Redemptions of the Heart

By Oprelia

Rating: PG-13

Code: P, J/P

Category: VOYAGER

Genre: Action/Adventure/Romance

Disclaimer: STAR TREK: VOYAGER and all its characters contained within this story are owned exclusively by Paramount Pictures Corporation. No copyright infringements are intended.

Chapter Two

A Glimmer Of Hope

*****

The room is neat and orderly. Everything has its designated place without it looking cluttered. The Bat'leth from Kohler still hangs from the wall as does the television set. The door suddenly opens and the owner of the room calls out for the lights. He walks straight into the bathroom and has a shower. Ten minutes later he emerges from the room dressed only in a bathrobe and walks straight to his computer terminal.

"Computer Begin Log"

Lieutenant-Commander Tom Paris' Personal Log, Stardate 56975.1

It has been two years to the day since the transwarp incident and the loss of B'Elanna, Miral and two other crewmen. I can't believe that time has flown right past without me noticing. I think that I have only been able to get past these two years with the help of my best buddy Harry, the Doc, Tuvok and the captain. Oh yeah, she still  insists that I call her Kathryn during off-duty hours. It is something that I'm still working on but it is getting easier to say. Although I still get lonely sometimes at night, I'm slowly moving on. Everyone has been really supportive of me. The Doc especially. Those few nights after their deaths the Doc had kindly administered some sedatives to me so that I could be some uninterrupted rest. I think that I would have totally collapsed without his help. Tuvok... well he has been a great help too. I think he really understands what it is like to lose a mate. Well he hasn't really lost T'Pel but she is still unreachable. During those nights when I was restless, I would find myself inside his quarters drinking tea and just talking about my feelings and he would just listen while I purged myself of these emotions that were in turmoil.

Anyway these past few months I have slowly turned towards Kathryn. We would spend more off duty time having dinner in the messhall  or be spending time in Fair Haven. I have just came back from Sandrine's where I finally challenged Kathryn for a round of pool. You should have seen her face when I beat her. I mean we played five rounds and I won them all. I've honed my skills this past year during the times I wanted to be left alone. What am I going to do with all my new replicator rations? I guess I'll have to treat Kathryn to dinner since she still needs the remainder of her rations for her coffee. I tell you she goes through cups of coffee faster than my Camaro guzzles fuel  Speaking of my car, I haven't activated that program in a while. Maybe I should take Kathryn out for a spin. I wonder how good she is at driving. Well I know that Harry backed the car into a burrito stand, and B'Elanna... oh hell. Computer Pause Log.

Tom starts pacing around his room. Finally he stops his pacing and faces the window. The door chimes but he ignores it. It chimes again.

Clearly frustrated, Tom asks "Who is it!"

"It's Harry. Are you all right Tom?"

"Yes.. No.. I don't know!"

"Can I come in Tom?"

"Enter" The door slides open and Harry enters the room to find Tom by the window, staring off into space.

"What's wrong Tom?"

"I was just making my log when I was talking about the Camaro. I was remembering that you backed it into a burrito stand" said Tom with a small smile forming on his face as he turned to face his best friend. "I still can't believe you did that!"

Grimacing Harry replies "Don't remind me. Any way why were you thinking of the car?"

"Well I was just wandering how good Kath.. the captain would be at driving the car and then I started thinking about how B'Elanna drove it" Tom starts to turn back towards the window.

"Tom, are you still mourning B'Elanna? It has been two years now Tom. I thought that you had moved on. You have constantly spoken to Commander Chakotay about the B'Elanna he knew before you met. You have now learnt many self-defence techniques that Tuvok has taught you, You have even advanced enough in your medical studies to be a qualified nurse. We had all thought that you have purged all your grief by now. Where is the Tom that I have missed these past two years? I'm looking for my lively friend who is larger than life?" asked Harry.

Even the jokes on the bridge had stopped after the transwarp incident. They had all taken turns getting Tom to open up to them. Chakotay had used his spiritual beliefs to help Tom talk about his grief. He always spoke of the good things he remembered of B'Elanna and he constantly reassured Tom that she would be happy in the afterlife. The doctor had helped him in more practical ways. He had looked after the physical trauma and had constantly talked to Tom, to let Tom purge his feelings on him since he was only a hologram.

Tuvok was Tom's chosen counsellor though. He had grown up with a Vulcan tutor constantly in his life and he had learnt some Vulcan techniques of meditation and guidance. Since he was familiar with the Vulcan methods of counselling, he would often be found with Tuvok. Sometimes he was just talking, reminiscing about all the good things he remembered about B'Elanna. Sometimes he would need to physically release his emotions and Tuvok would channel it into self-defence lessons. But often times he would be in Tuvok's quarters mediating in front of Tuvok's lamp, which he would do when he wanted to calm his churning emotions. He had not meditated since leaving the Paris household and it felt wonderful to return to his past ways. He would often times remember the pranks he hatched on his Vulcan tutor and all the mischievous games he played while growing up in the Paris household.

But lately his was seen enjoying his off-duty time with the captain. It had started off as a way for her to reconnect with her helmsman. She still felt terrible for the incident. At first if was awkward as they tried to rebuild their rapport. But slowly it returned and now they were spending most of their times together. They had their meals together, spend time in the holodeck together and the jokes were even starting to reappear on the bridge. It was still a far cry from the early days but Tom was slowly coming out of his shell.

"No Harry. I was actually thinking about Kathryn... the Captain. I was thinking of taking her out for a ride in my Camaro when I thought about her. It was a momentary lapse of control, that's all" explained Tom as he continued to stare outside the window.

"That's a question I've been meaning to ask you for quite some time now. What is with you and the captain? You've been spending more time with her than me now. Is there something going on between the two of you?" asks Harry

"NO.." denied Tom as he swung his body to look at Harry." Well I don't think so. What do you think Harry? Is it too soon? What would the crew say? We haven't done anything yet but I'm starting to see a look in her eye whenever she looks at me".

"Well I don't know Tom. You always fall for the hard ones" replied Harry.

"You're the one to talk! You've had worse luck than me!" laughed Tom. Harry thought that it was a good sign by seeing Tom laugh. It wasn't often that Tom laughed and it was always a treasure to see it again.

"I guess you're right. All I can say is that if it makes you happy..."

"That's the thing. Sometimes I feel guilty knowing that I'm enjoying my time with Kathryn but I feel like I should be still mourning B'Elanna. It's only been two years Harry but sometimes when I look into Commander Chakotay's face, I see disapproval written all over it" explained Tom.

"Have you discussed this with the captain?" asked his best friend. He was hoping that Tom would find happiness again. Even if he himself was still looking. Tom had endured so many hardships throughout his life that Harry believed that Tom deserved some happiness.

"Of course not! What am I? I'm just a lonely widower. She'll probably say that she can't because she's my captain. But Harry, I want to say it. I want to be happy again".

"I think that you should just ask her out on a date. Not like your other dates, but a dinner date... Just look at me! I'm giving Tom Paris dating tips!"

"You're right Harry. I was actually thinking of asking her out to dinner before you came in".

"Really, then you're all set. You don't need any of my help".

"Thanks Harry, I don't know what I'd do without you. So why did you come to see me for?"

"Oh I was just coming over to see whether you needed company that's all, considering it's the anniversary of their deaths"

"I'll be all right Harry. You don't have to baby-sit me anymore".

"I'm not here to baby-sit you Tom, I just wanted to be hear to lend an ear if you just wanted to talk".

"You've already done that tonight Harry. Thanks for your concern. I'll see you tomorrow for breakfast okay?"

"Sure Tom. Goodnight"

"'Nite Harry... and thanks".

"No problem buddy" Harry then walks out of door.

Tom stood by the window for another 10 minutes to gather the turbulent thoughts in his mind before he went back to the computer terminal. "Computer Resume Log"

Well I've just had a talk with Harry and I've made up my mind. I'm going to ask Kathryn out on a date. I'll lay off the charm during the date. I think that she can see through it anyway. A candlelit dinner in Sandrine's and then a stroll though Marseilles. I'll think I'll even play a piece on the piano. I don't think that anyone besides B'Elanna knew that I could play. I think that it is time to move on. I don't care about the non-fraternisation rules. I'm tired of being lonely. I've been alone most of my life and I believe that I'm entitled to some more happiness. Computer End Log

*****

    Next: Chapter Three