The Strange People In My Gym
Poems by Chris Vachio

Ode To The Thong Chick

Girl, you confuse me.
It's butt floss you're wearing.
So why do you get upset
when you catch some guy staring?

I know it's not right,
but you give us all fits.
All you ever do is bent rows
and stiff-legged deadlifts!

It must give you a boost
to be admired by all.
Especially when your halter top
is five sizes too small!

Yo! Conan!

You look so cool
in your do rag and jams.
But when was the bench press
meant to build up your hams?

You act like a stud,
the king of the world.
And you work out your back
while you're doing your curls.

I admire your fire
and the pain you've felt.
But do crunches really require
the use of that belt?

The "Trainer"

You talk a good game
and quote studies in German.
But you don't look like Arnold,
more like Pee Wee Herman.

I know you're a PT
and all certified.
But that routine that you're teaching
should be shot 'til it dies.

The Fashion Impaired
"Large" Woman

You are very nice,
with your towel and wig.
Now where did you find
a thong that big?

Now everyone loves
a spandex bodysuit.
But at 300 pounds
it does not look cute!

The Spotter

I know that you're tired
and you need a rest.
But would you do your job
and get this damned bar off my chest!

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