Pacific Springs, Part 1
Emma swiped at a tiny bead of water as it trailed slowly down her neck, after dripping from her freshly washed hair. She walked leisurely from the small stream where she had just taken a quick bath, taking her time, allowing the warmth of the sun to dry her dark tresses. Though the days were warm the nights were chilly and already the leaves of the Aspens were turning gold.
Her bonnet hung from her hand. She clenched the long ribbons between her fingers allowing the ends to flow loose and flutter over the grass as she walked. A light breeze caressed her face and sunlight filtered through the trees to dapple the ground with shifting patterns of light and shadow. She smiled to herself as the peace of her surroundings gradually eased her tension.
Flint called this place Pacific Springs and it marked the eastern boundary of the Oregon Territory. They were nearing the end of their journey. Soon the trail would divide and so would their train, some heading northwest into Oregon and the rest to continue south across the Humboldt Desert, then over the Sierra Nevada Mountains and into California.
Just ahead Emma spotted Liam Sullivan sitting in the sun, his back against a large rock. A long stem of green grass dangled from his mouth. A wide grin spread across his face as he watched her approach.
"Good afternoon Mr. Sullivan." Emma called. Slowly he rolled to his feet, removed his hat and bowed as she stopped before him, a gesture as gracious as any cavalier of old, if not for the grass still hanging from his teeth. She giggled and shook her head.
"And a good afternoon to ye too, Miz Watson." He straightened and replaced his hat on his head. "What a fine afternoon to be takin' a walk."
Absently she brushed her damp hair behind her ear, her face turning pink as she did. Obviously Liam knew exactly what she'd been doing and Emma was mortified by the thought. "Y-yes it is."
He fell in step beside her as they headed toward the wagons. "And 'tis also a fine day for catchin' a few winks. Ye cannot imagine how grand it 'tis to wake from a dream o' the Isle o' Eirinn and find a woodland fairy as pretty as yourself floatin' toward me from trees o' gold."
Emma smiled. She couldn't help herself. No one had ever flirted with her before. Daniel never had. Since they were children it had been assumed they would one day many. But Emma didn't mind the loss. She truly loved Daniel with all her heart. "Mr. Sullivan, you mustn't tease me. I am a married woman."
Liam cocked his head and raised his eyebrow speculatively. "And where is me fine young Danny boy?" He glanced around as though he actually expected Daniel to be right behind them. "Sure now, ye must have left him behind to skin that rattlesnake. It surely would have bit ye had he not been there to protect ye. Or is he tannin' the hide o' that big black bear..."
"Please, Mr. Sullivan, stop it."
"And what o' Indians? We saw that small group o' Cheyenne just two days past."
"Flint said they were peaceful."
"And Flint be not your husband."
Emma clamped down on her bottom lip and watched the grass pass beneath their feet.
"Danny boy does not deserve ye."
"You don't understand. I wanted to be alone. It was perfectly safe. Besides, he had to help..." She glanced away. "...help, someone grease the wheels on their wagon."
Liam sadly shook his head. "You know, in Ireland the women air not so understandin'. To be sure, first time he looked at another woman an Irish lass would be crackin' her husband o'er the head with an iron skillet."
"But there's is nothing going on between them. I trust Daniel."
Liam said nothing, but Emma could feel his censure. "What about us?" She argued. "We are alone right now, but there is nothing between us. Daniel knows we're friends and he isn't jealous."
"Sure now, and maybe he should be."
Emma shot him a pointed glance, not exactly certain what he meant by his remark. Did Liam have feelings for her? The thought had crossed her mind a few times, but he'd never said or done anything to indicate otherwise. Yet he was always near if she needed help and Daniel wasn't available. And right now, he said he'd been napping; though he'd been close enough that if she had been in danger or called out, he could have come.
Stopping suddenly, Emma turned toward him. She lifted her brown eyes to meet his blue. She kept herself apart from him, but her eyes were earnest. "Liam," she said softly. "You are a very sweet man. You helped me when I needed it and made me laugh when I didn't think I could any more. But I love my husband. With all my heart. And that's the kind of woman you deserve, one who can give you her whole heart. When we get to Oregon, we'll go our separate ways. You'll meet new people. I'm sure you'll find someone special."
"Ah yes, Oregon. The land where dreams come true." He chuckled to himself but it was sort of a sad sound. He looked off to the west for a moment then returned his gaze to Emma. "Ye know I left Galway to chase me dreams to New York. Then I left New York to go to St. Louis, and St. Louis for Oregon. I'm the typical Irishman always chasin' that rainbow and lookin' for the pot o' gold. When all along it be sittin' right at me feet." He reached out to lightly brush her cheek with the back of his fingers.
It was the first time Liam had ever touched her, yet Emma knew it would be the last. "Do not forget, if ye e'er need me, I'll be there for ye."
Emma nodded but said nothing. They continued back to the wagons in silence. Just before reaching her wagon they parted ways. Head lowered he walked away. Regret pressed against her heart as she watched him go. Sadly, Emma turned toward her wagon.
Her thoughts were so jumbled, at first Emma couldn't quite comprehend what her eyes were seeing. She halted in her tracks and blinked.
Daniel's back was to her, but Emma could see them well enough. Annie Jane had her arms wrapped around Daniel's neck. Their lips were pressed together. Annie Jane's bonnet was pushed back off her head, so that wisps of her long blonde hair tossed forward with the breeze to blend with Daniel's tawny head. His hands grasped her upper arms, but whether to push her away or pull her close, Emma couldn't tell. She only knew that time was frozen on this moment, this lover's embrace, this endless kiss.
A sharp pain speared the center of her heart. Her breath caught on a soft gasp. As she watched them the pain intensified, radiating outward to encompass her whole chest. She knew she should call out, cry, scream, do something, but she felt detached. Feeling the pain yet, watching from a distance.
Then, as if in a dream, she saw them separate. They moved in slow motion, each tiny movement a picture seared forever in Emma's mind. Annie Jane lifting her head, her gaze locking with Emma's. Daniel pushing Annie Jane away so that she slowly tumbled to the ground. Daniel turning, gesturing with his arms, stepping slowly toward her, his explanation garbled and incomprehensible.
The pain in her chest throbbed and ebbed, receding to a dull ache that permeated her whole body leaving her numb and weak.
Gradually Daniel's speech became words she could understand. Panic dilated his pupils so that his blue eyes appeared to be black. Desperation edged his voice as he pleaded for her to understand.
"What you just saw ... Annie Jane and me ... it was all her. She just threw herself on me. The kiss meant nothing. You're everything to me Emma. You always have been. I love you."
He watched her warily, a knot forming in the center of his chest, squeezing tighter as the moments passed and Emma showed no softening. He took a step toward her, his arms lifted with entreaty. "Come here Emma, I love you. Let me show you how much."
But Emma sadly shook her head and held up her hand to forestall his advance. He stopped. His arms dropped to his sides. "Emma?"
She shifted her attention away from Daniel to watch Annie Jane push to her feet and run off, tears streaming down her face.
"Please Emma, I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you!"
Emma stared at Daniel, wondering why she loved him so much that she would forgive him even this. When she spoke her voice was flat, devoid of emotion. "You won't lose me."
He frowned and shifted his weight uneasily. His blue eyes searched her face, trying to comprehend why this felt so wrong. Emma looked sad, resigned to a fate she couldn't change. He expected tears, rage, anything but this. "I need you to believe me. I do love you Emma."
"Do you?" She shook her head. Sunlight reflected the whiskey colored highlights with the slight movement. "Because I think I've made it too easy. You've never had to worry about losing me, because I've always been right behind you. I feel like a devoted dog, constantly trailing after you, eager for any gesture of affection."
"Come on Emma, you're talking nonsense. I don't think of you as my dog. You're my wife. I love you."
"Would you leave your home and family to follow me to Oregon? Would you give up your dreams to follow mine? Could you stand by and watch me kiss another man, knowing that as much as it hurt, you would forgive me, because you love me so desperately?"
"I don't understand. Don't you want to go to Oregon?"
She shook her head. He didn't get it. "It wouldn't be so bad if we both felt the same, if we both needed each other that much. But we don't do we? Because it doesn't cost you anything to have my love. Maybe I've sold myself too cheap. I don't know anymore, but I think in the end it makes me pretty pathetic."
He rubbed his hand over his face, partly in frustration, partly because he suddenly felt very tired.
"You're upset. I can understand that, but you're wrong." "Please Daniel, leave me alone."
"But I..."
"No. Just go." He stood too stunned to move. "Go!"
He started to turn, but hesitated. "I don't understand what you want from me."
"I don't know Daniel. I want to know that you value what I've given to you, that you will fight to keep it." She sighed and shook her head. "I don't know anymore just..."
"I know. I'm going."
She said nothing, just waited. In the end she turned away. He watched her leave. He wanted to call her back, wanted to fix things, but didn't know how.
She reached behind her head as she walked away and gathered up her beautiful thick hair in one hand. Then with a few quick twists she had collected her waist length tresses into a tight little bun. Holding it in place with one hand he watched her pull some pins from her apron pocket and jam them into her hair. Then with one last deft movement her bonnet was back on her head taking from his view her rich, mahogany hair. He watched her grow smaller as she followed the line of wagons. Watched her until she vanished amid the confusion of trees, wagons and animals. He stood rooted to the ground, staring, for how long he didn't know. Moments, hours it didn't matter.
"Hey Daniel!" Billy raced up beside him. "Daniel!"
Daniel continued to stare. Billy glanced at the spot that Daniel watched, saw nothing and shrugged.
"Daniel, Flints wants you." Getting no response, Billy reached up and tugged on Daniel's arm.
Startled to find the boy suddenly beside him, Daniel gave his head a little shake. "What?"
"Flint's lookin' for you."
"What for?"
Billy shrugged. "Don't know, he just said for me to fetch you.
Daniel gazed back at the spot Emma disappeared and sighed. A great weight seemed to settle heavily on his shoulders. Then he turned and followed Billy through the grass to Ian MacGregor's wagon where a group of men stood in heated discussion.
"That's all I need," Dainiel groaned under his breath, "more turmoil."
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