Why Can't I Stop Crying?
There are so many times during the day that my thoughts go to you. But God is good.  I have programed my mind that when thoughts of you come up, to start praying for a country. I guess I get my prayer time in that way - and it helps me not to miss you so much. 

I wonder  how you think of me? I wonder how you STOP thinking of me. Maybe you do because you are with her.

So much..... I will never know how much was really the truth, and how much of it was just lies.  And you would never tell me.  I don't understand why you can't just tell me things.  I thought we were best friends.  But then I thought I would be your wife too.  Must be something wrong with my judgement, my perception. Why do I have to be so vulnerable?  Am I trying too hard to not be so unemotional that I've let too many things slide?  I don't know, I just don't know. And when I think about it, I just have to keep telling myself. IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER, THAT'S NOT A PART OF YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. And then I just pray for another country!







December 5, 2001