly refused to listen to reason. They had blamed him for the rift that formed between his son and himself because of his poor judgement concerning his son. He tried to defend himself by saying that Tom had an uncanny resemblance to his late wife so he had wanted what was best for him. He wanted his son to be the best so that he could show his wife how good he raised her son. They immediately tore his excuse to shreds by asking him whether his actions would have pleased her. He reluctantly replied in the negative. They had pursued him, nagged him and even threatened him but he was obstinate to the point that even his Admiralty friends started berating him.

They had all babysat Tom at some point in his son's life and he knew that Tom considered all of them his uncle's and aunts. Even Admiral Jack Hayes, Commander-in-Chief of Starfleet kept bringing up the subject of Tom whenever they met. He finally relented and began a search for his lost son, only to be notified that his son had been captured as a Maquis pilot and he was about to be placed on trial for treason. He was livid when he found out that his only son was a criminal. After the verdict, but before his sentence, he finally went to see his son. Just one glance at his fallen son was all it took for him to lose his temper and he only stayed long enough to tell Tom that he had no son and he disowned him, forever severing his ties with his wayward son.

It was only after his son's sentence was handed down that he realised the devastation he had inflicted onto his son. His friends and relatives all showed their disapproval and disappointment at his prevarication and they certainly didn't mince their words. They blamed him for Tom's mistakes and Tom's subsequent actions during the Caldik Prime accident. They then blamed him for Tom's incarceration as well. Their reasoning was that Tom had done everything to please him and Tom had tried everything to make his father proud. Tom went to great extremes to prove his worth to an unforgiving father but it was never enough. Inevitably his son had failed because of the pressure to meet the unrealistic expectations of his father and he lied to protect the family name. Only Tom's innate sense of goodness and honesty forced him to reveal his culpability and he was forced to leave Starfleet.

When he asked his relations and colleagues for their reasoning behind his role in Tom's incarceration, they argued that Tom loved to fly and he was obviously denied the chance after his piloting error had killed three people. No one trusted him to pilot their vessels except the Maquis, who were desperate for pilots. William Masterson said that the Maquis would have been desperate for pilots of Tom's calibre and Tom would have jumped at the chance to fly again. William even accused him of not knowing his own son if he couldn't see Tom's reasons for joining the Maquis. Owen then conceded his failure to his son and he vowed to heal the rift after Tom's sentence expired. They all repeatedly urged him to visit Tom but his prevarication stemmed from the excuse that he would never visit Tom during prison where they could harm him due to his familial connections.  The real reason for his unwillingness to visit Auckland was that he was truly afraid that Tom would scorn and reject him after the way he treated his son.

He kept on telling himself that he would make things better with his son that he immediately agreed to Admiral Nicholas Patterson's request when his friend appraised him of Voyager's mission and Kathryn's personal request. He had jumped at the chance to allow Tom to follow his protégé for her mission. There were two reasons why he had wanted Tom to help Kathryn however his colleagues only knew the first reason. He wanted to let Tom have the opportunity to gain a temporary leave of imprisonment from his sentence and his second reason, he was ashamed to admit, was that he wanted Kathryn to give him her opinion on his son after the mission. He was going to request a report from her after she had returned from the Badlands. He had resolved to speak with Tom after Voyager returned from the search, before his son was sent back to Auckland and he was happy for the first time in a long time.

His happiness shattered around him though when Admiral Hayes personally delivered the report concerning the disappearance of the vessel. Tom's father had then personally overseen the search and rescue operation in the Badlands for the missing ship but they could not find anything, not even debris. All they found were residual signatures that suggested a large subspace disturbance. They had analysed Voyager's last report and used the last known trajectory to describe the search area. At the conclusion of the fruitless search, they did not even find a resonance trace from the warp core of Voyager's class-nine warp drive nor any trace of the missing Maquis vessel that Voyager was searching for. It was ironic that the search vessel was now lost as well.

He had been devastated when the search Starfleet Command terminated the search after months of fruitless searching. The mood of the Admiralty was subdued with the loss of over one hundred of Voyager's crew but they were also mourning the loss of Tom, their nephew that had enriched all their lives. Owen had been shunned by his extended family for nearly three months as they mourned for the loss of their family member but he was eventually able to heal the giant rift he had caused in the large family. The bridging of his relationship with the Admiralty was another matter. Most were extremely upset with the way Owen treated his only son. Even the Admirals that were not very familiar with Tom and his gifts knew about the bright young man. It was only through perseverance that he was able to re-forge the familial links with his fellow colleagues.

He then devoted his time to starship research and design, cumulating in the design and implementation of the Prometheus prototype. He had devoted all his time and energy to a ship that would protect all those he cared for from the Federation's adversaries. He had been anxious when they lost contact with the Prometheus on one of its numerous test flights. He was so concerned with the recovery of the vessel because the Prometheus was the living embodiment of Tom's designs. When his son was young, he had envisaged a warship that could attack on multiple fronts, able to work independently to neutralise a target. He had also envisaged a ship that could fly so fast, it could outrun every enemy ship it faced. Using those ideas, he had sent his design teams to bring Tom's dreams to life, hoping his son would be happy wherever he was. However, the ship was lost.

When Trent Stevens, the Commander of Starfleet Intelligence, had come to see him that morning he was clearly expecting the worst. He was still in his office, waiting for word from his missing ship. It was three in the morning but Admiral Stevens was apparently still working. Trent had informed him that his experimental starship Prometheus had been recovered. He was so relieved, he nearly cried. All his hard work was not in vain, and his son's legacy was not destroyed. Little did he know that the news of the Prometheus would shatter his well-constructed composure, and he would cry for the first time in nearly twenty five years, the last being when his wife died and his son cried out for his mother. He was astonished to hear that the experimental Emergency Medical Holographic Program had been activated, and with the help of another EMH, they had overpowered the Romulans and retook the ship. He then realised that Trent said there was two EMH's when he had only recently installed the Mark Two EHM, straight from Dr Zimmerman's lab.

This gave Admiral Stevens the opening he was looking for. He had not wanted to blurt out the information and risk giving Owen heart palpitations but Owen gave him the perfect way to reveal to him the nature of the second EMH's activation.

"The second EMH was a Mark One, Owen," Trent said.

"Mark One? I thought they were all reallocated to the waste-transfer barges," Owen stated, a frown appearing on his tired face.

"They were, but this one was not. This EMH was sent from the Delta Quadrant through an alien network of subspace relays."

"The Delta Quadrant? Trent, how could the EMH be from the Delta Quadrant? We do not have the technology to send ships that far," Owen reminded Trent. He was still frowning.

"That is true, we have not sent any ships out there but one ship was sent there by an alien entity known as 'The Caretaker'. According to the information we have from the debriefing of the Mark One EMH, the entity was looking for a similar bio-molecular pattern. He was trying to procreate so that an alien race known as the Ocampa could have a new caretaker. His race had apparently destroyed the atmosphere of the Ocampa planet, leaving the M-class planet without nucleogenic particles. He and another of his race was left behind to care for them, but the other one became bored and left. His Array had been sending the Ocampa's underground civilisation energy for many years but he was dying," Trent explained.

"What vessel was sent to the Delta Quadrant? It must have been less than four years ago that the vessel was sent to the Delta Quadrant if an EMH was assigned to the ship," Owen observed.

"The ship is Voyager, Owen. Kathryn Janeway's and your son's ship was sent to the Delta Quadrant from the Badlands," Trent said softly.

This sent Owen scrambling from his seat. To say that he was shocked was an understatement. His only thought was 'Tom's alive' and he kept repeating the two words like a mantra as he stared at Admiral Stevens with tears streaming down his face.

"Are you sure? You're not lying to me are you?" he demanded harshly and desperately through choked sobs. He was clinging desperately to his sanity like a knife on an edge of a precipice.

"No, Owen. We have authenticated the EMH's holomatrix. He is the Chief Medical Officer on-board Voyager after the original doctor was killed in the initial transport," Trent explained. It was only after he spoke that he realised the poorly chosen words.

"Is Tom alive?" Owen asked sharply.

"Yes, Owen. Apparently he distinguished himself during the incident after they were transported to the Delta Quadrant and Janeway gave him a field commission of Lieutenant and he is now the Chief Helmsman," Trent replied.

Owen clearly relaxed when he was told that his son was alive. He was now smiling because Tom had gained the trust of his protégé. That she had entrusted him with the Navigation Department as Chief Flight Control Officer was a relief because he knew that Kathryn had very good judgement. They had the best possible pilot to fly them through the vast unknown region known as the Delta Quadrant, home of the Borg.

"How is he?" Owen asked plaintively as he sat back down behind his desk. He wanted to know how Tom was faring away from his overbearing nature.

"Tom is very well. Apart from some early tensions during the merging of the two crews, he has become quite an officer," Trent replied.

"Two crews?" Owen asked, perplexed by the choice of words.

"The Maquis ship that Janeway was searching for was also pulled into the Delta Quadrant.  The Maquis cell leader Chakotay sacrificed his ship to save Voyager from a hostile race known as the Kazon. Janeway decided to merge the crews to increase their chances of getting home. 'The Caretaker' had died before he could destroy the installation that had been sending energy to the Ocampa. Janeway decided to destroy the Array to prevent the Kazon from seizing control of the advanced technology and altering the balance of power in the sector. The EMH had described the Kazon with contempt. I believe that the Kazon are quite primitive and aggressive. The technology would have seriously jeopardised the safety of the region," Trent explained. Owen nodded in understanding as he digested the information.

"This EMH, has he had much interaction with my son?" Owen asked.

"I'm glad you mentioned that, Owen," replied Trent with a smile. "The EMH has quite a personality. He has clearly exceeded the boundaries of his original programming and he was quite entertaining to listen. He said that your son has been his medical assistant for quite some time now. Because of the two medical classes Tom took at the Academy, classes I believe he took because he felt were needed to help him during fieldwork, he was drafted by Janeway to assist him. Yes Owen, those two classes are the same ones you objected to but he took them anyway out of sheer stubbornness. He is now a qualified medic and nurse, and according to the EMH, will soon become a doctor if the EMH can persuade him. So far Tom's resisting because it would interfere with his piloting, but the EMH said he was working on it," Trent said with a smile. This in turn caused Owen to smile. He knew that his cousin Vikki would be pleased that Tom was working in the medical field. She always said that he had talent in medicine.

"So, what do we do now?" Owen asked. The EMH had to be sent back. He knew that Tom would be reluctantly taking care of all the medical duties since he was the assistant.

"We have transferred the EMH onto the Intrepid and the ship is currently en route towards the spatial coordinates that are recorded in the Prometheus' logs as the point of contact. Hopefully the ship's sensors are strong enough to detect the subspace relay since the EMH has told us that the Voyager has had its sensors augmented with Borg technology. We might need to get closer since the sensors on the Intrepid, while more advanced than all the other classes of starships except for the Sovereign class and the Prometheus, are still nowhere near as powerful as Voyager's. Once we have access to the closest relay station, we will send him back to Voyager. Tom would be anxious to have him back, I'm sure," Trent explained.

Owen nodded his head in understanding. He sat there thinking about his son before Trent spoke again.

"We will also be notifying all the families of Voyager's crew to tell them that the ship has been found and we are asking them to record some messages for us to transmit to Voyager through the relay network. Admiral Hayes has ordered the Intrepid to remain at the coordinates for two days to receive the messages. They will then transmit the messages through the subspace relay to Voyager," Trent said, interrupting Owen's thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Trent then asked the important question. "Are you going to send him a letter?"

"Definitely! I want to apologise to Tom for all my actions! I want to tell him that I love him and that I'm proud of him," Owen exclaimed.

"Good. Send him my regards and that of his entire family here in the Admiralty. I have given you access to the debriefing of the EMH so you can have a brief summary of the events after 'The Caretaker Incident'. Have your message written as soon as possible," Trent said as he stood up.

"Thanks Trent. I'll do that after I tell my family," Owen said as he stood up as well.

*

That had been over a year ago. After the Prometheus Project was completed, he then headed up the Pathfinder Project to find a way to communicate with Voyager. The alien subspace relay had collapsed without warning not long after the Intrepid began transmitting the messages through the relay station and they had again lost contact with Voyager. He had assembled a large team containing some of the best Starfleet engineers and a group of Vulcan scientists to adapt the Mutara Inter-dimensional Deep-space-transponder Array System to communicate with the stranded Starfleet ship.

Their initial plan was to create a hyper-subspace signal to send messages to Voyager, a plan that meant that Voyager would not be able to reply to their messages but the hyper-subspace technology had not yet been perfected. Luckily for him, Reginald Barclay had created a successful micro-wormhole and he was able to speak to Janeway in a live two-way conversation. He was so happy that he was able to tell Tom that he was proud of him again, he hoped that Tom had forgiven him, or at the very least, be less hostile to him but he was not sure until he spoke face-to-face with his son.

He finally stopped reminiscing about the past and looked at the isolinear chips. His heart leapt for joy when he realised that Tom was the author of both messages. One was older than the other was and he played that one first. He began to frown when he listened as Tom described his incarceration for disobeying Captain's orders. He then listened in wonder as his son described his motivation to help the unique water planet and his reasons for disobeying direct orders. Once the message was complete, he sat back again as he contemplated Tom's words. He could remember Tom's fascination with the ocean when he was small and he could clearly remember the impish smile on Tom's face as he played with his toy sailboat. He never fully realised how much Tom loved the ocean until now. That he would disobey direct orders to accomplish his heart's desire was actually an unofficial Paris Tradition. He himself had done it, just like all his sisters and cousins had. Even his grandfather and great-grandfather had disobeyed direct orders when they were younger, all in the name of a belief.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he removed the isolinear chip and inserted the other chip. This one was written before the other message.

To: Admiral Owen R. Paris
From: Lieutenant Thomas E. Paris
Starfleet Command, Sector 001
San Francisco, Earth
Stardate 51603.1

Dear Admiral,

This is your son, Tom Paris. I know that I haven't spoken to you for quite a few years and I must say that I am sorry for your loss. You have never understood me, and I'm not sure that you ever will. I am actually writing this in response to your letter, or lack thereof. Your letter was irretrievable as the quantum singularity that was powering the relay station collapsed, bringing down the entire network, causing the loss of all the messages that had not been received, including your message. I have to assume that the drivel you wrote would have been the same as before.

I have been wanting to tell you all the things I am about to say in this message for many years but I have always been too afraid of you. Well not necessarily afraid but I didn't want to disappoint you. But I have grown these past few years, away from you and your constant criticisms and I have finally had enough of your overbearing nature. I have grown up and it's time for me to stand up on my own two feet and reveal to you all the hurt and sorrow you have caused.

I want to ask you why you didn't love me? Why you couldn't accept me for who I was? I remember being very happy when I was a child, learning all those Vulcan puzzles under the guidance of Uncle Vatir, going to the Admiralty and visiting Uncle Haysie, Uncle Bill and all my other Uncles and Aunties. They accepted me and they loved me for who I was. They never tried to change me. But no, after you came back from your missions, you just had to take control of my life and decide my every action.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be. I'm tired of feeling so inept for not being able to meet your impossible standards. I don't know what you were expecting of me, but you kept placing me under pressure to excel in everything I did. You wanted me to walk in your footsteps and become a great Starfleet Admiral like yourself. You never asked me what I wanted to be did you? You always claimed that you knew what was best for me abut you didn't really know me at all..

Couldn't you see that you were smothering me? You were holding so tight, being afraid to lose control but why couldn't you see that you didn't need to do all that. I loved you, adored you even more but you never returned my love. I had just wanted to know that you were proud of me but you couldn't even say that. For most of my life I believed that I was defective because I thought that my father didn't love me, that you weren't proud of me. I would look at all my friends and see how their fathers loved them, hugged them and cherished them and then I think of you and how you didn't show your love to me.

I had told myself that I had done something wrong so I must correct my mistakes. I tried my hardest to excel in my studies, trying to show that I could be the son you wanted me to be but it was never enough. When you started dictating my life, I allowed it because I knew that you could guide me to become the son that you wanted me to be. However that didn't work out either. Under the pressure of being what you wanted me to be, I was teetering on the edge of collapse when the inevitable happened. Everything you had planned for me fell apart, right in front of your eyes because I couldn't continue this charade.

Every step that I took was another mistake to you. You never agreed with the decisions I made. Every path I chose was frowned upon by you and disapproval was never too far away. You may have called it guidance, but I have called it oppression. I have finally had enough of your control over my life. Every second I waste now worrying about what you want me to do is more than I can take.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you anymore. The love that you might have shown me when I was young is now a distant memory that I cannot recall anymore. I've become so tired of your constant gripes and complaints. From now on I will be myself, making my own decisions without you frowning on my every choice. I am not you and I understand that I will never be able to live up to your standards.

Please, father. I am a grown man. I have made mistakes and I have made errors, but I have learned from them. Please understand that it is my life that you were obsessed about but only I know what I truly want. Let me have control over my destiny and you will see the goodness that is inside of me. I am a forgiving person but I am also a person that likes to be free to make my own choices. Give me back my freedom and you shall see me truly fly. I shall grow before your eyes and become the person you have always wanted me to be. I know I can do that. Can you? I don't want to be numb anymore. I want to feel again. Show me your love and I will be forever happy.

Your Son

Tom

The message finally stopped playing as Owen sat there in stunned silence. This message was quite poignant as he listened to his son's impassioned plea. The final filter was removed from his vision of his son and what he saw was an insecure young boy, trying his utmost to please an unsatisfied and unforgiving father. What type of father was he? Owen placed his head in his hands as he wept. His son had grown up feeling like he was defective because his father wasn't proud of him, didn't approve of him. He was the cause of his son's pain and it was up to him to heal the hurt he had inflicted on his son. He was glad that he was able to tell Tom that he was proud of him during the brief message earlier. He was a little sad though that his earlier message did not go through so that Tom could see how remorseful he was to his son.

He vowed then to continue researching so that they could periodically communicate with Voyager on a permanent basis.

* * * * *

Stardate 53916.8

It was three in the morning and all was quiet on the ship. Sandrine's was empty except for the two occupants quietly playing a round of pool. It was actually the fifth round of pool that evening and the match was entirely one sided.

"What was in your message, Tom?" Captain Janeway asked Tom to distract him from his concentration

"It was only a message from my father," Tom said offhandedly as he studied his shot.

"What did the ogre want?" she asked impishly.

"What?" he exclaimed as he looked up at her grinning face. He finally understood the reason for this conversation.

"You are trying to distract me, Kathryn. Shame on you. Because of that, I'm telling my father you called him that!" he said with a laugh as she had a mortified look on her face.

"Don't Tom. I didn't mean to say that!" she pleaded.

She tried to weasel her way out her statement but she was interrupted by Tom, who was still looking at her.

"Eight ball, top left pocket!" he declared and he took his shot without breaking eye contact.

She dragged her eyes away from the clear blue orbs of his and watched the ball sink into the top left pocket of the table. She couldn't believe that she had lost five games in a row.

"How did you do that?" she asked in amazement, referring to his shot that he made without looking at the ball.

"Practice, besides I have been avoiding Fair Haven lately. Being tied down by the citizens was not that fun," he said as he placed the cue on the table. "Another round?" he asked.

"No Tom. That last game cleaned out my rations. I would challenge you for all my rations again, but with the way you are playing tonight, I don't stand a chance," she replied.

"True. Let's have a drink and I'll tell you about my letter," he offered to his mentor.

"Good idea. Now tell me what was so important about your message that Starfleet classified it as a priority message to you?" she asked as she sat down. Tom's letter was marked urgent and was the first message from the data-stream. Tom joined her before he answered her.

"It was my father trying to apologise to me. He said that he never realised he was smothering me and he wanted me to feel again. He wanted me to fly," he explained.

"So you are finally on the road to recovery concerning your relationship with your father," she stated.

"Yup. And although it will take a long time to finish building the bridge to understanding, I'm sure we will eventually reconcile our differences," he said.

She could only nod in reply. It was now getting quite late though and he noticed. They exited the holodeck and made towards the officer's deck.

"These three am sessions have been fun Kathryn, but next time can we start a bit earlier. I'm not exactly a morning person and I dare say you aren't either." It was his turn to be impish as he stood outside her quarters

"No Tom, I'm not and tomorrow morning will be horrible without my morning coffee. Good night," she said with a scowl as she entered her quarters. He called out to her before the door closed though.

"Goodnight Kathryn. I better warn the crew tomorrow to be wary of the uncaffeinated Captain! See you bright and early!" he said with a grin before he ran down the hallway to his room.

* * * * *

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow]

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to loose control
'cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

[Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow / Just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

But I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Numb - By Linkin Park

*****

The End