There are so many times during the day that my thoughts go to you. But God is good. I have programed my mind that when thoughts of you come up, to start praying for a country. I guess I get my prayer time in that way - and it helps me not to miss you so much.
I wonder how you think of me? I wonder how you STOP thinking of me. Maybe you do because you are with her.
So much..... I will never know how much was really the truth, and how much of it was just lies. And you would never tell me. I don't understand why you can't just tell me things. I thought we were best friends. But then I thought I would be your wife too. Must be something wrong with my judgement, my perception. Why do I have to be so vulnerable? Am I trying too hard to not be so unemotional that I've let too many things slide? I don't know, I just don't know. And when I think about it, I just have to keep telling myself. IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER, THAT'S NOT A PART OF YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. And then I just pray for another country!
December 5, 2001 |
