MITTENS ‘ENDURES’ HALLOWEEN
© 2000 Lorraine Dahl
Oh Kenny,
Those women you left me with were at it again! This time they dressed me up for Halloween! You’ll never guess as what! An ELEPHANT!
After an ENTIRE HALF HOUR of that INFERNAL GIGGLING (and discussing all sorts of obnoxious choices) they agreed on an elephant costume because I am already gray! WHAT KIND OF REASONING IS THAT? Those two women need to be turned over to the Humane Society! They both say they love me and this is how they prove it?
They created this horrible hat-like thing with HUGE ears, a trunk and the FINAL straw! TUSKS! They tucked my tail in and put a fake ridiculously skinny, HAIRLESS tail on my butt!
They dressed that fat dog Brigette up as a RINGMASTER (gasp) and she REVELED in the role! She had on a stunning TUXEDO, no less. (And there I was in that SILLY elephant costume!) Brigette kept blowing her stupid whistle over and over and over until I could have scratched her face off (if I had claws).
She strutted around in her top hat for the whole TWO HOURS I was manacled to the table on the front porch for ALL the WORLD to see! Over fifty kids and their parents came by and all SIX of the neighbor cats (plus a stray or two).
The snide remarks still ring in my ears! My ears, not the stupid elephant ears! Geez. I feel so sorry for the animals that I have seen on TV in zoos. I was only on display for two hours and the humiliation was DEVASTATING!! HOW do they survive years of this?
Kenny, I miss you so VERY much and can’t wait for you to come and get me! Linda promises that you will be home soon! She and her mom Lorraine are good people but their sense of humor is WAAAY beyond me. They don’t yell at me when I scratch the furniture or make a mess with my food.
They are too nice. Maybe they’re not real! Oh, Kenny! WHAT have you done to me! I meow and meow at them all the time but they don’t understand me like you do! PLEASE come and get me!
Your faithful (and BARELY sane) cat,
Mittens
