The Pooka discusses the Redcap: "I'm going to call her Creepy Scary Girl." Our explanation for every strange occurrence while we were in Los Angeles: "Because it's L.A." "They found a T-rex skeleton in Montana?" "That is the truth, by the way." "Okay, I need to see Jenny.  Jenny, I lied.  Who I really need to see is Anne.  Anne, I lied again.  I need to see Jenny.  And Jenny, I lied again.  The circus has come to town." "Yes, get him drunk." Chorus of at least three of us: "With some fava beans and a nice Chianti?" "You realize that he looks tasty...not in a sexual way, in a food way." "You better not call my music popular again!" "By the way, Nina, does your door swing both ways?" "Satyrs don't have to wear pants." "Nikki, this is what your concert did to me!" "It's like Cheers, only skankier." "Are you trying to seduce the yummy guy?" "No, he wouldn't have hired you because you're Annabelle Lecter." Said by the cannibalistic Redcap to the psychic vampire Pooka: "PLEEEASE sleep with him!  He looks yummy!" "His destiny is my snack!" "There's too many kiths that start with S.  Satyr, Sluagh, Sidhe..." "Pooka!" "Starts with P." "Or so you think!" "What's my character's favorite sandwich?" "Manwich?" "Open face." "Where are your parents?" "I ate them." "it's human-riffic!" "Ha ha ha, you liked me!" "That's not small talk, that's gigantic breast talk!" "And it's like...why can't I remember the ferret's name?" "Is that what it says?" "Too bad she's not edible." "Now that we've had our gratuitous Silence of the Lambs reference..." "Psychic energy.  It's what's for dinner."  Small note: The player that said this had just gotten a D on a religion midterm earlier in the day.  This comment was also made while discussing the Nocker birthright of Fix-It. "Can I curse the Bible into working order?" "No, I'm going to MEET children.  Then I'm going to eat them." "When vampires drink Changeling blood, weird shit happens.  Lesson of the night." "She reaches under her chair and pulls out a book with a yellow cover.  It's titled Camarilla for Dummies." "Is anyone else proud of me for ravaging that bitch?" "It's like Donald Duck hacking up a hairball." "Do you realize Drew is ward spelled backwards?  Oh wait a sec...I can't spell." "I'm not getting any in the real world, but I'm getting my energy juices!" In response to a knock on the 7 year old Redcap's door: "This had better be about molecular composition, or I'm not going to be happy!" "Congratulations, smartass, you got bitten by a vampire." "Too bad my gun's in my room." "My boss just suddenly looked like a giant bear ass!" "I'm going to make a hand salad sandwich." *groans* "I should give you a point of banality for that one." "This is one of those cases where any lie you could tell would be less bizarre than the truth." "Annabelle put a human hand in soup?!?" "No, I did...and it was finger lickin' good!" "You're half convinced by that child's face...that child's face that you just saw chew off half of Stuart's face." "You're pretty creeped out by this.  I mean, you knew she was a Redcap, but SHIT!" "Now quit...never mind, you're a Pooka.  You can't quit lying." "People are not M&Ms!" "Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!" Sung by the Pooka to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus: "Oh burrito...Oh burrito...You're steamy...and you're creamy...I lo-o-ove you..." "She's a Redcap!  Of course she has anger management issues!" "Sex and the single Eshu." "Anyone who fucks with Emily is going to die." "Let's go fuck with Emily!" "What every GM loves to hear." "Changeling isn't Changeling unless someone engages in cannibalism at least once a night." "There's no secret vampire-phone, is there?" "I was wondering if I could borrow one of your trusty trolls." "The people are really rude, and..." "I kick them with my goat feet!" "How does the iron lock look?" "How does it look?" "Yeah." "It's an iron lock!  It looks like a lock!" "She's like mother to the world here." "Mother Malkavian?  Ugggghhh...." The OOC comment when two vampires drop in on the Redcap: "Why couldn't I have been a pyromaniac instead?" "I'm gonna look threatening with my No. 2 pencil." "They start laughing." "Nina, use your lighter!" "What for?" "Okay, here, let me pull the flamethrower out of my pants.  What do you want me to do??" "I KNEW I should've eaten him when I had the chance!" "Pinhead tattoo woman is trying to kick you with her crazy kung fu." "I'm bonded to her in a strange feed-me-a-stray-human-arm kind of way." "You're a bitch!" "I'm quite aware of that." "Jump as in attack, or jump as in romantically attack?" "Fuck me with a wooden spoon!" "A wooden spoon would come in handy right now." "Kick her in the nuts!  Oh wait, she doesn't have any." "Please take into account that it was in the balls." "You dirty whore!  Now he can't act for two turns!" "Why can't I find him?" "Because I'm not going to give you a hit point vending machine!" "Being young does not make you automatically trustable *Insert glare at Annabelle*." "She's not Mary Eleanor Teasdale." "I know!  She's a bitch." "You realize that's illegal?" "If he's dead, it doesn't matter." "Delicious beef Jerry?" "Do all of your NPCs have Plot Device written on their foreheads?" "Actually, in my World of Darkness, most NPCs have Plot Device as their middle name." "It has come to my attention that I don't like Jerry." "You're at work, we're planning his downfall." "Five and twenty Jerrys baked in a pie...and then served to Althea." "How do you ravage people?" "This is getting incredibly dirty." "Of course you can see it.  You've got pretty butterfly wings." "NO ONE EVER SUSPECTS THE BUTTERFLY!" "Nina looks like a big goat." "If Thomas was going to create an email address, it'd be primeribofhumanity@yahoo.com." "That'd probably be taken." "Gimme some hot Sluagh lovin'!" (I should really know better than to complain about my character's lack of any sort of love life with this group.) "And Althea, because Althea is Mommy's special friend." "It's Redcap-Vampire lovin'!" "It's not every day that you find someone you can share a human with." "She gives you an email address..." "Bloodsuckingcorpse@yahoo.com?" "Redcaps have feelings too, dammit!" "I have performance!  I could be a street performer!" "I have a plastic crystal ball with Christmas tree lights in it..." "She knows something you don't know, which you don't know." "Asking a watch what time it is?" "Do you KNOW what time it is?" "Why don't you just look at my face?" "A Pooka dance?" "Yes, a Pooka dance." "Yess!  Hee hee hee..." "I said that to pacify you, by the way." "We're gonna ravage that bitch." "I'm going to rub up against people.  Why?  Because I can." "You see Spencer in the front row, smiling and applauding.  And next to him, you see Emily." "OOH, THAT BITCH!" "I told you not to ravage yourself!  I told you!" "Her name is Brynna.  She's a Boggan.  And by Boggan, I mean Troll." "We're having a satyr bitch fight." "It's not I-want-to-shag-you jazz?" "Don't make me figure out the damage for a fire extinguisher, for God's sake." "Oh yes, please.  Kill the Pooka!  Kill the Pooka!" "She fucking bit him." "Yes, she sure did bit him.  Oh God, I just said she sure did bit him." "Or should I just sit there mangled?" "Your intelligence tells you you should just sit there mangled." "The mangling serial killer is after me!" "L.A.'s not a nice place." "I don't have Crafts, dammit!" "Do you have intelligence?" "Yes, you make a damn good stake." "What do you do before you leave?" "I say goodbye to Ryan." "I say goodbye to Seana." "I turn the rest of the extra meat into man dogs." "You can't steal the balefire!  It doesn't work that way!" "It's so funny when bad things happen to French people." "You're having a nice romantic evening...listening to I-want-to-shag-you-jazz." "That's the new code word for Taco Bell.  South of the Border.  Then it just gets pornographic." "Me or one of the other women will drive, okay?" "Yes, because men can't drive." "Caffeinated enchantment." "What did you put in here and where can I get some of it?" "The freehold is dark, everyone seems to be asleep.  Is there anything special you want to do?" "Um..park my car?" "Put your Glamour back in your pants!  Jesus!" "You notice the bucket and defuse it." "At this time, I would like to throw the dummy out of the RV.  Just kidding." "There is no dummy, only Zuul." "The skin coloring is all off." "Is it an Asian man?" "Yes, it's a burnt Asian man's arm." "You're tattooing Plot Device on your own forehead here." "Thank you, breakfast burrito, for giving me the strength to kick ass today." "He's mumbling to himself as he walks past your bush...that sounded really bad." "It's Banal-ville, hell!" "He plays RPGs, so he's got to have an intelligence of at least 1." "They've got two bleach-spattered Goths chasing them." "Wait a minute, there is no Nocker, only Zuul.  And the Nocker's going in here.  Why?  Because I'm the GM, that's why." "It's a bandanna!  You can't get tactics from it, unless you channel the spirit of fucking Napoleon and put it in a hat!" "Can I do that?" "Ni-NA!  Ni-NA!  Ni-NA!  Thoomp!" "I think I've seen about everything when I've seen two dice humping." "It never said in the rules that you can't steal someone else's gun." "Among us, it is known as Darkstar's Wand of Flaming Chaotic Death." "Whinygamernerd@yahoo.com?" "Granted, I cocktail a lot of things." "I'm wearing my sand-castle-building outfit." "Pooka in antique shop like bull in china shop." "I wanna see if there are any scary cooking utensils, murder implements, guillotines, stuff like that." "There's a sign that says Must be 18 to Purchase." "That's what Penelope's for." "Mage goes fighting evil Nephandi spawn, Changeling goes antiquing." "That's a tacky picture hanging on the wall of the Duke's office.  Sluagh Playing Poker." "Don't make me kick you with my goat feet." "I'm a doctor and I collect old things." "If you wanna kill people, put it in your agenda, goddammit!" "I'm not an evil Smurf!" "That just traveled all the way across campus." "Eshu don't have to wear pants." "We're talking giant slabs of Snapple." "How many calories are in a picnic table?" "Good evening this fine afternoon." "You have Madame Cleo's tarot cards." "Please do not look at me that way.  You're making me nervous." "She's a nice lady.  You don't want to eat her." "Because I don't want this to become a fucking symphony of destruction!" "It already is." "I'm going to the Grand Canyon and you're tagging along.  Then  we can go somewhere you want to go.  After we go to Roswell." "I'm going to draw pictures of lobotomized cows." "If she doesn't, I'll kick her with my goat feet." "I'm not up on my supermarket lore." Names we came up with for what El Chupacabra might be: Jesus, Edward Scissorhands, hispo, hippogriff, hippopotamus, Santa Claus "No, I said flying pig.  Yes, I said hot guy!" "Did you say I'm going to fuck your blood?" "Jer-RY!  Jer-RY!  Jer-RY!  Oh wait, I meant Jerry Springer, not your ward." "Battle-Satyr, away!" "Don't eat Mulder and Scully." "Whenever I give you guys mundane things, you turn them into a subplot all its own." "You're standing in the middle of the forest yelling for Chupacabra to come and take you away.  Are we Marauders yet?" "I get negative experience for eating Scully, right?" "Yup." "Don't listen to him, he's ignorant!" "But he's hot!" "The message is 'I am going to eat you'." "You know what his name should've been?  Fox backwards." "Xof?  What??" "Como se dice...oh wait, I wouldn't say that." "Good luck after they fire you!" "Blood trail!" "Suck it!" "You're a Changeling, for fuck's sake!  You have Wayfare 3!" "I'm a Pooka.  Do I ever tell the truth?  (Pause) Don't answer that." "Would anyone be willing to do a blind taste test?" "It tastes good, if you don't think about what it is." "I'll go someone and not get drunk?  What kind of logic is that?" "Do not fuck him or with him." "She just sucked on the quote book." "We got run over by the plot wagon, face it." "The plot Winnebago?" "I wish I could puke this up on Mulder's shoes." "I just heard her describe a cowering guard and a wet dripping noise." "Can you use that thing?" "I'm not drunk anymore." "Fine, I learn happy happy Glamourous calculus!" "She's a sexpot!  That's what she is, an elementary school sexpot!" "Does the RV still smell like Drunken Mexican?" "Does anyone have loads of Neosporin?" "And the killer Prime enchanted mummy takes a swing at Nina." "Metagaming 5, Mind 2.  Read GM's mind.  Metagaming 5, Correspondence 1.  Read GM's notes." "Yeah, you just got the NPC menagerie." "Yay, Stuart!  Puller of the plot wagon." "Because my parents died and she's my aunt!" "And you ate your parents!" "I'm seducing you on the Unseelie couch." "So now you have a live Mexican chicken." "Who says I'm going with her?  I have my chicken." "I just thought of something really disgusting.  Flaming farts at a vampire." "That is so something a Pooka would do." "I'm going to wake up when someone pokes me." "Yeah, you're a fucked up looking group." "You bottom out in a sub-basement." "Oh no, I guess they wouldn't have a bar, because they're vampires." "You're not God.  I am." "It's a sub-sub-basement." "Yeah, well roll your Wits plus Nonchantly-Carrying-A-Human-Sized-Object-Out-Of-A-Burned-Out-Building." "It's a vampire terrarium!" "It's a Happy Lobster Gangrel!" "Drew the magic vampire lived by the sea..." "It's a vampire futon!" "I think you gave yourself the look." "I wonder what she does with those screwdrivers..." "YOU PERVERT!" "Hey, you're the one stroking the ferret!" "Cooking with objects that shouldn't be eaten." "You're wandering through the Redcap Beer Garden." "And by play with her you mean eat her because you're Annabelle." "We are so not talking about the phallic stages of Redcaps." "The Magic Stick of Eshu finding?" Order in which these were said: Ayla, Nina, Annabelle "I'm driving." "I'm navigating." "I'm steering." "What would happen if I ate the wand?" "Very bad things." "You guys cannot have a Rod of Wonder keychain." "I'm going to call out to the bush." "Jonathan and Erin, sitting in a bonfire." "B-U-R-N-I-N-G." "Jerry is dancing, Jerry is flirting." "Jerry's being Jerry." "Metagaming 10.  Erase GM." "I'm an arch-metagamer." "Metagaming 11.  Smite player." Comments about the Sluagh's blossoming relationship with the Nunnehi: "Sluagh plus Nunnehi equals Nephandi!" "Equals Sluaghi!" "Equals Nunneha!" "The Sluagh is not a slut!" "Sha la la la la la don't be scared, she can't bite you 'cause she's just got gums...Go on and kiss the Sluagh." "Dice orgy!" "The Ewok celebration music most definitely does not play." "Hey baby.  Wanna come back to my place for some twookie nookie?" "It's like a really long postcard to Mulder." "It's like a really depraved postcard to Mulder." "I need a 7-year-old dating service." "As cheeseball as that is, it's worth 4 experience points." "Did you shove Spencer down your pants and bring him with you?" "No, my world of darkness is not the Truman Show." "I wanna make alien jerky." "It's like a freak show, only not freaky." "All of a sudden, the lightning bolt of anger shits out..." "A Bocker or a Noggan." "Too bad they don't exist." "Yeah, otherwise the Noggan would be this giant head that's really polite half the time and shouts obscenities the rest of the time." "You met some carnies and they taught you how to chase aliens.  Riiiiight." "And I'm too orgasmically filled with anger to care." "I will not eat them with a satyr, I will not eat them now or later." "I did eat them with a satyr, and I will eath them now or later.  But I would not, could not eat the ham.  I would not, could not, Sam I Am." "The Species Tunnel of Love?" "Nothing says...good...like meath that's been...marinated in alcohol." "Why don't you eat the alien?" "Suck me up the ass!" "The satyr, the satyr, the satyr's on fire." "Stuart's a fluff!" "Stuart is indeed a fluff." "You can pointy bits him." "I'm waving my fwoosh wand at her." "Are there any books that look un-bookish?" "It becomes a limp-wristed sissy girl." "The alien goes 'eh' at Nina and you go 'eh' at the alien, and then you both sit down and have a tea party because you both suck!" "Fuck me!  Fuck me a lot!" "C'mere, Beth.  C'mere." "I'm going to roll Chicanery to make sure he doesn't see the stupid cow." "Would you like me to intimidate the cow?" "Okay, Gyuube, now watch out for famers, trucks,...and anything with sharp teeth.  I think that's all." "You Chicanery yourself." "Protocol means that you must act like a group of well-behaved players, unlike the punks you are!!" "No, I've been ordering it from Hannibal Lecter's Meat Emporium." "You can't filibuster in Protocol!" "The GM's letting you metagame!  Go for it!" "You've got three Seelie changelings here, one of whom muses by creating love!" "But she hasn't done it successfully yet!" "Maybe we should discuss this when we're not so ready to kill each other?" "I can't help it, I'm anal." "YOU'RE ALSO RECKLESS!!!" "And the bearded lady watches out for the elephants." "So now the walls of the labyrinth are turning to cheese." "Annabelle's like a hair eating Nephandi baby.  The kid's like 'Ee!  Ee!' and Annabelle's like 'Nyarm nyarm nyarm'." "We need to go there eventually, because you need to meet Richard." "Fuck, that means I need to come up with a personality for Richard!" "It's a Pooka route.  That means we could be going to Wyoming via France." "I didn't kill anybody at that rest stop.  I killed people at all the other rest stops..." "Washing machine jockey." "I put my clothes in, and some rocks." "And when they come out, they're stonewashed." "He just got smacked by the Prime 6 stick, for God's sake!" "With a name like Darkstar, he's gotta be a Hermetic." "And a fucked up one." "I just realized I'm walking around a hospital with a gaping hole in my chest." "I told you to have a talk with him about vulgar magic!  It'll only get him in trouble!" "We're from LA." "I'm from wherever the road takes me." "I'm from hell." "I'm going to put some chimerical pants on." "Nathan, come in here!  We need to have a talk about the good and bad uses of colocation!" "I'm not going to have a Tamagotchi with Gabriel!" "Whenever it gets to puberty, you can just hit reset." "His stuff's in the basement and he...doesn't like to come out of the basement." "Is he a lich, like Marcus?" "No, they're not Awakened sheep." "Do sheep have Avatars?" "I think so." "You can be the mage formerly known as Darkstar." "What'd she look like?" "You know the Wicked Witch of the West?  Nothing like that." "Did she have any other characteristics besides the hair and the sheep and the poof?" "Was she like Mischa kind of not-out-in-the-sun-much or Erin kind of not-out-in-the-sun-much?" "He seals things?  You can hermetically seal things?" The two-minute Euthanatos for Dummies summary: "They're this bunch of mages who make a living being creepy and going around killing people." "Kind of like Annabelle?" "No, they've got a few more morals than her." Our new invention for telling the NPCs apart: NPC hats. Beth's reaction: "This is silly, but I like it." "Ayla, making friends wherever she goes." "I know you'd be all over me." "Oh god oh god she's out oh god oh god..." "Darkstar's Flute of Flaming Death?" "You could bring her some magic cards or a magic 8 ball..." "Is she...oh, they're liars, they're liars." "Eshus, the bigger the better.  Oh wait, I'm 7." "Do not try to eat anyone's Avatar.  You would be the first changeling to discover paradox." "Three, I think Mischa is sexually attractive." "Okay, you think she's motherly cute." "Just be yourself.  But not completely yourself." "I used to do magical stuff out here." In the most suggestive way possible: "Was it vulgar?" "Cultists don't have to wear pants." "Actually, yes they do." "It's so in character!" "Your biological clock has to be ticking, woman!" "Why do I feel like I just killed off Gabriel?" "Because you were my Gabriel!  In a more innocent and less kinky kind of way ." "This is Damian.  What the hell is that apprentice of mine doing?" "He liberated it from the Technocracy some time ago." "The Technocracy?" "Bad people." "Every time you hear about another arm being chewed off, think of me." "It's a 35 year old Hermetic gamer!" "You find a Post-it note stuck to your mirror that says 'Sleep with Ayla'." "You'd better have sent one of those to Thomas." "He's Beetlejuice?" "No, he is not Beetlejuice." "Let's throw it in a Caul!" "You have a biological clock that's ticking!  The alarm went off a couple of years ago, but you hit the snooze button!" "Hey Darkstar, you wanna see my chicken?" "What kind of fucked up pickup line is that?" "You don't exist yet!  Shut up!" The satyr mocks the Gothic sluagh "I kniow how angst feels." "Damn straight!" "We'll eat Cluck-cluck if you die." "I told you it was a trick.  You should've gotten an axe." "Fine, I'll rename it Kangaroo-ey." So I was curious about what the chimerical raven did until Erin sent her replies to Jonathan's letters.... "It sits on your shoulder in a very Poe-like fashion." Spelling note: Sidhe = Shee "Do you Sidhe what I Sidhe...." "Oh hi.  My name's Tai and this is my imaginary kangaroo." "I guess I should do the little kangaroo arms." "And by here I mean somewhere I'm not." "You just regurgitated dice!" "It's a sleeping bag of holding." "You can not have a chimera-dex!  It doesn't work like that!" "In our World of Darkness, no roads lead to the Grand Canyon." "I want a Rod of Wonder, and I want Paul McCartney, and I want my very own vampire!" "Rachel, take Metagaming 2.  Brownnose GM." "No, that's Metagaming 4." "Sure, you've got the stone key and the wood key, but no ruby or sapphire keys." "Those're the fire and water keys." "Yeah, budget cutbacks." "Reality did not have budget cutbacks!" "It's his porn, man." "We haven't really been on track tonight." "Yeah, which means the plot wagon's going to swerve a bit before it hits you." "The reality button goes clang clang?" "It's a gong." "Okay, the reality gong." "Winner gets the Playboy." "Fosters, Australian for cheese." "Her kangaroo is like a Ken doll." "Joey, don't let anyone in your pouch." "What kind of whore do you think I am?" "It's the Pillsbury Dough Elephant." What all players love to hear from the GM about their opponents: "When did my guys become sissy-ass mofos?" "By wand, I mean amulet." "Bamf?" "That's the noise teleportation makes, like it or not." Now imagine this in the most disgusted monotone possible. "Darkstar, Darkstar, Darkstar." "Don't mind my third boob." "Can I hold your third boob?" "So Darkstar mumbles a few words and waves his hand..." "His wiggly hand or his unwiggly hand?" "Do you want Glamour with that?" "He can poke, but he can't get out." After Darkstar gets hit by yet ANOTHER backlash... "You need to talk to your boyfriend." "He's not my boyfriend." "You can rub my amulet anytime...I mean...oh God..." "I keep my things in the kangaroo...that sounds really bad." "So the person in the bedroom is pounding on the door." "Yes?" "Am I being kidnapped?" "Hey Joey, take the wheel.  I'm going to go make a Pooka cocktail." "Why do you want to put her back to sleep?" "Because it's funny." "You inspire hope by playing Snood." "Quitting smoking does not make you hot for the Marlboro Man." "Goldfish marinated in beer cheese soup?  What kind of kinky kangaroo is this?" "One that you own." "I'm going to Pooka-poiut because they dumped my beer cheese soup for a dead goldfish." "I'm gonna start...no, no, I don't know him so I shouldn't be throwing rocks at him." "I rip it out of my Butt of Holding." "Everyone starts filtering back in." "They're much cleaner now." *Collective groans* "Have you ever found anything in here?  Besides emptiness?" "You're never going to have sex!" "I'm having sex like the horny satyr I am." "Yeah, you just gained a cubic fuckton of Glamour from having sex." "Are you talking sex with Stuart?" "Some fruite and ....hmm, what would Nina crave after sex?" "More sex?" "I am not following him to be his boyfriend." "Isn't that how life goes.  You have sex with someone and then they jump into a big black hole." "I cock my sword." "In public??" "All Spencer brought in with him was his angst." "Hi." "Hi." "Looks like you've been shot." "Conceive a child.  Name it Darkness." "Are you the owner of the whole house, or just the darker sub-house?" "And the voice fucked up." Guy points at Nina's chest "Nice rack." Nina looks at the motorcycle rack on top of the Canimobile "It is, isn't it?" Question of the night: "What would you roll to see who wins at Chubby Bunny?" Answer: Willpower Back to the home page

Changeling Quotes